| Profile needs a tune-up
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:01:52 PM | | Hi, thanks for taking some time to help me, I'm trying to get a little advice here on my profile. I'd like to know what kinds of things I should add, take out or tweek to make my profile more interesting. I've read the suggestions and think I've done an ok job, but any extra help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again! | |
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| Profile needs a tune-up
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:14:22 PM | Hi there. So I checked it out, and have to say that your profile is a wee bit short. It would be great if you could include some attributes about you as a person. Don't be too generic, these should be things that make you unique. They should tell a woman about the type of person you are, and if she is a good match to you.
Your pics look okay, they are diverse and let a person know that you are too.
OFCB said to someone this, and I'm stealing it: You thank the person for reading your profile, but do so at the beginning of it. You can leave this out entirely, but if you feel the need to keep it in, do so at the end.
If you were looking for a long term relationship, you shouldn't wuss out on the description of who you are looking for either. Making this section more elaborate, but truthful, will work for you by weeding out what you may not be looking for. Since you are looking for long term, this may be a good idea for you.
I liked your headline, and I feel like asking you about it. This is good, because it says that you have me intrigued, which is one of the things a headline should do. It's good bait.
In my scatterbrained state, I can't remember reading the first date section, if it needs commenting on, I will leave that to someone else. That being said, I can't think of anything else to say, it looks pretty good. Have fun, and good luck! | |
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| Profile needs a tune-up
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:41:33 PM | | Thanks nursinggrl, I'll work on it. The title is from back in high school- we had a "Mr. Wonderful" contest and everyone felt so sorry for my geeky skinny ass they voted for me- I think I still even have the sash it's purple with gold lettering- thanks again- | |
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| Profile needs a tune-up
Posted: 5/9/2008 7:12:56 PM | I thought it was a pretty good profile overall.
You should get a better pic. for main, the one you're using is too dark. A nice well lit close up would be a great improvement.
The rest looks good.
Best wishes | |
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| Profile needs a tune-up
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:40:35 PM | I'd suggest posting a pic of you wearing the purple sash, if you still have it. It would tie in your whole "Mr. Wonderful" theme wonderf...um, nicely.
I can't believe you have a pic of yourself in a kilt, and we can't see the kilt. | |
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| Profile needs a tune-up
Posted: 5/9/2008 10:18:32 PM | OP,
Not a bad attempt. A few suggestions.
The pictures are pretty good to be honest. You have good interests but I’d suggest adding a few more here.
Your About Me section is informative but you start out by committing a pair of cardinal sins right out of the gate. You don’t get to tell us you are smart and/or funny. Those are qualities we get to assess. So prove you are smart and funny with your written word. You are a teacher so this is going to seem weird, and I hope you teach shop or computers so I don’t feel like such a dolt saying this, but your syntax sucks. Can I use the word suck to critique syntax or is that an oxymoron of sorts?
You can go ahead and split that whole first paragraph in half, right at the “I sometimes think I can fix anything”. Two separate lines of thinking means two paragraphs or it’s way too hard to read otherwise.
You did a pretty bang-up job of describing your potential mate. I am glad you didn’t go generic on us and list off the assumed qualities that are about to drive OFCB over the edge already. I swear the next profile that does this I’m hiding in the bathtub because that dude is going to bust a nut and go postal.
You did a great job with the First Date section too. But I have to question your age range. Why only 4 years up, but 14 down?
Overall a pretty good start. You’ve got a good foundation there but keep plugging away at it! | |
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| Profile needs a tune-up
Posted: 5/9/2008 10:26:25 PM | Can I use the word suck to critique syntax or is that an oxymoron of sorts? The proper phraseology is 'sucks hairy donky testes'. That'll sail past the Chicago Manual of Style review board just fine.
OP, the captions on your pictures are a little off.
- "May boys" - should be My boys? (If so, then duck; some people around here are vehemently against posting pictures of/with kids on a dating site.)
- "Kilting it at summerfest" - Do you see a kilt in this picture?
- "Lab at work" : Maybe it's just me, but you don't look like a Lab at all. A retriever maybe. Or is your *name* Lab? (Seriously, add a definite article there so it's easier to parse; "The lab at work.")
Small, picky things, I know... but it's the little things that count. You've already got a handle on most of the big things. | |
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| Profile needs a tune-up
Posted: 5/10/2008 12:05:33 AM | | Where I come from it's big hairy donkey dink, or strawberry donkey dink (raspberry works just fine too). And in any sense, the Chicago Manual Style sucks king kong double dong. God the silliness of painting at 2am... I need a thumbprint reader on my laptop that only accepts clean prints! | |
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| Profile needs a tune-up
Posted: 5/10/2008 12:27:05 AM | Hi miltch, Deuce hit my pet peeve already. However,he is not quite as experienced at this as I am. He neglected to tell you that you need two descriptors for BOTH you AND her. You did a great telling her what you prefer,but you "cheated" her, by failing to do the same for you. You need two words that are NOT "assumed givens" that will give her the "window to your soul.
Other than that, I really liked it!
Best wishes
OFCB | |
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