| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:46:55 AM | Hi everyone
I'd like to know people's opinions on first date etiquette - obviously the drinks are on me, but what do you think is appropriate as a greeting. As a guy who doesn't have that much experience on the first date front do you think a peck on the cheek is appropriate (a handshake is probably just silly and a bit too British) and what should the parting bit be? Do I have to laugh at everything she says (within reason as I don't imagine laughing at her saying "My parents have just split up" is really the way to go).
Any hints? If she offers to buy a drink do I let her or say, "don't be silly I'll go"? | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:00:58 AM | Who should pay: I'd say always offer first. I like it when the guys pays but I always offer and that way she doesn't get offended. Just say, "hey let me get that, what do you like?"
Greeting and closing: I like the greeting when I get a hug. That way I know right away that he is interested. If the greeting is cold, I am always wondering if he is interested. I think if you can read body language then you know if you give her a hug at the end of the night if she is into the kiss. Just say good night, it was nice to meet you, I had a great time. Can I call you? Or can we get together next weekend? Great, I'll call you. Go by what you feel. If you didn't click, just say "Hey thanks for meeting me. have a great night and take care." Don't make any promises you won't keep.
During the date: you should laugh if she is telling a joke or something has a punch line. If a guy doesn't laugh, I assume he isn't into me. Seem interested in her. If you are looking around, then she might think that you are looking for a way to get out of the date.
This is not easy at all. You just have to do it. Good luck | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:02:20 AM | As soon as you figure it out, let me know. I am twice your age and STILL have not got it down quite right. At this point, i doubt i ever will.  | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:17:53 AM | Dude.....
Number one.....
That's awfully white of you to spring for that first round of drinks.... I'm sure you'll impress her with that whole TEN DOLLARS you're willing to shell out.
Now....when you officially get to the point of buying dinner for both people without expecting anything in return, you MIGHT make some headway as a man..... Because if you can't afford to do that, you simply shouldn't be dating at all. Forget all that 'gender equality - we go dutch stuff'......bone up....be a man... and buy somebody dinner for once....
Number two.....
Observe how SHE is on first initial contact. She might not even let you get close enough for that peck on the cheek thing... If you've had decent phone conversations BEFORE you got to the actual meeting, you should be able to gauge what she will welcome upon the first physical meeting.
Number three........
I wouldn't even WORRY if YOU'RE going to laugh at HER jokes.... you need to worry more if she's going to laugh at YOURS.....you better bone up on some material, and right fast....
Number four.....
When the date comes to a close....give her a hug and nothing more.....and when you hug her, be sure to pat her on the back THREE TIMES really quick.....being sure to add one syllable per pat that spells out "I'm not gay"....... and be sure to SAY IT as you PAT it....
Number five....
After the date... be sure to send a quick note that says what a great time you had. And you'll probably receive one that says she had a great time as well, and you should do it again sometime soon... Also be sure to never hear from her again afterward... because that's probably what's going to happen for MOST of your dates on here.....
Always be sure to adopt the philosophy that if you're going to BOMB...you might as well do it on a full stomach. And always remember......'a girls' gotta eat'.......
Go get em tiger | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:50:15 AM |
...obviously the drinks are on me...
I think that depends on the woman, I am traditional enough that I enjoy letting a man pay for drinks, but I still come prepared in case he doesnt feel that way. So even though I'm willing to pay for my way and even his at times, it is not a good thing on a first date. Thats a fast track to the friendzone, which is fine if you're looking for a buddy.
As a guy who doesn't have that much experience on the first date front do you think a peck on the cheek is appropriate (a handshake is probably just silly and a bit too British) and what should the parting bit be?
I'm American, we dont kiss strangers. I like a nice quick hug, dont linger. This is especially nice if you smell great.
Do I have to laugh at everything she says
Oh gosh no, just be yourself. Things always flow better when I am just my dorky, silly self. The minute you try to fake it, you will lose your compass and get lost.
Any hints? If she offers to buy a drink do I let her or say, "don't be silly I'll go"?
Don't call her silly. Women have been browbeaten to death over this issue, some women will offer to pay just to avoid the whole perceived imbalance. If she is feeling any uncertainty about what is expected, it's really not her fault. You should be able to tell if she really means it. It might be interesting to ask her how important it is to her, could open up a revealing topic of conversation.
and what should the parting bit be?
That depends!  | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:50:53 AM | Just be yourself.... if she says something funny.... laugh... keep the conversation open,.. ask questions about her.... talk about what you like.... find common ground....
as for paying.... first dates should be meets.... and just for drinks.. always try to pay... if she offers.... tell her thanks but you have it... she should offer the tip... let her do that if she does...
after a meet you can do dinner if you guys clicked... same ideas apply... offer to pay.... money should never be an argument on a date.... that is a huge turn off.... if the check sits... it makes for discomfort..... | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:41:41 AM | All I have to say to the ladies is PLEASE BE FAIR!
Its funny how things have changed in the world so much. YOU Definitely have "COME A LONG WAY BABY" but the "Age Old" practice of men asking women out on a date and when the check comes, the lady begins figeting, then taking out her pocketbook, you are ready to say "thats ok...I got this one". But instead of it being her wallet its her makeup mirror, lipstick in hand and coyly applying her makeup while you end up paying the entire amount. I don't mind this either! What I don't like is the "one night stand", you know what I am talking about ladies. The old, "I had a nice time, feel free to call me." The guy calls and calls, gets her machine and never hears from her again.
Please don't say they simply weren't interested. If they weren't interested they should offer to pay their fair share of the check? wouldn't that be the right thing to do?
Its frustrating also, to take a woman to a nice restaurant, only to recieve an email in a day or two telling the guy they decided to "work things out with their husband/boyfriend.
Other than that, do what you feel! I have go one dates where a peck on the check was all that took place, and I have also been on first dates where there was intimate kissing and hugging. Anything goes folks! Yahoooo! Its wonderful to be alive and to fall in Love! | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:02:28 AM | It's best not to overthink things.
I suppose you should greet her like you would greet a good friend- with enthusiasm and sincerity.
Anything past the initial "hello" part really depends on the dynamic of the date itself. | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:11:07 AM | Well...I'm Canadian!  And I DON'T like anyone to hug or kiss me after just meeting me for the first time!!!!!!!! And when I USED to meet persons on this site - I was always early so that I could just buy my own first coffee and he did not have to spring for me. This way, I never felt bad about not really liking a person and not taking it any further. FYI - if he so much as touched me on the first encounter (except to shake hands) - he was history!! | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:16:31 AM | If I get etiquette on a first date, I'll wish she had picked me up.
Personally, I've never thought about it. Greetings are spontanious and should suit the circumstance and vibes you get. I've been on some where there was just a "hello", shook their hand, kissed on the cheek, kissed on the lips, hug/no hug, it's always different. But I can read people pretty good. Sounds like you can't (that's not a bad thing). So I suggest you just smile wide and say "Hi! You look great!" (*if she does), and take a seat. | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:24:28 AM |
FYI - if he so much as touched me on the first encounter (except to shake hands) - he was history!!
I have had discussions on how people who live closer to the equator tend to be very comfortable with being close to other people (physically; generally in any setting) whereas the farther north of the equator you go, the farther apart people become & tend to prefer it that way. | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:31:35 AM | And I'm a Brit. And nearly everyone I've met has kissed me on the cheek and given me a quick hug when we met! Not necessarily after the date though - sometimes you just want to run away! The rest of the date depends on the chemistry between you and where you are.
But I'm with most of the other posters - just do what you would do if you were meeting a friend, there's no point being anything but yourself.
I rarely make a fuss about paying, doesn't seem to be as much of an issue here as in some other places. Or maybe that's just me and the people I've been out with. Sometimes I'll get the drinks, or if the date goes on long enough I'll get the second round of whatever we're having, or pay for something else. If she offers to pay for a drink, let her do it, just like a friend would pay for a round. Personally I hate all the fuss of who pays for what and I'd rather just pay the bill than sit and argue over it. If she wants to go Dutch over dinner do it - just don't spend hours working it out to the last penny.
Most of all - have fun and enjoy it and don't worry about where it's going. Forget about where it may or may not lead - you'll know soon enough whether you want to date her again, see her as a friend or you hope she'll disappear into a black hole. Take it easy and you'll have a great time. Good luck. | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 12:03:23 PM | The rule of thumb on a first date is to be yourself.
The point of a first date is to decide if you want to see each other again. Let her decide if she wants to see the REAL you again and not some guy who is trying to be on his best behavior and put on an act. | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 12:31:02 PM |
Well...I'm Canadian! And I DON'T like anyone to hug or kiss me after just meeting me for the first time!!!!!!!!
Wow, you must be fun! Just want to qualify that all Canadians are not like that! Our temperatures may be cold but our hearts aren't that cold!!
As for the first date. I'm a traditionalist and always expect to pay for the first date/meet. I always try to show up early as some women are not comfortable walking into some establishments by themselves.
As for the end of date, well, a lot would depend on how the date went. I always at least give a hug regardless of whether I want to meet again.
But like a lot of folks have said...just be yourself. | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 12:50:35 PM | I've seen this question almost as many times as I've watched Mr. Rogers while in a drunken stupor. First date etiquette is simple, see below:
You, my friend, are the man. And man code states, that as a man, you are the alpha-male. Every sense of need towards your female counter-part is brushed aside. Even if you are broke, you are financially independent, drive an invisible Aston Martin, and have a good choice in cigars and scotch.
I only skimmed over it, but you mentioned kissing etiquette. It's simple. Never, ever, ever go for a kiss on the cheek. A kiss on the cheek means "we're friends", a kiss on the cheek means you will never drag her into the bedroom willingly, unless you get her blitzed and even willing to sleep with someone with the likes of Richard Simmons. You never do lunch. You never do brunch until after you bang. You never go to the movies only. Coffee's good, drinks are good, any decent restaurant is good(decent meaning, lowest price on a steak is $35), and you always pay, and you always over-tip the waiter/waitress.
With that said, after the date, walk her to the door, tell her you had a nice time, and just go in for the kiss. If you play your cards right, you'll already have been making out anyways, so whatever.
As far as a greeting's concerned, since this is the cyber dating scene, if you met her online, bring a set of roses. Nothing too big, nothing too small. You get the idea. By you doing this, you're saying gifts are disposable, thus making you more of an enjoyable person to be around. With you doing this, you're awesome, golden, and ready to rip clothes by the time the date's over.
Women are insecure creatures. Someone asked me number one thing when it comes to women, I reply "I grab the one with the least amount of self-esteem, the most emotionally vulnerable one, the one in the pack, isolate, and pay attention to". People need to be comforted, and driven to excel, even if you are lying about how funny they are, or how sad a certain story is, or how much of a douche her ex-boyfriend was. As far as laughing's considered, keep an ear open to and notice tones when she says things. When you hear questions being asked, say "I agree", and you're good to go. | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 1:22:02 PM | All I can offer here is reasons why I have left men sitting at the tables or bars on first dates and made a quick getaway. I hope this helps.
1. Sexually aggressive.
2. Eyeing the waitresses asses. (While I'm sitting across from him by the way).
3. Too many nosy questions. Such as....how many men have you slept with? Etc...
4. Someone consistently talking about their ex wife/girlfriend. It's annoying.
5. Joking around about barely legal girls. This I find disgusting.
6. Someone who is argumentative. I'm not there to debate, I'm there to get to know you.
7. Someone who talks about religion constantly. Examples are....."I do not eat anything with hooved feet because the bible says not to"...this came from a man who had non-religious on their profile.
8. Someone who is rude to waiters/waitresses.
Now...for things I like to see on a first date.
1. Someone who is friendly.
2. Someone who opens the door for me.
3. If someone is interested, they state they are interested or show me in their actions toward me, but in a gentlemanlike manner.
4. They hug me goodnight and ask to kiss me. Don't assume I want you to stick y our tongue down my throat.
5. Someone who text messages me while I am driving home to tell me he had a wonderful time.
6. Someone who will call the next day and ask for another date. If a man waits for three days to get back with me after a great date, he will find himself out of luck, I will be on another date. Unless of course there are excruciating circumstances such as...he is dead or something :)
Hope this helps.
Nona | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 1:22:35 PM |
That's awfully white of you
Pair o docks ... I don't think I could accept ANYTHING you have to say in regards to etiquette.  | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 3:17:20 PM | wow, i never thought i would see so many people with bad attitudes and so narrow minded about first dates, i can see them retiring on pof and still being single. LMAO
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 3:36:38 PM | Everyone is different but just try to be yourself!
I am a hugger by nature so it wouldn't be a problem for me if someone gave me a quick hug.
No, you don't have to laugh at everything she says lol..just try to relax and see how it goes.
If she offers to buy the drinks...then let her :) I am one of those people that when I go out I always expect to pay for my own or I will pay for the whole bill ( with in reason)and there is a reason for that......
I use to let people buy me drinks but after reading all of the responses on the forums I won't let anyone do it anymore . Who knew that by letting a guy buy me a drink I could be branded as a gold- digger.
I just thought he was being a gentleman but come to find out it could be a test on his part to see if I was only interested in his money lol.... | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:25:27 PM | Have you just crawled out from under a rock? Sounds like you've never had a date in your life. I like it when a man kisses me on the cheek or shakes my hand, either way. it's just a polite form of greeting. Laugh at everything she says? Such as, "I have bronchitis?" Laugh when she's funny, idiot. if she offers to buy you a drink then why not? She obviously wants to. If a man offers to buy me a drink I say "thank you," and I accept. This isn't really that difficult you know. Maybe you should stick to mini putt for your first date. Or sesame street. | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:54:05 PM | First date etiquette: A light kiss on each cheek is nice as a greeting, and why not a squeeze of the hand (as if in handshake) or shoulder - this is a date after all!
Yes - to you buy the drinks. No question of her paying. From my experience a bit of bubbly works extremely well for loosening things up! I would not include a meal in the first date because this should be just a short meeting to see if you get on and a long drawn out dinner can make things awkward ... although a light lunch might work but nothing long and complicated.
Tell her about yourself, be yourself and listen to her equally. Try to keep on light subjects and be brief on your history.
See how the date goes as for parting, but take your lead from her, if she kisses you then you know the date has been successful. A small hug is nice, but again take the lead from her. Don't forget to say that you like her - but only if you really do!
Best of luck and have a wonderful time. | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:57:59 PM | Your putting wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too much thought
into this.
Just go out and have a good time .
who pays for this for that- God - Just go on the freaking date!!!
Have fun. Let it flow. | |
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| First date etiquette
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:04:20 PM | I think the reason this site reminds me of a sleezy bar is because of this type of post......
Its all about drinks and dinners and who pays, how soon befoe you get physical, its trashy..........
Why does a first date have to be the same as if you just met in a bar........
How about this its not approprite to have a first date that involves meals or drinks being purchased in the first place, forget physical contact, you dont know the person.
Why cant people be creative and find something else to do, why does it have to all be so fake and rehearsed........
Surley you can find something to do that doesnt involve drinking and eating and physical contact on the first date........ Does the date have to have cost money
Its ridiculous and its trashy.......... | |
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