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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?      Home login  
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 honeyco99
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 1
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do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I hear you guys say it all the time, but is it true? I am very upfront , very honest and can be crass at times. I've grown up always around boys, my friends have always been male and I am used to hangin with the boys.

I've always in advance warned my dates of this, and apparently it does not flow well with them. We always end up getting along, but I always end up turning into the friend. So what do you guys have against tomboys with strong personalities?
 singer James
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 2
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:48:50 PM
So what do you guys have against tomboys with strong personalities?

Nothing. A strong personality is preferred, as a weak personality can often be a deal breaker. It's probably not the fact that you're a "tomboy with a strong personality;" it's probably something else.
 honeyco99
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 3
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do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:51:49 PM
see I hear that all the time, but when it comes down to it the men I date don't like it. They don't like a woman who knows what she wants, they don't like a woman who actually likes sports or doesn't mind getting her hands dirty. Don't get me wrong, I clean up very nicely and have my lady like moments, but my strong personality always ends up being a turn off. I think its the bluntness of it.
 singer James
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 4
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:52:58 PM
see I hear that all the time, but when it comes down to it the men I date don't like it. They don't like a woman who knows what she wants, they don't like a woman who actually likes sports or doesn't mind getting her hands dirty. Don't get me wrong, I clean up very nicely and have my lady like moments, but my strong personality always ends up being a turn off. I think its the bluntness of it.

I just don't buy that. I not only appreciate bluntness, I demand it. Every male friend of mine feels the same way. No, it's probably something else. I think you are choosing to assume that the cause of your woes is something that it probably isn't, because you won't accept any other possibilities.
 MistrE
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 5
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 5:13:22 PM
Maybe you are just dating the wrong type of guy...
 jynchs
Joined: 2/16/2008
Msg: 6
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do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 5:34:10 PM
May not be a man, but I'll offer the insight I can.

Men say they want a tomboy, someone who is like a man but has those wonderful women bits! Same thing as women who want a sensitive man who can understand them and their needs!

Do we really want sensitive men? No, they tend to be namby-pamby mamma's boys - same thing goes for most men. They want a tomboy, but as soon as they try it out they tend to be TOO butch, they feel out manned! Don't out man a man, it never turns out well.

But there ARE men out there who want what you have to offer, they're few and far between, but they're there! Just keep searching!

I know a girl who is what you're describing, she just found a man who can out man her :) they've been happily married for about 3 years now and it doesn't look like it's going to end.
 rivereye
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 7
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 5:37:54 PM
Goils,goils,goils! They come in so many great styles and sizes. And they all smell so good!Don't worry OP, I'll bet there's a lot of guys who love tomboys. It's always great when your SO shares your interests, and is with you during your leisuretime activities..
 pseudonymJay
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 8
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:58:11 PM
See, if I"m heavy into fixing my car, all laid out dirty and such, and this woman I recently met comes over and next thing I know she is elbow deep into the fixing herself. (tomboyish, ok) Well, to me that is great, she is welcome any time. Thing is I would only ever want her as a friend because she is like one of the guys, unless she shows a more feminine side. By that I mean submissive, letting the man take the lead. Ok, I"m older and kind of old fashioned, just my opinion.

Perhaps you need to meet a male with a more feminine side...that could work for you. He is more submissive. Or how about a woman? Ever considered you might be a man trapped inside a womans body? Nowadays it is all acceptable.

I do hope you work it out and goodluck to you.
 hiheelsareOk
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 9
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do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:58:18 PM
Tomboys rock! I think that covers it. Your dating age group is in the twenties. Men in that age group don’t realize that the best potential female mate is one that does the things that are normally stereotyped for men. Your age group a lot of men are not thinking marriage or long term for that matter. Their looking for that arm charm that other guys envy. At my age of 45, I dream of a woman that will SCUBA dive, target shoot, and beat my ass in a game pool and stuff like that. To me, the ideal partner is your best friend and not just a lover. Hang in there. You are what you are, and you will find the right guy for you.
 sam-spade
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 10
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:00:20 PM
All my tomboy friends have always been just tomboy friends. I never particularly like hanging with them, let alone date them.
 MajorThomas
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 11
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do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:06:40 PM
alpha male personalities/strong personalities (jerk personalities) that woman find attractive, men don't.

Women with interest beyond shopping and socializing, Men do find attractive.
 rosesforyou
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 12
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:08:07 PM
Women who are the tomboy types are a turn off because they lose their feminine appeal if they take it to far. As far as strong personality, there is a huge difference between a woman who is confident in herself and has a strong/assertive personality as oppose to one who is just abrassive/rude. Be careful as to not confuse the two because they are "worlds" apart. If guys keep wanting to just hang with you as one of the guys as a friend, then I would reconsider if your really a strong personality or if what comes out of your mouth is just mean spirited words that people never will react well too.
 OldFashndMntMan
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 13
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:31:08 PM
Hmmmmmmmm , interesting , (I realize you did not ask for a profile review but I thought it could be part of the problem)

I suspect you are attracting the WRONG type of guy for you because you say nothing about you being "tomboyish" in your profile. The purpose of a profile is supposed to be to help compatable men to find you. I really think you are doing yourself a disservice,by failing to adaquately describe your personality,or your preferences for a partners resonality. To many people write a profile to try to appeal to as many people as possible. When in reality IMO it is more advantagous to ELIMINATE 90% after reading your profile. This saves you time in not needing to deal with incompatable suiters.

Best wishes

OFCB

BTW, some of us LOVE tomboys!
 avalanche325
Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 14
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:41:05 PM
OP,
There's nothing in your profile that would lead me to believe you are a tomboy.

As for liking tomboys I prefer them. I see a tomboy as a girl who has typically male interests, with a tendency to like outdoors activities. It has nothing to do with being "butch", it just means they aren't worried they're going to break a nail trying to reel in a Northern. I'd much rather go out with a girl who wants to go take a ride on some quads than one who'd like to lay on the beach and work on her tan.

Strong willed women are preferential for me too. I have a strong personality and I don't get along well with women who aren't similarly strong-willed.
 zopz
Joined: 1/3/2008
Msg: 15
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do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 9:19:14 PM
I find myself more attracted to the slightly tomboyish type. Not a total tomboy but I'm not a fan of the real girly girl either.

I know a couple girls that are really....guyish... about some things but I find them even more attractive because of this. They get along with me better than a really girly person would and I wouldn't have to worry so much about any gross out factor, since they pretty much act like guys about certain things. Much more comfortable than someone who you have to worry about grossing them out with something or anything else that may happen.
 guynamejeff
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 16
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:06:47 PM

They don't like a woman who knows what she wants, they don't like a woman who actually likes sports or doesn't mind getting her hands dirty. Don't get me wrong, I clean up very nicely and have my lady like moments, but my strong personality always ends up being a turn off.
As a general rule, men are not turned off by strengths.

You'll need to look at your behaviors more objectively if you want to figure out why men you like don't stay around. Or you can just blame them.
 NoMexShrek
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 17
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:48:01 PM
Tomboy? Not a problem. It would give us more stuff to do together, and less stuff that she wants to do that I would rather have a root canal without Novocaine than do. (Malling, Shopping, Crafting, etc)

Strong Personality? No problem, unless what she really means is that she wants to be able to be a ****, and get her own way, and just call it a "Strong Personality". Bluntness/honesty, great. Childish ****yness, and calling it "strong personality" not cool.
 UniqueManinSoCal
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 18
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:54:37 PM
It goes into the perspective and definition of strong personality.

Is upfront an excuse to be rude to people? Or does upfront mean you are honest and speak truth from your point of view but mindful of others.

Is very honest an excuse to rip people apart to tear them down? Or is very honest is that you speak the truth with courage when given the easy route of lying to "save their ego"?

Now I am not sure about the crass thing. A woman who can burp with the guys in a private setting is one thing but when you go into a business setting and don't know how to act for the situation that is another situation completely.

As far as the tomboy thing, I have said it once and I will say it again, for me a complete tomboy isn't attractive. A tomboy that went a little girly is ideal for me. If you can get ready in 10 minutes to go for a hike or something like that one time and be able to clean up well and carry off a nice dress, done up hair, makeup, etc to be girly when the situation calls for it. If you don't have the ability to show your feminitiy and show your sexuality then a guy will naturally put you in the friends bucket because you don't show up on the attractiveness radar.

This is how women do it with men. If a guy can not show strength and confidence, or can not make a woman feel safe and loved while showing her respect. If a guy can not show well timed humor and solid communication skills or can not show a sense of self control and a sense that he takes care of his business. All these things in varying levels add to attraction and without any of these (see the many nice guy / wussy posts) the guys don't hit that attraction radar and hence get thrown into the friends bucket.

My point with this line of thought is that you need to be aware of what is attractive to the type of men you want to attract. If you want to attract them, you must have the attributes to do so. If you don't then you know why you don't show up on their radar and get thrown into the friends bucket all of the time. This goes for the nice guys / wussies, same deal.
 TLC_
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 19
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:56:45 PM
not sure what you mean by a strong personality,
but i bont like the tomboy sort, i like a lady who is petite, and has a nice pesonality.
 -=Kalidor=-
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 20
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do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:25:16 PM
Yeah, I do -- I like girls who are affirmative and sarcastic and don't take everything to heart.

For example, a good female friend of mine was in town last weekend and I showed her around and we had a lot of fun. She's a knock out, in terms of looks, but she's also very blunt and up front. Its true, she is very girly, as in wanting to shop and go to the mall while she was here -- but she 'gets things'. Example:

First thing I asked her when I picked her up from the bus station was "Hey, are you hungry?" and she started talking about her trip, and this weird dude on the bus and how she slept okay but was bored... and I cut her off in the middle of that and just said bluntly "That's not an answer, that's a story" and started laughing.. and then she started laughing, because she 'got it' and even pulled the 'girl card' by saying all girls tell stories as their answers.

The point is, Iyou can't be buddy buddy with a girl, its somewhat uncomfortable to always be walking on eggshells waiting for the things that comedians talk about to come true when dealing with women.

I'd much rather have a pal, who happens to be a hot babe that I enjoy being with, than a hot babe who I have to pander to or she might get 'offended' by my guy attitudes. And I'm not even that much of a typical guy for that to be a problem.
 thewrongdossier
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 21
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do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:48:24 AM
confidence is good, but if the girl is out just trying to prove she can run with the guys that gets to be annoying
 FireKnight
Joined: 4/24/2006
Msg: 22
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do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:01:45 AM
Men do not have problems with "tomboys with stong personalities" Most men do REALLY like women with such traits.

Club boys and metro boys and the key words here are boys have a problem. It's who you choose to date thats the problem not the gender as a whole :).
 hereshecomesagain
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 23
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:02:25 AM
I agree with OP, I hear it, and I do have my fan club, but in the end, my town thinks I'm a man hating butch because I'm "so guy". I like playing the physical sports, I like the outdoors, I have a man's job, I say what I mean and mean what I say... I can't get a date here because people warn men off of me...

There was this dorky cutey flirting with me, and sure enough he went and asked about me before asking me out and he disappeared. "Yeah, dude, she's scary, she like hates men big time and she's more man than you are...." Who said that to him? I asked, Oh, So and So. So and So doesn't even KNOW me!!!! See, that temper of yours.... what? I didn't even raise my voice. No, but ya still scared me. Puzzy. See? That's what I'm talking about, what kind of woman calls a man a puzzy? Well, when the panties fit.... Seeeeee? THAT'S what I'm talking about....

I'm not a man hater, most of my best friends are guys and I LOVE working with men instead of women, no freaking head games and back stabbing and when there is, the men handle it upfront. My sons tell me over and over again that I scare off the men because I have this aura of just not *needing* them. Well, I don't need a man, but I want them like crazy... I'm a horn dog with a bad need for monogamy and commitment. No one nighters for me, I run everytime, LOL like a chicken..... NOTHING scares me, except STD's and adding to my list of stalkers... LOL

I dress up when I go out, cute shoes and short skirts and make-up too, I dance, I talk nice. I'm the sweet local pre-school teacher and everywhere I go, kids come running and jump in my arms. I do a little girly stuff, now and then, though shopping is just the worst. But then this guy started muscling my gf around trying to get her to a corner and grabbing her boob and the other men were standing around all shocked, so I put the jerk on the floor and said WTF is your problem???? Couldn't get a guy to dance with me since then.

So the guys love me as a friend, a pal, a buddy.... I do get the guys who are crazy about me, but usually there's something about them that doesn't do it for me, like uh, they are married.... no really, the men who are, um, gentle sweethearts and lack passion, they go for me big time. I don't go for them. I like a strong STRONG willed passionate man with a kind heart, and this guy tends to like me a lot, he's just hard to find. Or an intellectual man with PASSION and a kind heart..... also hard to find. Passionate jerks who are dumbazzes or puzzies, EASY to find....

So be passionate, kind heart, and either be a Smart or a strong willed guy and I'll be right on over.... any takers for this tomboy?
 northeast25
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 24
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:35:00 AM
Strong personality. It depends. There is a difference between being assertive and being an arrogant b-tch.

Tomboys - also depends. If a woman likes doing some "typical" male activities and still has a feminine side to her, then it wouldn't be a problem for me.
 El Efe
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 25
do men REALLY like girls with strong personalities and tomboys?
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:34:50 AM

So what do you guys have against tomboys with strong personalities?


Such females are definitively unfeminine, by virtue of said personalities.

If you're not feminine, you're just another guy. Let's have a beer!

F.

EDIT: Northeast, you're doing too much work breaking up "personality" and "tomboy". The OP said "tomboys with strong personalities" which, in my opinion, puts a masculine tilt on it within the context of the question.

That said, I agree with your first part, as long as you're referring to a feminine strong personality. I disagree with the second part as a tomboy, by definition, isn't feminine.

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