| Please Review
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:04:18 PM | Hello All,
Please have a look and review my profile. It has been up for awhile and could use some updating. I am open to suggestions. Your help/suggestions is much appreciated.
Thanks & Have a Good One,
John | |
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| Please Review
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:18:48 PM | Hey John,
Your pics are good except the ones with the helmet on. I'd ditch them. Maybe keep your number four for cool points. But the others, can't see your smiling face and unless you're wearing it out on a date.......
I am a very loyal and honest person. I am looking for someone who has those values, too. I am looking for someone who likes to have a good time and enjoy my company. I am very easy going and looking for someone who is the same.
I don't care for drama or games. I want someone who can be honest and open with me about their feelings. I have had to deal with drama and games before and it was no fun.
I am looking for someone I can count on & in turn I will be one my match can count on.
You are stating the obvious here. Everybody wants this, right? Throw these lines out.
Unforunately, that's the bulk of your "about me" section. Try this, start with an intro: hello, etc. Then move into the body: (talk about who you are as a man). Then finish with a conclusion: (describe what you're looking for in a woman).
"First date" section is a cop-out. Try describing what you would really want your first date to be like.
Hope this helps and good luck.
Havoc | |
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Posted: 5/11/2008 9:24:49 PM | This is the link to the Profile Writing Tips thread. It's a great place to learn what to include and not include in a good profile.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx
The best tip I can give you is to try to avoid cliches and catchphrases as much as possible. They're overused to the point of utter meaninglessness.
On a plus side, you look much younger than 37 in your pics. And they have HOCKEY in FLORIDA?! Well, blow me down, Unles Ernie, I had NO idea! Cool.
Wait, if you play hockey, does that mean you're missing some teeth?
You don't have to answer that. | |
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Posted: 5/12/2008 7:15:15 AM | Thanks, anyone else.
John | |
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Posted: 5/12/2008 9:30:26 AM | I get it....you like hockey ?
I get it.
I'd suggest you get rid of the worn out cliche "do's and don'ts". Why state the obvious, as a previous post suggests? | |
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Posted: 5/12/2008 9:36:41 AM | | Hey, John. Your profile is short and sweet. Nothing wrong with that. Can I make a suggestion? Change your headline! Change it! There should be no words in it such as looking, searching, wanting, seeking, ...all of that. Maybe you could use a hockey theme? EXCEPT for "He shoots he scores..." But even that may not be horrible once they see you are into hockey. | |
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Posted: 5/12/2008 12:22:10 PM | Well,I am going to do something here that I rarely need to do,and that is disagree pretty strongly with that cute little nurse. In my opinion, your profile needs a lot of help. I am not going to take the time to go into detail because I noticed that the lines that "havoc" said should be removed are still present, I TOTALLY concure, they REALLY need to go. If and when I see them "gone" I will try to help you with your about you ,and what you are looking for sections. Havoc is right about that as well.
So wrap things up, implement Havocs advice and we will move on to the next problem.
best wishes
OFCB | |
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Posted: 5/12/2008 12:29:06 PM | | Well, I like your profile, and you look really cute in the pic where your holding the trophy. The only thing I'd add is some humor, but that's only if that's who you are. I'm a very humourous person, and I love those guys who have something stupid or funny on their profile that they thought up. Otherwise, it's a very nice profile. :) | |
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Posted: 5/12/2008 12:29:52 PM | Your pics are good and i see you are good looking which helps you a lot and you say what you like though the profile came across like;
Me play with hammer....
me hit hammer really hard on head....
me like Tarzan.....
and Tarzan like me...
cause me and Tarzan are the same....
There were too many 'I' like comments in my eyes. It is really hard not to say 'I' a lot on dating profiles but try and make the profile more free flowing and it will boost your intelligence level rating, which i'm sure you can easily do..
Even changing a few Is to i'm, makes a ickle difference.
Good luck | |
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Posted: 5/12/2008 2:39:45 PM | OK I made some changes and look forward to hearing what else I should change.
Thanks in advance.
John | |
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Posted: 5/12/2008 9:31:00 PM | Bump... please have a look at the changes I made.
Thanks,
John | |
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Posted: 5/14/2008 5:22:20 PM | Hmm... Hope you don't mind but I had to look up your old thread to help : )
I think your headline could be: Hockey player short a goalie... JMO.
Still could have more interests, they are searchable so it is in your best interest.
The pictures are good, I'd choose the tux one as main until you get a close up of your 'smiling face'. Hey you state that you have all your teeth, might as well show them ; )
The about me section should hold more information on who you are as a man, not what you like to do, that could be a separate paragraph. Describe your positive characteristics and strengths. Also include a short paragraph to define the qualities that you are attracted to in a woman. What personality characteristics do you look for?
The first date is passable, but you need to put some extra pa~zaz into it. Make it so interesting the lady will want to go on that date with you. Capture her attention.
Hope this helps : ) | |
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Posted: 5/14/2008 5:34:12 PM | Hello.... I am a single guy with a good life. << who told you to write this... he was wrong... borrrring. Need an attention getter badly!
I am fortunate enough to have a job related to something I love to do in my spare time.
<< too much work to read this, with zero pay off... you didn't even say something to let the woman lick her chops a bit. Spruce this up or get rid of it.
I also enjoy volunteering and helping others. People tell me I am very caring and have a big heart.
<< so you're saying you're a sissy. This is cool and all but could be said much more interestingly.
I attend church regularly and I am also active in my church. Have no fears - I am not a "Holy Roller", HA!
<< pretty good
Obviously, I love hockey! I enjoy playing hockey and going to watch games. I have two seats for this coming season. If you have never been to a hockey game, you don't know what you are missing.
<< don't say "obviously ... seems to story bookish. 'Tell a hockey story to show just how much you love hockey. I kind of like what I did with mine since it's very visual. Let the girl imagine how passionate you are towards something by helping her feel the passion. Checkout my profile here.. although mine could use some improvement! Never said I wasn't a hypocrite!
I like going out for a nice dinner or staying home and making dinner and eating on the patio. Yep ladies... I do like to cook.
<< boring first line. "My cooking abilities are beyond comprehension. And I'm bad too, I'll keep you in the living room while the aromas from my hard work in the kitchen drive you insane... "oh yeah baby!" -Emeril
I am not much for the bar/club scene. I personally don't drink but don't have a problem with people who do.
<< Okk...... why say this like this. Say what you like to do. Say what you're willing to do.
I am looking for someone who can appreciate me for all that I am. Someone who enjoys spending time with me no matter where or what we are doing.
<< could be a little more specific, then again I haven't written the 'what i'm looking for' line yet.
Oh, and stop stealing all my short women mr. tall guy! | |
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Posted: 5/14/2008 10:37:12 PM | Thanks for all the suggestions. I am open to more. I am working on making the changes you have all suggested.
Check back & rip me again, HA!
John | |
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