| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:26:40 AM | I just want to say something here. And I'm not sure if this is the right category to write this subject. So I am curious to see if this thread also gets deleted, but here it goes; I want to tell all the women how rewarding it is in so many ways, to not need to have a date set up 2X a week to feel complete. I have spent a lot of my time since I've gotten divorced and grown up a bit, just learning new things, having fun hobbies, and learning how to accept myself, without a man. I realize that this isn't 'cool' or 'hip', but I feel so much better than I did during the time when I did need to be on a date every weekend. I am so much happier now. I'm not kidding. I love to be in my own space and do whatever I want. I really didn't like having to answer to anyone else, even if it's a man. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be in a relationship again. And then I think; that would be okay too. I am capable of being on my own. Those days when I used to need to be out in clubs or with guys are now a bad memory. And I really don't miss that lifestyle.
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:37:42 AM | i have the hope that someday women in their younger years would, to a greater extent, develop themselves without relying on men to justify their existence.
learning more about cooking, gardening, arts, exercising, taking a step away from the intensive dating scene and watch human behavior and see the problems and figure out how to avoid them.
getting caught up in a cycle of relentlessly being seen to have men surrounding you may work great for an ego, but is it really completely satisfying? there has to be some emptyness associated with it. there's dependency issues that could be overcome and then a gal wouldn't feel like she lacks control in her life. | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:45:54 AM | | This isn't a gender issue. I think you said it best that you have grown up a bit. Now that you have found yourself you may find the next relationship will be more on easy going terms with a friend that becomes that special person in your life. You won't be forcing a relationship "dating" but rather just a natural evolution . Good luck because you sound like you may have changed in a positive way. Now that you have changed just remember to let the walls down a little. Not all the memories have to be bad. | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:49:33 AM | | I think we learn the most about our selfs in our alone time becasue it's when we have to face ourselfs both the good and the bad side. we also grown in that time as we have more time for ourself and intrest.. | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/11/2008 3:51:21 PM | | Good for you! It's only when you can be happy and content with yourself that you can really be a good companion for someone else. Now that you don't have the need to find someone I'll bet you find it much easier to connect with someone "real". | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:13:20 PM | | OP Isn't it great when we reach that stage? Enjoy! and like another poster said, be careful not to build them walls too high... | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:19:32 PM | Well aren't you just the special one to have figured that out all by your lonesome!
FYI, Just because we are on a dating site does not mean we are looking for a different date every night. Assuming that we are all desperate and speaking to us as if we are two years old and in awe of your words of wisdom will not win you any points here. Many of us are highly intelligent people who figured out the drivel you are spouting back when we were in our twenties. We do not need a man to complete us and we can have as much fun on our own than we can have with a date. We are not here to complete ourselves, we are here to enhance our experiences and to broaden our options. What you feel the need to tell all the women here, most of us already know. | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:24:56 PM | | It has always been my personal philosophy that you can not truly be happy with another person until you can be truly happy by yourself. It has taken me a few years to come to terms with this, through consequence and circumstance, love and hate; however, through it all I have discovered what I truly desire in life and what I seek in a woman. The follies of youth, painful and brutal at times, are merely valuable stepping stones to the foundations of our lives. | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:29:33 PM | | I know just how you feel but it seems like every time I voice my opinion about this I am called a man hater or some man will tell me that he feels useless around me because I don`t have anything to fix for him. | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:15:30 PM | How funny huh?
Another man] on this site suggested that I should start a thread about this.
I do like men who fix things, but all in all I enjoy my independence. I work all week, and on the weekends I do what I want.
Assuming that we are all desperate and speaking to us as if we are two years old and in awe of your words of wisdom will not win you any points here. Many of us are highly intelligent people who figured out the drivel you are spouting back when we were in our twenties. Hmmmm interesting, very interesting. 'Highly intelligent', interesting.
I wonder what other interesting posts will come. | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:00:51 PM |
Well aren't you just the special one to have figured that out all by your lonesome!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOH grab the popcorn.............
^^BG^^ | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:43:32 PM | cat fight? 
no need in having insults here. ~~ let's all be respectful and act like grown-ups!
but i'd still like to see a good cat fight! lol
Some women found their independence of men early in life, others later, many much later, often after a divorce. what the OP is suggesting is that there is a wonderful feeling in being COMPLETE without needing to confrom to what society might dictate as far as a woman needing to always get dates and have to rely on a man to have that feeling. Of course she'd want a man and none of her circumstance makes ur undatable...I say the contrary - she devloped herself and is not an EMPTY BIMBO like many women float about though in time even the undeveloped slowly mature. I strongly encourage women to get themselves developed in her teen years and not focus on giving some teen guys a good BJ or whatever is the focus these days!
A GOOD MAN WOULD APPRECIATE A WOMAN WHO SHOWS SHE HAS A BRAIN AND ACTUALLY USES IT! | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:19:23 PM |
...a good BJ ... LOL! Well now that is one thing that I learned to do in my teen years, and well.  | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/13/2008 11:35:39 PM | | this thread got so little notice and i am wondering why. do women scoff at the idea of being an autonomous individual for preference of dependency on men? from many posts in the forums i hear the independent claims of women, but maybe that's only in words with nothing to back it up? | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/13/2008 11:47:36 PM | Hi there, I read your post with great interest and the subsequent threads from others.
All I can say is this.....
I joined POF, without really knowing much about dating sites.... I have had the opportunity to email and chat with some very interesting people, some of whom have expanded my repertoire of French films, others of whom have stretched my one brain cell enough to look up other subjects, I might not ordinarily have researched.
Dating sites, I have learned, can be about making cool and interesting friends. I firmly believe in the old adage, that you may more than likely, find your soulmate, when you least expect it!!!!
Well, whether, in my case, I find that person or not, as the case may be, I am sure making some very interesting friends along the way... Life is beautiful....
Thankyou all my friends on POF, who make my life rewarding....  | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:43:42 AM | When I made a response to this thread with a highly sarcastic tone, it was in response to the OP's phrase, "I want to tell all the women" comment. As if she's had some sort of grand epiphany that the rest of us could not figure out on our own. I was hoping she'd have enough wit to make the thread an interesting debate but could not even pull off a sufficient insult to my intelligence, though she did try.
Halfalien, there is a big difference in being dependent and being needy. The OP really did come up with a very good topic of discussion. The majority of the women here are very independent. We support ourselves, pay our own bills and we do not need men to take care of us. However, we do seek and need the attention that goes with a relationship. None of us wants to be alone. Yet there are many out there with an over abundance of insecurities that make them a bit too needy. As the OP says, we don't need a date every weekend, we don't need constant attention and all of us need to be comfortable with ourselves before we can be comfortable with a relationship. | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:22:02 AM | Do we need to cue the montage and inspirational 1980's music now?
I think everybody can exist by themselves but John Donne was on to something. We do better as a species when we're interacting with others. | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:19:08 AM | | I'm with ya OP, except although I am fine on my own as well, I would rather be sharing my life with someone. | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:03:20 AM | I love being on my own..................But, I wouldnt mind finding someone to share my contentment with. He could live next door. Or better yet......down the block...........
Having or not having a date is the last thing on my list, however.........well maybe in the middle of the list......................OK 4th from the top
Soooooo I already knew how rewarding it is to not feel I NEED a date. And how rewarding it is to be on my own and not have angst about not having a man.
I know this is going to sound really bad................but.......when I saw the title what came to mind was dildo and enemas and couldnt figure how the two went together.......... I know I know 30 lashes.........lol it was just that first glance thing.....I must be having a "sick" day............ | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:42:41 AM | to be content with one's self, to not feel one has to perform to do anything of society but decides to engage when one authentically feels like it, to really love one's own company without needing anyone to feel great is something i find few younger women experience with all the emphasis on looking pretty for others, to show off in public whenever possible (via make-up, clothes, car, purses, shoes, hair style), to spend so much time talking about celebrities and other people in their relationships, having music as an obsession and be overly dependent upon men.
developing the mind to be at ease is a wonderful feeling that, for women, often comes after a divorce or an advanced age. to me, i think they missed out. I tutored HUNDREDS of women returning back to school and listened to what they told me. You can disgree with me, but if so, you'd be disgreeing with the women who told their stories. They eventually figured it out and they feel more complete and more satisfied. | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:36:14 PM | Stringbeen, I feel the exact same way. I do like going out on dates sometimes, but I won't DIE if I don't. I have always loved my "alone" time anyway, and I learned years ago to be self sufficient and to do things for myself. (example: bought a new gas grill with side burner, and put it together myself. I don't have the patience to wait around for some guy to do it for me!)
So my feelings right now are...if I don't end up in a relationship again, it's really ok with me. If I do, then that is great. I hope that this means that if I do have a relationship again someday, it'll be because it's someone I WANT to be with, not because I feel I NEED someone. | |
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| Dating Dilemnas~~~
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:22:11 PM |
...(example: bought a new gas grill with side burner, and put it together myself. I don't have the patience to wait around for some guy to do it for me!)
Oh I don't think that I could figure that out. But I have learned a lot about computers that I didn't know when I was in my 20's or even 30's.
I do know that when I stopped focusing on men/boys/dating and started taking all kinds of college courses and learning stuff that was totally new to me that I kinda began investing in myself and felt more that I could have more to offer. And also the kind of men that I am attracted to are nothing like the ones from years ago.
I used to be a bit more competitive with other women also, and lately have not felt that way. Maybe growing up or maybe finally realizing that life is more than a club scene. And that I can really have men as friends instead of thinking of every man I meet as possible 'relationship' material. | |
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Oh my! I wasn't trying to 'pull off' anything. I merely didn't feel the need to engage with you. I think that you 'insult your intelligence' enough on your own. You seem like a victim.