| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:53:50 AM | I'm travelling 200 miles plus to see my lovely new man this weekend. We've developed a really good friendship over 3 months of emails, lovely long telephone conversations and just the one meeting so far which was over 2 weeks ago. We don't have the opportunity to meet that often because we're 4 hours drive apart and both have kids. The meeting was the icing on the cake - he was wonderful (the feeling's mutual), we're very much in tune and I really like him as a person. We kissed and cuddled and nothing more but the promise of what's to come is very strong. I've booked a hotel with us in separate rooms because I don't want the issue of sex to be forced. I actually feel very comfortable with the idea of having sex with him, it seems like a natural progression, but wonder if it's too soon.
I've done that before with other men and something's been missing. But because a real connection has already been established, and we have a strong friendship thing going, I wonder what the harm would be if we both wanted sex and it just happened naturally. If it did, I would want to tell him that I'd only want sex with someone if there was potential for a serious relationship. He's already talking about us doing things in the future and has invited me to a family party. I'm by nature very passionate and can easily get caught up in the moment so am wondering if I should make a decision about this first. | |
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:05:14 AM | Listen to your gut instinct .You seem really taken with him .Good on you!!!.
Why don't you talk to him about it .If you're going to have a future together you need honest communication .the best of luck to you both .Cheers Debbie | |
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:17:18 AM | The only problem I see is the "net effect."
Chatting with someone online gives you a real, "Oh my God, I know this person so well!" feeling. But really you know the side of them that comes in print, and even meeting a few times you still have the "getting to know you" bits.... but most people ignore them because they already feel like they've known the person forever.
I'd do it if you feel like you'd regret not doing it, but recognize that the initial "whacked with a love mallet" feel may fade as you get to know the person in real life. Hell, you never know-- might turn out perfectly. | |
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:17:30 AM | Ho hummmm Ho-Hmmmmm
Really...after reading all these postings and the such, Do you really need to ask this question?
Your an adult (supposedly)
Do what an adult does and dont ask us to condone your actions
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:27:53 AM | To decide if you should or shouldn't is always hard...... because lust his a huge factor!
It's awesome that you have a great connection. Just think about how you'll feel.
- You have sex and things stay the same. GREAT
- You have a great weekend, awesome sex get back and start hearing less and less from him. MAD, SAD, REGRET
Get the online book called 1,000 questions couples should know and have some wonderful deep conversations getting to truly know this man inside and out. The longer you can hold out on the sexual part of the relationship the more awesome the sex can be. (or you might just need to have sex to make sure he can get it up! ) LOL
See there is just a flip of a coin! LOL
Whatever you decide have a great time! | |
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:40:13 AM | Whatever you decide, you need to figure how you would feel if things were to not work out. If you can handle it, either way, then do whatever you want. But if sleeping with this man and having the 'relationship' go south would devistate you - I suggest you hold off. Don't put yourself in a position to beat yourself up.  | |
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:43:51 AM | Having sex depends on you and your boundaries, limits, morals etc... Some say no loving without a firm commitment in hand. Other's say let the chips fall as they may. And yet other's say no glove no love... What ever you decide think of your well being and health 1st over all the rest...
Good Luck With Your New Found Love... | |
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:50:28 AM | I dont believe that there is such a thing as a time limit. It has to do with your attraction and connection. You do what you feel is best. If everything you say is true. Then I would say, take the chance. But, in life there are things that will and do go wrong. You could also hold out and see where it really goes. The sex part, is always an added bonus
to a relationship. But be safe and be sure. Would hate to see a good thing, go bad!
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:51:58 AM | I think having sex too soon, especially with someone you met online is the worst thing you can do. You are already feeling "in love" which is infatuation. If you have sex, it can create a "bond" that seems real but is probably more infatuation. That in turn can blind you to the truth about a questionable person and make you ignore red flags. Right now, you think there is the potential for a future together, but you can't focus on that idea when your hormones are in control.
My STBX and I "knew" instantly that we would get married. That "instinct" led us to continue on and ignore major red flags. I still think it's great to trust your instinct. It could be right, but remember it could be wrong. Let common sense and reasonable behavior guide you to determine if your feelings are going to prove correct or false. If it's going to work out, you have your whole future to have sex with him. | |
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:08:52 AM | If you both mutually feel the same connection and physical attraction then F*ck em already!!
As long as your both consenting adults start exploring each other and ENJOY!!
The fact tho, that you had to post this leads me to believe you are not emotionally ready or just want people to know your getting some. LOL
Either way, good luck in whatever you choose. | |
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:12:27 AM | | What are your plans for the relationship? Have you decided who is going to move near the other? If, for you, a condition of being sexual is to have a serious relationship, you should have this as part of the plan. 200 miles isn't like flying across the ocean but it takes a lot of work to keep a relationship going over that distance, especially a new one. | |
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:19:33 AM | | I agree with justwant2no totally...I would definately think about what is comfortable for you and discuss it with him...then, whatever you decide...continue to be true to yourself...If he is really a man of character, he will respect whatever decision you feel is best for you, at that particular time. | |
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:53:05 PM | OP, I hope it works out for you!! :}
But I wouldn't put too much stock in all of this guys "future plans" with you until they turn into reality.
We, as women eat that crap up, unfortunately, men know this, and if you come accross that real scumbag of a guy, well he will use it as ammunition to make you feel safely nestled in a possible LTR.
Only to use you for a one night stand.
Do a search on these forums, you will see story after story like your's..
Maybe your guy is the needle in the haystack, but I would try to hold off on sleeping with him until you have been in his presence a bit longer. (Heck, even that isn't a guarantee)
Let him prove himself, one meeting, as great as it may have been just wouldn't be enough for me.
JJ | |
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:12:54 PM | | It sounds like you already have your mind made up. Just get one room. Why waste the money.I have done that same thing and one room was never used. if you are good in bed he will be back. John not fhhghgh | |
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:14:38 PM | ^^^ Classy :)
I doubt you can really judge someone after one meet.I'm sure most would agree that some peoples online and offline personalities differ greatly.
Personally I don't think you should ever sleep with anyone on the second meet. | |
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:15:01 PM | OP: You both enjoy each other and you are adults. Enjoy the moment/time with him and if it happens - it happens! Just no regrets and go into this with an open mind!
What's the worse case scenario? You have great sex and a good time, but nothing more flourishes. You move on......As long as no one is deceiving the other, it's all good.
Best,
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:37:14 PM | | I say go ahead and do it! I mean your a Big Girl Now and can handle the reprecutions of your dicisions.. I mean hell you dont want to fall in love then find out he cant get you off later on down the road! Then you will cheat! | |
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/13/2008 1:25:54 AM | | Hello everyone. If I had sex with him and he then backed off I would be pretty cut up (actually totally gutted) so at the moment I feel I should hold off if I can. There'll be plenty of kissing and cuddling though.... He actually told me last night that he didn't want me feeling nervous about the weekend and that he wasn't expecting to sleep with me. So I feel more comfortable now. Thanks again lovely PoFers. | |
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| Too soon to have sex - really like him already!!
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:52:38 AM |
OP: You both enjoy each other and you are adults. Enjoy the moment/time with him and if it happens - it happens! Just no regrets and go into this with an open mind!
What's the worse case scenario? You have great sex and a good time, but nothing more flourishes. You move on......As long as no one is deceiving the other, it's all good.
I agree completely......Sex is one of those things you can't always plan for and should certainly go with the moment, if it arises (pardon the pun)
But just keep in mind that there is a possibility it may not work out (basically keeping your feet on the ground and your head out of the clouds) But don't live to regret it, just think that you had fun and you will never walk away saying, coulda woulda shoulda...... | |
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