| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:56:05 PM | Are men under too much pressure to perform sexually in every aspect of sex? ie: must ejaculate at all times, I never ejaculate. Also have problems with condoms, show my tackle a condom, it deflates
Now how would you ladies out there help in this department, and would any problem hinder a relationship? | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/10/2008 10:07:10 PM | OP...You never ejaculate? Have you seen a doctor? I mean you're pretty young yet. Has that always been the case? What would be the point of having sex if you can't ejaculate to orgasm? I've heard of men who can reach orgasm without ejaculating but that's only every once in a while.
If my s/o had trouble ejaculating every now & then it wouldn't be a big deal but I'd worry if it was all the time-I think the pressure would be on ME - not him - to get him there.
My ex b/f had problems wearing the condoms too and we would use as much oral foreplay before hand till he was good & hard & then make a mad dash to get it on. We literally had 30 secs or so (maybe a minute) but if I could get him inside me quickly-it stayed hard. He told me about this right up front and I was ok with it. I looked at it as a challenge. Of course there were times when we'd have to start over if he couldn't get the condom on in time or whatever....it made it even better sometimes because we'd revert back to the foreplay again. If someone cares for you-she'll work with you...or on you...
HR | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/10/2008 10:12:12 PM | | Yes I have seen doctors, and none of them can come up (excuse the pun) with a solution, one response was that women like a man who stays hard, which was a total waste of time in my eyes. | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/10/2008 10:20:30 PM | | I never feel pressured. When I am with a woman, I get my pleasure from her pleasure. If part of that involves me in her, then so be it. I enjoy the feeling of control I have over her when I am the cause of the sounds she makes, or the shivers that run down her body. | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:21:47 AM | | Sometimes over thinking the situation makes it more difficult to achieve what you want! You may be putting stress on yourself where no stress need be! Most women are caring and understanding and very helpful with their partners! Just sit back and relax - find pleasure in each other and turn off your negative though process! | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:41:08 AM | You say you never ejaculate - is this only when you're with a partner or can you ejaculate by yourself?
What kind of help do you think a woman could offer you if doctors haven't been able to give you proper answers?
And what exactly do you mean by feeling that you're under too much pressure?
Does this happen only when you're with a new partner, or is this something you feel all the time, even with a long term partner?
Inquiring mind wants to know. 
| |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:05:04 AM | | Just get some head and call it a day man. No pressure when brains are involved! | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:11:20 AM |
Sometimes over thinking the situation makes it more difficult to achieve what you want! You may be putting stress on yourself where no stress need be!
That's sage advice.
I am curious, however, as to how you've never ejaculated. Have you mastered the Tantric technique of having an orgasm without ejaculating or have you seriously never had a proper orgasm? | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:00:13 PM | I can sometimes manage by myself, although I try not to, lol
As for what a woamn can do I have no idea as I have tried most things with women. | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:13:34 PM | My last girlfriend constantly critiqued everything that I did negatively. Which is funny cause for the past ten years everyone has been positive. So positive, even if things end badly I still get calls for things.
The last gf that I was not good enough in bed for did try to teach me, but then she ended up contradicting herself. It just lead me to believe that I wasn't right for her. | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:18:24 PM | You try not to manage by yourself???
Why not? Do you feel there is something dirty or wrong about masturbating?
Try this. As a gal who can't O during sex, I am working on this (lightly, as it doesn't actually bother me). When I masturbate, I try to use imagery of "my guy" doing things to me that he actually does during sex. Like, instead of some random fantasy, I'll imagine he's giving me oral sex. That way, I am teaching my body to respond with an O to oral sex.
So if you have a sexual partner, when she's not with you and you are feeling free and relaxed, masturbate to orgasm, but use thoughts of her and imagine you are having sex with her at tha tmoment, that it is not your hand.
And let go of any guilt about masturbating...not a thing wrong with it. Esp if you have a history of having problems already. That's certainly standard advice for us women - that we need to learn to pleasure ourselves to O before we will be able to O with someone else.
Also, another thing you can do, is let her give you hand jobs - with a good dollop of hand cream. That is one step closer to orgasming during intercourse. You are doing it with another person present, but you aren't "performing".
Think "baby steps".
I have had a partner who had difficulty achieving O during intercourse. his problem was partly his age, and partly b/c he was lovin' his hand a bit too much. Anyway, it truly didn't bother me. Basically we'd be together over a day and a half and have sex 3 times...and by the 3rd time he'd O. Then he was "done" b/c of the recovery time needed. So it was sorta a good thing. Anyway...that's another thing you can try is LOOONG extended lovemakin'. Frolic in bed, take a nap, have pizza, have more sex, take another nap, have some dinner, have more nooky, etc. Make it a sexual holiday. over the extended period of time the barriers should start to fall, you should start to feel more open to experimenting with each other's bodies, etc. I don't know, might help, might not - would def have to be someone you were really comfy with.
Good luck...I"m just trying to think of ideas, being female, can't exactly relate.
kaylie | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:27:36 PM | | It seems funny how men are expected to jump through hoops to make sure that every possible bit of pleasure must be given to the women but women don't have any pressure or really care if they're perfect at love making or not. It seems like women's egos are so huge in bed they think that they're perfect at love making just because they show up. Big news flash, there are just as many women who are LOUSY in bed as men. | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:14:45 PM | Listen to Kaylie, she is right on the money as far as I am concerned. I have read that any woman is capable of more frequent O than any man, and I have met a couple of ladies over the years that I could not begin to keep up with in that department. But I don't see it as a competition, so my advice is to enjoy her pleasure when it happens and enjoy your own when it happens. I refuse to look at sexual relations as a 'performance' akin to gymnastics where I am measured according to some standard.
My experience is supported by previous posters, that most ladies are not demanding we lads be sexual athletes with Olympic skills. They want a man who cares about them and shows it, who takes his time to find out what they need and tries to provide it, who has a sense of humour when things go astray, and who keeps his enthusiasm for doing better next time.
Of course, if you have a medical problem see a doctor and find out what is possible. If you got your head bent out of shape and cannot fix it on your own, see a counselor. Most ladies I know or read in these forums want to know that you will address a concern if they raise it; they would be disappointed if you refuse to do so out of either embarassment or resignation.
In the last 100 or so years all of our beliefs and attitudes about men and women and sex have changed, hopefully for the better. If a lady is putting pressure on you, try asking her how she would like to be treated if the shoe was on the other foot! Sure I would like every lady I get to play with to have the best ever O in her whole life the first time, and have it just get better from there until we both reach 100 years old. Wouldn't we all, if we really care about our partners? But let's be realistic. It is not going to reach that high a standard very often, if ever, and it is far better to be satisfied with what we have as long as it is good enough. It does seem to me that it goes better when both parties are relaxed and comfortable and paying attention to their partner than when either one is worrying over what is happening and on what schedule. | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:22:33 PM | I hate condums. One of the posts said they had 30 seconds to maybe a minute. That is a nice dream for me. I have always struggled with them.
Now as far as performance is concerned, he won't work if he isn't attracted to the woman. Now you say of course, why are you having sex if you are not attracted. Kind of like my marriage. We had great sex at the beginning. Once we got to the point where we had to ask if the other was in the mood, he was done. In fact I thought he was done for good. But I met a lady had great sex with her a little less than 3 months, and found out he did indeed work. So performance is no issue unless a condom is needed, than who cares about performance, because it isn't happening. | |
|
| |
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:43:33 PM | I don't always ejaculate, except with one woman from last year. (Last year was a great year for me, apparently!)
I don't ever feel any pressure, and I don't put any pressure on my partner. | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:23:35 AM |
It seems funny how men are expected to jump through hoops to make sure that every possible bit of pleasure must be given to the women but women don't have any pressure or really care if they're perfect at love making or not. It seems like women's egos are so huge in bed they think that they're perfect at love making just because they show up. Big news flash, there are just as many women who are LOUSY in bed as men.
i was thinking this.... | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:15:29 AM | ^^^^
Yes, but... what does it have to do with the topic? Seems like an off topic rant to me, and a bitter one at that. For the record, just as many men are bad at it as women are, and perhaps more. While men may think they are jumping through hoops, some of them are just plain selfish lovers.
Also have problems with condoms, show my tackle a condom, it deflates This is a psychological problem. Trust me, your tackle does not have eyes. | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:54:18 AM | Indeed, the old penis deflating condom. It happens to me too, especially when I try to hurry.
If I have too much trouble, I just have my partner help me.  | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:15:57 AM | | I think it's pretty "bitter" when someone points out that maybe, just maybe it's not only men that should take all the pressure of being the perfect lover, and a women has to come back with the old cliche "he must be bitter" statement to try and deflect the topic. People really need to come up with more original material in here. It makes me laugh. | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:58:17 AM |
It seems funny how men are expected to jump through hoops to make sure that every possible bit of pleasure must be given to the women but women don't have any pressure or really care if they're perfect at love making or not. It seems like women's egos are so huge in bed they think that they're perfect at love making just because they show up. Big news flash, there are just as many women who are LOUSY in bed as men.
News flash, some women feel the same way. I feel there is always room for improvement and try to stay up to par :) I think it is a matter of optimizing the pleasure for your partner and if both people are doing that, then everything shold be fine. | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:28:54 AM | No ejaculation...big problem as almost all women view you eventually having an orgasm as an important thing.
As far as the condom thing, you're probably deflating because you're losing focus for a moment. Try this...talk to her, let her know about your "getting it unrolled and on performance anxiety". Give her the condom and tell her that when she's giving head and stroking it that at some point, unwrap the condom and roll it on for you.
Another thing is, while she is doing that (BJ, HJ), have her turn herself so that you have easy access to her so you can play with her while she's doing the condom unrolling. Typically, most guys truly enjoy giving their girl pleasure, so if you are able to focus on that, my guess is she's going to be able to take better care of you.
 | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:44:10 AM | maybe its a blockage, call the plumber:P
unless you have been shoving ear buds down the hole im not sure how you wouldnt be able to. You should speak to a surgeon i think! | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:00:04 AM | | You need to be asking a physician instead of the girl next door! ...either that or find someone who TURNS YOU ON!!! | |
|
| Sexual performance.........
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:59:08 AM | | Ummm, there are alot of real sex therapists out there that could probably help you OP on this...sounds like to me that something happened maybe when you were a child and are repressing it..or just call Dr Phil...........if you have had this problem with all women that is my suggestion................as for women expect perfection, no not true cause men/women are not perfect when it comes to the bedroom..thats where the enjoyment of learning from each other what spots turn each other on, what actions are just left alone etc etc. | |
|
Home
login 
