| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:42:51 AM | I just don't get it. Honestly.
I am trying to be sincere and consise, polite and funny, all while still making it obvious that it's FLIRTATION - and 99% of the time I get nothing in response!
I don't bother contacting women who don't seem to be compatible, and I always concentrate on personality, things in common, etc. Never just a "Wow, you're hot!" Although I will point out what I find attractive...
More often than not, I don't even get 'viewed' by these girls. They all seem to be saying the same thing: sense of humor, personality, caring, compassionate, etc. etc. etc ... which is ALL me, but I don't even get a cursory glance?
So help me out... tell me what I'm missing. What is the red flag or the turn off about me that is causing this to be so difficult.
I really do appreciate the time, thanks. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:51:14 AM |
They all seem to be saying the same thing: sense of humor, personality, caring, compassionate, etc. etc. etc ... which is ALL me, but I don't even get a cursory glance?
So... you figured time to start an attention seeking thread to get more than just a glance? I see....
Damn it... Angela's gonna hurt another animal now... I hate that.
More often than not, I don't even get 'viewed' by these girls
You don't know if they viewed you or not... they could be in "stealth" mode... I always am.
*hides her kittens*
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:58:31 AM | Maybe you think that your messages are obvious flirtations but the women don't..... *note to self... anytime a man "flirts" with me in his opening message, don't be offended*
Don't *flirt* in your opening message! Many women find this a complete turn off! If she is interested in you, there will be plenty of time for that later.
Thank goodness this thread started..... it's after 12 noon here and now I've got my daily dose of the "NG" thread.... all is right in the world.
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:58:51 AM | That was kinda rude of you to suggest... I'm not seeking an 'attention getting thread' ... I wanted some opinions and answers to my question. Isn't that kind of the point?
I do realize the 'viewed me' stealth thing, but I just assumed most people didn't do that.
Really, even if they are viewing, it still leaves me with the question of what is it that they are seeing that they don't like?
But hey, I'm probably just throwing a pity party, right? I couldn't POSSIBLY just want a straightforward answer... | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:01:08 AM | Ah, cool, so I've now been lumped into the whole "NG" running joke...
When I said 'flirting' I didn't necessarily mean the standard come ons and one liners... i just meant that I was making it obvious that I was interested. After all, this isn't like trying to pick up someone in the grocery store or anywhere else that women aren't actively seeking someone else's attention... this IS a dating site, it's the entire point! | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:01:23 AM |
So help me out... tell me what I'm missing.
I can't do that. I have no idea.
However, to assist your sanity level, I'll give you a piece of advice.
When you come across a profile for a woman who interests you, you compose the email to her and hit send.
Go to Step 2:
Click over to your "Sent Messages" area and delete the email you just sent her. Immediately.
You will never know if it was read, unread...deleted, not deleted.
You will no longer be peeking in that area to see what the 'status' is.
Just send it, delete it...and let it go. Don't think about it again.
Best of luck. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:02:46 AM | | Hmm... deleting them might be good advice... but I doubt my natural curiosity will allow it! | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:04:18 AM | More often than not, I don't even get 'viewed' by these girls.
First off, it is very possible they have this feature turned off. If you go into your Mail Settings, you can change the "Allow a user to see I viewed their profile" to 'yes' or 'no'. I ALWAYS keep mine turned off, so no one will ever know that I viewed their profile. :-)
Secondly, women do want a man with a sense of humor, personality, who's caring, compassionate, etc, however if we're not physically attracted to him, then the most you're probably ever going to be is just a friend. That's what happens when you're human, I suppose!
There could be many reasons why a woman wouldn't respond, it's hard to pinpoint just one. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:06:38 AM |
I am the type of guy who is happiest in a relationship - I will not be satisfied with just a hookup or one or two dates.
Sounds like you may become a little clingy and not easily moved along if the situation does not work out! A bit stocker like! | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:06:55 AM | Hey danaconda..... take a little good natured ribbing, will ya? It's just that every day there are men that start threads just like this one.
By sending a woman a message you are already making it obvious that your are interested... flirting is not necessary.
Maybe you need to get a profile review done. Also, you might want to reevaluate your selection process.... if this is happening all the time, I'm afraid the common denominator is you. While it may not be *you*, who you are chosing to contact might be a big part of it. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:07:22 AM |
That was kinda rude of you to suggest... I'm not seeking an 'attention getting thread' ... I wanted some opinions and answers to my question
Rude? Nope, just honest.
Well... if it is not an attention seeking thread, then it won't be deleted.. right?
Anyone wants to bet that it will?
I do realize the 'viewed me' stealth thing, but I just assumed most people didn't do that.
Yep. Quite a few...
Honestly, the only time when I have a look at the "who viewed me" section is when I am bored out of my mind...
If they looked and did not email, it means they are not interested... so, who cares how many people viewed the profile?
Really, even if they are viewing, it still leaves me with the question of what is it that they are seeing that they don't like?
Dunno. But, if you were to post this in the profile review section there are lots of folks there who'll be happy to help y'a.
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:07:53 AM | First off, it is very possible they have this feature turned off. If you go into your Mail Settings, you can change the "Allow a user to see I viewed their profile" to 'yes' or 'no'. I ALWAYS keep mine turned off, so no one will ever know that I viewed their profile. :-)
Ok, so I guess that's a little more common than I assumed, but it's still not really the main point...
Physical attraction is obvious, but I always just sort of assume that when someone says that other things are more important than that, that they... you know... mean it!
I'm not some ogre or anything, but I know I am not everyone's type. If I choose whether or not to respond to a girl based on what she looks like, though, I'm a jerk?
For the record, I always respond. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:09:44 AM | Sounds like you may become a little clingy and not easily moved along if the situation does not work out! A bit stocker like!
Ok, I can reword that, I suppose... I just meant I am looking for something more than a one night stand. I want an ongoing thing... is that clingy? When I'm told there's no interest or what have you, I move along...
What's a stocker? | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:10:49 AM | 1) Online dating is a numbers game at some level. There are more men than women online for this and you are essentially competing against all other men who are emailing that same woman as well as every other male who is competing for her in her face to face life. The numbers tend to be stacked against us all to some degree.
2) Some women just aren't going to find you physically attractive back. It happens. The world moves on and so should you.
3) Your profile says you are a single father. To many women that denotes less time, attention and money going their way and headed towards someone else. (As it should but that's still going to turn off a lot of people)
Why are you getting rejected?
Well most people are getting rejected out there.
You are like most everyone else. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:12:49 AM | Dunno. But, if you were to post this in the profile review section there are lots of folks there who'll be happy to help y'a.
Can I please make it clear that i don't really care whatsoever if any of you review my profile? I asked a question, and am enjoying the responses and conversations stemming from it.
Feel free to not have anything further to do with it, since it's so offensive. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:16:15 AM | I think they meant that there are some areas of your profile which will probably have more than a few women saying "NEXT!", hence the advice to have your profile reviewed in the appropriate section.
So in essence, we ARE answering your question. :) | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:17:12 AM | | Woops sorry home sick in bed - my brain has shut down - I ment stalker!! But hey not saying you are - just saying the sentence sort of sounded like that could be the result of connecting. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:17:18 AM | To TheEmerald...
Thank you, that was a very nice response. I appreciate your sincerity.
I'm not really the type that will hide things from people - I do have children from my ex-wife, and I won't ever lie about it - but I think it's important that people are straightforward.
I guess my major concern is just that i find it overly rude to just completely ignore someone when they have put some time into something like an email or whatever. I'm polite - I kind of expect the same in return. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:19:27 AM | I think they meant that there are some areas of your profile which will probably have more than a few women saying "NEXT!", hence the advice to have your profile reviewed in the appropriate section.
So in essence, we ARE answering your question. :)
No, I understand that much, I am just pointing out that I chose this forum category on purpose, and for a reason. I didn't go to the review section, because that's not what i was seeking - although it seems that a couple here believe that it is. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:22:56 AM | You've been lumped with the NGs and the Pity guys because this question you have asked is so typical here in the forums.
We could rehash everything you should be doing but what is the point. Bottom line...if the girl is attracted to you she will respond, if she is not, then she won't. It's not about you and who you are, but about them and what they are looking for and what they want. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:25:18 AM | | Hmm... then perhaps we ought just not have forums altogether then? | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:25:49 AM |
I guess my major concern is just that i find it overly rude to just completely ignore someone when they have put some time into something like an email or whatever. I'm polite - I kind of expect the same in return.
...and unfortunately, that statement is what will get this thread deleted. No personal affront to you, but it's a redundant topic. A lot of people want to know why others are not responding. It's a common thread...(Bad pun.)
The bottom line is, people can offer good advice on the content of your profile. So yes, a profile review is a good thing. You may intend to write one thing, but when it's "read" it sounds much different than the intention.
As to rude vs polite? It's also been hashed out a million times on here, with no resolution. There won't be one.
Free Will.
People can choose to reply...or not reply.
The only thing you can control is your reaction.
Like I said...head to the 'sent msgs' area, and delete the email.
You'll be better off. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:29:32 AM | Sigh...
Nicky, I appreciate your advice.
However, what HASN'T been discussed on this forum? There are hundreds of threads on here...
And my rude/polite statement was an addendum, not the topic... | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:32:06 AM | "Hmm... then perhaps we ought just not have forums altogether then?"
WE??? No, we like the forums and there are thousands that enjoy them without breaking the rules by starting redundant threads another one for the mods to have to delete.
Just because YOU (not WE) haven't taken the time to learn how they do work, doesn't mean the rest of us haven't. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:33:09 AM | | Get a profile review. Your pictures to me say creepy. btw I just looked at your profile and you won't see I looked at it because I'm in stealth mode. | |
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