| Ready for the "all telling" Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:28:24 PM | What a really Cool Site!
Complete with Forums too.
Okay, I've just returned to the on-line dating "thang",
and have to throw myself out there to the Experts.
You.
I tend to fill in a lot of "stuff" on a profile, and eventually
hone it down to a typical Madison Avenue approach of, "Keep it Simple",
"Less is Best", "Say it with Brillance", and so on.
Yet, sometimes it's helpful to express as much as practical to give
the reader enough to go on. (thinking aloud here)
Still working on the photos. (Ya, Ya.)
So, believing what Peter F. Drucker said along time ago;
"Marketing is the entire business, as viewed by the customer".
(Or something like that.)
I'm ready with my Hardhat, and safety Glasses.
Thanks ahead of time,
John | |
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| Ready for the all telling Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:39:19 PM | Wow, I'm an avid reader, but that thing is LLLOOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGGG.
Why do your sentences end halfway through the page? That is disturbing to me. It is not a poem, or a bulleted list. Can you fix it? If you did, I bet it would be half the length. After you do that, is there anything you might want to take out (now), and save for telling later? After you have done that, can you repost? I don't know if there are many people who will take the time to read that thing! It is practically a novel, and most people are just browsing! Nothing at all about your profile says "read me!" but it sure says "I'm incredibly long, do you have the time and energy?" And my answer is "no, I don't", or "I'll have to get back to that one after I've had some chemical stimulation." But you know most won't get back. Think about it, OP.
The pics are okay, but yes, you do need a close up of your face. I like that you have a pic of yourself working what looks like incredibly complicated machinery. That, and you actually look like you know what you're doing. Please get back when you have made some edits...I really think you need to pare it down a bit. | |
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| Ready for the all telling Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:41:37 PM | Headline - meh. Not something that will draw them in.
Pics are decent but they are all body pics. You need face pics and one for main. Make them happy smiling face pics.
Text... you ramble way too much. It should be about 1/3 of what you have and on topic. That means you are the focus. You need a section on your interests, on personality and match. No observations on the nature of dating sites, long stories about nothing and musing about what "other relationship means". You are in Grandpa Simpson territory here. You need to cut it down to "dazzle them with brilliance" - at the moment, it falls into the other side of that expression.
And don't tell "amusing" stories about things that happened on your other first dates. Pick a scenario, describe it in about 4-8 lines of text. That is it. | |
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| Ready for the all telling Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/9/2008 7:04:08 PM | Where is the mystery?
Women (and I suppose some men too(not that there is anything wrong with that) will see your wall o' text and scurry right along....
Do yourself and others a favor and do a Readers Digest number on your profile, it will be better for all in the end.
Happy Fishing
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| Ready for the all telling Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:11:09 PM | You people are Brutal! ~smiling~~~
I knew I would hear the complaint on length, as I mentioned at the start.
I'm actually surprised that I only used safety glasses in reading these
initial replies.
So, we've got the length thing pinned down. That's a given as I've known
all along.
And some very useful comments on the photos as well.
(Still working on those)
I'm wondering if there's a deeper analysis here though.
There was mention of not relating previous dating stories. (For example.)
Where's the Mystery? (For another example.)
So, the content is way off you're saying?
I'm also wondering if the dimension of this medium... the "written word"
can frustrate people who do a lot of reading.
Especially when they are reading material not produced in a manner
that they are used to enjoying. Many, many people are simply not writers.
I'm not claiming to be one.
Anyway, a great set of feedback.
Yes! Cut, Cut, and Cut some more.
I got it!
Any more hints on Content?
John
And thanks too! | |
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| Ready for the all telling Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:36:18 PM | Stop pressing
the enter key
whenever
you feel like it
because the software does
the line breaks for
you
at the appropiate times.
Seriously, in terms of breaks, all you need to focus on is putting in appropiate paragraph breaks. The line breaks are taken care of for you and you are screwing up the layout by trying to do it your way.
I feel asleep trying to read it, well, a microsleep and I did have a big night, but there is nothing interesting going on there at all. Listen to everyones advice, please. | |
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| Ready for the all telling Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:37:32 PM | The main picture should be a close up of your smiling face.
Go back in to the interest section and fill it out. You should have at least
a dozen or so here. These show up in searches so it's not really good for your
cause to skip it.
You list 'hang out', then make light of all of the options that go in that box so
might as well leave that alone.
The about me section needs a make over. A 'complete' makeover. IMO. This
is not the place for a biography or "short stories by HiyaHello". Describe the
type of man you are, your personality and character traits. Also describe the
type of woman you're looking for. The things that attract you, her attributes
and qualities. Two or three paragraphs work very nicely here, and women may
not hit the back button so often.
The first date section has been mentioned. Hint... hint... change that as well.
You only need one interesting scenario to spark some interest, we all can tell you
love to type, so you should be able to change it up without any problems.
Good luck | |
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| Ready for the all telling Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:03:53 PM | I ain't reading all that until you fix the annoying habit of hitting the enter key midway through each line, as mentioned by my esteemed forumites.
And don't do it in forum posts either! You're not writing a newspaper column and it makes the reader's eyes work too hard jumping back to the
beginning
of
every
freakin'
line.
So stop it. Make yourself stop. Just say "NO" to unnecessary line breaks. | |
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| Ready for the all telling Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:17:34 PM | The Enter Key Stems from a past working in Radio,
and reading actual scripts produced for broadcast over the air.
One has only so much time to "look",
while paying attention to other important details.
It is indeed fascinating to read these replies.
The "Enter Key" is apart of who I am... so I'd be hard pressed to change something about me that's "Me".
Great Feedback!
John | |
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| Ready for the all telling Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:19:22 PM | Holy Shamu.
Give me a second... I'm still collecting my senses, and my lunch.
Aight. John. Hard hat and safety glasses won't save you or protect you. You are going to need shin guards, elbow pads, a mouthguard, jock, oh and I think I can borrow that butt plug I lent that other dude this morning because you are DEFINITELY going to need it. I'm tossing your shit down six flights of stairs and there's no landings involved.....
I tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to finish my pop, and then go paint my basement and that'll give you plenty of time to gut that **stard and present something worth editing. If when I come back it's shortened and cleaned up and doesn't make me feel discombobulated just looking at it, not to mention dizzy and nauseous, then I'll crack this whip in the name of public service. If it's still an anthology I'm going to verbally assault you and I'm bringing the noise dude. There'll be a lynch mob of smilies leading the procession. Can you dig it? You've got three hours. Go. | |
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| Ready for the all telling Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:22:37 PM | | OP...you are being given great advice. Please in the name of all that's holy, do yourself a favor before Deuce gets a hold of it. Or don't. Deuce is very entertaining...I am trying to save you from yourself. (and Deuce) | |
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| Ready for the all telling Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:27:27 PM | Well, I won't be changing anything tonight...
There's something about a Friday night that doesn't deserve hanging around
an on-line dating site.
I do take all of your comments, said in a kind way, or not... as constructive.
Especially from a Friday Night crowd. LOL
Thanks gang.
John | |
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| Ready for the all telling Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:34:05 PM |
Especially from a Friday Night crowd. LOL
Whoa there...slow down the judgement horse! Not EVERYbody goes out EVERY Friday. And your post came in at 12:30 A.M., if you are going to make the best of your FRIDAY, you had better start now! lol Personally, I like the Wednesday night go out, but whatever...I don't judge you for being in on Friday either. | |
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| Ready for the all telling Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/9/2008 10:00:31 PM | Especially from a Friday Night crowd. LOL It is saturday afternoon here. I got home at 0515h this morning after my friday night date with a young lady I have been seeing for a while now. I met her through this site.
You are not in a position to get all judgemental and trying to insult people tiger. Observe a number of the regular reviewers are 'Not single/Not looking', not in need of help- and not all from your time zone either. Observe further you are single... and in need of help. | |
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| Ready for the all telling Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/9/2008 10:19:10 PM | Posted: 5/9/2008 9 27 PM
Well, I won't be changing anything tonight...
There's something about a Friday night that doesn't deserve hanging around
an on-line dating site.
lmao................ yeah your right you sound like you have better things to do like wash the cat, stroke yr ego, look at yrself in the mirror and complement yrself, | |
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| Ready for the all telling Feedback/slash/ Profile Review
Posted: 5/10/2008 12:40:32 AM | Alright Johnny, times up.
Your username is pretty lame. All the options in the book and you choose to say hello twice in your name. But you take this one step further and say hi AGAIN in the headline, where you should be enticing the women to read on. Perhaps you should insert a warning or disclaimer here, such as “please use this time to turn down the lights, fix a snack and a drink, maybe finish that kitchen reno, prior to sitting in to read this masterpiece”. You’re good with your hands….try something like “did somebody call a handyman?”. I personally like the plumber reference here, but we all know what that implies! LOL
You are 48 years old but still do drugs. I mean, you say you feel like you are 19 but isn’t it about time to start acting your age? You do know drugs are illegal right?! And you used the dreaded HangOut “excuse” for being here. But at least you use about 200 words to explain how you came to this decision. Consider switching this to Dating. You mention nowhere in your profile that you would not mind hanging out with men, so that says to me you are deceiving the masses with your intentions.
I think we need to give this dog a name already Yev. He’s eating up enough people’s interests and first date boxes in these threads that he deserves a bloody name doesn’t he? I think we owe him that much at least. Why did you decide to leave this section empty OP? 10-15 solid interests are needed here, for whatever type of profile you are building. Make sure some are unisex, and don’t put useless tidbits in here like “I like how bellybutton lint smells” or “chasing water gypsies” ffs.
Jaysus fook. There’s hi numero Quattro. Do you want to introduce your mom while you’re at it? Ease up on the hi’s. Remember, she made the decision to open your profile and look at it. You don’t need to roll out the red carpet and order concierge service right away too.
Your photos are okay, but you could use some close-ups. I also agree with everyone that the manual line breaks are wildly annoying. It is VERY hard to read like this. I keep waiting for my eyes to pop out of their sockets as they bounce back and forth like a superball in a breezeway.
From the opening line until the end of your drug rant you can go ahead and hold the shift button while you scroll down with the arrow key to select all this text for formatting. Now hit the delete button, and don’t you dare hit Ctrl+Z to lift the spirits again. Let the poor thing rest in peace. And what on earth is with that paragraph regarding “some of you”?! I shake my head.
The rest of the About Me would be okay if you gutted about 2/3’s of the fluff. Then you need to build a paragraph, without hitting enter every 17 characters, that talks about your personality and who you are as a man. Try and paint a picture of who you are to the women. Then you need another paragraph describing who you would like to meet, and don’t use the assumed descriptives such as nice, honest, caring, funny, fun-loving, and so forth. We all want these things and for the most part they come this way from the factory. They even smell good and are soft to the touch normally too!
Is that dog still looming around here looking for junk to fall out of this profile? I think we should just go ahead and push the First Date off the table and let him lick it up. You mention a few places that are good in the area. Good start! Now expand. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT mention previous dates. You might as well post four pictures of yourself making out with strippers. Also, you patronize the reader by explaining what a first date and meeting are. They should know this already. Most of us didn’t just start this whole dating thing, and if we did there is plenty of info here explaining things. Use this space to wow the lady. Bring the whole thing home with a fun, exciting, interesting date idea. You seem like a fun guy to be around. Why not let her know that in this box indirectly.
Okay, 48 years old, but you’ll only date one year up? Does 50 really scare you THAT bad? It’s only 2 years away and one step closer to 70!
That’s all I’m got in the tank right now. I think I’ve covered most of the stuff. Do yourself and your readers a favour and scrap it , use our suggestions in addition to the Profile Review tips, and when done come back here for another review. And so help me if looks like this again we’ll have a field day with you! | |
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