| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:02:26 PM | | Ok so here is the problem, my ex-wife has just threated me (go figure) that if i go ahead and allow my girlfriend to move in with me that she will be fileing for full custdy, yes i have all rights to our child. This i would wipe off as just her thinking i am trying to replace her. But the funny part of the thing is that she is living with her boyfriend. About ready to have a child of her own with him, and that makes it ok. Yet if i allow my girlfriend to move in with me this makes it wrong for me. Does this make any sense to anyone eles? | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 2 | |
| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:42:15 PM | ^^^ Yeah sorry...but Im guessing there's a WHOLE lot more to this story than what you've just said.
Soooo...with that said...I'll defer my opinion till more information is posted. | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:51:19 PM | If you already have full custody what court in the world would turn your kid's life upside down for no good reason. As long as you are providing a stable environment for your child call her bluff.
Is this by chance the place where you and your ex lived? | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/2/2008 6:30:35 PM | | Didn't look at your profile to see where you live, but unless she can prove that you or the gf are unfit, I don't see how she can do this. The judge will need more than just her being angry to take custody away. | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:15:31 PM | | let her file against you , she'll eventually drop it. my ex did the same to me, the only thing is the strain it puts on the child and on you financially, Just don't worry about it . Do the best you can and try not to involve yourself in trivial issues with your ex. | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:50:13 PM | | I would call her bluff and let your girlfriend move in with you. And if she does follow through, fight it all the way. | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:26:21 PM | | ok so here is my opinion cuz i am dealing with the same crap as we speak. only in my situation i had a baby with my ex bf and my ex husband thinks that it is ok for him to cheat on me while we are still togeather and get her pregnant but since i did it he seems to want ot go for full custody of our son. he is one of them part time fathers. makes it look like he is a good dad when we go to court. i went to court without a lawyer and i got to cross examine him. thank god cuz i caught him in so many lies and called him on it. so i guess what i am trying to say is that she is trying to what we say around here "call the cattle black" which just means your doing the same thing she is but yet she dont think that it is ok for you to see someone else. its just pure jelousy thats all. dont worry about it the judge will see who is in the wrong in the end. best of luck | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:36:13 PM | | theres not much more to the story, i have not lived with anyone since my child and i left her over 2 years ago. She belives i want to replace her as a mother and i want the other part, i want her to be a mother and spend time with her child, all i ask is that she pays child support, which i do not recve yet i still allow her to see the child even with out the money paid, heck she even gets to baby sit athena (my child) when my babysitter is not able to, thats about the most i can give you, i welcome all options, and Kyn if you have anyother questions please ask | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:26:55 PM | It's a jealousy issue more likely, unless she can provide to the court hwo unfit the gf would be in living there then she doesn't have a leg to stand on. I think we can all understand how it feels when a significant other lives with your child, it's not a pleasant thought or feelign and it will take awhile to adjust. I think most importantly your ex needs to feel not threatened that another person is in your child's life. i think it's also more of a feeling that your daughter will love your gf more than to her since she's not seeing her often.
How long have you been with your gf? You should really think about how it will impact your household with her moving over. Once someone moves in, things do tend to change, sometimes for the good but sometimes not so good since everyone has their set ways in doing things. and true colors are more seen after awhile of living together. | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:36:11 PM | When I saw I had to leave the house, my Ex moved her boyfriend in not only the day I moved out but it was also the day we told the kids we were getting a divorce. The kids stayed with me for the first week because it was 6 days before she could schedule the meeting. In that time my youngest who was 6 at the time had to go by the house to get a library book before school and was forced to stand at the door and wait like a damned Jehovah's Witness while her mom went in and found it.
I was furious and didn't feel it gave the kids a good message. But the kids were not in danger and I knew that. To have created a custody situation out of it would have hurt the kids worst of all. Why would any parent want to do that over their own petty feelings or personal beliefs? If your gf is not a threat to the kids, many courts will see that her pressing the issue is damaging to the kids and they often won't support it.
That is provided that both you and your gf can stand unscathed in the light of day. | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/3/2008 12:03:52 AM | Sweet and Innocent it is the pot calling the kettle black.
OP, some people are just flat out stupid and ridiculous. If you have had your daughter with little involvement from her the court is not just going to hand the kid over and will wonder why it took two years for her to grow a maternal streak.
She doesn't sound like she has been too much of a mom but doesn't want anyone being that. My X says he wants us back but won't go to counseling, which he was asked to do nearly six years ago, but God forbid anyone else is in my life. The sad part is that he is more worried about the other person being in MY life than someone stepping in and being a better father figure than he is.
Some people are incapable of standing in another's shoes so she doesn't see how stupid this is, that she can have a new person but you can't. Like apples and oranges to her. Let her file, she has no case. Just make sure that this chick seems to be the right one. You don't want someone moving in and then moving out in a few months. | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/3/2008 8:31:35 AM | | I would suggest that you might want to carefully go over your custody papers. My ex wanted to make my life miserable, so he had a lot of conditions included in our papers. One of them was that no man was allowed to spend the night in the home I kept for my daughter. I lived with my mother and when she remarried, I had to be out of her house before he husband could even move in. I would also consult an attorney. Many states still have laws on the books concerning people living together without the benefit of marraige. If there is such a law, it can be used against you. I know that sounds silly, but judges are there to make sure the laws are followed. That means that if a law is not removed from the books or changed to match up with 2008, the judge is still required to enforce that law, no matter how out-dated it may be. If she has not paid child support, it may be to your benefit to check your states "child support" laws. Each state is different, but you may be able to use your state laws as leverage to your benefit. | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/3/2008 9:54:52 AM | | Move your gf in and if your ex-wife has a fit, let her have a fit; the burden of proof will fall on her to prove that you are an unfit father and that your gf should not be in the home. Sounds like the pot is calling the kettle black. | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/3/2008 10:39:33 AM | Well....does your current GF know you are on a dating site looking for an LTR? That would probably fix the problem...
HOWEVER...I see you are in VA. Hmmmm...I know here in NC cohabitation IS illegal. Hmmm...but no one really enforces it unless you piss someone off (like...DSS). So, I would check the laws for your state. If cohabitation is indeed illegal in Virginia, then your ex COULD really screw you up if she called the Department of Social Services.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/3/2008 11:33:48 AM | Not to sound like an old fart or out of date-and I'm probably off-topic, but:
Doesn't ANYBODY get the f*ck married anymore? | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/3/2008 11:42:20 AM | | steve, that's a bit of an old fashion opinion. I would rather live with someone to see if I can handle their habits and so forth before getting married. Once you get married, and you can't handle the habits and daily life then there's more drama than needed as well as one percent lower of the divorce rates. But that's just my opinion. | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/3/2008 2:26:26 PM | | yes my girlfriend does know i am on a dating sight, i met her here on POF. all i use pof for is forums. i agree with you guyson calling her bluff, but the problem is i dont have money to talk to a lawyer, and i know she will take me to court just what the judge will do is the question. Thanks for all the input guys. | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/3/2008 2:38:48 PM | | that's sad, she can pay for a lawyer but can't pay for child support. google the laws on cohabitating in your state and go from there. But if she can cohabitate, then I'm sure you can as well. | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/3/2008 4:38:31 PM | She sounds like a control freak, and she probably thinks she can scare you since she probably did in the past.
Tell her to go ahead and you will be sueing her for any court costs you may incurr.
I know about this as i have had to deal with a **** from hell..................... and no i didn't realize how bad she was till after we separated.
Good Luck | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/4/2008 1:14:36 PM | | Let her take you to court if she wants to cause trouble, you do not need a lawyer if you are already a good, loving caring responcible parent. Be calm, be mature and don't allow her to intimidate you. You are a good man for caring so well for your little girl. But I do have to ask, At only 24 and after one divorce why are you even considering moving this woman in with you? I am sure you love her but if it is only going to complicate your life is it really worth it? Your home should be all about that baby girl right now and not your love life. A good woman will be patient and wait until you have a real commitment together and time for it. If your relationship does not work and your daughter has become attached to this new girl you have a big problem. | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/4/2008 1:22:37 PM | | Most court systems are pro the child having a relationship with both parents. The over righteousness of the ex will more than likely be kicked to the curb by the Judge. Too many single parents have live-in's and have visitation and/or custody. Everyone is entitled to their day in court; however, moving the court to do something like this generally only moves the wallets into the court systems pockets. Stand for what you believe as long as you provide a healthy environment for the child you'll have the child and/or rights to her/him. | |
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| so how would you deal with this
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:36:19 PM | Talk to your lawyer she cant control your life. You are divorced and she has men around your children that you dont know.
No it doesnt make you wrong it makes her wrong for trying to control you by using the child as a pawn. | |
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