| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:47:28 PM | I met someone, fell in love, and proposed marriage to her. She accepted, and then after six months of engagement tells me she is actually 8yrs older than me. I am 53 she is now 61(she had told me she was 53).
We had talked about all kinds of goals, expectations, work life and she never saw fit to tell me..... Now I have an issue or issues...
am I shallow for saying that I am uncomfortable with marrying a woman that much older than me?
What about the lying part, does anybody feel this should be an issue or flag?? interested in comments. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:55:50 PM | I'd have an issue with it. That's just me though...
Some people say people on here will lie about age to be seen by people that normally wouldn't, but even in that case, why stop there? They could say they're black or Mexican to be seen by people that normally filter that out too. Don't see why age should get any special treatment. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:58:15 PM | Ask her why she lied. Lying is bad, dont get me wrong but motivation matters. Make her tell you and then see how you feel anyway - whatever you do you should ask and get a down home honest answer that you can feel in your gut.
Wish you the best. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:00:05 PM | If she is 61 and you thought she was 53, she must have taken great care of herself. I don't know how long you have known her, but she should have come clean. I understand that some women are very sensitive about their age and tend to get approached by men they are not interested in. So they change their ages to attract the age group that they know to be more compatible with.
Do I approve of this. Well, if you can't control the settings in regards to the age of people that can contact you, then I can understand that they have no choice.
But this woman accepted a marriage proposal. It could be that you proposed right before she was going to tell you and then felt trapped.
At 61, I am sure that she feels that you are a good catch for a woman her age, and doesn't want to lose you, so this happened. But still, this is exactly what may drive you away.
No need in asking if this is a flag. It would have been if you had been dating and just been intimate or something. But you are ENGAGED now. So flags are old news.
So the bottom line at this point is: Do you really love her? If yes, then you will forgive the woman that you love?
Also, if she is 61 and you couldn't tell. Then she must keep herself in great shape and hopefully will continue to do so.
It all comes down to what YOU can live with. So, take some time. Do some soul searching and make sure you know what you want. Then have a long heart to heart with her.
Good Luck to you...
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:04:56 PM | Maybe it's just me but in my opinion, if she could lie to you with something as basic and important as one's real age, what else could she be lying to you about in the future? It's hard to swallow the fact that you got sucked in, and worse, got attached with someone under this pretense.
I would be very wary with her if I were you. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:06:11 PM | You have two seperate issues here. You may be uncomfortable about marrying a woman eight years older than you, but obviously, it is just the number that you are uncomfortable with. You didn't think that she looked or acted too old when you thought she was 53. And how they look and act should be what is important. And I bet you wouldn't have any problem if you were eight years older than her, would you.
The second issue is her lying. Have you ever caught her lying about anything else. It would be a concern to me, especially since she didn't come clean until after you were engaged. She should have at least fessed up as soon as things started getting serious.
It is up to you to decide if this is a deal breaker or not. The key is...is this the only thing she has lied about. If you are confident it is, then maybe you can get past this. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:11:43 PM | | Proposed so have to assume you have a thing for her. If so, sometimes you just have to let things pass. She told you. If you bail off this it was just not meant to be, the attraction was not there. With women outstaying men the age difference is about right imo. She's a couple steps in front of you now. In five years or so the gap will begin to close. Just the way I see it. And I'm never quite sure why I post. I just do. GL. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:11:59 PM | Women are genetically incapable of telling the truth about thier age.
Deal with it.
Thats the only thing they are allowed to lie about any time they want with no consequenses.
WHY they think its necessary... I doubt that any man will ever understand. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:16:22 PM | Wow! That's a tough one. I really have a thing about being lied to and I'd wonder if she lied about that for such a long time, did she lie about anything else. But then again, you are questioning whether you want to be with a woman her age. You fell in love with her when you thought she was 53 and wanted to spend the rest of your life with her. Now that you know she is 61, your feelings have changed? Don't you still love her? Isn't she the same woman she was before she told you? No, she shouldn't have lied to you and I'm sure she regrets it. But that doesn't change the fact that you fell in love with HER... whether she is 53 or 61. Don't throw away something so precious because you're vain about having a wife who is older than you.
BTW, what did you say to her when she finally told you? And did she say why she waited so long before she confessed her true age?
And to FredHH - that is a load of horse manure!! I have never lied about my age and most of the women I know don't either. I am 57 and am proud of it! I think I look pretty damn good for my age so why should I hide it. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:25:31 PM | Lying = bad.
No two ways about it.
Now you get to decide just what it means to you, both in the areas of lying, and in the age difference. Age differences don't bother me, but lying certainly does. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:50:16 PM | Wow that's a nasty lie if she kept it from you for all of this time. Guess she felt she had to come clean with the up and coming legal paperwork concerning your marriage to her.
I fail to understand why she didn't tell you right off the bat.
Now that you are madly in love with her (as you are both engaged) it makes things pretty difficult. Sure age is just a number, but you need to look at the lie.
To me it's a  | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:54:33 PM | Before you get horn swaggled into thinking it is only women that does this, it isn't... I have came across at least a dozen men (that I know of) that lied about their age...
You seem to be having an issue #1 about the fact that she is 61 instead of 53.. Question is, would you have NOT given her a chance because she was that age?
We can't speak for her, and why she didn't mention it sooner... None of us know if she had known and remember the entire time that she was decieving you.
I remember being on Yahoo, and it stated I was 39, when I was 40... I didn't do anything to make it that way, it just said I was.... Someone that I had went out with twice had this hissy fit and accused me of trying to decieve... YEAH.. Don't think so... My age is not an issue for me... I am what I am...
You have to decide whether you can't trust her... Some posters are all out for you to kick her to the curb...However I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater until you decide if that is the ONLY thing she wasn't straight up about...
Then it seems YOU have to decide if YOU have an issue with her real age...
I don't like being lied to, however I also understand their are times when people do things that they don't know how to undo... Maybe this is the only thing she has...Only way to find out is to have a heart to heart with her, and NOT a forum of strangers... | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:26:13 AM | | Face it OP,the actual age of the woman isn't an issue. The fact she perpetuated a lie for over six months is a major issue. You need to resolve this one way or the other before you can move forward. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:02:12 AM | | If you love this woman that way you say you do age should not have that big of importance. Maybe it's the fact that she liked you so much that she felt the need to lie to you about her age. Would you have taken the time to develop feelings for her if you knew she was 8yrs older then you? If a little thing as her age makes your feelings towards her change , then maybe your feelings were not as strong as you think they are for her. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:04:26 AM | Age doesn't matter a hoot to me. Most people say age doesn't matter and so there ought be no reason to lie about it. Anyway, it isn't the age that matters = it is the honesty.
A.S.is
50 and lovin' it! | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:39:24 AM | If the numbers 61 were switched to 16..I would say there would be a problem..
Age and the way you feel........has a lot to do with it. Some people are 61 but feel 51?
I know I don't feel my age ......but take this into consideration......your no spring chicken either. If you find someone that complements you. Your happy with her..
why throw it away? Your too old to be pickafying(made it up)....if we all told the truth ..the whole truth and nothing but the truth.....we would all be hermits. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 2:06:39 AM | At least she told you. The guy I met pretended to be 12 years younger than he was and even showed me fake ID! The thing that must really have bugged him is that as he got to know me he soon realised that I couldn't have cared less if he was 14 years older than me instead of the 2 he claimed, but that people lying was something that I couldn't bear. How did he get away with knocking off 12 years...? Well, he'd had cancer and we know that illness can dramatically age people's faces etc - and his behaviour was pretty immature so that mostly I felt like I was the older one. He had everyone fooled - friends, family..
The fact that she confessed rather than having you find out by yourself does make a difference... but she did hold onto that lie for a long time, didn't she. I think that because you've got this far with her, and obviously relate to her so well, you shouldn't let the age difference itself be an issue -- since women on average live longer than men and she's in good enough shape to pass for the same age as you, it looks like a good match in the long term. Better than marrying a woman who is younger, really, and then dying and leaving her on her own for the last years of her life. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 2:27:44 AM | At first when reading this i had an issue with the lie. I mean would of you been interested if she was 8 years older? In fact wouldn't that of been one of the reasons she lied? The simple truth is that you obviously love her and neither of you are getting any younger.
While she could lie about other things the fear of dying alone can be a strong fear.
Does she lie about the day to day things or just about things she is emotionally attached to? I think a lie out of fear is different then a lie of deception.
The other thing that should be considered is life expectancy women tend to live longer then men so you both have less chance of surviving the other for a long period of time which can be devastating when you loose someone you love.
Anything can be made out to be a red flag if you want but at the end of the day the lie actually points to a much deeper need within the person which should be more of an opportunity then the concern of the lie itself. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 2:41:47 AM | | if someone weather its a man OR a woman lies to u for what ever reason, and u let him/her tell u more lies, then thats no foundation for any kind of relationship . a relationship is never having to say ur sorry | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:21:26 AM | | I would really take the time to express your concerns about this to her. It definately makes me wonder what else she may have lied about. The time to come clean was at the early stages of the relationship not 6 months after the engagement. Part of me thinks she has felt awful about this for a very long time. Do you continue the relationship? That is your choice no one else can answer that for you. | |
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