| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:44:02 PM | Well i have been seeing my boyfriend for seven months and he has met my parent's briefly at a a family gathering, but we left shortly after. My paren't would like to get to know him a lil bit better since we are seeing each other, I have mentioned it to him and he says iam a private person. So what does that mean? Does he just not want to do it?
P.s. I haven't met his parent either. | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:27:28 PM | Is he saying you are a private person, or that he is a private person? I wasn't clear on that part. By your parents wanting to "get to know him a lil better" can be interpreted by some as the parents want to spend more time with him. Depending on how close you are located it could mean that instead of dating you he has to start dating you and your parents. Some guys may want to focus their relationship solely on you rather than your family. Basically, he might not wish to uphold his social facade to your parents or deal with issues of their problems with him translated through you.
"Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?"
It depends on the person meeting the parents and how big a deal it is to the person doing the introduction.
In my case one of my parents is dead, the other lives out of state, and I haven't spoken or seen one biological parent for almost 2 decades.
Therefore, it would be a big deal for someone I am seeing if I were to take them to meet my parents. The big deal isn't in actually meeting my parents. The big deal is what it takes to get there and meet them and what that implies of our relationship that matters most to me. | |
|
| |
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:51:06 PM | He met your parent's? Your parent's what? Adding 's to the end of a word makes it possessive.
On topic, parents are often an important part of their children's lives, so it is a good idea to try to get along with them. But my parents have been married for 26 years and my dad's parents never approved of my mom, so be aware that all is not necessarially lost if you don't get along. | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:57:53 PM | It has always been a bit of a red flag for me when a guy doesn't want to meet my family. When I am interested in someone, I am interested in ALL aspects of their life including what their family is like, how they interact, etc. I would want to meet their family - why wouldn't they want to meet mine?
Of course, we don't have to meet on the first date - but you are talking 7 months in? That is totally reasonable. | |
|
| |
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:00:16 PM | I don't like meeting anyone's parents or family, or some of their friends, because they can be very critical, they look you up and down and maybe they will say something that you don't agree with..
I went out with this guy before and his mother never liked me, she said something I didn't like, she rubbed me the wrong away, and I didn't like her either. She was a real b*tch.. I am not in a hurry to meet anyone's family..
Afterall I would have a friendship with the young man, not his parents .. | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:18:55 PM | | There comes a time in a lot of relationships when meeting the parents becomes unavoidable. If things are not that serious, and you're only dating casually, then it may not be to that point yet. But if you two are thinking in longer terms, then maybe it should happen. When thinking gets in that realm, parents become part of your family, too. Only they get called "in laws". Always a good idea to be on friendly terms. | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:23:39 PM | Only if they don't like me!
Just kidding. I don't think it is too big a deal. It really depends on how serious I am with her.
If I have been dating a woman for a few months, it means I feel fairly serious about her. | |
|
| |
| |
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:30:52 PM | Well, yes and no on the approval. You want them to like you and be on good terms, but if that means presenting yourself as something you aren't,then bad idea.
Dr. Laura would probably say say something like..."Be polite. Eat the dry chicken, say thank you, and smile." I think the initial meet is more just to check if your tattoos are all spelled correctly. | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:46:53 PM | "I'm a private person" is usually a preposterous expression. The fact that being "private" has almost nothing to do with meeting your girlfriend's parents makes it an even deeper kind of bullsh-t.
It might be as simple as your boyfriend not wanting to get the so-called "third degree" from your parents.
It might be as complicated as your boyfriend not wanting to make a gesture that strengthens his commitment to you (from his perspective, at least).
My money's on the second option.
Maybe he's worried you might tell them about the dirty pictures you found and deleted on his computer like everyone here.
I confess, that's the first thing that crossed my mind. | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:51:44 PM | He's probably a private person for a good reason. He may have not got along with past relationship parents. Maybe his family isn't very close (relationship wise) and doesn't view it as important.
As for meeting the parents being a big deal...never! I love meeting parents, it's usually the other person who gets bitter when their parents fall in love with me! LOL Seriously tho, they do. As for them meeting my parents, 7 months is unheard of for me. We all live close and hanging out having a few drinks is no strange idea, even if it's just a sunday afternoon on the patio. Or if she stays over on a Friday and we're in a serious relationship my grandma makes breakfast every Saturday morning which usually involves my parents, sometimes my sisters, my aunt and uncle and their two teenagers, and my grandpa and grandma of course - which I would have no fear in bringing her too. If not than, it'd be at some other, what seems like, monthly family gathering. Family rocks lol!  | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:06:36 PM | | it is a big deal, but theres no reason why any of you should be afraid to meet someones parents, your dating for months, you dont think they dont know what you 2 are doing already. i would say man up and grow some balls. being a private person is chicken shit excuse not to meet someone. im a private person meaning i tell my freinds if i hook up with someone, but never tell them what i was doing, You just dont tell anything. That is what private is, unless both of you are mutes and dont talk to anyone else but yourselves. Like someone else said your not dating the parents, you don have to like them, but theres always going be there no matter what, short and just i think both of you are being cowards about the whole thing and need to grow up. They dealt with the same shit when they grew up, and believe me parents can actually be fun to be around if stop looking at them for approval and start treating them like freinds. You'd be suprised how much futher everything goes. I didnt talk to my parents for 2 years other then obvisioly big days (xMas, etc) and its what ive found. Dont know if that helps or if you even care | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:20:29 PM | Looking back, I never had a problem meeting the parents. We always got along famously. So good in fact, that a couple of the mother's told their daughters what a mistake they were making by treating me as bad as they did....
The one thing I learned in meeting the family is that you can actually get a good idea about how the woman is really going to be after the 'good behavior' period wears off. When a father says things like 'so....YOU'RE the guy with the patience of Job!', he's giving you CLUES. I never worry about them being overly critical of me, or quick judgements, if they're that kind.... Because they simply don't know me yet.. But they DO know their daughter. You would be amazed at what you can pick up...... | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:30:12 PM | | Not really sure. I have been reluctant to introduce girlfriends to my parents, but mostly because they turn into dr phill all of a sudden, and I hate that. I really dislike meeting their parents because I don't like the fact that they are analysing me. I am a very successful business owner and will be damned if Phil from the factory of 30 years dictates my life style. It could be the same for your S.O. | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:42:39 PM | If your dating for a few months then you should meet them, but not really before them. for me it can be scarey as most parents i know want their daughter to have a good man and if there is one thing wrong its like game over, not matter what it is. maybe meeting one at a time would be better, like take the mother and yourself and him out for coffee or something that you three can do. since most parents are diffrent its diffrent for each.
I dont like to to early and like to be prepared for it also. | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:51:06 PM | I have met people's parents on the first date, its no big thing. However, meeting my mother is a very serious issue. She is overly dramatic and nuts, she hears wedding bells with each girl that she meets I am even remotely aquainted with.
However, I'm a private person means... don't get close or I'll dump you. | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:28:09 AM | Appararently I am not the kind of woman that you can take home to your mother, as the last guy that I went out with, his mother and I didn't get along. As I said, she was a real b*tch, she would have been the mother in law from hell..
I am not interested in marriage, so the parents wouldn't become in laws, so I am just in no rush to meet anyone's family. It is too stressful and I don't need that crap. Thank you. | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:36:14 AM | You may have a welcoming wonderful family but you have to understand not everyone does. He may know he has an Aunt who will ask about your sex life before introducing herself or his mother will make your life a living hell just because or he has an alcoholic father that hates women, etc.
You also have to factor in that most people when you meet the parents interpret it as a test or a next level of the relationship. You passed the "parents" test because the parents approve. In some cultures and some families if the parents or family does not approve the relationship is over. With this there is a lot of anxiety and stress that comes with meeting parents.
Your family may not be the family from hell or it may not be a test or the next step in the relationship for you but does he know this? Do you know what his family is like? You can't assume because he doesn't want to introduce you to the family he doesn't like you or you are somehow flawed. There are many factors to consider and maybe just maybe it might be a good thing to talk about it with him. Not so much to pry but to help you understand where he is coming from instead of judging him harshly or taking it personal. | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:02:48 PM | Like I said my ex friend's mother is not the nicest woman. I pity any woman that marries her son, because of the mother... So no I don't care for a repeat of it, I'd rather get to know the guy, not meet his family too soon if I can help it!
I don't want any boyfriend's anyway, friendship is quite enough! | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:32:16 PM | Personally I would say to leave the family out for as long as possible. But with that said, when you meet them, don't do it on your parents terms, do it in yours. Turn it into something casual, like there's no big deal. If you turn it into a big deal, it will be then so.
Relax, pass the sauce dad. | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:47:23 PM | Sweet Melissa (great song, if you've never heard it},
Keep in mind that if he is a private person, he will naturally try to make you a private person also, the longer you stay together. And you will meet somewhere in between. I can see this kind of change so clearly now that my daughters have boyfriends and husbands.
I am a private person myself, but have always enjoyed getting to know the parents of my significant other, when I was serious about her. I realized a long time ago, that if you want to know how your girlfriend will be in her later years, just look at her parents.
I realize this probably hasn't helped you a bit. | |
|
| Is meeting the parent's that big of a deal?
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:05:15 PM | | To some people it's more of a phobia then it is an actual big deal. I've never really been stressed out about it - either they'll like me and it's all good, or they'll hate me and the girl has a decision to make :) | |
|
Home
login 
