| Only getting twenty emails a day. I must be doing something wrong.
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:57:45 PM | I was lying. It's only nineteen emails a day. Um, okay one a day.
Have a look if you like. What needs to go? Any spelling errors? Is it boring? Just no good?
I'll consider all advice and criticism. I can take it - and I've got my hankies ready, just in case.
One thing: It's long. Very very long. That will not change. If, on the advice of the reviewers, I take something out, I'll just put something else in. So, I don't care to read a review from someone that says: "I didn't read it. It was long." Just scrolling down to the end and saying it was to long to read is not really a review.
Thanks to anyone that takes the time to read it all. | |
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| Only getting twenty emails a day. I must be doing something wrong.
Posted: 5/10/2008 8:04:01 PM | If you don't care to read this that's okay: It's too long.
I will have to get back to this after a full eight hours sleep and an I.V. of caffeine. Hopefully some fellow posters will have taken a stab at this one before that happens though. | |
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| Only getting twenty emails a day. I must be doing something wrong.
Posted: 5/10/2008 8:58:04 PM | So, call me a masochist, but I read it all. And, having done so, I will say that you're either brutally honest, or going for one of two demographics:
- the 'Oooh, he's a diamond in the rough! I'm sure he'll change for me..." crowd, or
- the people who have had enough fake Prince Charmings, and would rather have someone who admits he's a toad.
IMHO, there really isn't much input to give. You're a good writer, with interesting stories to tell (did you really take the cat?) , and no spelling or grammatical errors that jumped out at me.
It is certainly, and by no means, a 'classic' profile, but I don't think you want one. One thing is for sure, is that nobody who takes the time to read this and decides to meet you anyway will ever come back and sue for 'breach of contract'. Either you are who you write that you are (in which case they have been warned) or you're a wonderful caring person who is hiding behind the persona of a crusty old **stard. (Come to think of it, if someone was looking for a COB and you turned out to be nicer than you portray, then they might be pissed... but I doubt it.)
My few comments:
- Why 'Playing Head Games' as an interest, when you seem to be pretty straightforward? That might be worth a mention or two.
- The 'Gal for me' section starts out good -- quirkily humorous -- but IMHO you need to be at least semi-serious by the end and give the person who has slogged this far an idea if whether or not you and they would hit it off.
- So, what sort of thing WOULD you do on a 'first date'? (Besides steal their cat, that is.)
You aren't my cup of tea (and wouldn't be even if I were female), but you're probably going to be someone's... and if so, they'll know it by reading this.
Good luck in your search. | |
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| Only getting twenty emails a day. I must be doing something wrong.
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:04:32 PM | It's much smaller than usual! There was a story in it, I remembered...hmmm. It was a much better story than the story of the awful woman and the cat. Which makes me want to force you to tell me where she lives so I can go have a word or two with her. And then bludegeon her to death with a ball peen hammer.
I liked the old one with the stories, but was much longer. The new one seems a little watered down, but I bet more women like it this way. I'm just weird. | |
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| Only getting twenty emails a day. I must be doing something wrong.
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:26:34 PM | Thanks, Bookrat, for the review. You're right about the "head games" interest. I took it out. I agree the "Gal for me" part needs more - I'll have to think on it. Oh, the cat story is true.
Ursulamajor, thanks also. It does seem shorter than my usual profiles. I'll have to add some more stuff. I had that other profile, with the three dating stories, up for a couple of months so I figured it was time for a change - although I have recycle some very old bits for this new one.
I wasn't going to add the cat story, but I still receive a lot of e-mail because of it, so I put it in. I prefer the sloe gin story (from my last profile), myself. This profile is much "tamer" than the last.
Thanks again to both of you for taking the time to read it. If you venture back to this thread, one other question: was it boring? | |
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| Only getting twenty emails a day. I must be doing something wrong.
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:37:29 PM | Holy snikies man. That is a long profile. Funny but too long. The pics, I'm still laughing at the mad scientist pic or is it the burnt out writer look. Anyway funny. Do you really want to use this though? I mean what's the objective here?
Havoc | |
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| Only getting twenty emails a day. I must be doing something wrong.
Posted: 5/10/2008 11:07:01 PM | Actually , I thought it was great Hank. I think it screams HANK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I take a somewhat similar approach as you do,inthat I tend to skip to mushy stuff,and just tellem the way it's going to be. Don't get near as many "bites" that way,but I think the ones that do,tend to be more compatable in most cases.
Best wishes
OFCB | |
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| Only getting twenty emails a day. I must be doing something wrong.
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:51:13 AM | Okay, Hank...after my eight hours sleep, and some caffeine (couldn't mainline it, so I just ate two honey cruellers to make up for that)....I really like it.
I think I love you for taking the cat. Oh, and though you were unhurt, I would like to know if the picnic table was? | |
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| Only getting twenty emails a day. I must be doing something wrong.
Posted: 5/11/2008 3:51:02 PM | Thanks for the reviews, everyone.
The train story is true (the picnic table was not harmed). The cars ended up ten feet away, on both sides of me, plus another got pushed partway behind. The rest of the cars went off the tracks in the other direction. I think ten or so cars ended up off, before the train finally stopped. The wheels on one car had locked. A guy who pulled in after told me the car was jumping up and down on the tracks. They were grain cars so I ended up covered with grain dust. There was an opening behind me, between two of the cars, so I walk right out, still holding the coffee.
I shortened the story for the profile - so I left a lot out. The ground was shaking like an earthquake. As the train approached, the shaking ground was what made me think something was wrong - plus there was a very loud osculating clanging I'd never heard come from a train. From where I was, I looked through the store's big glass windows and saw the clerk running around trying to catch things falling off the shelves. I thought, "What the hell? The guys got to pick up the whole store every time a train passes?" Right then is when the train derailed.
Um, I'm getting kind of long winded here (like my profile). I start writing and often can't stop. It's a great story to tell people.
Thanks again, everyone, for taking the time to read it. | |
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| Only getting twenty emails a day. I must be doing something wrong.
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:20:02 PM | Hi!
Well, I read your profile (if you want a really whacky head trip- read the one I wrote...!)
I must say.. you do sound entirely honest, and frankly- any woman with any amount of dating or life experience at all will realize that you are like MOST men. For instance, I am happily involved with my partner (in case you did NOT read that profile, I'm actually FEMALE) and he did not even mention Mothers day to me. Thing is, I know this is just not that he doesn't CARE, just that it isn't something that occured to him at all. No reason to get upset to me.. so no- not buying flowers, taking long walks on the beach or whatever- that is NORMAL after the honeymoon period has worn off in any relationship. I think my honey is the sweetest man in the world. The fact that he never brought me flowers either- I buy them myself if I want them!
So- if you want to truth from my perspective... if you are getting one email a day, that is pretty GREAT, because you are allowing your profile to do the "sorting" for you! In my experience- many women are looking for something that is simply unrealistic and MOST people spend the great majority of their life looking outwards instead of inwards for the answers. So, if you are getting one inquiry a day, and find that one out of every 10 or so is actually someone you might be interested in- GREAT!
As for this "can't be bothered to read the profile" silliness- ack! Don't get me started! | |
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| Only getting twenty emails a day. I must be doing something wrong.
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:21:41 PM |
The ground was shaking like an earthquake. As the train approached, the shaking ground was what made me think something was wrong - plus there was a very loud osculating clanging I'd never heard come from a train. From where I was, I looked through the store's big glass windows and saw the clerk running around trying to catch things falling off the shelves. I thought, "What the hell? The guys got to pick up the whole store every time a train passes?"
That kind of detail *makes* a story. I say include it. | |
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| Only getting twenty emails a day. I must be doing something wrong.
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:29:49 PM | Thanks Val Veeta (like the new user-name. Though the old one was good, too). Good to see you're back at POF.
Also, thanks to Askanditsgiven and Losermagnet.
I haven't read you've profile yet, Askand..., but I will. I did read a few of the profiles of people that have commented and found them to be very good - some better than very good. | |
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| Only getting twenty emails a day. I must be doing something wrong.
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:06:21 PM | Yes I read it all. Frankly you aren't my type, but it is a very interesting read, and you sound like you have been nothing but honest. I don't think it is too long, I think most of our profiles are too short. If someone doesn't have the time to read a long profile, how will they have time for anything else?
The cat story was horrible, but I am glad you took the cat home with you. I have two cats and of course they tear stuff up from time to time, but I don't punish them, they are cats, they don't know any better. | |
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| Only getting twenty emails a day. I must be doing something wrong.
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:28:17 PM | Thanks, bcsofnc57, for reading it. Glad you found it interesting. Nothing wrong if one person doesn't find another their type. Perfect natural. I agree, better to write a detailed profile, than have two people meet and be disappointed.
The cat story does get to people. I receive so many responses about it, I could probably write a profile with just that. I like to write, though.
Gottabegreat, here is my advice: I didn't look at your profile, but you need a new photo. You currently have one of those creepy shadow photos that no one responds to. Also, start a new thread asking for a review. Then all the responses will be about your profile, and only your profile. Good Luck.
Edit: UrsulaMajor beat me to it. You changed that photo pretty quick, too. | |
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| Only getting twenty emails a day. I must be doing something wrong.
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:36:00 PM | Hank,
I'm not sure what your intentions are with this profile but any which way you slice it I think you've got a winner. Dating? Sure. Long term? There are probably a few that'd latch on to this. Hang out/activity partner/IE? Fcuk yeah! You seem like a big screaming ball of fun crammed into a dusty, crotchety, poorly wrapped, dollar store birthday present. You are nothing yet everything all at the same time.
I didnt' find the profile that long but I'm sure it was lengthy, although not nearly as long as John's (HiyaHello). But I bet if we did a word count and removed the random line breaks from his you'd take the kitty here. I thought it was fun and fresh, even thought it was riddled with sarcasm and cynicism. I'd say if you are serious about dating and wanting to meet someone, even if for some casual company or a friend, you may want to consider including some more info on who you are as a person and who the potential woman might be. What you have is mainly anecdotal, although very entertaining.
The only part I saw where you fell short in your profile was during the train wreck story. I felt you could have finished it off so much better with a "I didn't slip a drop. I did however require a change of shorts" or "I wet myself" or something else to that effect. Just a suggestion.
And if you are just aiming for pure amusement I'd suggest retaking that shot of you in the black sweater/jacket, but this time hiking it up to expose your left nipple, or maybe painting a face on your azzcheeks and having a conversation with the camera. Show us your 12-pack. Take a few cellphone pictures at arms length or into a mirror. And if you can combine a number of these you are golden. Entertainment profiles, when done properly, make the day go by so much smoother.
Anyhow, kudos my friend. You kept my attention throughout. And I don't take my ADD meds ever so that's a feat. | |
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