| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:24:27 AM | I was wondering, how do I learn to enjoy being alone?
You hear about a lot of people learning to be happy with whatever, but I've never known how they actually do this. Got to think of something else to say because of the 200 letter limit, umm, yeah, if I could learn to enjoy being alone I could just forget about wanting to have someone, I'd be more happier in life.
Thanks. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:32:32 AM | That's easy...
Fall in love, get married or start a long term relationship....
..When it's over...trust me....you will be very very okay and happy with being alone.
I am the Mushroom and I approved this message. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:33:50 AM | The best thing that I can tell ya, bro, is to find some hobbies that interest you and get really into them, also start focusing on your goals and pursuits that don't involve the romantic side of things and realize that a relationship doesn't complete life, it complements it. You also have to get comfortable with yourself and realize that you are a good guy who deserves love and only the best life can give to him. I recently came to this realization, and, right now, I'm at one of the happiest, highest stages of my life. I hope this helps.  | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:34:27 AM | Fall in love, get married or start a long term relationship....
..When it's over...trust me....you will be very very okay and happy with being alone.
That will never happen so I need to find some other way.
The best thing that I can tell ya, bro, is to find some hobbies that interest you and get really into them, also start focusing on your goals and pursuits that don't involve the romantic side of things and realize that a relationship doesn't complete life, it complements it. You also have to get comfortable with yourself and realize that you are a good guy who deserves love and only the best life can give to him. I recently came to this realization, and, right now, I'm at one of the happiest, highest stages of my life. I hope this helps.
Hey Sentinel, I already have hobbies and goals, maybe they do make a difference, maybe I would feel a lot worse about my love life if I didn't have hobbies and goals. But I'm still not completely happy with being single.
What I wish, is that not only would I be happy with being single, but also not even want a woman, I want to actually not like the thought of having sex with one or being with one. I feel that then I would be 100% happy with being single and no sex.
Hey I've just thought of something, I could use CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) to reprogram myself to not like women. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:38:41 AM | | I think first you have to learn to like yourself. Then find some interests or hobbies. Then get away from the computer and pursue those interests. The longer you hang out here the more unhappy you will be, if you are looking for some kind of instant relationship. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:41:11 AM | | Hey, R4SF, I'm just here for the forums now. But yeah you're right, hanging out on dating sites always looking for someone and hoping a woman will message you does bring you down a lot, or at least it brings me down. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:51:58 AM | Wait a minute there, the approach you're taking sounds like a highly unhealthy extreme. Not wanting to like women? Not wanting to desire to have sex? Bud, let me tell you from experience, I've been there, and it ain't pretty. I went through a period when I was so disgusted with women that I actually tried denying myself the thought of women and of sexual fantasies towards them and it made me the most miserable I have ever been in my life. I'm begging you, please do not take this route. If you do, you will be in for a world of hurt.
Perhaps seeing a counselor would help with your situation. Allthough, I have to admit, counselors never did me any good, I had to see the light for myself, but different strokes for different folks,as they say.
I really hope you get to feeling better. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:53:56 AM | I've been separated for a year and its the first time I've ever lived alone. The first 2 - 3 months were tough. I spent a lot of time by myself.
I started thinking of all the things I used to enjoy (pre marriage) and some of those I had wanted to pursue but didn't because of family opinion and responsibility.
I asked friends who had similar interests how to get started and I did. I now find myself happy to "do nothing" on a weekend because I stay so busy during the week.
I'm waiting for delivery of a motorcyle (just got my license) I bought a great stereo system and am once again enjoying music, I'm going to Aruba with a friend in May (her husband hates the beach, she loves it), hoping to find someone to go back there with me in June (but I'll go alone if I can't find anyone interested) . I have the time to go out and hike the many parks in this area.
I would like to have a man in my life, but my daughter points out that even giving someone a time when they can reach me by phone is tough. I met several men on this site - one was realy wonderful and I hoped we might have a future. He felt the distance was to great and although he is right, I was disappointed. It did give me hope that eventually I may find the right one....
Hang in there if anyone had told me a year ago I'd be this happy and would be pursuing things I loved I'd have thought them crazy. Get yourself a life, when you're happy in it alone, you may meet someone to share it with you, if not you are happy in it alone. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:55:00 AM | OK...just here for the forums...never gonna happen...no occupation...hmmmm, perhaps a more positive attitude. You gotta work the room, dude. Act happy for 30 days, and it will sink in just like any habitual behavior. Look in the mirror & make funny faces if you have to. When you start liking yourself more, peeps will respond. Don't hold on so tight, or what you want will squeeze right out your hand. Pray for peace & pray for a proper woman for yourself. Don't expect results overnite. Work with what you have, and enhance it. You can't hurry love, anyway.
We used to say, happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.
After being kicked to the curb so many times, I find I am MUCH happier w/out someone in my personal space messing with my authentic self, trying to make me someone I'm not. I have so much more peace living with myself. Count your blessings you have no heart-wrenching drama in your life.
And if you feel you need some, go out to the pub, or market & give a gal a nice flower & a smile. Canvass the masses & you'll get bites.The more the merrier, I always say. Gud Luk! | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:58:12 AM | Ross, like the ocean tides, the human spirit is constanty moving, changing. A balance in life will offer you the greatest joy. There is a time to receed and a time to expand.
The search for self is an inward journey and to be done solo. ~ It seems~ we all reach a point that ~ what we've been doing is not working for us, not serving us well. To know others well, one must stop and take an accounting of ones self. Until you understand and accept yourself ~ how can you possible understand and accept others.
It is an exciting jounery and the rewards are great. ~ Many interesting things to ponder and ask questions about. In this understanding you develops skills and have more tools in your toolbox to deal with the problems that are common with us all.
The human mind and a vast, stange and wonderful place where "all" things a possible.
If the only tool in your toolbox is a hammer ~ all your problems resemble nails!
and we both know ~ what the outcome of the affected repair might look like. ~ lol
Develop an interest for the small things ~ for that is what the large things are made of.
Music ~ is a wonderful place to get lost as well and can offer you years of pleasure.
A hurt soul ~ will mirror your hurt in everyones face you see. ~~ It's not them ~ it's you~! We see what we wish to see. ~ We must train our minds and develop our skills
and find the joy ~ in doing so ~ you become a person of great power.
There are many roads to this place, chose one ~ all roads lead to Rhome ~ dance | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 7:11:18 AM | I enjoy my 'lone time' and have for many years now even when in a relationship.
I think there is a big difference between being alone and having time alone.
Even when I have been in a relationship , I have liked my 'lone time' since I was about ... maybe 26.
I am 43 now and I don't care to have someone constantly around who can't give me my space.
Recently, I met a guy who I really liked and I still talk to him, and he is enjoying being totally on his own for the first time in his life and even though I am feeling like I want more of a constant companion, I really respect that in him.
He is having fun meeting new ppl.... and we are still friends.
But, he made me realize at one point that I am a bit lonely.
But that is my problem, I miss having a core group of friends to hang out with most of all.
A SOF is a plus in that, but nothing is more enduring than friends.
As well as some hobby or something that really invigorates a person.
I have always had that as well and do not now...
Still trying to find my new adventure, something that gets me all 'geeked'. I don't think it is a relationship or a man. Life to me is a journey where we all have our goals and dreams and fantasy.
But we have to be realistic as well. And not all sad and pissy when it doesn't work out.
I fall into that as well from time to time.
It is life, we are all doing our best to be our best in our world.
Best of luck OP. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 7:49:25 AM |
Count your blessings you have no heart-wrenching drama in your life.
Yeah, that is true, and that has actually made me feel better. I'll really have to keep that in mind. Thanks spumoni. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 7:59:06 AM | It was easy for me to learn. I drove truck for 19 years otr. I was always on my own and
the closest thing to conversation was my CB. Now that I am retired, it seems that I don't really care if Im with someone or not. Granted it would be nice. But I won't settle for anything less then what I want in a woman. They seem to be far in between so, I
sit patiently waiting for the right one.  | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:03:21 AM | I totally relate to this question.
When I first separated from my ex I remember feeling free and happy. A few months later and I started to feel very alone and sad. I remember asking a friend (who had been down the same road before me) if this was normal and how long it would take. She told me it was normal and that no matter how much dating I did, eventually I would have to deal with being sad and alone. She was right. You just have to be. Time does heal and this is what is needed in this case. Don't try to analyze it, don't try to 'fix' it, just be. One thing I did do that helped was I started asking myself what I liked to do. For example, I have always loved photography so on the days (usually a weekend) when I found myself starting to feel 'sad' or 'alone' I'd grab my camera and head downtown. By finding out what I really liked and enjoying it I found that my life was pretty good the way it is....without anybody else. I found that the sadness disappeared and that my life was happy exactly where it was at that particular moment.
I think people feel alone because they don't know themselves. When you begin to discover who you are and that you like yourself all feelings of aloness seem to disappear.
Whether we are with someone or single, we are always alone. The trick is realizing that being alone is not a bad thing...it's a chance to find out about you, who you are, your strenths, your weeknesses, likes, dislikes, etc. And with this key you unlock the door to a life of happiness and serenity where happiness is not the result of someone else in your life but of 'you ' in your life. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:33:23 AM | I think this is nothing more than the guy trolling for attention and now that we have made him famous he will crawl back in his hole and live happily everafter, amen
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:54:19 AM | "Wait a minute there, the approach you're taking sounds like a highly unhealthy extreme. Not wanting to like women? Not wanting to desire to have sex? Bud, let me tell you from experience, I've been there, and it ain't pretty. I went through a period when I was so disgusted with women that I actually tried denying myself the thought of women and of sexual fantasies towards them and it made me the most miserable I have ever been in my life. I'm begging you, please do not take this route. If you do, you will be in for a world of hurt. "
Absolutely, i went through the exact same thing-denying wanting a relationship or sex will make you miserable, i dont think you can enjoy being alone and not wanting a woman.
If you didnt want a relationship and know that you can live without it then you wouldnt ask this question and you wouldnt bother with women, does that sound like a happy thought? | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:48:51 AM |
I think this is nothing more than the guy trolling for attention and now that we have made him famous he will crawl back in his hole and live happily everafter, amen
Lol, sure it ain't you that's trolling? | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:49:46 AM |
If you didnt want a relationship and know that you can live without it then you wouldnt ask this question and you wouldnt bother with women, does that sound like a happy thought?
Yup. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:47:36 AM | | U have to love yourself and then u can find peace being alone. It took me about 3 mos to learn that. U just have to make yourself happy and not depend on the other sex to make u happy! Hey it worked for me! | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:22:21 PM | Necessity breed practise.
Having a worthy purpose helps me deal with it. Having kids full time helps me too. They keep me company. I've also cultivated friendships consciously in the past few years. I work out of home so I'm accustomed to being alone.
Being in a relationship is always challenging for me, at least when it comes to each of us having our own wants for the relationship. At this point it's been about 8 years since I've been thoroughly single.
I decided a few years ago to cultivate my relationship with myself. After all I'll have myself to live with the rest of my days. When I want someone, I try to give myself what it is I'm wanting from the idea of "having" someone.
Of course certain things are only possible with an other.
Sometimes I get lonely, want love. Sometimes I phone too many people, anxious to connect.
It's had it's challenges, but it's been rewarding too. More rewarding than anything.
How to enjoy being alone. A key topic.
:)
Tom | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/9/2008 4:51:13 AM | | Go to the Human Society or the Local Pound and adopt a large dog. A dog requires a lot of love and attention. Not to mention walks and dog parks. Which are both good for a person. Also, after a few trips you will start to see some of the same people and will have others just to make ideal chit chat with. You won't feel as much alone. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:52:03 AM | | There is quite a bit of philosophers that have stated that until you learn to enjoy your own company you are not ready to share your life with anyone else. I think you should take this advice. Pick something that you enjoy doing or have always wanted to do, and go for it, take it to the extreme. This will get your mind off being alone, and you may really enjoy your time. When you truly feel comfortable in your own skin, it will show and you will begin attracting women. This is just how it works we are drawn to positive energy, we do get sidetracked but as a whole look at how human beings have prospered over all the other animals on earth. Food for thought. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/9/2008 7:03:24 AM | op, perhaps you are suffering from the 'if only' syndrome - if only i did this or that, or could change this or that, in myself or others.....then i'd be truly happy.....
and from my journey in life, so far, it seems the 'if only' mindset is what is keeping you from being truly happy and grateful for exactly where you are....and who you are...and what your life actually is at this moment.
another key they say is your state of mind and heart is really a choice we make (even unconsciously)....well, you are making this conscious by what you write....so perhaps try and make the conscious decision that you are truly happy in your life.....for if you just let yourself be, you'll realize you really are.
it's your choice. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/9/2008 7:15:19 AM | The best bit about being alone:
You dont get lied to, insulted, bossed around, get your money usurped for something you dont want or like, you get to eat what you want, can walk away from a conversation any time you like without having to hear about it for the next twenty years.
You get to sleep in the middle of the bed, go to bed when you want, get up when you want, dont have to have his friends round to play games (OMG) grown men can play games for hours GEESH THAT DROVE ME NUTS.
You can wear what you want when you want, you just dont HAVE TO do anything anymore, you can please yourself - N I C E 
EDIT: I forgot you dont have to shop for hours and hours till your legs fall off ... Yeahhh | |
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