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Posted: 5/7/2008 2:52:22 PM | Hi Guys/Gals....
I would really appreciate it if, someone would contructively critique my profile.......
I know I have no pic up as of now, and I know that chances are better if it is up, but I am private and am not ready to throw it up there....msn I will, but only after a few pm's back and forth on POF first.
Thank you! | |
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Posted: 5/7/2008 2:53:47 PM | | I am kinda thinking that maybe I should take the info part of my child down....but I don't really know how to put it........ | |
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Posted: 5/7/2008 3:40:33 PM | Hi young lady,your profile is not terrible, I do think that the overall tone is a little on the negative side. Try to turn the things you need to talk about around,and approach it from a more positive direction. If you do not understand what I consider negative,ask,I will be ckecking back later.
best wishes
OFCB | |
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Posted: 5/7/2008 4:23:51 PM | Hi ofcboy.....do you mean that my PF is a little on the negative side?...hmmm ok....*sigh* not shocking but plz show me how I can cheer it up a little, I am not a downer but you know.....
Thanks | |
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Posted: 5/7/2008 4:24:43 PM | Honest thoughts. Do with them as you will.
"Country Dweller" in Alberta covers a lot of territory. You might want to narrow that down somehow.
You state that you just want to 'hang out', but then also state that you won't care if I go hunting or quadding, or looking at strip joints, or whatever. Well... guess what? You don't get to have a say in it if we are just hang-out buds.
Some negative words that cause alarm bells to ring: picky, bossy.
Spell-check everything. 'cautious', not 'cautias' ... and I can't even take a guess at what 'carharrts' is supposed to be.
If the horses thing is really important to you, then you need to stress that immediately, possibly even in your headline. "Must ride horses" would get my attention, and then you could explain why right up top of your profile.
The stuff about your kid seems really strident and off-putting. You're really going to make a friend, a potential lover/partner, and then not introduce them to your kid for 12-18 months? I've got kids, I understand cautious... but that seems like a loooong time to me.
You're obviously a strong, capable, independent woman, looking for a very specific kind of guy. You need to find a way to get that out there in a positive way instead of a negative one, and with a little more focus. Take a look at this thread for some basic profile-writing tips: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx
Good luck. I hope that helps. | |
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Posted: 5/7/2008 4:43:39 PM | hmmm words to ponder bookrat...thanks for your honest advice......
you made some valid points...I guess what I was trying to get across about me saying that I do not care if you go out for the weekend or what not, is that I am the type of girl who isn't a control freak and that I understand that both men and women need thier space.
And I guess I see that it is kind of confusing when I state"hang out" and such....but I just don't know what to put...hang out friends is great at first since I am not the type to just jump up and get into a relationship (thats why I mentioned hope it leads to something more) please understand that I haven't been in the "dating scene" for over 12 years.
ok..the picky/bossy thing.....should I delete that? picky meaning that, no I don't think I am too good for anyone, just that I would prefer a country boy over a city slick...lol...and ya if you were a country boy, you would know what carhartts were.
Ok, I will change the horse thing.
The kid thing may be off putting to you, but I have seen way to many people men/women introduce thier children to current BF/GF's get them attached and then the break up. So while it may seem like a long time to you, I am doing what is right for my child and myself, that is a matter of opinion, but should I re-word it better?
Yes I am independant and strong, but I just don't know how to say it without coming off like a hag....cause I really don't think I am(a hag that is).
I DID read the writing profile tips thread.....hahahahhaha....
Thanks for the tips. | |
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Posted: 5/7/2008 8:23:23 PM | Hi smitten;
You've written some great things just in your response to me that are much more positive and convey well who you are. For example:
I do not care if you go out for the weekend or what not... I am the type of girl who isn't a control freak and I understand that both men and women need thier space.
I would prefer a country boy over a city slicker
I am independant and strong
These are all postive, affirming things to say that describe who you are or what you're looking for, and you could include any one of them verbatim. If you're not sure exactly what to write, how about something like this:
"I am a strong, capable, independent woman, living on a ranch in the wilds of Alberta. I'm looking for a very specific kind of guy. He has to be able to ride horses, and I am not just talking about you riding one in the mountains when you were 10. You've gotta like them, and be comfortable on and around them. Anyone else need not apply - we just aren't going to match."
(Feel free to steal my words... just send some positive energy my way if you like them.)
As for the rest of it; I'm not telling you that you shouldn't *feel* that way about your kids... no, wait, I guess I did... my bad. Sorry about that. What I meant back there was that it isn't something that you need to throw out there in someone's face up front. If you meet someone, it'll come up naturally, and you can mention it to them naturally. Lots of people on here have kids, and everyone is going to handle them differently; just be honest about how you are going to handle yours. My real caution was against drawing any artificial timelines in the sand, because then you're committed. After all, you may decide after 7 months that it's right, but you said that it would be a year at least... so do you back down on your word?
Other things I didn't mention the first time around:
- You have a very harsh age cutoff on your profile. Are you really willing to prevent that perfect guy from writing because he's 35 or 36?
- Don't mention that you *have* pics; Show'em now, or show'em when someone messages you. My opinion is to show'em now, and weed out the responses. This is a dating site, and guys are visual people. Just an idea: take a picture of you on your favourite horse to reinforce the 'must ride horses' message.
- Doing this will remove the need to say your height and weight, as it'll be in your picture.
Lastly, that 'meet up, get to know one another, maybe be friends, see if it turns into something else' progression... that's called 'Dating'. You can put that in your profile, and you won't be lying. :)
Good luck. Glad this helped. | |
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Posted: 5/7/2008 9:43:24 PM |
Hi smitten,these are the things that I feel COULD be perceived as somewhat negative.
1. You list "hang out" but then write your profile in very much a dating style. It is important to be consistent,or the men will be confused. I would suggest either changing what you are looking for to at very least "friends" but I feel "dating" would best match the profile you have written. OR start over,and write the profile from a friends or hang out perspective.
2. "I just know what I want and the type of person that will spark my interest. " If you know this, then why is everyone in the dark as to what your man should be? How is he supposed to find you, if he has NO CLUE what you are looking for?
3. "( I can be kinda bossy, but I am great at compromising). There is no need to have this, they will find this out soon enough! LMAO REMOVE IT.
4. "I am pretty casual, I would not give a sh!t if you wanted to go out with the guys or out hunting or quading for the weekend by yourself. This is what I was refering to when I said your profile was writen more from a dating perspective,than a hang out perspective. Either reword,or remove.
5. "I am not looking for no baby daddy, I am super cautias about my child and not just anybody will meet him, and it would be a very long time till you did, that is if there were a relationship(like a year year and a half)So don't worry, a first date would not be us going to McD's with my child or yours for that matter, until things were settled and going great. That is my stance on that subject and that will not change" See,they know you are bossy already. Being protective of your son is one thing,this really feel will be percieved as "over the top". You may say it,but try to put it in a "less bossy more positive light".
best wishes
OFCB | |
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Posted: 5/7/2008 10:07:20 PM | 1. No picture, no response. Is going to be hard to over come that. Most of us will see a lack of a picture as evidence you are hiding something.
2.
The kid thing may be off putting to you, but I have seen way to many people men/women introduce thier children to current BF/GF's get them attached and then the break up.
You have every right to feel this way, but you don't have to tell us about that before we even know you. Save that for later. If you have found the right guy he will understand.
3. I think a lot of people look at profiles and then come up with reasons NOT to e-mail them. 'Oh she has a kid.' 'Oh I don't ride horses' etc etc
Stop giving us reasons not to e-mail you and give us some reasons why we should e-mail you.
4. Don't explain why you put 'hang out' it comes across as being negative. Instead saying something like "I am looking for someone to hang out with and if it leads to more later then great."
5.
I don't know what kind of personality a sea horse is I just picked it cause they do look like horses.
You don't have to explain this to us, we already know that by the rest of your profile. | |
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Posted: 5/7/2008 10:23:54 PM | Here's a couple of easy fixes...
In your profile you say, "I have pics on my msn....I am 5' 8" and 138.5 pounds.
age pref. 29-34"
You've already clicked that you're 5'8" and are athletic so writing it is redundant..
You are only allowing guys to write you who are between (I believe 29/34) so again saying what age you're looking for is redundant...
I have a feeling that most guys are like me, I want to see your pic NOW, in this profile.
I don't what to be chasing it down at msn.....:)
Cheers,
Barry | |
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Posted: 5/9/2008 10:30:16 AM | ok guys thanks again for the tips...I shall change my profile I have been told I come off as a little cold by my friends, but what to do about it?
ok Iwill edit add and delete stuff and see what Ican come up with to make myself sound more approachable.
thanks all!
ps...I'll bump this thread when I am done editing. | |
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Posted: 5/9/2008 10:43:49 AM |
No picture, no response. Is going to be hard to over come that. Most of us will see a lack of a picture as evidence you are hiding something.
I was going to say something along those lines . . . How private do you need to be?? You are trying to get a date here. | |
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Posted: 5/9/2008 11:11:15 AM | Well Iguess I am not as out there as you guys..I do get what you gyss are saying though..maybe in time I will......
a date..honestly I am, but for me its all about baby steps for the main fact that I have been out of the dating scene now for like 15 years! and this is a whole other big scary realm for me. | |
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Posted: 5/9/2008 11:24:05 AM | Well Iguess I am not as out there as you guys..I do get what you gyss are saying though..maybe in time I will......
a date..honestly I am, but for me its all about baby steps for the main fact that I have been out of the dating scene now for like 15 years! and this is a whole other big scary realm for me.
awwwwwww, that is understandable. I would say this, a picture is NOT neccessary IF you have a "drop dead" profile. The men that are "needing a picture" are not reading your profile anyway. I read many without,and am sure there are others that do as well.IF you can cause that man to say to himself, WOW,SHE IS EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR in your description of yourself. Describing your PERSONALITY, not only what you like to do. THEN have him think OMG she is looking for ME, when he reads what YOU want HIM to be PERSONALITY WISE. Trust me,if you can do that, he will write! Picture or no picture.
Best wishes
OFCB | |
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Posted: 5/9/2008 11:39:15 AM | ooh that is a good one!! And I do read the profiles without pics..all the time! so I will sit down next week and write up a killer profile!
this is harder than I thought.
Thanks again OFCboy! | |
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Posted: 5/9/2008 12:26:54 PM | Nobody mentioned this...or if they did, I wasn't paying attention. Your screenname, "Smitten Kitten," implies that you're already in love. Isn't that what being "smitten" means?
If you decide to change your screenname, it's actually quite easy to do. Let me know if you wanna try that. | |
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Posted: 5/9/2008 12:54:58 PM | Oooh... nice catch Ursula! Can't believe that one slipped past.
OP, you already saw it and agreed with it, but I give  to OFCB's most excellent advice. True profile-readers don't need pictures, but then they do need damn good profiles to compensate and (sorry) yours isn't there yet. Good on ya for striving towards it, though! | |
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Posted: 5/9/2008 4:43:14 PM | Thanks again OFCboy
You arevery welcome my dear,now go do what you need to do! I will watch for you next week.
OFCB | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 9:58:31 AM | | Alrighty...it's been updated...tell me what you think. | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 10:08:20 AM | First time I've ever seen "MSN" used as a verb. Verbing rocks!
Still have the name, which I mentioned is misleading. Got quite a few typos such as "acreage" and "independent," so watch out for those, might want to use a spellchecker.
The introduction of your 8 year old son and your lack of desire to find a father for him was a little sudden and jarring. Perhaps that could come later.
I wondered why your "profession" field was left blank. How do you pay for hay? Maybe you're independently wealthy and don't want to say out of fear of manly golddiggers. That's cool -- I just thought if you HAVE a job you make your living at, you should at least indicate what field you work in. (Get it? Field? Hay?)
Ahh, I slay me. | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 10:16:44 AM | | lol you sooo funny...hahahha okok...hold on for a minute..and yes verbing rocks...just like me:) | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 10:17:03 AM | | smitten - I know all about the passion for horses. I'm a "victim" of it myself. I can't send you an e-mail, but if you send me one, I'll tell you a site to try where they cater to those of us in the horsey realm. | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 10:20:44 AM | | k smarty.......done. and with a a spell check... | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 10:21:41 AM | | hehehehehe...yes I belong to "one or two" horsey forums.....they are addicting but are excellent for info....what ones you one? email me. | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 10:23:50 AM |
How do you pay for hay?
I do work, I work at a lab as a glorified receptionist, I train horses at my own house, and I work at a ranch training young horses, and I landscape during the summer. | |
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