| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:23:27 AM | I have lent a friend some money ($120.00) and have yet to be paid back after 6 months and when asking her for the money back either I get some fictious excuse or she goes postal on me for asking for my money back that I lent her in time of need along with telling her that this money would be needed to be paid back in 3 weeks. Now every time that I send her text messages and leave messages to her cell as well as emails, no replies come back from her end. I wish to hear YOUR experiences on you yourself lending money to your friends and how you handle this? Now when I do get a reply far and few between they are "bickering" comments coming from her end. I was floored when she offered to come and have sex a few times with her as pay back for the money I lent her....I not want the sex, just want what money is owed to me.  | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:28:07 AM | | Never lend your friend money. My true and best friend never asked me for a dime. A real friend won't ask you for money. Most people claim to be your friend just to get something out of you. If you lend money don't expect it back. Just forget what happened and learn your lesson. | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:41:59 AM | | I've done it three different times. One time was to a friend who is in pretty bad financial shape, working like crazy, has five kids and is trying to go to school. He could not pay his phone bill. I thought it was important he be able to be in communication with his kids. In return, he fixed my computer. I lent another friend about $150 when he was short, and I think he has forgotten about it, although he has mentioned it a few times in the past. He has a trust fund plus now he works, so he could well afford to pay me back. And then there was the jerk I really cared about. Drove 7 hours to come and see me. I put him up in my house for the week. (He did cut the grass one time while he was there, otherwise he was a bum). Made sure he had food. He was going through a rough time - had lost his job and a bunch of other things were going wrong. I lent him $200 to get home. And later found out he spent the weekend with another woman in this town, taking her out to dinner and lunch and having a good time. He is on here and I really wish I could warn every woman about him, because I've since found out that is his pattern. I consider it a lesson learned because I'll never see dime back from that creep. | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:50:47 AM | My dad advised me that you should never lend a friend money. If you can afford to lend it to them and you really want to help them that badly, make a gift of the money. If they end up paying it back, all well and good but never look upon it as a debt, even as a "you owe me a favour" kind of debt. Debt changes the dynamic of friendship and the friendship can easily be sacrifice to this sense of one owing the other.
In the extreme circumstance where you cannot afford to give the money, cannot cope without it in the longer term, you should not lend it because for reasons beyond their control your friend may actually be unable to pay it back. | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:06:36 AM | ~ let go my friend ~
anytime you lend ~ you stand to chance of not see it again.
there are many meaniful words that could be said , to validate your feelings.
I only lend what I can afford ~ and sometime ~ more, ~ it's just the way things play out . ~ If I think well enough of someone to help them out, ~ I'll suck it up, and know this of myself ~ from the beginning. ~ dance | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:11:44 AM | Like dancecard said..... let it go.
I've lent friends money at times and only 3 times have I not seen it returned in a timely fashion. When I finally gave up and with a heavy sigh admitted that I may never see the money again did that friend finally come through. Kinda like "a watched pot never boils".
She is probably lashing out at you over it due to embarrassment.... either that or she was never a true friend to begin with and you got played. Either way you have to be prepared to write it off. | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:13:34 AM | I had a friend who was in financial need, he needed to pay some of his bills and had no food, I lent him 150 (which I took from my savings account) which was suppose to be paid back, and then I bought him food separate that was not to be paid back. This money was lent to him 8 months ago. It was suppose to be paid back within a month, during that month we spoke and kept contact. I had my credit card stolen shortly before Christmas so as much as I didn't want to ask for it, I had no choice. He made an excuse and I haven't heard from him since.
Really I now know he isn't a friend and it cost me 150+ to figure that out, but am glad I did now!!!
It happens, I would suggest you just count your losses and use it as a lesson. | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:40:20 AM | All the hassling is not a good thing. If you had lent me money and I couldnt afford to pay it back yet and I kept getting hassled I would be pissed off too.
If you lend money dont expect it back and if you get it back its a bonus. Whats a bit of money between friends? | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:59:23 AM | Never give what you can't afford to lose.
Think if it this way--you had to spend $120 to find out what kind of friend you have. Though I noticed you mention "sex"...so what was the initial reason for giving, anyway?  | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:17:53 AM | first off, and off topic, it would take at least 7 "idiots" to vote your previous thread off the forum. LOL
this should be a good learning experience of why lending money should not be done in haste. it's not a bad thing to want to help out a friend when we can, you did nothing wrong, but now you've seen her real character. this can backfire with family as well, unfortunately.
this woman seems to be trying to "out last" you--hoping that you'll finally give in and forget it and chalk it up to your loss. sad, really.
this gives you food for thought for any future loans to well-meaning friends: sign a contract/IOU with a witness. that may seem like showing distrust, but it can possibly hold the loanee into keeping their side of the bargain. | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:38:50 AM | | Never loan money you can't afford to give someone. Because if you expect it back you might lose the friend. | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:41:35 AM | | most times you will never see it again but if it is a larger sum, i would get them to write you out an iou. that way, you will get it back one way or another. sex for payment on the money, sounds like you have a really nice friend there..the money is gone | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:41:36 AM | "neither a lender nor a borrower be" "don't lend our what you can't afford to give away" .... and so on.
Only if it is a long-time friend, who is not sinking in debt ... do you loan smaller amounts of money to. If the amount is small, the friendship doesn't have to end if the borrower can't pay it back. | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:32:40 AM | | I've helped several friends in trouble before. If I ever decide to give money again..it will be in monetary gift with no expectations of ever getting it back..because that's what usually happens anyway. It can break a friendship real quick...same goes with lending money to family !!! | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:36:11 AM | I'm kind of in the same boat as you with an old roommate. He still owes me $450 for his part of unpaid bills, problem is he refuses to acknowledge any kind of contact I try to make. I'm in the process of taking it to court now. If that $120 is really important to you that may be an option but keep in mind court fees are going to at least half that depending on where you live. I know in Wisconsin you can make them responsible for all those fees but it still comes down to if they're willing to pay or not. So basically I guess it boils down to how far you want to go to get this money back.
Obviously if they're ignoring your calls and everything they're not much of a friend and though it's sad to cut someone off from your life sometimes it's for the better. Another thing is it doesn't seem like you're that great of friends so what are you really losing. I borrowed $100 from one of my best friends awhile ago and he never made a big deal about it. He waited over a year until finally I forced him to take my money. Then again we've been friends since we were about 10, not sure what kind of friendship you have with this girl. | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:49:25 AM |
My dad advised me that you should never lend a friend money. If you can afford to lend it to them and you really want to help them that badly, make a gift of the money. If they end up paying it back, all well and good but never look upon it as a debt, even as a "you owe me a favour" kind of debt. Debt changes the dynamic of friendship and the friendship can easily be sacrifice to this sense of one owing the other.
I follow this philosophy too. I'll lend money to someone who needs it. Then I forget about it. If it comes back one day, great. But i never put myself in a position where I'm dependant on someone else, and i never even mention the debt again. | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:55:18 AM | | OP. You violated cardinal rule #1. You do not lend money to friends and family unless you view it as a grant. You most likely have no means to collect and if you do, then you can kiss that relationship goodbuy. But after all, why do you want to be friends with a deadbeat. After all, that is what she is. | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:56:24 AM | | I'm with everyone else, never ever loan out money that you need or are counting on to anyone. If I give someone money then even though we have a verbal "I'll pay you back (whenever)" I don't ever expect it back. If they pay me back then that's great, but I write it out of my budge the second I had it over to them. | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:31:51 AM | | Its a bad idea; I have loaned out a ton of money and its caused a lot of problems. I remember lending someone money and they told me they needed another month and he used the $1500 to by a flat panel tv. | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:44:49 AM | i've been on the other end, i was so broke once that i had to use my grocery money for a bill. so my gf offered to just GIVE me 75 bucks....i paid it back in full PLUS i gave her an extra 20 because it took me about a month.
i would never accept money i needed with the intentions of not paying it back.
thats what i think a true friend is, someone who you know isn't judging you and just offers it, and in turn, you make every attempt to pay it back without any words needed. | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:51:13 AM | Never..unless you can afford to lose it. If you can't it can drive a serious wedge between you and someone you're close to, because everyone's idea of managing money is so different.
I should know, I had a family member steal from me, put me in a lot of debt and ruin my credit before I was of legal age. Usually family is the worst, because they think you owe it to them based purely on relation.
On a good note, I had a friend offer to buy groceries for me during a tough time when I needed it - and I didn't ask (i'll stop eating and sleep in my car before I ask anyone for anything). Being who I am, naturally I didn't sleep until I could get it back to her a week later. But I learned the hard way very few people are that way about money.
Friendships/relationships/family and money DO NOT mix. At all. | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:58:00 AM | $120.00 is a small price to pay to find out someone's a pig. I'd walk away and not look back. You're lucky she didn't get you for more...
As far as lending a LOT of money?
Fine: if you have a legally binding contract with them and they understand that if they don't pay, your friendship is lost.
Hey... It's almost always "friends" who take people to the cleaners.. yaknow?
It's not like you can defraud just ANYONE, right? | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:07:29 AM | Many times with no regrets. I think only a couple people didn't offer to repay me. I can't remember. lol. No biggie thought.
The amounts I lent out have been from $20 to 10k. (lol. ya. that one was paid back with interest and without asking.) I've never once asked for any of it back. I may have been raised to never expect it back, but I was also raised to not hand it over to a stranger. Works for me so.... | |
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| Should you lend friends money ??
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:08:23 AM | | Lending money to a friend is kinda like, why friends make the worst rommmates...sometimes they take you for granted. I learned my lesson years ago with a friend I had lent over $100 to. Never saw the money, and rarely saw him after that. I've helped my BF out over difficult times, but he's helped me out in return when I've needed. But other than that, hell no, never lend friends money. It's a good way to ruin a friendship. | |
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