| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:57:52 AM | I met this guy on here awhile back and was just curious if anyone could answer this for me or if i was just being naive about the whole situation.......
I met him on here about a month or so ago. We will say his name is Steve... Well Steve was 35, divorced, sterilized, and had 3 boys ( 14, 12, and 10) He had gotten out of a bad breakup a few months earlier and wasnt ready for anything serious... We started talking and we hit it off, things were great! I went to his place and met his oldest and we watched movies and he cooked dinner for us that day. Immediately after i left he texted my phone and told me how he was so excited that we had met and that i was lucky his boy was there cause he would have been all over me!! Well from there we would religiously text back and forth and didnt see each other as often as i would have liked but i would come see him at his work...(Again a 45 min drive to see him for maybe 20 min and i would go back home cause he works 10pm-8am)
He then came to my house one evening after we had been dating for a couple weeks...he was all excited to have private time...and he asked if it would be appropriate to make love to me or if it was too soon??? I assuming i would be with this guy for longer than we were didnt hesistate ;) I obliged and it was amazing...He was super excited about it as well, he was very touchy feely and lovey with me and everything was amazing ;) He was Great!!! Then i usually text him in the morning good morning and he wouldnt respond until he got up in the afternoon...i understand that cause he was sleeping.....but soon i wouldnt get any texts from him til he was at work... Then one day Steve called and came over to watch a movie at my place....the whole movie his ex texted his phone and he would reply and show me what he was writing her...she was wanting to come see him at his house and he said he had company and was busy...but he replied to her everytime she texted him!!! So after we watched the movie i was wanting to get more cozy and he said it was too soon for him to stay over and that he wanted to take it slow....that he was scared cause he was falling in love with me so quickly....Well i understood and let him leave...then texted him the next day and nothing.....then i wouldnt hear from him for days and i would see him on here and would message him and he would read them but not reply?? I was confused?!?! How could something go from so well to shit in just a couple weeks?? All i could think of was What did I do?? Was it me? Was it him? Was he seeing someone else?? His excuse was that he was too busy with his boys and his job that he didnt have the time to text me back or call?? What do you think his deal was??
* I figure if you like someone well enough you will make time for them!!!!* | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:14:06 AM | he asked if it would be appropriate to make love to me or if it was too soon??? I assuming i would be with this guy for longer than we were didnt hesistate ;) I obliged
He got what he needed and then back comes the ex. Don't give away free samples and one might stay around. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:17:34 AM | | to many guy and girl playing games ,so wait next time just never give in ,was it his x or new one on phone ? all to easy to move on to next person,on internet. let the guy realy prove himself ,seam like it was chase he was after . dont beat yourself up over it ,your worth more x | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:35:07 AM | Apparently, men don't respond very well to early nookie... it's what they want, but it won't give you what you need- security and a ltr. I think it's sad, but a double standard definately continues to exist. You live and learn...
Think he'll read this? | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:31:20 AM | Superlaf.....The sad part is, that most girls label ALL guys as being the same...
I know many girls who'd take it as an insult if the guy didn't 'try it on' on the first or second night...they think the guy doesn't fancy them...
Other girls, the older they are, the quicker they seem to want to jump into bed....On the occasional date I've been on recently, the prime subject of conversation after about an hour or so is sex..."when did you last sleep with someone" etc....and at the end of the FIRST date they are all over you...
I have no problem with this and like all guys and GIRLS are well capable of saying NO...
FBfan...Your guy sounded like he was very much on the rebound and looking for someone to replace the girl he really loved...sorry if that sounds hard, but I think it's true...Many guys and GIRLs try to find solace in the arms of a new partner, either to make themselves feel better or to make their former partner jealous...this jealousy often has the effect of reuniting them with their former partner, albeit for a short time and of course, almost always hurts the person who's been used...as in your case.. FB
One last thing and this may sound a little odd...don't hate the guy for what happened, try to see it from his viewpoint...maybe he really didn't intend to hurt you and had his ex not contacted him you could well have found true love and a lasting relationship...on the other hand he was probably a complete Banker...
Keep your chin up FP you look and sound great, perhaps you need to USE someone to make yourself feel better...only joking
Jx | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:46:59 AM | FBFan...
Honey, it's a heartbreaker. I know.
Unvarnished, straight goods reality?
Guys will do this. Especially if they are recovering from a break-up.
I have read so many stories on here about your situation that I am of the mind that it is a double standard out there. Don't have sex until the guy is so emotionally attached to you that he will lay down and do anything for you.
Right now?
Please...please...do not phone him, text him, go by his work or play detective. This is for your own good. This is to get your self esteem back in order and for you to discover that you are worth more that what he dished out to you.
Good luck! | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:03:25 AM | OP - Just think of it as a learning experience and move on. A couple of weeks is really not long enough to know someone's true intentions. Even a bad player can keep it together for a couple of weeks. Cut all ties with this one and get on with your life. Next time, no matter how much you feel for the guy or you think he feels for you, take your time adn get to know him. If he's worth knowing, he'll stick around and make time for you, if he's after sex, his impatience will show in no time.
Best wishes! | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:13:42 AM | This man sounds like he is very confused. First off....he states he doesn't want anything serious right now...but yet he jumps in the sack with you. On top of this...he introduced you to his son. This is a confusing signal.
Also, he sounds immature. One does not answering text messages to other people outside of emergencies while on a date, that is rude and inconsiderate. Also...he showing you the text messages,,etc...is downright immature and ignorant. Why would he invite you into that dysfunction?
I am not going to down you for sleeping with this man. You are human. You are a young woman with urges the same as other people, this isn't the issue here.
This is what I would do OP........I would back off from him. Upon he contacting you and I'm sure he will, suggest he take y ou out on a date, meaning NOT hanging out at your apartment, insist on something outside of the sexual arena, such as a movie or suggest dinner, etc...this will prove if this man is genuine. If he is genuinely interested in you and agrees to this, he really likes you, if he makes excuses to merely hang at your house, then it will be obvious you are his "booty call". After this, you can make the decision of what YOU want, not what HE wants. Good luck to you.
~Nona | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:14:56 AM | From the way you make it sound, I gathered two things.
1. Wow, he seems pretty lucky to have met you.
2. Wow, he seems pretty disenginous (sic). When you really want to take it slow, you TAKE IT SLOW.
I don't think you did anything wrong per se, I think you just made a tactical error. If somebody lays out rules for a relationship and you agree, stick by them.
So he said, "Let's take it slow" and then wanted to speed up. You should have probably said "No."
Again, you didn't do anything wrong, I just think you took your head out of the game and made a play that didn't quite work out.
And him stalling out on communication? Inexcusable. He could at least say, "Hey I'm busy, but I'll get back to you." | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:18:48 AM | Skyrocket.....'He's just not that into you'
My last girliefriend read that...OMG It caused chaos...vertually everything I did was being judged....If I didn't text, or "i fancy a night on my own"....crazy
Jx | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:31:59 AM | | Hi well all in all I would have to say you got used. Lets face it Steve got what he was chaising after you gave in game over. At least the sex was great! Now I have to wonder how many before you were there! You should get tested for everything God only knows what if anything he gave you. Next time just say No and keep your knees togeather! | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:10:22 AM | She needs to keep her knees together? How bout that guy needs to keep his****in his pants?
The sexual aspect is not the issue here. Who cares if she had sex with him? Is this not what people do when they are horny? lol
I do agree with amineedsluv.....protection is a good thing and a woman should N OT leave it up to a man to protect herself, she should take responsibility for HER body and her life :)
Men who use women will use a woman whether it's the first date or 10th date, what this woman has found is an immature cheap **stard.....
OP....insist on a date outside of your home. Otherwise, tell him you're not interested. To accept his behavior is indeed not aiding with your self esteem. You are a pretty woman and do not have to settle for dating a man in your home. If he can't take you out, then inform him you can't be bothered. :) | |
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New2Au
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Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 18 | |
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:12:09 AM | | You are a beautiful young lady. I hope you are as beautiful on the inside as the outside. Drop the guy. Don't text or call. It appears he went back to his ex. It happens. Not all men are bad. Believe it or not, some guys love as deeply as women. He may have used you, or his ex may have gotten jealous and got him to come back. Yes, some men get what they want and then leave. Most do not. I don't think this is the case. Good luck. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:50:30 AM | I'm really sorry about your experience. Looks to me like your goals were different..he was looking for sex..and you for a serious relationship.
Some guys will be very patient..just like the fishing..stay for ever to reel them in..and once they have..re-bait and back at it. (Sad to say..but true)
Thankfully you didn't have any more time or emotions invested in that creep. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:51:26 AM | This guy definitly sounds like someone you dont want to waste your time on.
Be happy you found out what he was like now instead of have investing the next 3 years of your life to him. If he cant make time for you now he probably never will.
Sorry to hear that happened to you, but keep your head up and keep looking. That specail someone will come around and make tons of time for you!!
Good luck! | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:02:35 AM | he told you right at first he wasn't ready for anything serious, then invited you into bed... sounds like, he was just looking to get laid.
if you don't like casual sex you should have told him NO to sex... that he said he was falling in love after he says he isn't looking for anything serious WILL end in disater because it's not what he wanted according to him.
next time find a guy who is looking for something serious because it sounds like you are. not the newly divorced guy who has not had time to end his old relationship and start his new life.
you should stay away from him.... he is not someone you want to be around in his current life. its nothing but drama and a poor substructure to build anything on.
learn better communication ( listening) so you wont end up in bed then shoved out without explaination... a guy should have to win you... not sneak you in between text messaging his ex. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:12:13 AM | | hey girl, youre experiencing something all of us have gone through at one time or another....while some are saying that you gave in to sex too soon, to me that sounds too much like shame on you.... myself i am of the opinion that we are adults and if we act as such and feel like the time is right then its ok... he was wanting intimacy also... it makes me angry how guys think.... he got in your pants then walked on....thats HIS bad not yours ... you were obviously looking for a relationship and long term... so many men define "long term" as maybe a week or so... or just put it on their profiles for effect...dont let it color your feelings and make you feel yoou did something wrong...not all men are like him... some can be adults and accept intimacy in the spirit that it was intended , as a beautiful experience to enhance and build on... not as a means to an end..... | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:45:30 AM | You did absolutely nothing wrong.
The trouble is he started dating to soon. You do not get over an ex, especially the mother of your children in a few short months.
I would suggest you let him know that you like him, enjoy his company, but your not waiting around for him to figure out his baggage. Get on with your life, keep dating and don't hold your breath. It may be years if ever that this man works through his issues.
Remember first and foremost. These are his issues, not yours! There is absolutely nothing you can do about them. It has nothing to do with you and is in no way, shape or form any reflection on you.
Good Luck and keep fishing!! | |
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