| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 3:58:22 AM | I caught my husband trying to hook up with someone who was supposed to be our friend. He admited it, sent roses, did the whole "suck up" act. And I fell for it, I thought he honestly changed. During this time I had left him, moved in with my brother. Well when I moved back in with my husband, we are supposed to be making ammends, and working on our marriage. Come to find out, he had been emailing all of these people (men and women) for sex. I am wondering how much is too much to take? and honestly, what would you do....
**sorry this was so long. | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 4:07:58 AM | Personally, trust is a huge deal to me... a complete deal breaker if he can't be exclusive to me and our family. Too many communicable diseases out there for you to be otherwise.
Plus, you're young & gorgeous... what else could he need?
I'm sorry... | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 4:10:10 AM | awe thank you,
It is just hard for me to cut the link, all of this time and money invested. The idea of being in the dating pool again. I was never good at it the first time. Plus there are years of my life out the door. How do you know which choice is the best choice? | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 4:10:44 AM | | Everything you just described is too much to take for any normal women. He sounds like a sex addict and they never ever change. I would advise you to leave while you can because you deserve a man that will honor his committment to you and only you. I am sorry you are going through this---it really really sucks. As for me--I would send him packing because past behavior predicts future behavior. You gave him a second chance and apparently that meant nothing to him--if you give him a third chance--he will only take advantage of you again. Get out and when people ask--tell them exactly what he has done. | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 4:15:23 AM | | I'll tell you what you need................in this order......dump loser husband, move to Houston...........give me a call. Seriously though trust is SOOOOO HUUUUGGGGEEEE to me as well and it seems like he is more interested in playing internet hooker than being a good husband I would get as far away as fast as possible. Sticking around is asking for more heart ache in this case. We men DO NOT CHANGE. Chances are he has done this in the past and jsut didn't get caught. | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 4:22:32 AM | Your Husband doesn't deserve you..
you should go get checked out for any kind of STDs, you just don't know where he has been if he has been emailing all of those people (men and women) for sex,sounds like he has some issues ..
IF he did it once he will do it again and again ,go back and live with your brother,..For you it's better to be safe then sorry.. out Snake
your husband sounds like a low life..
I would never put my wife through that,i guess I'm from the old school of life
wedding vow "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part."
***for better, for worse*** Doesn't mean for spouses to walk all over each other and to take advantage of being truthful in their marriage..
I wouldn't put all Men in that Situation '; Their are some that do change through trail and error ,and they do move on with their lifes.. | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 4:39:49 AM | Geez Kitty, i know that sinking feeling all to well, as someone once said " spit upon the plate, turn and walk away" .
Walk away from the Rat B#stard........you can do better. | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 4:40:42 AM | Hey there, Just wanted to let you know, that if you do not value yourself, no one else will either. I am 45 and always gave the benefit of the doubt, always thought the guy made a mistake and would grow up and get responsible. WRONG. Most do not.. it was not a mistake, it was a consious decision on his part, with you in mind.. how wrong is that!?? Sometimes we cannot choose who we come to love...but that does not always mean they are the right person for us. You are a real cutie, mixkitty... do yourself justice and walk out, no explanation, and show the world you are valuable and your are worth a terrific partner, not some loser who is endangering your very life with his practices.. you are too young to feel you are trapped with no other choice...Get out there and make the world your own!!!!! | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:16:05 AM | | Thank you all for your advice. Hearing it from so many people makes it easier for me to actually see what I need to do. I always like to think people are capable of change, but if he doesn't want to change, I can't force him. I can only change myself, and try to be a better person. And I think I am a better person without him. | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:21:17 AM | It is just hard for me to cut the link, all of this time and money invested
Sweetheart your 23................ What would be worse is to stay another day and waste your young LIFE on this man.
Plus there are years of my life out the door
Once again you are 23...................do you want to waste more years of your life on this man. MOVE ON...........it's time
Leave.....have yourself tested, and move on with your life.
He's seeing other women and living on the down low. What could you possibly find attractive in this man.
The only person actions you have control over are your own.
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:34:32 AM | | yes....try being married for 23 YEARS, and then cutting that link....Ive been married as long as youve been around......I saw what needed to happen..way too late, but I saw it.... | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:36:53 AM | I know, I would have a child with him, because that will bring him closer...Oh no wait, that doesn't work EVER, and then you will have one more person to drag through the pain and hurt.
Shug, sometimes the time and money is an investment in educating yourself, the question is how long do you want to keep investing in someone that is going to tell you what you want to hear everytime, but continue to be who he really is?
Further more, what if he brings home with him a scream case of God knows what ever, and it is untreatable, would that be the time to decide it is to much?
Shug leopards don't change their spots, and no matter how special or wonderful you may be, he doesn't really see you as anything more than a doormat. If you want to be valued for the wonderful qualitites you have and the great person you are, it needs to be with someone that really loves and respects you.
And yes, you are the one that has the choice, seems to me that he has repeatedly shown his true intent, what you have to find in yourself is the belief that you can find someone that will love and respect you. That belief has to come from within.. | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:44:11 AM | Well that depends. You will take as much as it takes for him to either change or you to not love him anymore. If your simply considering staying because of the time and investment you put into the relationship thats the wrong reason. Your young. Your beautiful. Apparently intelligent. Clearly devoted to your promises and relatively mature. You deserve someone that you love and loves you back. We all do don't we?
His libido may well be getting in the way of his heart. It happens roughly what 60% of the time for men and 50% of the time for women. If thats the case he's in for a lot of pain when his heart catches up. He may actually not love you. In which case I'm afraid you are in for a lot of pain if you love him. I've forgiven unfaithfulness and I mean forgiven. Didn't hold it over her head, didn't make her pay for years, just forgiven let's move on and make the best of it. I did that out of love and for no other reason. How many times well I'll keep that to myself but more then once. Your heart may be able to take a whole lot of pain it may only take a little only your heart knows how much. It doesn't tend to let your brain in on the equation until it's made up its mind.
I'm not going to tell you to go or stay I have no right to even though you asked. Your heart will decide that. I will tell you that everyones situation is different and every relationship has it's good and bad points. He is cheating or trying to cheat for some reason. He may not know why but there is a reason. I'm certain that it will have nothing to do with you even though he may try to blame you in some way. It's his job to find and control whatever it is and remain faithful to you. You can't make him do that only love can. I am sorry that you have to go through this and I know it is extremely painful and confusing. Just remember who you are and realize that you deserve to be loved really loved don't settle for less.
DK | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:56:18 AM | I agree with most of the posters ~ YOU DESERVE BETTER!
We can't answer what is best for you, or how much 'you' can take. That is only a decision you can make for yourself. You need to ask yourself if this is a situation you want to spend the rest of your life living in. Either way, you'll have your answer of how much is too much "for you". You've got your whole life ahead of you, and we all make mistakes along the way. I'd say look at him as a mistake and walk away ~ but that's just me.
My best to you ~ I pray he hasn't subjected you to any diseases !!!
>>^..^<< | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:54:42 AM | Trust , communication and loyalty are the root elements that compose the foundation of solid relationships.
Trust is earned, not handed out and in this case the trust you instilled in him; was abused.
You need to have more confidence in yourself, and understand that you deserve to be treated much better than this. In fact you should demand it! Be with someone who sees you as a priority and not an option. Right now, you are an option. Get out, and do not look back.
He will come to terms with what he is doing once you are completely out of the picture. Maybe then he will think with the head on the top of his shoulders rather than the one in his pants. But by that time, you would have found true happiness, with someone who respects and appreciates you.
I have a 1 strike and you are out concept when it comes to cheating. No one forces someone to cheat. It is a personal decision that people consciously made. In order for them to make that decision, they thought about the possible repercussions and figured that it was worth the chance anyways. Since they made that decision, I would make the decision that I do not want to be with them. And what would I lose? I would lose someone who did not have enough respect for me to remain loyal to me. Huge loss eh? I didn't think so.
You are an attractive woman, who seems to have a heart of gold, and a great personality which is being offered to someone who is not deserving of you.
Best of luck, and I wish you all the happiness you deserve! | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 10:04:13 AM | Do you really need telling - honestly - if you are asking then you know that this whole thing is down the pan, gone finished.
Get yourself out of there hunni and into the lawyers office, get it over and done with.
You got so much life to look forward to get out there and start living. | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/10/2008 3:44:42 PM | Are you kidding me? He is sleeping with men, and women? Why would you want him?
Get out now. Divorce him. Keep the furniture. | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:01:26 AM | I can't help but think ( sometimes anyway) that mobile phones and the internet are the root of all evil when it comes to the death of a relationship as we know it , or at least knew it.
The younger ones might not comprehend this as well.......it's always been there for them....as such.
These days it just too easy to text, phone or email on the sly........these things must've been a god send for cheaters. | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:16:45 AM | You have already tolerated more than enough. His actions are telling you where his heart is as far as you are concerned. If he truly cared for you his energies would be directed towards you, not strangers on the internet. Can you imagine yourself treating him this way? What would you have to feel in your heart towards him to do this to him?
You are still young, very young. The years you have invested thus far into the relationship is minute. Imagine what this will eventually do to your self image and self esteem if you are treated like this for the next 10 years by the one who supposedly loves you? This man is going to crush your self confidence over time with his mistreatment and unappreciative attitude of the love you have within you. This is the first time I've ever recommended someone to get a divorce. I firmly believe marriages should be worked on until there just isn't any energy left to fight on saving it. You may have some fight left in you but it's going to be a waste of time. This man doesn't even come close to having his priorities right.
Physical attraction is what seems to start most every relationship we have. With your good looks you should have no problem at all drawing in the guys. You state how you wern't all that good at dating before and maybe this is why you have the guy you do. On your next go around in datingland it is likely you'll do much better. You'll see the signs and flags that you didn't know to look for before. You'll feel affection in a way that you aren't feeling now. You'll be able to determine the difference between a habit and a character trait, a fetish and a problem. Your husband has a problem from his faulty character. Move on before he brings you down with him. | |
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| what would you do, seriously...
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:22:52 AM |
It is just hard for me to cut the link, all of this time and money invested.
All the time and money you've already invested is nothing compared to the time, money, and EMOTIONS you are going to have invested if you stay with him now.
It's never easy to cut the link. But you HAVE to. Otherwise you are going to end up on a terrible rollercoaster of emotions. | |
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