| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:55:08 AM | I was living with a girl for a year, things were good most of the time. But I have always wanted to fly planes (one way or another). Being colourblind limits your options, but I can fly in Canada (or perhaps in the states with a category 1 liscence- commercially).
Right, to the main point.
I was supposed to be going to Canada last year, but I came back to be with her. So the year went by until the last few months-
I broke up with her because during the last few months it had been "iffy", as in we hardly saw each other most of the time- so I decided for myself "Right that's it I'm going!"
I just made a concious decision to get out of the relationship and cut all ties in order to follow my dream. (I knew a long distance relationship wouldn't work in that state and it only seemed to be getting worse)
Immediately after she moved out I felt relieved, but now I'm feeling a little under the weather.. and I can't understand why!! I'm off soon to live the dream but I still keep thinking about her.. for some odd reason?
There's been texts to and from each other but she's been incredibly cold- for instance she said that I stopped drinking for 3 months for myself, when I did it for her! (I like my beer :P)
When I was in the relationship she accused me of so many things, and made me feel uber guilty all the time for pretty much everything, and because I was leaving she was also making me feel guilty for the fact that she had nowhere to go- but the day after we broke up, she had a flat!!?!? And on here, on her profile she describes me as a 'woman beater' and that 'I was drunk nearly every day'... it just hurts that someone can be so cold.
I split with her knowing that it would be the best thing for both of us, as she wasn't prepared to move, and I'd already put my dream off for a year to be with her.
I know I'm better getting away from her and doing something with my life, but why is she still in my thoughts? And I've got that pain in the stomach that won't go away... hate that!
She seems not to care - at all- that we've split, but it could be a fasade.. who knows!
Edit- In one of her texts she says "you had a chance to be with me, and you blew it, now you lost me"
I replied "I haven't lost you at all because I'll still remember you"
It's all so egotistical... why?
Just would like to hear some other people's thoughts on this-
Can't wait to go flying  | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/9/2008 7:28:13 AM | You didn't do anything wrong, not really. Some people just can't break apart to sort their individual lives out and remain together while working things out, apart. I think that made sense? lol... The thing is when one or the other bad mouth the other then a person really can look at the mentality of the outcome. In your case, if she is calling you names and spreading rumors as such, then you made the right decision. Actually, I would have to say that she blew it, not you! It's hard getting over any lover, especially when there are feelings of love involved. Drink more beer!  Time helps. Who knows maybe Ms. right will be taking flying lessons too? hum?
Happy Flying!
Cheers!
Chela
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 3:23:26 AM | andy u did drink all of the time yer u did stop 4 a couple of month and it was gr8, thing iz u started again. the relationship was going gr8 till u started drinking again, reason y it went upside down was because every time i asked u if u wer deffinatly coming bak u sed u dnt no and i wud have to w8 n find out, if u new u wernt cumin bk thn y didnt u jst say, as far as i was concerned u wernt as if u wer u wud of sed dnt worry im coming bak 4 u. and no u never hit me but u went for me a few timez wen drunk the only reason u never got me was coz i moved out of the way.
and u started the nasty messaging on bebo so i done it bak 2 u. | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 3:27:43 AM | | oh and another thing the bit wer u say we neva spent time together... wel yer we did thn u started telling me u wanted space so i started going to my dads more often to see the horse so u cud get the space u wanted. thn after tht i sed y u going out more often and i sed coz u wnt ur space thn u complained at tht so i didnt no wat to do... wat was i supposed to do? | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 3:31:28 AM | | andy u did stop 4 ur self ... so u cud get to be with me. ur drinking was rediculous.. a full bottle of vodka streight. and canz azwell thn u wer verbaly abusive and annoid the hell out of me thn u started geting aggressive (going to hit me) | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 3:48:26 AM | | one thing wat fukd it up was al u eva sed was i hope ur not jst wiv me for my flat my car and my money, also coz it was rent free... well for starters. ur mam sed she wanted me to contribute, so i asked her wat amout she wud like and how often ...thn she sed she didnt want no money all she wanted was me to clean, cook, do washing, chuck out all of ur old clothes for u etc. so thts wat i done. i did put money towards other things tht we needed. eg petrol if i wanted u to take me to mi dads once in a while. and ur car.... well the only time i was in yr car was if u wer going some wer and u wanted me to go too. or if i asked u maybe once a week to give me a lift to my dads and i nearly always gave u the petrol money. i always used to got to college on the train and come home on the train. even wen i went to my dads most of the time i got the train and the same with evrywhere else. ..money.. well all u got was 50 pond a week, and u got tht off ur mam and dad. and u spent it on beer, fagz and gamez for ur xbox. so how the hell cud i want u for ur money ??? if i wanted someone with money u wud of been the last person i wud of went to. | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 3:53:47 AM | name wat things i accused u of plz as i dont no any
oh number 1... i sed i dnt fink u r cumin bak 2 england as u wnt say u r u jst say u dnt know!
plz finish the list.......... (if ther iz one)
ur the one tht accused me al the time u always said i wud be cheating on u, u accused me of sleeping with a man in town the other nyt wen i was wiv my m8z (for a change)
i wasnt even seeing u at the time either!
wtf i neva even mentioned any men in anyway, u jst asumed! (as usual). | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:20:36 AM | Kat-
We've been through this.
I wanted a bit of time apart because we we're constantly arguing. (yes perhaps about alcohol- but other things as well)
I also wanted time apart becuase I knew I would be leaving soon, and to get used to not having you around.
Yeah, sure I've done a few silly things when I've been drinking, but we all have.
When I was here, with you, I felt like I was only- existing, and personally I want more from life- I want a Career, to look upon and say- I'm proud of that.
I didn't accuse you all the time of cheating, yes I did towards the end, as we had -already- drifted apart, and because I've been in relationships now for nearly 6 years solid, I may have grown somewhat insecure within myself- I need to be alone, it's the only way, and perhaps the reason I sometimes tret you like crap (you say!), is because I unconciously was trying to push you away in order to get something better for myself. We both knew that I was going to Canada, even when I asked you out, you said yes. And to be totally honest with you-
I loved- And I mean I really loved the first few months- it was great.
But I knew it couldn't last, because
I drank once a week for about 6 months to keep you happy. We had a set in stone deal-
"You drink once a week for me, and I'll come to Canada with you"
What happened to that? or did you just use my good will to get your way? Because as far as I can see, you didn't want to come at all. Come ON! How can we have a relationship if I'm 3500 miles away? And I didn't say I was going to come back because I KNEW I wasn't coming back... and that's why when we kept arguing about it, I got really angry.
Everthing I want is over there, the only thing I wont have is YOU, but then I never could anyway.. you never intended to come. So what was I left to do? I didn't want either of us to be in a long distance relationship for the rest of our lives!! It's impossible.. Kat I'm NOT coming back.. I can't FLY in the UK.
Yes, I did care about you, but I have to get rid of these feelings now... I look back, and it seems as well that you forget- I came back to the UK and put my dream of flying off for you, for a year- to try and gain some solid ground for our relationship (didn't know then that I wasn't coming back!!), and I didn't just sit about all day either, we did loads of things together, and it was great.
Yes, I've done some daft things... can't be changed- but try and deny that it wasn't good and we didn't love each other. Kat I'm not coming back- and you weren't prepared to take the chance to even TRY to be with me over there. That alone was enough for me to end it- you weren't ready to make sacrifices for me, whereas I'd been doing it for a year anyway.
I felt underappreciated, repressed, and was longing for something better, so I asked you to leave.. and you did, - didn't even put up a fight. So you must have been wanting to go too.
We were best friends for a year, and so I can't cut you out completely.
But if you decide to do it to me, rest assured that you won't be forgotten :)
And yeah, I think I speak for most guys on here when I say we like our X-box's and beer. | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:32:41 AM | Ok and since I couldn't manage to send that message to you, I'll send it here-
Put all the good and bad things aside for once moment-
I miss you.
I loved you - not going to deny it.
I did, (and still do) want to be with you. (but it's not possible)
I had a great time, and you're a loyal, loving gal and one day you'll find that
special someone you're looking for.
I only wish you'd have kept to your part of the deal. (Canada)
I know your dad's ill and all your family are here, but all mine are out there..
It would have been a straight swap, you could have 'tried' it.
Ok you can put it all back now..
And I am intensly sorry if in fact your claims of me 'going to hit you' are true- I didn't even think I had it in me. And if I did, there's no excuse for it- I can only strive to make myself a better person, which is what I'm currently doing. | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:39:00 AM | and please- for the love of god- Stop saying I did things "so I could BE with you"
I did them FOR you- because I loved you.. you are missing a very big key step here!!
FOR you-
not "to BE with you"
Please try to get that, because frankly- it's driving me batty.
"andy u did drink all of the time"
I drank every FEW days - not good. But certainly not all the time.
Then one night a week for about 6 months. (All the time?)
Then not at all for 2 or 3 months. (??????)
Please- Correct yourself. that leaves about 3 months where, yes, I drank every few days,
but that was in the beggining when everything was great, and you never complained about anything back then?
I hate to be a bore, but these accusations are not legit! | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:05:58 AM | So i read in your profile dat your moving to CANADA, ..dats kewl  ...lol
anyways>>>>>>>>>>>>> what i want to say is dat you will find beautiful, FUNtastic, sexy, smart, gorgeous women, ETC....................right here in CANADA,  | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:26:10 AM | Thanks very much :) And I'm sure I will..
Still got this old relationship flying round in my head though, so it probably isn't fair to date anyone yet.. but who knows, I might find 'the one'- we never know what's round the corner.
And this is a bloody great big massive corner =P | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:38:56 AM | I really don't think this is the place to go over your relationship with each other. You two need to argue or come to terms with it elsewhere and not snipe at each other via the forums.
But with that, my experiences with long distance relationships do not work. You need to be on the same page and together more than "just on the weekends" been there, done that, got burned, end of story. | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:56:34 AM | First let me start by saying that this relationship is over. The two you have issues that cannot be resolved and perhaps being at opposite ends of the world, will be the best for both of you.
Wh33lnut, you said that you quit drinking for her? Anything you do for someone else, is for the wrong reason. If you want a career flying commercial planes, I would suggest that you do quit drinking for yourself. I am not sure that being in the****it of any plane when you are a self-proclaimed drinker with anger issues, makes me feel safe.
You both need to remember the great times you had, take those memories and move forward. We all make mistakes in life but if we recognize them and are willing to change or get help, we can hope to be better people in the future.
I wish you both the best!!!! | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 8:58:24 AM | Wow, this is a train wreck! It's like reading a damned soap opera! (Only I had no idea what the girl was saying because she obviously speaks another language, something even worse than ebonics.)
I understand it's your dream to fly a plane, but if I were her I would be highly insulted that you were leaving me to fly a plane at a time when my father is dying. You OBVIOUSLY do not love her that much or else you would make some sort of compromise.
I understand you need to do things for yourself. But, if I had the love of my life I wouldn't leave them for anything. But just reading your posts it's blatantly obvious you're not meant for each other.
If you're gonna fly planes, ya'd better REALLY cut back on the alcohol. | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:12:24 AM | ...... !?!?
She knew I was going to Canada when we got together.
I came back for her to be with her for a year.
Her father was in the same position he was then as he is now, and he's not 'dying'.
But- each is entitled to their own view on the subject, as that's what my original point was when I started the thread.
"anger issues"?
thought I'd just ask... | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:15:14 AM | Only I had no idea what the girl was saying because she obviously speaks another language, something even worse than ebonics.)
She needs to go back to school and learn to spell.
Dude go to Canada plenty of beer. | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:52:17 AM | And I did love her :) no one else can tell me that.
Yip beer and Cessnas. Sounds good, not at the same time tho' ;) | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/10/2008 11:56:50 AM | You think about her because a part of you is in love with the fantasy of the potential there may have been. It's an illusion you've created for yourself and a part of you is stuck living there. It's like many breakups where things may not have been so good but once the person is gone all you seem to remember is the good and then you allow your mind to build up that good into something it quite possibly never was or would be... even though you try and rationalize it all with some reality checks.
It's so great you're going to follow your passion to fly. It's all about you now. It sounds like it's part of your destiny in this life... so follow it and commit to it. You owe it to yourself. With time you'll realize the truth of the situation with this girl rather than hanging on to the memory of what 'could have been'. Do yourself a favour and be 'present' and focused on your flying... don't live in the past, don't wonder about the future... just 'be'. You owe yourself AT LEAST that much!
All the best to you! :-) | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:27:54 AM | I can't read a single thing she posted.... Shorthand is one thing but wow
I think you made the right choice. | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:36:31 AM | I think that just by reading what the two of you posted on this thread, you definately did the right thing in ending the relationship. You just need time, and so does she obviously.
The drinking needs to stop though, you must have some type of 'problem' with it or it wouldn't have been mentioned.
Good luck, and... no, drinking and flying do not mix. | |
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