| Profile too long? Too elite?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:50:00 PM | Hello,
I have one of the longest profiles ever on POF! I just really want to get my personality apart because my interests are so varied. I find that sometimes people will assume I am certain mindset based on one interest and then become disappointed when they find out the rest. (If that makes sense...) For example: I am a tree-hugger, educational type, classic rock lover, wearer of retro clothes and viewer of classic 60's movies so I've had people assume I'm liberal when I'm not. That kind of thing.
I'm getting tons of messages, so apparently something's okay, but I want to make sure my profile doesn't sound too snobby/ elitist. I am an intellectual person, so I'd like to weed out those who can't spell, etc. (I had a guy message me several times because he's desperate to talk to me... his profile says he's going to school but can't wait to graduate because "reading sux." Okay, I am an avid reader working to be an English literature professor- why are you e-mailing me?!?)
I also want to be up front about my religious and political beliefs. I don't want someone to try to talk to me and then be disappointed.
I guess what I'm asking is: do I come across as a snotty mega b*tch? ;) Or a determined woman who wants to be upfront? | |
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| Profile too long? Too elite?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:56:15 PM | I don't think you have to go so much into detail about who you are in so many ways when all you're looking for is Talk/Email. You don't want to meet anyone, you don't want to date. What's the problem?
Your profile could read, "Hi, wanna chat?" and be perfectly appropriate for talking with and emailing men.
Why even mention this?
One thing that causes trouble for me in meeting people: a lot of my interests are rather hippie-like or liberal (Tree hugging, retro clothes, 60's music, etc.) but my morals and politics are rather conservative. I need to find someone with this same mix.
YOU'RE NOT MEETING ANYONE! So who cares?
What's so wrong with people trying to talk to you and then finding out you're not a good mesh? It's all part of the great experiment. You can't protect them from being disappointed and neither can you protect yourself.
Try not to over-intellectualize this process. It's only email. And maybe IMs, if you get brave. | |
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| Profile too long? Too elite?
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:01:25 PM | It is fine. You are obviously picky about who you are looking for, this profile is probably exactly what you need. Even though it is long, it is at least easy to read...and will weed out the types you aren't looking for. Good luck.
edit: Oh, you're only talk, email? Then what ursula said! Sheesh...all that and you don't even want to date? | |
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| Profile too long? Too elite?
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:07:59 PM | Nothing wrong with long profiles.
Here is my review - but keep in mind, I got kicked out of high-school, so I might not have the qualifications to review a profile written by someone as intelligent as you:
I think the profile is terrible - didn't like it at all. Read the profile writing tips at the top of the profile review page for some advice about what not to put in a profile.
Edit: My review was much longer than this, but I did a bit of prudent editing. Figured it was for the best. | |
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| Profile too long? Too elite?
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:58:48 PM | Your profile is definitely not one of the longest in POF. Hell, one of your reviewers surpasses you I believe! LOL
After reading your profile there is one clear thing that stands out off the page for me, and that is you are a walking, talking contradiction. You are separated and seeking a divorce and not looking to date for a while but you are seeking a Long Term relationship. You are coming from an emotionally abusive marriage where you were oppressed and your freedom of expression was not welcomed yet here you are… expressing your opinions and feelings; a trait not normally reserved for emotionally abused women fresh out of… an emotionally abusive marriage. Your interests are “hippie-like or liberal” and you love animals, nature, the outdoors, and cheeky music yet you hate sports, manly men, corporate America, and greedy developers yet you are a Republican… the very morels your government stands for!
You state many obvious things throughout your profile, and you TELL us who you are when you should be telling us who are you. You don’t get to tell us you are very intelligent; we will make that assumption on our own. You write well and are articulate, so you make up some of the points you lose for shoving your I.Q. down our throats. You are also very negative in many areas of your profile. Try and turn these negatives into positives.
You are a bit too descriptive and you divulge too many intimate details in a profile. Some of these things should be kept for numerous conversations down the road and some should be held revered until you trust someone. Again, for someone who is coming out of an emotionally abusive marriage you sure don‘t play the part too well, as you are instilling an awful lot of trust in your fellow strangers of the pond.
I think if you reviewed the advice given here over time and took heed of the Profile Writing Tips threads at the top of this forum you could construct a wonderful profile. Stay positive, keep it light, and you'll do great things. You are intelligent, attractive, and you have some personality... what more do you need? Direction. | |
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| Profile too long? Too elite?
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:24:03 PM | I'm trying to separate what I think about your profile from what I think about you after reading your profile. Based on your profile, I do not like you; that doesn't necessarily mean I can't like your profile.
Grad students are bound to come across as a tad self-important and pompous, and I think it's within their rights to do so. I'm not going to belabour this point; some people will view your attitude differently. Your profile reads as though each word were a tiny rampart erected to keep out the unintellectual riff-raff though, and even if that is your goal, it doesn't make for a warm or inclusive overall tone. You certainly don't have to establish a bargain basement "I'll take anyone" inclusiveness with your profile, but it shouldn't read as though you're challenging any reader who dares contact you; right now, that's exactly how it does read. Even your headline is rather pugnacious, at least when read within the context of your profile. I'm not charmed by that attitude, but others may be.
Briefly, I think your profile effectively expresses who you are. I don't like it, but it seems accurate and honest, so I wouldn't recommend changing it if that were to mean you'd be misrepresenting yourself.
Just do yourself this one favour, please: don't assume that all of your messages will be from people who think you have a likable or charming personality. You're a very pretty woman and that's going to stand you in good stead no matter what you have written in your self-description.
ETA: I wonder why someone who is studying to become a professor of English literature doesn't talk more about her love of books? Instead of trying to weed out people who have views on immigration that differ from your own, why don't you throw in a bit about the authors you enjoy? You're a graduate student: what era/form/genre is the focus of your studies? | |
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| Profile too long? Too elite?
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:00:14 PM | I liked it,didn't think you came across as b1tchy.So you know what you want,that is more than I can say for most. I am a little surprised that you are getting lots of mail though. On second thought,no I'm not,they are only loking at your pictures. lol
Best wishes
OFCB | |
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| Profile too long? Too elite?
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:48:10 PM | I like your profile, I found it well written and I thought I got a good sense of who you are from reading it. I personally don't think you come off as a snotty mega b*tch but then again I've been told that about myself once or twice so maybe I'm not the best person to judge.
I don't usually engage in confusing conversations with big words.
That rubbed me the wrong way.
And just wanted to add on another note regarding your political beliefs, one does not have to call them self a conservative or a liberal, you can have mixed views! It's nice when people actually have their own opinion and don't just follow the typical liberal/conservative viewpoints.
:) | |
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| Profile too long? Too elite?
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:14:46 AM | I honestly got bored reading your first post in this thread. Okay, it was a long day at work, but the profile seemed longer still.
There is nothing at all remotely interesting in it. It drains the life out of someone just reading it. Sure, long verbose descriptions about yourself, your charities you support, your feelings about developers, how you vote are awesome and all... but it has as much personality as a sock. A wet sock.
Sure, you get lots of messages. You are a pretty young woman who is not overweight and has a picture with a hint of breasts. The majority of people will not have read your profile at all, let alone completely. The longer and duller your profile, the fewer people will read it. Being female and owning breasts, that will not impact in your message volume.
Wonderful, all the reviewers think it is great. My view is it is utterly boring and lifeless though. I am an 'educated' male bordering on your demographic and I would not give you the time of day.
Question- your awesome 'first date'? You went on a hike in the wilderness with someone you met on the internet for a first date? | |
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| Profile too long? Too elite?
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:19:33 AM | | ^^^Maybe we should pair her with Kurtdogg... he's all about the secluded, private first dates too. | |
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| Profile too long? Too elite?
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:56:58 PM | | I read your profile and you don't seem into yourself at all. Being a graduate student to me as nothing to do with whether you seek someone with an education background similar to yours or not. You seem to have conservative ideals yet I'd consider you more independent politically from what you wrote in your profile. I would go out on a date with you but you seem like you would want something long term rather than just to make a new friend. Also when you say you don't like going to dinner and movies it did surprise me because you seem family oriented. But I'd presume you wouldn't mind having dinner at home. I don't think you would mislead the right person. Because they would get it. | |
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| Profile too long? Too elite?
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:29:05 PM | personally i would delete all of the below.. Some things have been deleted in each paragraph etc so feel free to work through it. I se you are looking for friends though with what you have written, there is an element that you are looking for more also so maybe explain it in your profile.
there is a lot fo rambling in your profile, much of it you can explain via email and will give you more to chat about to people you contact and vice versa. You are a good looking girl and i see you have a lot of favourites though i doupt most of them read your profile.
I may be on my own with this one but saying you are out of an abusive relationship is not necesarily the best thing to admit on a profile.. When you get to know someone better you could always say it then... i say this because it may open you up for men that are abusive to message you thinking they will be able to have a hold on you. This is an opinion and not fact though best to be safe than sorry in my world..
though over all good luck, you sound like a nice girl and a good person.
I am leaving a "marriage" of emotional abuse- constant criticism, controlling, demands that I change my personality and stop sharing my opinions and more. He didn't like me for who I am, but I deserve to be liked for who I am! Thus, I will be honest in my profile about things that may be turn offs for some people! This makes it simple- if you don't like me, you can move on =)
I usually vote Republican. I am against illegal immigration, I don't like abortion, the public schools are a disgrace and waste of money, welfare is a scam... you know the drill. BUT, despite my strong beliefs in most of the traditional Republican areas, I don't like greedy big businesses that work people to death just to make stock holders rich. I also hate greedy developers that trample all over land and destroy trees, natural habitats and areas of historical significance. When I can afford to donate to charity, I support no-kill animal shelters, nature and wildlife.
The plants are green year round, the sun warms your soul, there are awesome mountains everywhere and the ocean is never far. Natural wonders abound, and those are the things I delight in. I never thought I wanted to live there, but now I don't think I can NOT live there. I came "home" to Ohio to find the support of my old friends and to get my life back together after my divorce. My goal is to get back to California, but this time on my own terms, not because I am head over heels about someone and giving up everything to be with him.
My ideal man would be intelligent and well read. You don't have to like the same books as me, but let's be open to sharing new ideas on both sides. I'd like to meet a fellow conservative, but it's not essential if you are willing to listen to my opinions and share your own without getting angry. Music is very important to me. I didn't list every band I like, just a sample of types I enjoy. One of my main hobbies is going to live shows, so I really need to find someone who enjoys going with me. You must love to travel! I am constantly taking day trips and try to fit in at least one or two bigger trips each year.
On a shallow level, I am really attracted to longish haired musicians who wear retro clothes and wear them well ;) I've always wanted someone to write a song about me...
First DateThe best first date I ever went on involved a beautiful spring day with perfect sunny weather, a long hike in a beautiful area, a tour of a national park I'd never visited before and a lovely stream side sunset. I enjoy anything that involves a pretty day and nature! This was with someone I already knew, but I wouldn't do that with an internet meeting.
Oddly enough, I do not enjoy going out to eat (long story) and I'm not crazy about movies. I usually like to be doing something other than staring at a screen, but I'm not completely against movies. Still, for a first date, it seems like a good idea to do something where you can talk and get to know each other. Museums, local parks, festivals, etc. are always fun. | |
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