| "Seperated" is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:35:20 AM | Why do people refer to themselves as single if they are seperated? To me, you are not single until you are divorced. Am I wrong? I read through profiles were men refer to themselves as "separated and single"! Isn't that an oxymoron? LOL
Help me out here..................... | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:10:11 PM | Nope seperated is the stage in wich you are still kickin' your butt for the years wasted in a relationship but haven't got the gumption to finish the job.
There are as many women who use the same phrase. It's not so much the seperated and single ones i mind but the married ones who claim to be single without being seperated or the married ones "just looking".
I guess seperated is wed but living a single life with baggage.
I refer to myself as single more as a wish than anything else. I just haven't filed for divorce because i'm lazy that way. And maybe a part of me is still mourning for the marriage that never was. | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:52:30 PM | | I totally agree, separated is not single. I met a guy for coffee who claimed to be separated - after a long pleasant conversation I discovered (accidentally) that he was still living with his wife, but said he was in the process of "becoming" separated. Sheesh, what the heck was he thinking???? | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:29:12 PM | What was he thinking?
He was thinking that he could have a new woman (or 2, or 3) waiting when he was man enough to move out.
Mind you - there are many women who do the same thing.
I think it really depends on the individual situation. Some are legally separated, living apart and negotiating their divorce. Basically, in single/married limbo.
Some, like I did many years ago, were legally separated and living apart with no possibility of reconciling. In my case, his health insurance was better than I could afford for myself.
It all boils down to full disclosure, and then making the decision to correspond or meet. | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:18:54 PM | I am separated for the past a lil over two years. I am just using my ex whatever for his health insurance. He is the one that wanted me out...he has to pay for the divorce..but he hasnt coughed up the money. I live in Buffalo and he lives in Rochester, NY...with no kids...and no we dont want to get back with eachother.
Heidi | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:18:35 AM | "Separation" is just the transition phase, the rationalization if you will, that one goes through during a couple's break-up and before their divorce...they are not single yet! There are many reasons why people state they are "single" even though they are separated...typically its because they are not ready emotionally to leave their partner, or they don't have the money or perhaps its because they still need the health insurance. Whatever the reason a person is not really "single" and not really ready to emotionally engage in an honest healthy relationship with someone else until they do the final "parting of the ways" and divorce their spouse or partner. People are in such a hurry to move forward in their lives that they leave "unfinished business" in their relationships and then carry that "baggage" into their new relationship.
Doc | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/13/2008 11:09:14 AM | If you are not legally separated through attorneys and have signed separation papers and all you did was MOVE out of the house then YOU are still married, as married as you were the day you said your vows.
I listed myself as divorced because my papers are signed. | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/13/2008 12:22:26 PM | | In the laws eye yes...I am still married....and not legally separated. However, in my heart I am separated and have moved on years even before it broke up. I let everyone know upfront that I am separated for a lil over two years and waiting for his broke ass to file the papers. However, not rushing him cus I need the health insurance badly! He and I are like strangers now. We both have moved on. Now I want a real relationship with someone. | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/14/2008 2:53:46 PM | | Sign THIS..................I haven't had marrital relations since the first weekend in DEC. 2007 and haven't lived with her for longer then that and don't have the money for toilet paper.....never the less LEGAL PAPER...she hates me and I hate her .... so stick that in you pipe and SMOKE IT. I she will not live up to her end of the marriage agreement and wants to make my life HELL. There is no marriage. PERIOD . Paper means nada......................................................................................................And further more I don't have to hide it. | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/15/2008 8:46:21 AM | true rich - so technically your not single, your still married.................bitter............but married!
I have no problem with people that are seperated. Just say your seperated ........................dont say your single. (dictionary) single=unmarried
PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT! LMAO!  | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/15/2008 2:20:35 PM | If you're not "legally seperated" you're still married. You can move out, move away, do what ever you want, but the bottom line is you're STILL MARRIED! If you're staying together on paper so you can commit insurance fraud that's just selfish and taking advantage of the system. Doesn't make you any less MARRIED! What happens down the road when the new person you're getting involved with wants to take future steps with you? Do you just expect that person to unravel your mess. Sorry, but I think if you're not legally[court ordered] seperated, and moving in the direction of a divorce, you should not be on a dating site, or involving someone else in your problem. | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:42:32 PM | Correct - Separated is NOT single.
Single means there is no relationship with another.
Separated usually means to me that a person was married, is still legally married on paper, but they are waiting for closure with the legal papers and are not living with their spouse.
If anyone has been through a divorce then you know it could take years for the process. A person should not put their life on hold due to the snail pace process of the legal system.
Hopefully most people are honest when they say they are separated. | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:14:23 AM |
Why do people refer to themselves as single if they are seperated? To me, you are not single until you are divorced. Am I wrong? I read through profiles were men refer to themselves as "separated and single"!
If you are separated and then divorced you aren't "Single", you are "Divorced". So there goes another misconception... | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/19/2008 2:20:06 PM | | I am always upfront and say that I am separated. Unlike most people on here I am gunuine, open and honest about who I am...my past...and what I want for the future. | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:48:42 PM | | I so agree with this......I"m separated,and waiting for closure,(any day now,the papers have been filed)and definitely NOT living with the 'EX',for quite some time now.....There is NO chance for reconciliation,as I don't want to....don't really much care if she does,it's still NOT happening....AND,I refuse to put my happiness on hold for anyone,anymore,with the exception of my daughters......I think that if a woman really wants to know my status,I should be very straight forward and be honest.....and I am....I've got nothing to hide... As for baggage,My separation might be the only'baggage' I have,but I certainly don't carry it around with me!I've moved on,and any woman who asks,shouldn't worry about it,because I don't waste my time thinking about what could've been,should've been,but isn't..... | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/25/2008 6:35:20 PM | I absolutely agree! Separated is not single, in fact you can become apart of an adultery law suit while separated :) sooo clearly that is not single!!  and I count them as married men, and stay clear:) | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 5/26/2008 1:04:27 PM | | There are 2 catagories here. Separated as in not actively a couple and LEGALLY separated. Legally means there is a legally binding agreement. There is no deadline to this. Most people end up divorced, but there is nothing that says that has to take place. The only reason one would have to divorce is to remarry again. I would definately date someone legally separated. They have spent the time to work things out regarding property, and kids, and have spent money on the process... so in my mind the likelyhood of it not really being over is less. People living in different bedrooms, wings of the house, or even in different houses ... I'm hesitant because I feel it's less 'over' than legally separated or divorce. Everyone is entitled to his/her opinion... and this is mine. | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 6/2/2008 4:53:29 PM | | Well... Let me explain... I'm LEGALLY separated.... meaning you can do everything that a divorced person does (including payment of maintenance and child support... lol) except of course get re-married. The only thing that has to be done after a year is file. Financially, for me, it beneficial (and for my ex) for the near term. | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 6/3/2008 9:59:00 AM | Ok, help me understand: you are either married or divorced. Cannot see a middle ground there. Legally, yes, there has to be a "time period" where you work out the situational factors regarding divorce. Even after that final paper is signed, can you honestly say that you are "single?" What does it mean to be newly divorced? Are you ready to move on even after that?
In my situation, it took me two years after my divorce to be ready to date. Out of respect for everyone involved, I knew I would have been no good for anyone else until some time had passed and I had truly "come to terms" with my new situation.
The question is: when is it really time to move on? When are you going to be good for someone else to be in a relationship with? If moving on too soon after or during a divorced... at what point does selfishness leave the situation?
Any ideas? | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:26:34 AM |
If you are not legally separated through attorneys and have signed separation papers and all you did was MOVE out of the house then YOU are still married, as married as you were the day you said your vows.
I listed myself as divorced because my papers are signed.
And yet another person that is fooling themselves.
No, you are "separated", as in still MARRIED.
Listing yourself as divorced is lying. I don't care how many "Papers" are signed, separation does not equal divorce, it equals separation. A Legal separation carries more weight because it means you got off your butt and did something, but until your Divorce is signed, sealed and delivered by the Judge, you are STILL MARRIED, therefore "Separated".
It's amazing how many people will try to justify lying in their profile... | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:41:19 AM | | DDay555 - I agree 100%, but I am not sure that she was speaking about her divorce papers or separation papers????? Seperation papers don't mean squat, STILL MARRIED! | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:29:16 PM | I'm pretty sure she meant "Separation" papers. Read the profile that accompanies the post and I'm sure you'll agree.
I was separated when I joined here and I listed myself as such. I had great pleasure of being able to actually change that to divorced once it was official, but not a day sooner. Another little trimuph in life. Small but not trivial to me. | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 6/11/2008 11:14:50 AM | If you are not legally separated through attorneys and have signed separation papers and all you did was MOVE out of the house then YOU are still married, as married as you were the day you said your vows.
I listed myself as divorced because my papers are signed.
And yet another person that is fooling themselves.
No, you are "separated", as in still MARRIED.
Listing yourself as divorced is lying. I don't care how many "Papers" are signed, separation does not equal divorce, it equals separation. A Legal separation carries more weight because it means you got off your butt and did something, but until your Divorce is signed, sealed and delivered by the Judge, you are STILL MARRIED, therefore "Separated".
It's amazing how many people will try to justify lying in their profile...
Re-read what I wrote, MY divorce papers are signed, I was making a comment as to being separated which is what I was for a YEAR...I believe a year is standard in NY before either party can file for divorce, so I'm not lying | |
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| Seperated is NOT single......or is it?
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:43:48 PM | Depends on the reason for the divorce. For cruel and Inhuman, you file for Divorce and Separation is a mandatory part of the process.
we have some strange laws. Like we're still the only state that requires that you have "Grounds" for a Divorce and there's only a handful of reasons. | |
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