| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 3:50:23 AM | Does anyone know the actual medical cause of the pain just above the belly you get when you split with someone?
I was thinking about it the other day, and I realised that there has to be something that's physically going on inside the body, in order to produce this 'feeling'.
Could it be adrenaline?
Or minute, muscle contractions?
Anyone got any ideas? | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:08:52 AM | | Sounds like a hurt and broken heart to me. Just take care of yourself and chill out for a while. | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:40:59 AM | ;) I knew that dude... Just I was wondering what was 'physically' causing it
=P | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:42:47 AM | I knew that dude... Just I was wondering what was 'physically' causing it
First of all, I am NOT a dude.
When we hurt mentally, it hurts physically too. That is what causes the pain. We all know what stress can do...........
Give yourself some time, stay busy, take on a new interest and make some new friends. It may be difficult at first, but as you get out there more, it will become easier with time and the pain will fade. Give yourself a break. If you think it's more serious, then I would advise you to go see a doctor and get a physical. | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:15:17 AM | | Not sure what causes it but know it is real. Once there was this guy ... each time we tried to break the thought of the relationship we would physically get sick. After about three months of this we just decided it best to live through the sickness and break. Just this month after a 10 month break he has re-surfaced still sick from the break. Have to admit I think of him so many times a day as he does me. Makes no sense but it is real and real for both of us. Keeps me from moving on ... so if anyone can nail this question with a solution -- like the OP I'd appreciate it. | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:37:28 AM | Hi OP
It's grief and the upward surge you feel is both part addictive withdrawal and part anger (we feel angry when something we regard as 'our territory' is taken from us). There may also be shock - which can cause the response to get frozen as the mind tries to figure out what the hell just happened before it allows the feelings to come through and there may be other things going on in there too. I tend to think of it as a rising compulsion to go get back the thing lost.
You have to watch out for depression - there'll be sadness but if it turns into depression you need to get help.
It all passes if you allow your mind to sink down to meet it and stay with it for a while. Having a good cry helps the process and accepting it and going through the process rather than analysing it too much will get it to pass sooner - trying to figure it out mentally can actualy be a denial tactic. Let it through and clear it out. | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:40:09 AM | | I don't know of the actual medical cause, but the area is often referred to as the "solar plexus." I also get a "burning" pain in that region when I experience the loss of a significant relationship. What has worked best for me, is to sit with it, and meditate. Ekhart Tolle, who wrote "The Power of Now" would refer to it as the "pain body." He says that our ruminations in our head feed this pain body, and to let go of thoughts and sit with the pain, then the pain subsides. Not sure if that helps, but I don't know about the medical cause...I do know this feeling, though. | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:53:54 AM | If you really liked the relationship/person, it sucks to get dumped! It's the rejection thing. The middle of my back hurts (had 2 'shredded heart experiences) and the sleepless nights of wondering what went wrong. Medical? I think it's an emotional thing which in turn messes with your body.
It took me several months on the first 'dumping' because we had dated about 6-8 months and I finally told him I was unhappy going to the same bar every Friday/Saturday night watching him get messed up and doing kareoke (sp?) and I was also NOT going to buy the groceries for every time we ate, which was several times a week. He got pissed because I make more $$ than he does and expected me to take that into consideration.
2nd broken heart: The sparks were flying and the chemistry was good. Got dumped because I go to bed too early and that automatically makes me an 'old hide'! For the love of God, I work 4/10's and yes, Quakers have more excitement than I do Sunday-Wednesday! My alarm goes off at 4:30AM...out the door by 5:30AM! My job is important to me...ya think?
I try to remind myself that I am a good woman, good looking and NOT 'an old hide'! I have the right to go to bed when I need to, so I am 'fit for duty'! That I DO have the right to express my needs/wants and to not feel used. If a man can't handle that, even though I didn't initiate the break-up, it still sucks.
Look yourself in the mirror and say: "WOW! I AM worthy of a good mate!" | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:19:21 AM | In a nut shell version: I can give you the spiritual reason. ok, this might sound a little strange to those who have never studied the chakras, but that region of the body that you speak of is called the solar plexus /manipura. When your solar plexus is calm, you have the power of peace, and using the full potential of the desire body, you have that full momentum of the "pacific ocean" of water molded in a matrix of love.
In other words, all outside energy comes through this area of the body, so when your disrupted and hurt you'll get a aweful feeling in that area. Have you ever heard the saying, "my gut feeling...." or "I have a gut feeling...."
It's the portal if you will of incoming and out going energy from yourself as well as incoming energy from others. Disrupted or not disrupted.
Hey, but you don't have to believe it. If it "feels" right, you know it's right" if it feels not right, the solar plexus feels that also.... so it's a gage so to speak of negative and positive energies. It is were emotionally we feel the pain the most, besides the heart chakra, etc.
"Take what you want and leave the rest" as a good friend of mine once said to me. Please don't think it's a nutty concept. At least consider it.
I hope in time you heal.
Chela | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:15:29 AM | | there have been studies that a "broken heart" is a real physical symptom, that's why you get the increased heart rate, the chest pain, and the sick feeling in your gut | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:21:37 AM | | Excessive acid produced by stressful thoughts. | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:28:02 AM | | Lifeisnow, why did you decide to split if you don't mind my asking? | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:32:38 AM | Could it be GERD? If your body has it's weakness in the stomach or related areas, that's where trouble will surface.
In order to soothe the discomfort, try some DGL, which is available through natural pharmacies. This won't hurt you if there's nothing wrong with you. It's a natural remedy.
I'm not overlooking your anguish of a break up, but the body is in a stressed state and physical ailments will follow in a lot of cases. | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:33:32 AM | Hey there Wheelnut
The pain that you’re feeling is caused by STRESS. The actual name of the pain is called an Oesophageal spasm. This area is where the oesophagus meets the stomach. It is connected there to the tenth Vagus nerve. This nerve carries sensory and motor neurons serving the heart, lungs, stomach, intestines, and various other organs. It is extremely active when we are in a heightened state of emotion or stress. What it does is releases acids into this portion of the stomach thus causing a spasm there. Compound this with the emotions we feel during a split and it is a gut wrenching pain. I hope this answers your question.
Things to be avoided at this time are caffeine drinks and aspirin. They will increase the acids and the pain. Try taking some antacids and focus your thoughts on something new.
You will get over it.
Ron
Ron | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:55:28 AM | | fantastic- I've always wanted to know that- thanks mate | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:54:45 AM | | I don't know if there is a medical cause but I think that pain might be focused there because of the sense of sudden detachment, as you experience at birth. That area is where the umbellical cord was attached. The memory of birth is powerfully engrained in your subconscious memory, as it was a painful shocking experience. Similar wounds would theoretically evoke the memory of that pain, manifested in your naval area. | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:57:48 AM | ABC6587
Lack of time to be together but extremely connected to each other on a mental, emotional and spiritual/soul plane -- we became more phone buddies and email buddies. Both of us are business owners and both very involved with our own children. Everytime (9 out of 10 times -- no lie) we set something up a real situation reared it's ugly head, be it business or personal, which prevented us from getting together. In the end -- in so many ways we're mirror images of each other yet our differences set us a world a part without personal time to enjoy each other. If is wasn't his schedule/business it was mine. If it wasn't his children it was mine. Neither of us dated another person from the time we met and ironically come to find out neither of us have dated in the 10 month period of seperation. Both trying to move on just not ready. We have the same morals/character, same love for our children and same convictions regarding community and making the world a better place but we didn't want a guy/gal palship from the other as way too much sexual desire existed. We understood the friendship would circumvent the other allowing for another involvement in their life as we tried that approach first-- we decided to split and allow the other to find a mate they could actually date.
Why did you ask ?? | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 3:15:29 PM | | (Scratching my head) I can't pretend to understand other people's lives, I am sure it makes perfect sense for YOU, but to me, it's either way too wise, or way too dumb. You have that once-in-a-time compatibility (heck, to many people it NEVER happens), and you run away from each other because you can't find time for each other in your busy schedules? And now you are on a dating site looking for someone else? Confused. | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/11/2008 3:49:58 PM | | Well, we thought about just getting married as that would solve the immediate situation -- but then -- why ??? I would rather spend quality time getting to know someone than say marrying them to get to know them. He said, "We've left things undone" -- undone is only undone if it leaves both of us undone -- if it continues for an extended amount of time -- guess we'll fess up undying love for each other and marry ... until then -- I'd rather just think of him ... marriage to solve time issues is scary to me. His kids live in another state alittle over an hour away. He sees them every day after work, coaches them in three different sports (all but 6 weeks of the year) so he's home at 9:30-10:30 PM after cutting out of work at 2:30 everyday to make the trip. I am the parent of a child that has been kidnapped and stalked for a few years so that marriage out of the blue would be a hugh adjustment for my child...as the two of us (Jim/myself) have hardly had time for each other we never interfaced our kids into the relationship. I also own an addiction control center -- not a nine to five and I'm up at 5:30 AM during the school year. So, even if we married for the next 6 and half years we'd see each other from 9:30-10:30 PM until well I get up at 5:30 AM (exhaustion) but the quality of our emails and phone conversations would rock with love, understanding and support. We do agree with you that we're well suited for each other in most respects -- time being the major expection as he adjusted to my line of work. However -- I really feel I need more of him than I can get and him respectively. He has spoken up in the past week -- so I'm giving thought again -- | |
|
| |
| |
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:51:49 AM | sure what causes it but know it is real. Once there was this guy ... each time we tried to break the thought of the relationship we would physically get sick. After about three months of this we just decided it best to live through the sickness and break. Just this month after a 10 month break he has re-surfaced still sick from the break. Have to admit I think of him so many times a day as he does me. Makes no sense but it is real and real for both of us. Keeps me from moving on ... so if anyone can nail this question with a solution -- like the OP I'd appreciate
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To lifeisnow: Why dont you two just get back together? Assuming it's not a long distance separation...nor that either of you was dysfunctional or criminal...But, get prepared for you do, hoping in the sack without discussing correcting past dissimilarities will not work very long, I know.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
More has been revealed: (((Lack of time to be together but extremely connected to each other on a mental, emotional and spiritual/soul plane ...9 out of 10 times we set something up a real situation reared it's ugly head business or personal. in so many ways we're mirror images of each other yet our differences set us a world a part without personal time to enjoy each other. If is wasn't his schedule/business it was mine. .....We have the same morals/character, same love for our children and same convictions . .. we decided to split and allow the other to find a mate they could actually date.)))
Well, speaking of similarities and differences....how's that gonna work? You mean you hope you can find someone just as good and who with plenty of spare flextime to have dates, etc? THEY DON'T EXIST. When you find that possible true love, YOU KEEP IT!
Come on! I'm sad for you both (but don't listen to me, I don't know either of you). If you know you have hectic schedules....then you won't get mad if someone cancels a date. If Loverboy has a big job to finish, YOU GO HELP HIM (get a babysitter, etc)...If YOU HAVE A BIG JOB, loverboy comes over and helps you.
You may not get a lot of sex or trips to Vegas, but for an hour some weekday nite, you have someone to sit with on a park bench and hold hands.
| |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:05:14 PM | Olyman38 & ABC6587
This isn't my thread and I'm not trying to ask for advise on a forum. While in the relationship we tried to get together once/twice a week and it played itself out to once every 5-6 weeks with every intention of seeing each other more regularly. Had I not had to reschedule as much as he I would have sworn I was the other woman. He's a great guy ... not a question about it .... we're both on the same page as to what we want for each other with our relationship in mind and that is what is important .... personally ...... we love each other and want the other to be happy ... our cycle drove us both nuts (or at least me) with an understanding and caring for the other despite the situation .... for two people that live about 35 minutes from each other it turned out to be more like a long distance relationship .... maybe we'll make concessions but that too is between us ........ he's swung back as he misses something ...... we're thinking about it ....... maybe and maybe not ............... thank you both for your insights and thoughts coupled with raw curiousity and concern ....... again ..... I'm not the OP .... although getting back together is a solution to the question of the OP it wasn't exactly the question/answer at hand ... maybe fresh eyes are better than life ............. | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:18:26 PM | I would say it is stress. When you try and comprehend to many thoughts about differant things at one time, you will feel like that. And its not good on a person.
I'd say, chill and get your mind on something else. | |
|
| The split 'pain'
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:24:01 PM | Lifeisnow, You have a differant thing going on. If you are having thoughts on things
like you say, and you are only 35 minutes apart. Find someone real quick to take your
mind off of him! Thats the only way! | |
|
Home
login 
