| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/7/2008 2:59:19 PM | A year ago I was talking to a guy on IM who it turned out was looking for intimate encounters. We had a similar sense of humour and got on really well.
He knew I was not interested in him for a relationship, but we still wrote as friends. I left POF, and the communication died out.
Now, a year later he has got back in touch. We've just been catching up via e-mail, but now he's telling me he's a changed man and if I were to see him he would definately not mess me about.
So far I've laughed it off, but I'm wondering.......
Could a man who has previously been looking for intimate encounters be trusted? | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/7/2008 3:13:17 PM | | We all have different needs at different times in our life, as we feel securer in ourselves then our opnions change, so yes someone looking for intimate encounters a year ago could have changed his mind and know be looking for a long term relationship. | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/7/2008 3:13:24 PM | | IMO, there is nothing wrong with a man wanting intimate encounters. Maybe he just doesn't want the stress of a relationship or what have you. It's obviously natural for guys to want sex, and if he's made his intent clear, I see no problem with it. Being a slightly insecure person, I can put myself in your shoes and say that I might be bothered by his past, but everyone has pasts and he's obviously saying that he's changed. When you say changed, did he used to cheat? You never mentioned him doing anything wrong. He's obviously interested in you, and if he had no problem expressing his true emotions for wanting an intimate encounter, why would he have a problem expressing them for more than that? If you like him, give him a shot. | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/7/2008 3:13:42 PM | | Why not, I mean after all the greater majority of men want sex. Is it so hard to believe that a man who at one time wasn't looking for anything more than just a base physical encounter might change his mind later? Its like asking if a woman who dosen't want children might eventually change her mind and decide to have one. People change, this is the only constant. Now that being said, there is no garentee that it will work of course. Or that he is telling the truth about his change of interests. However, whats the worst that could happen? | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/7/2008 3:31:29 PM | What man, or woman for that matter, hasnt had a period where they were looking for an intimate encounter?
The problem with this is that you know about it, and thats what makes the difference. Which is why discussing past sexual history is not always a good idea..
I don't believe once a player always a player...there hopefully comes a time when a person just realizes its not enough and they want more. I say go for it, just tread lightly until you know his true intentions..JMO | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/7/2008 3:47:46 PM | I haven't, but then again, I also accept the fact that I'm more of the exception than the rule, I guess.
What man, or woman for that matter, hasnt had a period where they were looking for an intimate encounter? That's not judging those who do, though. I just know it's not for me. Back on topic, though... OP - I don't see why giving him a chance would be a bad idea. People can change a lot in a year. I would, however, be cautious about becoming intimate with him too soon (if things get that far). Make sure you know his intentions first. If he still isn't into wanting a relationship and you are, having sex isn't going to change either one of your mindsets. | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/7/2008 5:03:30 PM | Well I've never looked for an Intimate Encounter but I undertand why some would.
Did he, perhaps, at the time just get out of a bad relationship? A year later one may be past the hurt and anger and realize how much they miss having someone in their life on a steady basis.
If you like him, give him a chance. Just dont be too quick to get sexual.
But if he was honest enough to say that he was just looking for an Intimate Encounter year ago, why would he lie now. Just a thought..........go for it............ | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/7/2008 6:47:15 PM | What would make someone who looks for intimate encounters not be trusted. What did he do to YOU, that you feel you couldn't trust him? He seemed to have some "value" to you that you continued to write as friends.
People do change. The last year for me has been a roller coaster. People can and do change, when the right stimuli is there.
I'm presuming for the moment that the guy honestly told you one way or another a year ago that he was looking for IE. So the question you shouldn't be asking is if the guy can be trusted, but instead, when someone is honest, should you be suspicious of his motives?
Would you rather him lied or pretended he wasn't looking for IE. If so, are there other things he should lie or not be honest about? Should someone lie to you to keep up the illusion in your mind about him being a perfect guy?
It seems far easier in today's world to minimize the honesty. A person should only be honest about something on a "Need to Know" basis. So, you would only need to know he was looking for IE, if you were also looking for IE. You'd only need to know he had cheated on you, if he felt guilty about it.
In any case OP, give a reason or two why you feel you could not trust him. It wasn't clear from your original post. | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:33:53 PM | | This is just me but i would not be interested in someone who was into that sort of thing. You may feel differently however. If it doesn't bother you that he was into those sorts of things then go for it. If it bothers you then don't waste either of your time. | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:46:02 PM | | I believe a lot of guys are probably looking for intimate encounters, they just don't put it on their profiles. I think you can trust him until he gives you reason not to. I would be very careful if your relationship develops and you decide to have sex with him...definately make sure you're protected. You would be surprised, some of the least suspecting people might have been looking for an intimate encounter at one time or another. Actually, that might be the least of your worries. You really don't know what people are into. I would just make sure he knows what you are looking for and make sure you are both looking for the same things. | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:30:42 PM | Thanks for the replies so far.
A wee bit more information;
He was in a LTR when he first put his IE profile up. He finished things with her a couple of months after putting his profile up.
I guess this could be another reason why I dont know if I could trust him. | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:53:03 PM | "He was in a LTR when he first put his IE profile up. He finished things with her a couple of months after putting his profile up. "
What do you mean "a wee bit more information"? That's a major revelation. He was cheating on his LTR. This changes everything. Why would even consider trusting him? | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/8/2008 7:55:50 PM | Could a man who has previously been looking for intimate encounters be trusted?
He was in a LTR when he first put his IE profile up. He finished things with her a couple of months after putting his profile up.
Well, when I read the first question, I was going to say.... "Of course you can trust him, we all grow and change". I can understand going through a stage in your life where you want sexual gratification without strings.......... but then I read this "wee bit more information" and I don't think so. I would find it really hard to trust someone who is a cheater.... people are deceitful because they have a problem facing reality - for whatever reason.... and that is something that usually requires more than a year to fix.... and the remedy usually involves therapy. If he was in an open relationship, that would be a different story, but it sounds like his IE profile was a cheating mechanism, not a part of an open marriage..... so no, I definitely wouldn't trust him. | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/9/2008 2:58:54 AM |
So far I've laughed it off, but I'm wondering.......
Could a man who has previously been looking for intimate encounters be trusted?
Hehe...Ive had a guy like this chase me for about the last 2-3yrs.
Funnily enough...for a changed man...nothing's really changed at all  | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/9/2008 3:11:01 AM |
He was in a LTR when he first put his IE profile up. He finished things with her a couple of months after putting his profile up.
You know, it's a big old world out there, full of decent people (and not so decent). But why would you knowingly align yourself with someone of SO little character?
From the sounds of it, this guy has been trawling the internet for a while now, hoping to get lucky.
When someone shows you who they ARE, believe it. | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:33:54 PM | | I am wondering if it is one of the same guys I know about? I know of one guy who goes from site to site looking for intimate relationships. He says " I am just looking for that ONE GOOD WOMAN" Red flag. Next, he is still married a year later but in process of divorce. Red Flag. His ex sends you an email, you are wondering where she got your info but she says she knows his type.Another red flag. You cal her and have his number so you know they are not living together. Red Flag. Next she tells you of a CHristian site this man is on. Guess what , he was involved with a woman there and had the intimate relationship with her. his soon to be ex contacted her and gave her info that he has done this for years. Emails, etc. This woman tried to warn women on the site and bec ame the bad guy. People boy oh boy. I got called out of town before I meet him, Thank goodness and the only info he has is my townwhih is his. LOL My ex had this man checked out and he has done this type thing for years. Been married three times I believe. Now looking for the next. I went on business trip straight from family emergency and he would still like to meet but I am like the others He cant trust me. LOL Always someone elses fault.. RED FLAG BIG ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEll he has been reading the forums I go on so I suppose he will see this. I do like him but not only cant trust him, he still has others. So beware women and I suppose some women are as bad. | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/10/2008 2:28:41 AM | | be trusted? he was i assume single at that time and probably still is according to your post op. looking for intimate encounters, well that only for you to say is if you want to see him, if you do, that looking for intimate encounters should be in the past, and left there as long as he does, trust shouldnt even enter into the picture on that account, trust is earned not freely given. its just another chapter in your life, its in the past, leave it there as long as its clear to him that its not acceptable to you if you have a relationship with him. | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/10/2008 4:55:48 AM | | I don't think the question should necessarily be, 'can a man like this be trusted' -- but instead, you should be asking yourself WHY you'd even entertain getting with someone who previously used this site as a way to do nothing but find women to hook up with. Can you accept that? Can you accept the fact that this guy used the internet as a way to help him get laid? You should also be asking yourself "does he have HIV? Herpes? HPV?" | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:33:04 AM |
Could a man who has previously been looking for intimate encounters be trusted?
NO! Of course not ! Such a man should be cursed to wander the earth alone and unloved for the rest of his days for admitting he was looking for the dreaded IE! He may have a disease ! He is a Bad Person ! No woman should love him, and no man should speak his name. Maybe in his next Life he
will learn ! Perhaps he will realize it is far wiser to claim to want something more and then to just take what he needs. Then there will be Peace in the Valley of the Good People and all will be Right in the Universe!
Can I Get An "Amen" ?  | |
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| If a man has been looking for intimate encounters= no trust?
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:58:10 AM | When I saw this, I changed my mind a bit:
He was in a LTR when he first put his IE profile up. He finished things with her a couple of months after putting his profile up. I'd be running from that one. OP - If you lived closer, I'd wonder if you had met my ex. | |
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