| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 1:59:25 PM | | Why is it that people on here are looking for someone and are not single... I'm not talking about separated... or looking for a 3rd or anything like that.. I mean people who tell you they are looking to meet other singles, yet they are not!! I have recently had 2 run-ins with these so-called singles. The first one I had a great couple of dates with... and then I'm at work and my cell phone rings with some chick on the other end wanting to know who I am. LOL The worst part was when I told him all he could say was "what did you tell her"? Luckily with the second guy we didn't actually go on a date but we talked a couple of times and with some poking around on his my space page that I realized the girl sending him some very friendly comments was his fiance... I just wanted to know if you are one of these so called singles and are willing to admit it.. Can you tell me why? Why waste my time? Why bring drama into my drama free life? Why do you feel good about yourself decieving people? Sorry for the rant.. but I am sure I'm not the only one. | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 2:08:41 PM | | because they want to have wild monkey sex with you, but not to lose their "significant other" either... | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 2:39:38 PM | Dear itsmyday,
I hear you sister! Well over 70% of the men who have contacted me (what's the matter with men in Ottawa, Canada?) were married. Of course, they NEVER said that right up front (not that I would have been interested anyway). They usually lied that they were separated, and some even pretended that they were single.
Interestingly, each of them somehow felt that their "situation" (to use one idiot's words) was somehow unique from any other man's "situation". Utterly laughable how people try to rationalise (to themselves and others) their bad behaviour.
One thing I can say about each and every married man that contacted me is this :
THEY JUST WANTED SEX. That's it, that's all. They did not care about my needs or about the needs of their wife. They didn't stop to think of the negative impact that married men have on honest single women when they lie to them about being single. They just think about themselves. Period.
And you know, it's more than about bringing drama into a single person's drama-free life. It makes it that much harder for a single woman to trust the next man that contacts her on these sites. We just never know who is lying anymore.
Lord, I sure hope that nobody on this site now starts to respond to this post by saying something stupid like "what is at about you women that makes you a target for married cheating men?" I will simply croak if anybody goes that route!
NOTE : IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT MARRIED WOMEN PLAY THIS TYPE OF GAME AS WELL.
Anyways, I can't share much more than my own experience, but, like you, I am REALLY interested to know what makes these people play this game. Is it purely motivated by sex (surely it's more complicated than that, no?) or are there other contributing factors? | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 2:43:43 PM | | usually the clue is they want a *discrete* relationship which always means they are hiding something. i wrote to a guy asking him why he felt the need to be *discrete* and he said he's living with someone!! wow, what a nice guy. then of course you do have all the married ones who never have sex with their wives or their wives were sexually abused when they were younger and are now in therapy, yada yada yada. there is always a reason that they cannot get divorced, usually it's because they have children and feel the need to stay in the marriage for the sake of the kids. kids aren't stupid, i'm sure it's more harmful for them to see their parents screaming at each other every day than to get a divorce and have some peace and quiet. | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 3:13:00 PM | I just recently had a similar experience and am not sure what, if anything, to do about it. I met what I thought was a great guy on here. We went out a few times and I was very attracted to him. He presented himself as a single, business executive who just ended a relationship and wanted something long term with someone new. I would have never known any different until he forgot his wallet at my house!!! Of course I looked in it....Well, he had actually given me a fake name and my "new potential boyfriend" was actually a married man. EVERYTHING he told me was a lie...name, where he lived, employment situation, new to the area etc....
Well, I'm no longer seeing him but he is right back out there with 2 or 3 active profiles telling women he wants long term etc....He actually has conacted 2 of my friends who have ads. I am not the type that would ever tell the wife cuz why should she get hurt...I'm sure she knows he is a jerk....But I feel sorry for the other women he is tying to fool.
What would you do???? | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 3:48:55 PM | Is it purely motivated by sex (surely it's more complicated than that, no?) or are there other contributing factors?
In my personal and discouraging opinion/experiences lately with the last few guys I met on here my answer is YES! 2 examples below.....
One guy from belleville (who states) separated --which I doubt now--but ended up meeting actually ended up leaving after our meeting to go back and spend the nite at his ex's (out of town) so he could see his son in the morning  ended up calling me a "prude" when i wasnt interested in having SEX with him that first nite, he also used (he said) a friends cell to call me all 3 times before our meeting - that his didnt work or have any more mins on it??-- it would not even take incoming messages when i called it and also after talking on pof gave me a gmail acct (he said) to screen weirdos out there first before his own acct??!
The other one i met 3 times the week he was in town before leaving on tour ( he said), stated he was military from Trenton, a lt.col after only 8 yrs in?told me how he was going to retire after this tour and take care of his 18mth old as he was a widower.....yeah i know it gets better, strung me along for practically 3 mths--believed what he had said as i dont really understand military operations,he met my daughtet and family member the nite before leaving, told me how he wanted to take the kids to wonderland and me to Niagara falls, well we emailed back n forth after he left, than one day about a mth later i get an email from his sister (supposedly) BUT from his acct ? that he was mia and that they hadnt heard from him in a couple of wks? , i call his cell get him the second time where he tells me how he had been shot and had to have surgery, yet remained in kandahar?? we send a few more emails how i am surprised he is still there, have asked him when he thinks he might be back a few times now, had told him to be honest with me also a few times as we were both adults, so finally decided to just email him that ONE question --as i deserved an honest answer and why was he avoiding the question?..... he was to be back in April so i was willing to see what would happen when he returned and give him the benefit of the doubt....WELL i suddenly get a msg --quickly this time, 4 hrs later, a one- liner....he couldnt even call .....I have never had ANYONE treat me like this ---all it stated was " i am coming home taking.....(sons name) ....we are going to live in Japan!" Nice one eh??! 
Then guys wonder why we dont trust them?? 
I do believe its played though by BOTH men and women on and off here.
Just be honest! Afterall that's what the option "intimate encounter" and "other relationship "on here is for !
But than it would just defeat your purpose - wouldnt it?! | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 3:52:59 PM | Yet another reason why I like to keep the "relationship" (such as it is) online for awhile, before the face-to-face....
Because many people (I'm not going to say just "men") LIE. The profile is what-they-think-you-wanna-read, the "facts" are askew, the pics are bogus.
I'm sure better than 1/2 the people on this site are REAL ~ in their intentions, in their mini-bio, in their photos. There have been numerous mentions in similar (and dissimilar) topics regarding "take the bad with the good"....it's gonna happen.
I believe that, sooner or later, the BS-artist is gonna hang themselves, IF you're paying attention to their messages. And the inconsistencies that will invariably pop up, IF they can manage to type out more than "whne am i gona met u?"
No rush here!  | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 4:11:30 PM | | I dated someone from this site that claims to be single and to this day claims the same even though he has lived with same woman for the last 15 years..There was no marriage so he does not consider himself married.All I can say is,she can have him,I sure don't want him and feel sorry for some other woman he is sure to meet up with.. | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 4:50:52 PM | lol hilton they ALL think their situation is soooooo unique...
But.... I did say people in my first statement on purpose.. I don't for one moment assume that their are not just as many scumbag women out there as there are men... I'm an equal opportunity basher | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:05:36 PM | In msg3, HiltonVIP said:
hear you sister! Well over 70% of the men who have contacted me (what's the matter with men in Ottawa, Canada?) were married. Of course, they NEVER said that right up front (not that I would have been interested anyway). They usually lied that they were separated, and some even pretended that they were single.
It is more accurate to say that 70% of the men that you responded positively to were married. You don't know what the ratio is among those you rejected. I bet it's lower. A lot lower. Success breads success in the dating game and being already married is a form of success. | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:13:35 PM | | Ok this one works the other way also. I am in love with someone who is not divorced yet. And her profile said single. Now here is the stupid part. That 1st email would have been blocked by my mail setting if she had said she was separated instead of single. | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:51:49 PM | Point taken subhacker.... although I don't agree that being already married is a form of success... but that's another topic altogether! 
I have a proposition ladies : LET'S START OUR OWN DATING SITE!  | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:13:53 PM | people like this make a mockery of this and other dating sites. as they say all is fair in love and war. outing people who can't be honest is no crime. you are preventing the next person from being hurt. in the long run things are better for everyone
noangel  | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:20:42 PM | | All we can ask is do not hold it against all men, some of us are actually single. Though, to be perfectly honest, I have had quite a few dates end in me finding out that the woman was married. So it goes both ways. | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:22:56 PM | | I didn't know where to post this but, I need some help from ya'll. I recently got involved with someone from this site after over a yr of talking on the phone and the net and I found out he is married. Of course I dumped him in a heartbeat. Now the problem: His post says he is single and looking for long term (he's married). I wanna bust him out so bad ( partly for lying to me and partly cuz I went for it). If I bust him out I am gonna just seem like a scorned angry woman and if I don't then so many others are gonna be hurt. I will do what the majority rules. Should I let the women know and risk being attacked (which is what will happen) or should I just be quiet and let others be hurt???? HELP! | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:40:23 PM | Ewe Ewe Ewe
When I met my "Huh Hum Husband" he told me that he was single and alone for 2 1/2 yrs . In addition lived alone, had not dated and was looking for a family. Well, when he moved to America from England, he moved out of his girlfriend Shirley's house {she was married to another man} moved in with me, married me immediately, made a baby, got married. Was abusive. I knew that he was lying. I did diggiging found out about one of his many married girlfriends.
OK
He left.
Posted a fake pic of another man on another site flew from his homebase England to canda cheated on me with a Canadian woman. I swearing a wedding ring from her. Divorce isn't complete and stuck me with thousands of bills. I think he might even be married to both of us so that he can stay in Canada because he is not a legal citizen. I am American and just want the patrernal rights and for him to pay the bills that he stuck me with because he is such a loser.
So you tell me why these men are jerk offs? | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:41:14 PM | I get a kick out of some profiles on here, kinda like mine no pic ( means already had one divorce, not in a hurry for two!) Then you got those that say, I want an Honest man ( heck I said I was married)  Also back to those with no pics but read ( only men with pics need apply) I mean come on ladies, it's so easy to put a fake pic up & lie like the But to each their own I guess, play with fire you might get burnt! | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:32:04 AM | We're not talking about the people who advertise themselves as married. We're talking about the people who are married, but advertise themselves as separated or single in hopes of an affair... These people are being dishonest to everyone, including themselves.
If a person is married and unhappy, they should do something mature about it. Coming to a singles site to look for fulfillment is the sleazy and cheap way out.
Incidentally : I wonder how many single men and women on POF actually allow MARRIED POF members to message them? What would be the point? | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:39:48 AM | Oh my GOD that's awful. What turds these guys were. Know what I'd do? I'd contact those women or fiances and let them know what they're doing. These kinds of men are just turds floating around, waiting to take a ride. | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:47:32 AM | | As far a I'm concerned if your just looking to screw look for someone who says they are looking for an intimate encounter. My profile says dating.... i'm not looking for a long term relationship right now, but I'm also not looking for a f*ck buddy. I don't understand why people (let me say again PEOPLE I keep seeing post saying don't think women are innocent.. if you read my posts you'd see that I am not blaming one sex for this,,, sorry I digress) but anywho... people come on here pretending they are something they are not. My profile says that I am separated, I understand that some men wouldnt want to deal with me just because of that.... I completely understand that. It is everyones own choice to engage in conversations with whomever they choose. But it would be messed up for me to put single.. IM NOT.. I'm separated. In about 30 days I'll change that to divorced (thank god) But until then I'll take the high road and be honest. Another thing I dont understand about this is that, why would you want someone who doesnt really want you. I couldnt live with myself knowing that the person I'm with doesnt really want me cause I am just one big lie. | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:19:38 AM | What about those who are not after sex. Those who are honest enough to tell the woman how he stands. Those who are not single and not looking and on here to meet people, to make friends. Are we to pay the price for those losers who want to play games? Who are after the women for the sole reason of having sex?
Are the decent men on this site doomed to pay the price for those scum bags out there? | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:15:28 AM | Well, They want the thrill and don't care who they hurt in their path. Some just want friends, but most are looking for "extra" fun- People do decieve one another and it's a shame- It hurts more when the emotions are involved.
I have found out that some people just don't care. | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:29:58 AM | | I think maybe you need to screen your men a little better, be open..yes, be honest, yes...I think dating is just that...your feeling people out...trying something new, hoping, wondering, but you have to be open enough to realize that hey may not be looking for what you are looking for, and unfortunately there are men and women who lie and who are dishonest, ....email/IM for as long as it takes to get real good vibes, then you should be on the phone having real conversations, and then date... and if you get any red flags, either confront them or move away...run away...fast...and sometimes peole attract the wrog people, so be careful... | |
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| Not REALLY single???
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:51:10 PM |
What about those who are not after sex. Those who are honest enough to tell the woman how he stands. Those who are not single and not looking and on here to meet people, to make friends. Are we to pay the price for those losers who want to play games? Who are after the women for the sole reason of having sex?
Are the decent men on this site doomed to pay the price for those scum bags out there?
No, I dont think anyone is doomed to anything... If a man wants to make a friend than thats what he should put on his profile.. there is a selection on there for that you know.
Well, They want the thrill and don't care who they hurt in their path. Some just want friends, but most are looking for "extra" fun- People do decieve one another and it's a shame- It hurts more when the emotions are involved.
I have found out that some people just don't care.
I agree.. what a shame, I think when I started out on this site I was too trusting, I try to be an optimistic person and see the good in everyone, I guess some people are just no good.
I think maybe you need to screen your men a little better, be open..yes, be honest, yes...I think dating is just that...your feeling people out...trying something new, hoping, wondering, but you have to be open enough to realize that hey may not be looking for what you are looking for, and unfortunately there are men and women who lie and who are dishonest, ....email/IM for as long as it takes to get real good vibes, then you should be on the phone having real conversations, and then date... and if you get any red flags, either confront them or move away...run away...fast...and sometimes peole attract the wrog people, so be careful...
I am definately being more careful. A phone call from 1 girlfriend was enough to last me a lifetime | |
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