| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:55:03 AM | I wish there was a button to send a polite "not interested" like Match.com has!
I'm shocked at how many messages I've gotten here- over 80 in less than two days! Only a handful of people bothered to even attempt a conversation to show they'd read my profile and actually had something in common with me. Pretty much everyone else said "hey" "let's talk" or "you're cute". Just a note to guys out there, if you want someone to reply, give them something to reply to. Tell them why you are interested, what you have in common, etc. Without some common interest, I wonder why in the world people are messaging me! Without a conversation starter, you stick me with the burden of having to figure out what you were thinking.
Anyway, back to my question that is probably more applicable to women: when you get a lot of messages very quickly, do you feel obligated to reply to every single one with an "I'm not interested" message? Even to people who mail you even though they are the exact opposite of what you specifically said you wanted? To me that implies that they looked at my photo, want sex and don't care one bit about my personality!
What is proper POF etiquette? | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:18:10 AM | Welcome to POF...
My advice would be to respond to the people that look like they actually put some effort into contacting you. If its obvious that they spent some time trying to write to you, I think they deserve some type of response... even if its a "no thanks." | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:20:28 AM | I only reply to men I am interested in. End of story. AND I don't give a rat's patootie if this seems rude to everyone else. :-) "Read/deleted" IS a response, and a darn good one at that!
Too often than not when I DID reply to someone I wasn't interested in, I'd receive vulgar responses in return from these poor, poor scorn little boys. *rolls eyes* I couldn't be bothered anymore. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:26:32 AM | | I do read womens profile see if we have similar interests etc. I only message them if I am what she is looking for from what she wrote on her profile & my messages still get deleted. A lot of men on here probably copy & paste only because they might of took the time to write a real meaningful message to only get deleted. Its gets old after a while. I actually still write real messages & I am still here after a year. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:28:25 AM | well, you can put heavy restrictions/filters on who can contact you, that will significantly reduce the amount of emails you get to almost nothing.
But, I think most women actually enjoy getting all the emails, and thus don't | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:37:41 AM | Well, everyone has a different view about it...
Personally, I respond to everything. And yes, it does take quite some time on some days... but it just feels like proper courtesy to me.
Someone took the time to write me, so I write them back.
Now, just what my response is, all depends on the person and what they wrote.
If they're someone I'm interested in, of course I'll write back something nice.
If I'm not interested, I politely tell them so... and usually explain (tactfully) why I'm not interested in getting to know them.
Sometimes that results in my getting nasty responses back, as if I'm a horrid person for not being interested. Well, those I can easily ignore. I was polite in my response... if they want to prove just how unworthy they are of my attention, they're welcome to being deleted.
Now, for those "other" messages. The "hi", or "let's chat", or "ur qt wanna fk?"... well, I often just either send back a quick "not interested" message. Or I'll poke fun at their stupidity. LOL!
It helps pass the time, as there does seem to be a lot of those types out there. LOL!
Now, as for yourself... it's all up to you. Whatever you feel comfortable with is fine.
Remember that as said "Read/Deleted" is a clear sign that you're not interested.
And if you do politely turn someone down, and they harass you about it, just delete or block them. Simple as that.
And you will probably get a lot of contacts for a while.
Well, for one you're incredibly beautiful, and from your profile, seem like a wonderful woman.
Many men will message you simply because of how attractive you are. There are tons out there who seem to think all women are objects. Feel free to ignore those. LOL!
Now, others will be sincere... and a good sign of such, is that they've written you a decent message, and made it clear that they've read your profile.
Because there are those who use the "shotgun" approach... firing off a ton of copy & pasted messages to random women... hoping they hit something. :p
As you said... there are those who clearly didn't read your profile... and while personally I still respond to those (often mocking them for not being able to read)... you don't have any obligations to such people. They're basically not worth wasting your time with.
You're
Best of luck to you. I hope that things get sorted out for you.
And if you ever need someone to talk to about getting the hang of this site (or just to chat in general) I would always be happy to assist you.
Take care.
And I don't think your interests are "hippie-like". LOL!
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:44:25 AM | Respond only to the people you actually want to respond to. If you are getting 80 messages a day, you need to optimize your time.
You'll get lots of whining and crying that this is impolite and rude, etc, but it's a reality of an online dating site. Especially when you are getting so many messages.
Besides, like one person mentioned, if you start sending out "thanks but no thanks" type of messages, you often get nasty messages in return.
It may seem rude not to respond, but it's not. It's practical. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:54:47 AM | | Everyone should do what they want. There are no "rules" and don't expect to keep everyone happy because it ain't happening... | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:55:23 AM | yup, you should reply to every single message you ever get! lol
I only respond to the people who put in the effort to write a decent letter. If its a "hey, wazup"kinda letter, I will usally delete it. As much as I'd love to repsond to every one, I do have a life too.
My theory though, is to only put in as much effort as he puts into it, and a "hey cutie" is enough effort for me to push the delete button. But if he actually writes a decent letter to me..I will always respond. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:37:51 AM | Ok, I am now going to redo my policy. I have always responded to each and every mail at POF because read/deleted I feel are so rude, esp. since this is a free site. Well, I did get ONE unread/deleted from someone whose pic appears most times I click Viewed Me.
I used to get a lot of mails before I joined the Forums so I am happy I joined the Forums. My inbox is more manageable. In the other site (paid) where I am not officially a member because I never paid, I get very significant number of mails that is simply beyond me to reply so every other day or so I delete them all. This makes me feel very guilty because those guys paid for their membership and took the time. But just can't handle it and I have not even taken advantage of the free days.
What really puzzles me is getting read/delete from guys who added me to their fav lists. What's up with that? Why add me and when I say thanks, ignore it? Their purpose of getting my attention by adding me has been defeated.
My response is dependant on the contents of the mail. I try to be diplomatic and reply in such a way that I would not offend. Still, some could get very offensive. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:45:50 AM | Put the filters on for those that are outside what you are looking for. It will decrease the number of emails. Good luck
The other thing you could do is put in your profile you will not respond to any emails or im. Then you will have to do all the contacts and explain why- put in the subject line of the emails you send a word that means that you contact him and would like to hear back from them.
It can be overwellming. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:45:58 AM | enchanted:
Why do you check your "sent" box?
Once you send a message, let it go -- you did your part.
Focus on what is coming in, not what left. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:52:21 AM | | If you are not interested a read/delete gets the point across. What I have a problem with is the women who read but do not delete -- why keep the mail in your inbox if you are not interested - or are not going to reply? | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:00:50 PM | | Hey you better reply to them all or you risk getting nasty mean e-mails. I only reply to the ones I have an interest in and delete the others which triggers the deleted responses to then tell me what a rude person I am in not so nice words! My opinion is--we do not owe anyone anything just because they respond to us. I --also get dozens of email and can not reply to all of them. I reply to the ones I have an interest in. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:11:44 PM | | I don't answer every message but I use to respond each person at least once. Only insults (that I never got) would be an exception... | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:13:57 PM | 14me24u
Here's some info I have learned that may be answer some of your questions:
Read/Deleted. I used to think that this was a VERY clear message. HOWEVER, I am still corresponding with several people who have read and deleted my messages. In their case, they do not save unnecessary messages....they need the space, I guess.
I have only received 1 unread/deleted message...and, I remember that it hurt. However, I don't remember who it was, so can't give any definitive answer. But, if it was someone who caught MY eye and I made the first move.....maybe that person first looked at MY profile and, finding it nothing of interest to HIM, simply saved time by not even reading my message?
May I caution you folks on this, though....If you post in the forums, sometimes people who read your posts, wish to correspond with you, perhaps about something mentioned, and they wish it to be a bit more private. I would think that it couldn't take long to simply click on the message, glance at it, and THEN delete it.
I read EVERYTHING it receive...SOMETIMES, I'm sorry I do....Can't help it if I'm very curious??
Just my thoughts,
KK
(Curiosity hasn't killed the cat YET) | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:30:02 PM | Absolutely not. Those who are inane enough to send you a "hiya beautiful" type message deserve to go straight into the Read Deleted file. The good news is that such messages don't take long to read! I'd also suggest Read Deleting those messages that, while longer, demonstrate that they didn't read or failed to absorb what you wrote in your profile. The next category is those who did understand what you had to say and do have common interests, but you visually or intuitively feel you wouldn't connect, you can write your own variation of "Thanks for reading my profile and writing, but I don't think we would make a good match." Just copy and paste that to all the men who fit that category. That should eliminate most of your admirers, and you can then concentrate on those that caught your eye and mind.
One thing you should know. In addition to your undeniable beauty (a fact of nature that you'll just have to deal with--I know it breaks both ways), yours is one of the most in depth and philosophical profiles I have read in my 3 months on POF. You would be surprised by how many women write one sentence, typically innocuous, and I suppose we men are supposed to learn more about them from Professor Marvel's glass sphere. Many others spend no space writing about themselves, but dictate a laundry list of all the things the man has to have or do in order to pass her test. So some men, the ones who read your profile, are likely to respond because yours contains so much good stuff, and gives a sense of who you are as a woman and as a human being.
If you have some patience, I'd predict that you will have much better fortune here than many of us. And once you are back out there in the mix of the world you'll have as much trouble finding a man as it is to find a star on a clear desert night. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:31:22 PM | | kitten thanks for the reply but you did not answer my most confusing point -- why keep the "Read" emails in your inbox if you are never going to reply to them? To me that says "I am only interested if nothing better comes along". I would much prefer to be "deleted" and not wait thinking a response may be coming. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:34:07 PM | | kinda brings up a interesting point, if 95-99% of the emails your getting are bad. why don't you block all emails and just do a simple search on POF for the type of guy you want and then send that ONE person an email. I would think that would be a much better use of your time instead of wading through endless bad emails and getting nasty responses. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:36:24 PM | "if 95-99% of the emails your getting are bad. why don't you block all emails and just do a simple search on POF for the type of guy you want and then send that ONE person an email."
====
or perhaps your profile needs some work cuz it is portraying a message different than what you had hoped for -- and I say that without having looked at your profile. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:39:36 PM | Standard procedure is read/deleted. Any sane person would appreciate a response even if it's not interested.
I wouldn't respond to every message if you just get a bunch of one liners or 5 word messages, but the ones that actually put some effort into it. Things like 'hi wanna chat' shouldn't deserve a response unless you want to give that to them, but I think it's just the nice thing to respond to anyone that actually puts a little effort into a message. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:42:39 PM | | I just sent out a message to a woman & she didn't even read it before she even got to read it lol. This on line dating is hard oh well hope I have better luck with the next 100 messages I send out. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:52:46 PM | Well, I'll tell you. When I send an email to someone, I have read their profile and make sure to highlight something I found interesting within the email. My emails are also not just 1 or 2 sentences (Generally), as they tend to be pretty unique and often times verbose.
It really doesn't seem to help much though... I'm honestly not sure why... anyway. (it could be the talk of manboob fondling... naw... it couldn't be that)
In terms of how many emails you get and should you answer all of them... I don't always answer every one of mine... If that makes me a bad person... well... Honestly, sometimes I don't know what to say, if I'm not interested... even if it seems a simple, 'not interested' will suffice... I still can't seem to do it sometimes.
Yes, it seems like women do get more messages on average than men... I can go through long droughts, actually.
Maybe when I get my new camera (yay newegg!), I can show everyone how really troll-like I am and wow them with my incredible personality... ah.... yeah... yeah.
the giggleparts - Wining is like losing... but losing is like wining, when you find out you've won at losing... or was that wining is like losing, only if it involves a donkey... wait... what if there's a brisk wind from the East? .... carry the two. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:53:46 PM | After 3 years of being a member here I have found the best way to limit the junk emails it to post them publically on your profile. See mine for an example. Then I send out a standard response back.....(I really wish this could be auto generated)
Your email sucked so bad and lacked any wit or charm. It proved that you did not read my profile at all or put any thought into what you wrote. Thanks but No Thanks and have a nice day
By now I have already met everyone in the area but the forums rock
Good luck! | |
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