| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:13:50 AM | | Hey there, got dumped after a wonderful 5 month relationship went sour. He suddenly just ran away, wouldn't see me or call. I finally got closure 2 months later and his reason was that he wasn't sexually into me, I asked why he returned the I love you (I said don't say it back unless you mean it and he said he wouldn't do that) he said he loved me like a buddy, that I was awesome to hang out with and loved my company but as a friend only. He said he still loved his ex from 2 yrs. ago who cheated on him w/ about 5 other guys. Why would he say I love you, why would he stick around for 5 months if he wasn't sexually into me? I can usually tell in one date if there are no sparks, by the way he couldn't keep his hands off me in the initial phase and we had tons in common and got along great until he started drifting. Any ideas? | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:26:06 AM | Because he's an idiot.
Trust me: people like that always realize sooner or later what a good thing they had--it may take a few weeks, or even months, but they'll do it. And they'll try to insinuate themselves back into your life and pick up where you left off. I think he was a coward for running away like that and taking so long to tell you how he really felt. You don't need "friends" like that in your life. | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:17:45 AM | | I believe it but why does the guy get tired...he said I didn't do anything wrong that I couldn't go back and change something to make it work, so what is it that changes things? | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:22:51 AM | Years (many years) ago I had an ex who said extremely cruel things to me as we were breaking up.
Just a couple years later, he wanted another chance. I reminded him of the hurtful things he said to me as a way of pointing out why I was unwilling to give him that chance.
Then he said something that I still don't understand..."When I said that to you, I didn't mean it. I was just being an a$$hole because you were leaving me, I thought you knew that."
Wow.
Don't ask me, I don't know. Sounds like your guy just lost interest. My a$$hole is still hanging around. He showed back up right after my divorce. I still don't trust him.
If your guy is a flake, move on... | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:34:21 AM | | Who cares why? Nothing anyone here is going to say is going to make you feel less rejected. Just tell yourself you're better off without him and move on. you want a reason? fine he's a little boy trapped in a mans body who feels so little guilt and shame for just ditching you that he actually has the audacity to call you 2 months later to chat. Obviously he has some major issues and you should be quite thankful you found out now. He's a dog, not worth your time and if the way he left was any indication he probably didn't really treat you that good to begin with. You deserve better. Now get down on your knees and thank god you no longer have to be around him or speak to him or even waste one more moment of your life thinking about him. No offense but I guarantee he's not wasting precious hours of his day thinking about you. | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 2:24:51 PM | | Welcome to my world, exactly what my ex did. The last time we had sex, i had to practically drag him into bed. He told me he loved me FIRST. then took it back 7 months later when his 'medic' parties became more interesting than me and i was complaining about not seeing my ' bf ' in a week or two. Its just a horrible thing that happens, you have to move on and try not to pick a pr*ck next time | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 6:31:56 PM | QUOTE: "Hey there, got dumped after a wonderful 5 month relationship went sour. He suddenly just ran away, wouldn't see me or call. "
I know the feeling, but with the sexes reversed.
We said "ILY" had a wonderful 5 months, then some blurb about meeting some guy she used to have the hots for.
Said she was "confused" about her feelings and needed time to sort things out.
Havent seen her since ( bout a month and a half ago.).
Aparently he mustve still had the hots for her too........
Can't understand why someone says ILY if they really dont.
Its just mean, cruel and rude...... | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:07:50 PM |
Hey there, got dumped after a wonderful 5 month relationship went sour. He suddenly just ran away, wouldn't see me or call.
No big deal.You are now free and can do it over again, and do it better.
As to the questions about him, ask him - though if I were you, I wouldn't bother. | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:10:57 PM | On dating sites...let's think about this.... what do most people do these days when they have just come out of a relationship? A: they get themselves back on a dating site. Are they - at that time - emotionally available? Of course not. How long before they become emotionally available? a few months? no. A couple of years...maybe.
So then what happens? along comes Mr or Ms 'Rebound'. If you're UNLUCKY you end up with that person, long term. And the cycle continues. If you're LUCKY, one of you will realise it's rebound....if only subconsciously....and get out.
Happens all the time. Maybe your answer is as simple as that. | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:37:51 PM | | the guy that dumped you is a liar. He was tired of it and left you to justify his own needs. Keep looking and you'll find a decent man that will care about you. When they really respect you, you will know they care about ya. | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:48:28 PM | | Sorry to say, but everything she said was just a way out for her in this relationship. And your right, it is cruel. But some people don't know how to do it in an adult kind way. They'll do it in any fashion that seems the easiest. There's a great book ....the title is "he's just not that into you". It goes both ways too. The ILU's should not be spoken so casually, but luv can come in many ways for different people. It all boils down to....If you luv someone, truly luv someone, this just shouldn't happen. Hopefully someday people will realize the power that is envolved with those words. | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:57:02 PM | | Not that it's a consolation, better you find out after 5 months versus 5 years. He simply had unfinished business with his ex, and trust me, you won't be the only one he does this too. There's other dames waiting in line for the same kind of treatment. You really are better off with this guy. It's simple, he's not over his ex. It isn't about YOU, it's ABOUT HIM! | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 19 | |
| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:03:04 PM | Please go buy and read "The Five Love Languages". In one to two nights reading, things like this are going to totally snap into focus.
To Bottom Line it for you...
...The infatuation in a new relationship, the outpouring of all the love languages that depicts your display of feelings of love...begins to ebb at around 3-6 months...only then do your true love languages take over and if they're not in sync, it's reallllllll easy to create this drift you've described.
Buy the book...read it...do yourself and your future relationships a HUGE favor.
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:07:19 PM | "Only one you probably won't like..... he enjoyed you and when he got tired of you - he left."
This is it in a nutshell. No need to analyze or worry about it any further unless you think that there is a good possibility that you did something wrong. In this case you would examine yourself and your actions to see what it might have been and correct it with the next guy. For a gal as pretty as you are there will always be another guy who will not be so picky, so go out and have a drink with the girls and forget the guy who dumped you. While you are stressing and pining over him he is busily laboring away between the legs of someone else. Do not give him the satisfaction of thinking you care. | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:29:42 PM | Men and women think differently. No point in arguing about it - we just do. What we don't ever seem to learn, either gender, is that no matter how much you may think we are on the same page..... we rarely are. That's just life. Why do you think all these books in the genre of helping us communicate make so much moolah? It certainly isn't because we "get it"!
jtf | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:26:19 PM | | Have you never gone off anyone? Never been attracted initially but then, on better acquaintance, stopped being attracted? It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, especially if he still loves you as a friend, but just that now that he knows better what being in a romantic relationship with you is like, it's not for him. Sometimes people change when they are in a relationship and their change in behaviour can make them become undesirable to the person they are with. If he loves you and sees you as a good friend then breaking up with you will have been very hard on him as he knows that it'll have hurt you, but you simply cannot and should not fake being attracted to someone when the sparks have died. These things happen and reall all you can do is accept that you weren't right for each other romantically and create space in our life for someone who adores you. | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:33:23 AM | I have read a few replies but didn't see anything that relates to what I am about to post.
Sorry in advance before I post but this word caught my eye.
his reason was that he wasn't sexually into me .....Translated he feels the two of you were not sexually compatible. If he still pines for his ex then he was probably comparing the two of you (his ex and you) when making love and you just didn't do it for him like his ex did.
He's already admitted that he loves you as a friend, but sexually you just don't do it for him. | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/3/2008 1:05:10 PM | Woah, you told him you loved him after a few months in a relationship?
Very short time to know that you're truely in love with someone.
Why did you put him on the spot by saying "don't say it back unless you mean it"??, like your putting him on the fence. What if he didn't return and say it? would you have a fit? heart be broken?
I've been in that situation and didn't return the "I love you", things got quiet and all of a sudden, all this tension. Hey, I didn't feel it, so why say it. I could of lied and everything wouldn't miss a beat; no feelings hurt.
Maybe he just lied so he didn't have to put up with the drama afterwards.
I know things were going well and you're all overwhelmed with happiness, but throwing in "I love you" puts the situation into a different matter.
I would've waited a year before I knew I was certainly in love with someone, then I would say it.
Seems like everybody is falling in love in just in short time. WTF, I know someone who running to the chapel after meeting him for only a few months, but knows she's truely in love    | |
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| guy says he loves you, later says only as friend
Posted: 5/3/2008 1:49:05 PM | | Sorry to hear that OP, you seem like a nice gal. There could be a few reasons why this happened. As some have said, maybe the relationship ran its course after that initial 3-6 month infatuation stage, and whatever he was feeling faded. Or he was comparing the sexual compatibility he had with his ex to what he had with you. And sometimes its just that one person doesn't want to hurt the others feelings, and while they do care about them, he/she doesn't see a future, but doesn't know how to say it. In that case, perhaps he was hoping his feelings for you would grow and he would learn to feel as passionately about you as you did about him. So when they didn't, he eventually pulled the plug, after putting you through unnecessary heartache. I'm ashamed to admit that I did exactly that when I was much younger, to a perfectly nice woman who genuinely cared about me. At least I didn't go back a few months later expressing regrets or offering lame explanations. I've been on the other end of that too, and learned my lesson a long time ago. I never say I love you unless I'm sure I mean it, and I don't stick around in a romantic relationship unless we're both on the same page, and 5-6 months is enough to have a good read on that. I'd rather by honest upfront and hurt someone a little bit in the beginning, than string her along and hurt her much worse later, and appreciate the same in return. | |
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