| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:50:39 AM | 1. There is no way in hell you would EVER sleep with the dude sober.
2. You accept a drink, and over friendly chat, he brings up wanting to sleep with you, in which you state SEVERAL TIMES in no uncertain terms that you absolutely would not casually sleep with anyone, it's not something you're comfortable with, and it goes against your morals. You state you're only staying for a drink or two, then you have to go. Attempt to leave several times, but you are dealing with a controlling, manipulative authority figure who intimidates you, so he talks you into staying and changes subject to more neutral ground.
3. Feel very very drunk after one drink, stupidly accept another. Very intoxicated by this point, accept a couple more. Still maintaining that you don't want to have sex with him, and tell him you're leaving after he trys to kiss you a couple of times. Try to change the subject several times.
4. Use the bathroom, he follows you and pounces on you the second you're out of the bathroom. Rebuke him, wash hands. While washing hands, shirt and bra off in 2 seconds.
5. Shocked, in disbelief, mentally very confused. Attempt one more time to leave. He starts kissing you, and you at this point are SO drunk, you just go with it.
6. Regret it heavily the following morning. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:54:06 AM | Umm Sugarbaby?
Does this post have anything to do with your post about your boss, you getting drunk, him taking advantage and now you have herpes? Gosh, g/f you sound as though you live a very "volatile" life at best??? Not meaning offense here, but I would take a break from dating and do some soul searchin! Good luck | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:01:16 AM | | Though I'm quite sensitive to this issue, no. Rape is such a serious issue that such an example being defined as rape diminishes the horror and the necessary boundary lines that must be in place so that true victims of rape are on solid ground when they find the courage to face their perps. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:07:12 AM | consult a legal source for proper answers, all you'll get here are comments from all types of people.
IMHO if you are around a guy who is obviously interested in having sex, and you are not, then you should not drink and allow things to progress to the point where your judgement is impaired.
The laws are funny and may blame him for taking advantage of you. but I say this: it's no different than if you get busted for drunk driving... whose fault is it.... yours for drinking or the bars fault for selling the drinks to you?
take ownership of your actions,learn from your experience, you ain't the first nor the last to regret things done whilst under the influence!! | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:12:06 AM | | No, of course it isn't. If in your own words, you "just go with it", then how can that be forced sex? You are still responsible for your actions in spite of any alcohol you may have consumed. If the drink(s) were spiked, then it would be entirely different, but it seems you were aware of what was going on. If this hadn't resulted in herpes, would you be asking the question? | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:12:22 AM | This is the very reason why I don't take women home from the bars. I mean, if we're chatting and drinking early in the night and eventually end up going home, that's kinda different but still iffy.
But I absolutely will not take home drunk girls that hit on me late at night when I'm having a drink, I'm pretty sure it is considered rape, if they ever decide to press charges. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:17:24 AM | No, it's not.
Rape is someone forcing themselves on you after you've clearly stated that you're not interested. It's when it happens, even while you're trying to stop them.
Getting drunk and sleeping with someone you didn't want to sleep with isn't rape. It's stupidity.
You weren't interested... he kept pressuring you. And you just sat there and kept drinking with him? Sorry, while the guy might be a total ***hole and all... you had every chance to get yourself out of the situation. YOU decided to stay. YOU decided to keep drinking. Then YOU decided to just "go with it".
It was your call.
As someone else said... it's stupid situations like these that belittle the REAL rape cases out there. It's people who claim they were raped simply because they realized what a stupid decision they made after the fact.
There are thousands out there who are suffering from the real problem out there. Who have to deal with all the pain and misery and trauma from being raped. So don't come crying just because you couldn't use your head. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:37:20 AM | | Only thing you could do (could have done), is get your blood tested for drugs or something. If you are a light weight when it comes to alcohol, and a lot of women are, then it is up to the woman to make better judgement. I don't know how it is everywhere but they just recently in Canada (in the last decade sometime), ruled that you can't say you were raped just because you were drunk. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:54:11 AM | what you need to understand is it's rape if she says it's rape, doesnt matter what actually happened. especially if alcohol is involved! there's new laws that have just been passed in australia that make it rape if you have sex with an intoxicated woman. doesnt matter if your drunk too, it's rape under the law. it's like this in the uk aswell. you know it's only going to be a matter of time until the laws are like this over here too! the media has been sending the message to young girls that there not responsible for their actions when booze is involved. if it lets me post the link check the story out http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,23619670-32522,00.html .
this is a very scary and dangerous direction society is going in | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:55:23 AM | I have to agree with Adam Taylor and others on this. Was it rape? No....You should have walked away after the first drink. To continue to drink with him, you were sending mixed messages-even if you said you didn't want sex.
Yes, it may have seemed he forced you in the bathroom. But where it sounded like it was a public bathroom at the bar, all you would have had to do was scream and I'm sure someone would have heard you and came to see what was wrong. Instead, you chose to go with it. And by choosing to go with it, you gave consent. Now had you fought and screamed - it would have been rape-IMO.
Sounds like you have problems with alcohol and sex. If this isn't the same 'boss' that was mentioned in your other thread, this makes twice you had sex that you didn't want while intoxicated. If this was not with the 'boss', did this guy know you have herpes?
Perhaps you should refrain from drinking when in the company of men. It may be safer for you.
HR | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:13:48 AM | | If I thought there was any chance of it being rape, I wouldn't post it on a forum website, I'd go seek help immediately. Talk to a professional, you'll be thankful later. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:13:53 AM | | I won't add anything to this, other than....contact a lawyer! See what they have to say on this matter. You might have been drugged! | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:30:45 AM | | OP this situation seems to be plaguing you enough to bring it out into the public forum. You need to secure a lawyer in order to tell them you story and they can direct you in the direction you should take in this case! One big suggestion - DON'T DRINK! Especially don't drink with someone trying to have sex with you - that you do not desire! | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:57:51 AM | | this is the exact reason i have not "picked up" a girl from a bar. I may give her my number/ get her number and call when everyone is sober but yea. Id say if you went with it then no. Theres an old saying wine in, truth out. Alot of women use alcohol as an excuse to do what they want. When i'm drunk i am in control of my actions at all times and never have once done anything i regret. Im sorry but if i can do it so easily why "every time" a girl gets drunk she cant?(again this is just for the ones that constantly blame it on alcohol i have friends that do it so kinda generalizing but there are cases when it is not that.) | |
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Posted: 5/5/2008 11:14:20 AM | | This is exactly why I only drink with friends and family and/or people I can trust to watch my back if I do get sloppy...women are more vulnerable, we should all drink responsibly and never with strangers. | |
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r0gd0g
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Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 16 | |
| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:18:04 AM | Do a search troll
*EDIT* Yes you are a slut, you just got "buyers remorse". Get over it
*Double edit* Thats not to say I don't like sluts | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:23:05 AM |
1. There is no way in hell you would EVER sleep with the dude sober.
Nope. You're responsible for your own actions, even when intoxicated. Perhaps you should review the choices that led to your being in this position...
2. You accept a drink, and over friendly chat, he brings up wanting to sleep with you, in which you state SEVERAL TIMES in no uncertain terms that you absolutely would not casually sleep with anyone, it's not something you're comfortable with, and it goes against your morals. You state you're only staying for a drink or two, then you have to go. Attempt to leave several times, but you are dealing with a controlling, manipulative authority figure who intimidates you, so he talks you into staying and changes subject to more neutral ground.
Erm, since sex hasn't taken place, no?
3. Feel very very drunk after one drink, stupidly accept another. Very intoxicated by this point, accept a couple more. Still maintaining that you don't want to have sex with him, and tell him you're leaving after he trys to kiss you a couple of times. Try to change the subject several times.
No. However, the moment you tell him No, it becomes rape if he has sex with you. You see that's my definition of rape - sex without the conscious consent of both partners.
4. Use the bathroom, he follows you and pounces on you the second you're out of the bathroom. Rebuke him, wash hands. While washing hands, shirt and bra off in 2 seconds.
Now I'm just confused...
5. Shocked, in disbelief, mentally very confused. Attempt one more time to leave. He starts kissing you, and you at this point are SO drunk, you just go with it.
If you're conscious, and you decide to "just go with it", then no, it's not rape.
6. Regret it heavily the following morning.
Not even relevant.
Are there really girls who think in these terms?
Martin | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:29:54 AM | I think you answered your own question - you were "so drunk you just went with it".
You need to make sure you're not in that situation again. Does this make him a good guy? No. Was his behaviour acceptable? No. You need to chalk this one up, and move on, though. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:38:39 AM | Thank you Adam T and a few of the others who pointed all of that out.
OP no it wasn't rape, while you said no at first you didn't leave, you didn't ask for help, and you kept drinking. This reminds me of that other thread that is a whole bunch of pages long and the very same topic.
You walked away from your experience with a parting gift apparently, and I'm sorry for that, but you need to own up to your mistakes because no one can do it for you.
Take it as a really hard learning lesson and ask yourself if you will allow something like that to happen again? | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:40:10 AM | SORRY..BUT NO!
You can't go around accusing guys of rape just because you have a low tolerance for liquor.
Rape is a serious, very common crime and should notbe used in this context. A lot of women have actually been raped, and a lot of dudes are sitting in a jail cell because of whet some prissy, little drunk **** said after she embarrased herself at a party. | |
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r0gd0g
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Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 21 | |
| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 12:25:02 PM | | Yes, rape is a serious crime, but 'common' I dont think so. I have many good female friends who have felt 'buyers remorse' and accepted responsability. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 12:59:35 PM | The man you are describing is a rapist for sure... However, since you continued on drinking and talking instead of leaving... told his psychotic little mind that your 'no' really meant 'try harder'.
I am confused about one thing: how come you spent the night? | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 1:06:17 PM | | Everything up until the moment of sex could be construed as foreplay. If you give up and go with it, it's not rape. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 1:18:39 PM | I think you need to accept personal responsibility for your part in this.
It's always easier to blame someone else, but you put yourself in this position and you allowed it to happen.
A man should not have to get a contract out and get you to sign it in order to declare that yes, you do want to have sex with him. Unless you were physically unconscious (which you clearly weren't), then you, on some level, wanted this to happen.
I don't buy all this 'poor me, I'm a poor innocent woman and I didn't know what was going on'. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:23:50 PM | | I go back to my original post...go see a professional. They can help you deal with this, and help make sure you don't wind up doing something like this again. It sounds like you need a professional therapist or doctor to speak to about it. | |
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