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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:39:39 AM | I don't want to sound like I'm whining or feeling sorry for myself, because I'm not. I'm just looking for input from other people. I'm a bit frustrated with PoF, because the women I'm interested in either don't reply to my messages, or send a short, polite reply once, and that's it. Meanwhile, I get 2 or 3 messages a week from women, most of whom are too far away (over an hour by car), or there's just no hope for a relationship. I've met two women, both of whom were very nice, but nothing worked out.
A woman friend tells me that when she was on the internet dating sites, she used to get tons of messages, and could never respond to them all. I'm thinking this is what's happening here. So, what's the answer? I'm not clever enough to come up with a "must-respond" message every time. I could do the shotgun approach, and send a three-sentence cut-and-paste message to a hundred women. I could lower my expectations. Or (and this is what I'm thinking I'll do) I just go back to real-life searching, where I don't do too badly, I'm just not meeting THE one.
Any constructive comments? | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:56:13 AM | | Constructive?...no.....but I also have the problem of getting responses from men too far away. I also have the disadvantage of being a big girl so that cuts down my chances as well. *LOL* I've been a member here for about 3 years.....I'm not going to cancel my account and go back to trying to find my soulmate in the real world....that didn't work so well, either. *S* So, I guess I'll just plod along and hope a miracle happens. *S* Besides...I'm making a lot of new friends on here so it's not been a total loss. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/9/2008 12:30:01 PM | i live in the UK and i tend to get the nicest messages ( first contact ) from women in America.
These women appear very polite and i have to say none of them are actually asking me on a date but at least the messages are nice and complimentary.
OP most of the men on here ( me very much included ) have gone thru what you are going thru, its a POF fact of life that the men dont get replies to the majority of the messages sent out, its just the way the women are and how the " system " works.
Dont fret too much over why these women dont return your messages, keep sending the serious , polite messages out and sure enough a decent woman WILL respond.
I just say to myself that if i dont get a reply and my message has been read or unread deleted then i just think she wasnt as nice as i thought she was.
There will be some decent women out there for you, i have spent the last 2 and a half years looking for one myself..........no luck so far tho.
good luck | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/9/2008 1:37:32 PM |
i have spent the last 2 and a half years looking for one myself..........no luck so far tho.
See, this is what I'm hoping to avoid, sigh. I do ok in real life, by myself, I was just hoping that by using PoF, I could meet some women that I wouldn't meet IRL. As it happens, one of the two women I met, I would have met anyway, from one venue, and the other, I would also have met, from another venue. So, I'm thinking, what's the point of PoF (for me) if I can't meet the women I'm attracted to, and I'm only meeting women I would have met, anyway? | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/9/2008 2:01:58 PM | | I to have this problem.I also have the problem of men thinking you are on this sight just to get a bed partner even though it is clear i do not.I live in a very small country town so don't have the option of meeting someone socialy.Good luck. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/9/2008 2:36:34 PM | I found internet dating site helpful but full of strange folks...Can someone find the so-called (love of their life) on a dating site...These sites are full of all kinds of different personalities, "to say the least"...
I still keep active enough to meet nice woman...Im glad I have a great sense of humor...I sure dont take any of this seriously...Why?..Whats the point...
A lady on site said it best, "Most of these internet dating sites are full of folks that cant find dates on face to face terms"...I agree to a point.. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/9/2008 3:39:06 PM |
maybe if you considered this real life others would too?
It's just an expression, I didn't mean for you to analyze it. If you have a better expression, which designates "places where I am actually, physically present", I would be happy to use it.
In the same way, I might designate a man as some woman's "boyfriend", even though he is not a boy, and not just a friend. It's an expression used to clarify what something is, and what it is not, and most people understand. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:48:41 AM | First off Ohhhjim, while online dating can be a great place to 'possibly' meet new perspectives, however, it is not the only way. Going out and socializing is still very important, so enjoy doing both.
I've been in and out of POF for over 2 years now. I take it for what it's worth. I have met some men who were nice, others who were 'interesting' (being kind here lol). I enjoy participating in the forums when I have time. When someone catches my eye, I have no problems in saying hi and introducing myself to them. Some respond. Some don't. If they do, so begins the volleying of questions/answers. Sometimes great dialogues evolve. Often they don't. If they don't respond, I'll still sleep nights, wake up breathing and life will still be good.
Personally, I think if people put less stress on themselves to meet someone, the happier they would be. Living out the balance of my life alone, won't be a fate worse then death, but, being with someone I feel no real connection with, would be. Just my own thoughts here. Take if for what it's worth. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:57:32 AM | | First of all whats wrong with an hour away? If you meet in the middle that's a half hour drive. You may just be missing out on something really good, and then an hour wont seem like much if you find a connection. I drove furthur than than to get to work in the day. lol | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:31:23 AM | I think you should hang on a little longer and just relax and enjoy it. Its interesting to get other's viewpoints sometimes and I have met some unique friends too. What do you really have to lose?
Sounds like you are very serious in your search, which is probably why it frustrates you. If you have an active life and a lot of opportunities to meet women you may find you just need to take this place a little less seriously, and perhaps check in now and then to see if "the pond has been restocked"? :)
I can understand some people not wanting to drive an hour. If you did drive an hour to work would you want to drive another hour to meet someone. Or perhaps your schedule just won't permit it. In my situation its helpful to have this outlet as my opportunities to meet new people are generally whittled down to hospital waiting rooms (and while my doctor is relatively hot and flirtatious he is in fact engaged.) I also don't like to drive long distances because of my situation (rather convoluted, see profile, best not to chemo and drive). So more local people are my choice, though if the right person came along I'd consider it. I guess its a question of how far are you willing to go for the "right one"? If its truly that important you might want to reconsider options. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:37:31 AM | I have been divorced for 6 yrs. I have paid for dating sites, but found the same issues on those and a few more, than on POF. Seems sooner or later, I see the same faces here as I did those places, he he. (They are probably saying the same thing about MY face, lol)
I think expectations are way to high anywhere, including IRL. Almost all of us are looking for someone we want to feel comfortable with and spend time with and have fun with. Most are searching for the "one". But there is NO "one", and that is what holds many up from finding someone close to the "one".
I have met a few people off these sites. Some were wonderful, but with deal breakers. Some I thought were the "one" I could live my life with. But, they didn't think that about me. Some just disappeared on me. Sometimes I write to someone complimenting them on something on their profile and right away they judge I am hitting on them, or how dare I think they would be interested in them! I find people are extremely amusing. Some are absolute jerks and others are very, very nice, and a whole bunch in between. Wow, seems like the same as in the REAL WORLD. This is the REAL world. It just has a different genre. You get people here you wouldn't find elsewhere, only due to accessibility. But the same types are everywhere since they COME on here FROM real life!!
As in real life, people bring themselves. Some prey on others (like this doesn't happen in real life?) Some lie on here. ( Real life?) Some will try to bed you. (Real life?) Some are shy, some forward, some fat, skinny, muscular, pretty, ugly, smart, stupid. Some are rich, some poor, some beaten down, others inspired, and so much more. (Again, real life too)
The only differences are that you cant see their faces. body language, their life setting and you can't tell the chemistry between you. So, you have to hone your detective skills, your instincts and learn from what experiences you have already had. Don't blame the internet or the dating site or the people on it for failure. No more than you would blame other things in real life. When you were young and first started dating it was a new world for you. You made mistakes, and so did others. You learned from them. No different here.
I have lots of bad experiences along with the good. I look back and laugh. Sometimes I even walked away from a meet and laughed all the way home. Did I learn from those? OH YES!
I find it good to list what you don't want, along with what you do. You are NOT going to find all the qualities you want in someone. You just aren't! With billions on this earth, and a limited amount of single available men in your area, the pickin's are slim! It would be foolish to set a time limit on how long it would take.
When younger we picked someone from our limited (although we didn't see it that way then.) social groups. Older now, and wiser, and hopefully knowing what we want and don't want more so, it is going to be much more difficult. People "fall in love" quickly it seems and live to regret it down the road, but don't change their habits of choosing someone, thus repeating the process and becoming negative and jaded.
So, go with the flow. It IS possible to meet someone for a lifelong relationship, just as it is in real life. I have grandkids from such a meeting! Why close the door on one and limit yourself? Just stop expecting so much. It will happen when it happens. Just don't expect perfection. You are not perfect either.
As far as long distance, for some, one hour away is too much. Respect what others want or need. If it don't fit with your ideals, wants and needs, move on. You can not change anyone. If you need to, you have the wrong person.
Lecture done. I had one guy tell me he wouldn't date me because I write too much, thus I would talk to much, and he relished his quiet....He he.. Me? Talk to much? But somewhere out there, someone would relish me talking. Maybe there is someone who doesn't like silence! 
Happy fishing everyone!
And to all your mothers out there, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!
Linda | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/10/2008 11:55:05 AM | I guess its a question of how far are you willing to go for the "right one"?
Thanks for the post, hazeldreaming. Good thoughts. I think, though, it's more of a question of how much time and effort we are willing to put into the search for the "right one". It's a matter of return on investment. Would I be willing to, say, spend the next two weeks poking myself with a sharp stick, if it would result in meeting "the right one"? Of course. Would I do it if there was only a 1% chance of meeting her? No way.
I'm trying to find the venue which has the best chance of meeting someone special. Finding the best pond to fish in, to use your very apt analogy. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:50:28 PM | | My testimonial: yeah, I get pages of messages. I want to be polite and respond to the ones that are nice, but just today I got the rudest message from a guy because he was mad that I took a week to respond to him. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:14:13 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^
i seem to remember reading a thread started by a woman stating something similar to " why does it take guys ages to respond to my messages "....................?
but of course all guys are ba$tards for not replying straight away and of course all guys are ba$tards when WE get upset when a woman doesnt reply or takes a week to do so. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:29:36 PM | | Lol boise and you turned me down all 14 times........... love the new pic............ | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:30:25 PM | you dont even look old enought to walk , never mind get married.
ive never been in to getting married to babies...................................lol | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:35:10 PM | What's the harm in doing both?
Unless your seriously busy, occupationally, what's the harm in interacting
with women on here?
Why are people like this? It just may say something about your personality,
this impatience! Patience is one of the qualities that many women look for
in a man. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:54:21 PM | | Just trying to make the most efficient use of my time, plastic sturgeon. What does it say about someone when he does the same thing over and over, expecting a different result? | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:07:23 PM | | I am not sure, but do you think Kobe's back is going to hurt the Lakers chance to beat Utah in this series? | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:34:11 PM | You can try to change things on your profile. I've found
that can make a huge difference! I have deffinitely found
that working on your profile, putting time into it, can
make a difference.
Another thing, I think is key around here. You have to stand
out and be different in some attractive way. Remember,
most of us shouldn't be concerned about being attractive
to the entire POF (opposit sex) community. I, for one,
am only looking to find one good keeper! | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:34:45 PM | Yes and no. I can concur with your experience of people who are too far away writing - I guess it's in human nature to think that grass is always greener someplace else (i.e far away - in my case I often get emails from several states away). I have to say however that 1 hr drive away is NOT far away in my view, after all, you are looking for a right person, not for a convenience store that has to be in closest proximity.
The other thing - it does take time and patience. A right 'match" is hard to find, be it online or via friend/family/any other means. Add the fact here that majority of people on the websites (esp. free ones!!!) are not there to look for serious relationship potential - they are here for entertainment, passing time, ego boost, virtual "romance", and any number of other reasons, as well as most are not really "available" - either legally (married), emotionally (already involved or not ready/able to have a real life relationship), or misrepresent themselves and therefore don't really plan to meet anyone in real life (because then their distortion of the facts will become obvious).
Believe it or not, but oftentimes women do not get responses when they write men too, or, if they do, they get a few niceties back and forth, but nothing really comes out of it (for the reasons above).
So take time, have patience and exercise caution...
Good luck
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:07:07 PM | Hiya op...... well I dont know why.... but when i look at your pic... I immediately could see you dressed smartly... romantically and doing formal type dancing......
like a romantic /gentleman?.......
if you could picture that as true for you... then thats what i would suggest......
seeking out a local... dancing class/club that .... you could join....(maximising your time)
i feel it would be fun... exspress parts of you .. your seeking to exspress. and your time would be funfilled and .. im sure men in such activities are in high demand...
and if you have organisation skills... maybe you could organise over a few months a local pof get together...... thread... of dinner/dancing?...... starting a thread of interest first in your area...
that way.. your going to attract woman /men with similiar interests ..
just a thought...
good luck... ....ive never caught any fish.. fishing... but i enjoyed the process of nature/beer/picnic...... just enjoy the experience...except for putting worms on hooks i cant do that....... as for equating finding love with fishing? thats not an analogy im comfy with........lifes too short not to enjoy each moment.... i try not to lose focus of that.. in whatever im doing..
smiles/peace | |
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