| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 6:46:41 AM | Met a woman, took her out on a few dates and she seems interested. We eat, drink, attend activities. We text and talk on the phone but limited (she works and has kids, I don't have kids), which is fine with me. I don't know if she sees this as a friendship where I invite her out (to this point she has never offered) or if she sees this as a budding relationship.
I want to know if it's reasonable to ask where this is going?
I plan on having dinner with her tonight and really want to nip this. I can use the friend but I also don't want to be suckered and taken for a ride. There are plenty of other eligible women who would like to date a guy like me. | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:03:55 AM | I don'tthink I quite understand your dilemma - you have been on a few dates, seem to enjoy each other's company - and yet you want to 'nip this'? Are you not sure if SHE sees this as a budding relationship? Or you?
Frankly, as a single mom, I wouldn't ask a man out either - even if I were extremely interested, so I wouldn't interpret that as not being interested.
Geez - have you so much as kissed? Are you questioning the attraction? Or are you afraid you're 'wasting your time and money' on this woman without the prospect of getting laid? | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:23:20 AM | I understand your question and the answer is in if she is wanting to have a free weekly dinner or actually interested in you.
Stop spending money on date where you go out and invite her over your place instead now that you have already gotten to know each other. If she is interested or disinterested, you'll know by her actions when at your place.
DON"T KEEP TAKING HER OUT and wine-ing and dining her.
There are lots of women who are only out for the free dinner and entertainment only... I've met them and quickly dissed them. No sense on wasting time with a user, things will certainly not get better if you keep seeing them. | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:36:24 AM | Dude, I understand what you are saying, been there and done that..........There is NOTHING WRONG with wanting to know where you stand with someone or where things are going. Why in the HECK do women freak out when a guy wants an answer to a simple question? Geez...........Apparently from a WOMAN'S perspective, if a guy wants an answer to such things, he is labeled as "needy" or "clingy".  I dated someone a couple of months ago (not from here, but from another site) and after 8 dates it ended (I got tired of her using me for free meals!) | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:40:31 AM |
There are plenty of other eligible women who would like to date a guy like me.
I am not sure why I centered on this last line rather than your question of whether it is ok to ask where this woman wants this "relationship" to go.
It is fine to ask, but if she opts for friendship, I don't recommend that you say to her, "That's ok, there are plenty of other eligible women who would like to date a guy like me."
Just go date them. | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:49:11 AM | | my guess at her answer."i really do not know.i think your a good guy and i have to take my children into consideration.how about we have fun and see where it goes? | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:07:20 AM | | She's probably wondering the same thing but doesn't want to push; so do both of you a favour and bring up the conversation. It is always better when both parties know where they stand. | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:09:50 AM | I agree with msg 6 give it some time.............no one likes to be rushed into a relationship
She's a woman with chidren......if she didnt like you she wouldnt be spending time with you. It's getting warm..........take her to a nice park and pack picnic lunch. Go to the beach.....it doesnt have to be dinners if you want to spend time with each other.
She obviously, at this point is not going to ask you to her house as she has chidren. Ask her if she's comfortable enough to come to yours for a cookout.
Life is really not that complicated.................. | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:23:33 AM | Maybe the simplest thing would be for you to make it clear, when you next ask her out, that you are asking her out on a date. If she is thinking 'just friends for ever', then I don't see how she could let that go without saying something. You don't need to be aggressive about it in any way, could just say something like 'where shall we go for our next date?"
I can understand you wanting to know whether she just sees you as a friend or if it's as a potential partner, if that hasn't already been made clear. It doesn't mean that you or she shouldn't be friends, of course. Most lasting relationships are built on friendship. But, I think you are asking whether she realises that you regard these meetings as dates. You need to let her know somehow. | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:26:50 AM | | Well - don't you communicate? Where do YOU want it to go - it doesn't sound like you have developed any feelings for her, unless she already has feelings for you. Talk to her about what you'd like and what you're feeling (or not feeling) and she can do the same. | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:44:36 AM | just ask her if she sees the two of you going further into a more intimate relationship in the future, or if she wants to keep it at a friendly level!
Why are you so comfortable to ask us what we think,..but you cant ask her? | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:49:30 AM | | If it isn't broke, don't fix it. Are you trying to rush into a relationship? If she isn't giving you what you want, phase it out. Maybe she will ask why you have not been paying as much attention to her, and then you can ask her about where you stand. If you really like her, don't burn the bridge. She might turn out to be a good friend. | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:55:27 AM | Of course just ask her. Go out for lunch, brunch, coffee, what ever. And have a conversation with her. If you both text and talk on the phone, you have a line of communication open. Use it.
Communication. It's a good thing.
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:13:25 AM | Yes, the 3 things thet make a good relationship. COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE & COMMUNICATE. So, when I go out with my friends, I don't let them always pay. That's how friends are. If a guy is romancing me, I allow him to pay so he can feel like a man. If I don't like him, I'll buy as a consolation prize, and then ditch him. Somehow it makes me feel like the man.
And, personally, if I don't like the guy, no amount of food or wine will make me spend time w/ him. I can always buy my own, and have a much better time w/ myself.  | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:25:44 AM | How many dates have you been on? Have you kissed her?
There should be no confusion about whether or not you're dating. You either go on dates or you don't. Simple as that. If you've been on 2 or more dates and haven't kissed her, then that's a big mistake right there and opens the door up for confusion. | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:12:41 AM | Thanks for the input folks. Yes, we have kissed on our departures. I see it as dates, I'll confirm that they are dates the next time I see her. It's tough for her because she works long shifts on weekends. We are limited to Mon-Thur.
Thanks again! | |
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nmwjmw
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Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 20 | |
| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 6:57:07 PM | | You like her enough to ask her out but do not like her enough to buy ?? Is she a member of this site?I would be concerned that you are already thinking she is suckering you...Sounds like some baggage.She hasnt done anything but go out with you.Hmmm? maybe she is s asucker....? Typical. | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:32:57 PM | Have to agree with Ktodd. Anytime you suggest some kind of future or plans or where this is going women freak. They think its like a marriage proposal or something. Last g/f I had this happened with. I was like wtf? She wanted to go to college in a town where I was thinking about moving to and I was like coolness. Next thing you know she made it like I was asking her to marry her. This is what happens when women try to read between the lines of what a man says. A man says exactly what he means the only time anything will be between the lines is when he is saying lets have sex.
As for the 2nd post have you ever posted in why guys don't date a girl with kids? That sure would help answer that question. I believe you said you would never ask a guy out since you have kids. Might be a good idea to put yourself out there a bit more. Not saying sex just saying on the dating market. Just my opinion though. | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:52:44 PM |
There are plenty of other eligible women who would like to date a guy like me.
Well, I'm sure she doesn't know she's holding up the line. If you just tell her that, I'm pretty sure your problem will be solved.
You're not all that, OP, no matter what your mama told you. But if you really believe you are, why are you holding out for this one little girl & not going all out for all those other eligible women? | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:37:49 PM | What happened to just letting things EVOLVE???
It sounds to me like you're trying to 'close a sale' verses winning a heart.... 'nip this'???? What the hell is that??
Instead of trying to PRESSURE her into a decision right then there and now so you can get it all over with, why don't you just try to let her know how YOU feel first..... you know.... like... actually EMOTING and being vulnerable... and then see how she responds. You don't have to go overboard with it all.....but damn.... be a man about it and just open up a bit.... then leave some time for her to THINK about it.
Part of 'the dance' is building momentum. Any mature woman is going to sense that you are trying to RUSH her into a decision, when what you SHOULD be doing is getting into her heart so that she thinks she made the decision ALL ON HER OWN.... | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:55:46 PM | | There must be chemistry there to have taken her on a 'few' dates. When you kiss her goodnite does she kiss you back like a 'friend' would on the cheek or more exciting like a lady that is 'quite' interested in you. Keeping in mind if both are shy it can be awkward. If you ask direct you wont be wasting any time for either of you. Its not difficult. | |
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| do I ask, where this is going?
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:17:46 AM | There are plenty of other eligible women who would like to date a guy like me.
If this particular woman is no more or less important/special/unique than all those "other" women who would just loooove to
date a guy like you, why are you even "wasting" your time with her?
I mean, why take the risk of being "suckered in" and taken for a ride" by a woman who is so bland, so no-name brand , so like
all the rest that many women (who are just dying to date you) could easily take her place?
JMO | |
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