| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:12:22 AM | Just like that, I was talking to 5 different girls at the same time (all were going well) to talking to none at all. It wasn't planned or anything, but I was for a short period getting a lot of attention. I wasn't used to it, so after maintaining conversations for a couple weeks I sorta got overwhelmed.
After getting overwhelmed I kinda blew them off, not entirely, for just a few days.. Maybe 5 or 6.. Then when I try to talk to them again, they're all compltely ignori9ng me. So I went from getting lots of attention, girls sending me sexy pics and everything; to nothing at all.
Not sure what kind of advice to get, but I guess I have a hard time maintaining multiple new relationships at the same time. It's just strange how I went from mr popular (in my own standard comparing to the past, not others) to mr nobody in one week flat.
I almost feel discouraged about the whole online thing. There's definately some sort of technique that I'm missing, when it comes to having a decent social life. MY social life is either too hectic or non existant. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:23:02 AM | Sometimes I think women have a secret social network on here... telling everyone who they are talking to, forwarding messages to each other, etc...
Maybe they all caught on that you were talking to all their friends too... not that there's anything wrong with it.
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:46:45 AM | While I was playing the game I had the same experience.
If you find it gets overwhelming step back and decide which woman is most likely to click with you and focus. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:51:19 AM | umm...lets see..... PLAYING is EXACTLY what you were doing!!!... why dont you concentrate on ONE person... you might have better luck.... and if you want to act like a "PLAYER".... then you better be able to take the shit that you give the "PLAYEE".....
Sorry I dont feel bad for you, sometimes shit happens ..... thats life its sucks sometimes.... learn to DEAL with it!.. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:51:44 AM | Oh poor baby, somebody locked the candy store on you? For shame - the biatches......AND after seeing this thread, you may never talk to another female here again... lol... grow up
cata | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:53:35 AM | pick one and focus on that one. How can you devote time to finding out if one is even right for you to date.
If someone else contacts you..........give them a polite reply so that you can maintain some contact but it doesnt have to be on a daily. Keep in touch once a week or so to keep the lines of communication open. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:55:33 AM | | Hey ladies, before you get all quick to judge me as a player, keep in mind I wasn't dating any of them; just TALKING to them and they were all aware that I was talking to more than one female. I am an honest person, damnit. As far as that goes, I know you women talk to multiple men as well. Sorry but as soon a I read "PLAYER" I had to be quick to reply.. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:58:47 AM | | OH and another thing, I'm not really that put off by it.. Not really "****ing" - more or less just wondering what other online daters thought. Also, I don't date people off of POF near as much as people from other websites that I've had more success with. I dont dislike POF or anything, I love the forums. THanks for your replies everyone, please don't get all bent out of shape because I wanted some advice on how to not get overwhelmed. I mean really, if you think it's such a bad question then you might as well consider yourself branded a judgemental freak who nobody wants to message. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:14:28 PM | lol TIBTAB ~ I don't see where you are really a player at all ~ and those who do think so likely have spoke with more than one person on the site as well. Nothing wrong with MAKING FRIENDS and keeping OPTIONS OPEN ~ as you didn't commit anything to any of them from what you posted here.
As for being overwhelmed, it will come and go in phases ~ or so I've found. It's not easy to 'wade through' when you get lots of responses. So, don't worry about those who are 'judging' you... they will also be judged inappropriately at some point if they are posting a thread on the forums ~ seems a given here.
Good luck, take care, and BREATHE!
Rainy | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:16:48 PM | It's no secret that women like confidence, and a man being
surrounded by women exudes confidence.
What I don't understand is all the men that can have numerous
women in various relationships at one time and the women
know about it and just makes them want the guy more it seems!
When I have been in a position of having several women interested
in me, and I am honest enough to let them know, they too, disappear.
I had to tell one woman that I really liked and she liked me, that I had
become serious about another woman that I met earlier. I thought honesty
was best.
The first relationship failed, and the second woman wanted nothing
to do with me. Seems the rejection was just too much! So the lesson
seems to be that you have to be some kind of a scumbag.
I'm sorry to say that, but honesty gets you nowhere in this area! | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:23:09 PM | *peeks in...tiptoes quietly through the door*
Wow, tough room...
I have experienced the EXACT same thing OP. Now, I wasn't playing these guys, merely corresponding with more than one at a time. Sheesh, isn't that what one is supposed to do?
So, yeah, one week, five guys are emailing me, things are going well. The next week, tumbleweeds are rolling through my inbox.
*shrugs*
That's online dating for ya, everybody's so fickle..I have tried concentrating on just one guy, and that has gotten me nowhere, except extremely frustrated and confused..I'm pretty sick of the disappearing act. If a guy sticks around past the first week of emails, he just may be a keeper..I'll let ya know if it ever happens. 
Good luck Opie, online dating isn't for the faint of heart.  | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:23:38 PM |
kinda blew them off, not entirely, for just a few days.. Maybe 5 or 6..
In the online world, no contact for 5 or 6 days constitutes a "lost interest guy" and most women will just move on.
And yes as incredibly STUPID as it sounds, there are people of both genders who will get utterly incensed and totally pissed off that a person they are interested in is in contact with other dating prospects,even though nobody has actually been on a real date.
If you get "overwhelmed" again, don't just "blow them off" for several days and then expect that you will be able to pick up where you left off.
Cindy O | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:34:39 PM | I wasn't used to it, so after maintaining conversations for a couple weeks I sorta got overwhelmed...I kinda blew them off...for just a few days.. Maybe 5 or 6...Then when I try to talk to them again, they're all compltely ignori9ng me. So I went from getting lots of attention, girls sending me sexy pics and everything; to nothing at all...I guess I have a hard time maintaining multiple new relationships at the same time. Don't bite off more than you can chew. If you find it impossible to learn about and/or date more than one woman at a time, don't do it. Somebody tell me if I missed something more obvious here. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:38:28 PM | | Thanks guys, I'll definitely narrow it down and focus on the most interesting ones (or even one) to avoid losing contact with all. Better to maintain contact with the best if possible! I honestly didn't expect the vast disappearances of text messages and phone calls. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:42:37 PM | Men lose interest and move on - women lose interest and move on.
Welcome to the world of dating - and real life.
No biggie!
There are no mistakes...only lessons to be learned.
So, just focus on one or two next time. Try that!
Oh, btw...I don't view you as a 'player' at all, so I've no idea those who accuse you are on about. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:58:26 PM | | Life is a cycle. Has its ups, downs, sideways, flat times... Always changing for the better or worse. Many times change is a good think. Will always give you something to think about just as it has now... | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:02:23 PM | Talking to people isn't playing at all, I have no idea why anyone was even suggesting it, let alone saying it. Blowing off is bad. I know I'd be gone if someone blew me off for days like that. It's not like you have to talk to everyone all at the same time either.
I don't really have the problem because I never have much interest, but I focus on people so it wouldn't get out of hand. I just know I wouldn't be able to handle a bunch of people at once too, too much time to split and not enough to really get to know any one person. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:08:07 PM |
Hey ladies, before you get all quick to judge me as a player, keep in mind I wasn't dating any of them; just TALKING to them and they were all aware that I was talking to more than one female. I am an honest person, damnit. As far as that goes, I know you women talk to multiple men as well. Sorry but as soon a I read "PLAYER" I had to be quick to reply..
So .. you were talking to them... all was going well until You got all overwhelmed, nt sure how talking to a few women would be so draining (spechully since some can't get even one to yap) .. anyway .. you were talking to them .. regular, exchanging "sexy" pics (you said) .. and then YOU just stopped talking to them and expected .. what? .. You thought they'd accept you blowing them off (not talking to them) and be all like happy and excited cuz you suddenly honoured them with a note????
If I was talking to a guy regularly, exchanging Anything personal and he just stopped all of a sudden (as you said you did) for 5 or 6 days. I'd probly be done with you and perceive you as a player too. Notice I didn't say it was because you were chatting with a few others .. but to be so disrespectful and just disappear like that? PLAYER.
If you don't want the answer - don't ask the question.
And you are old enough to know you should treat people the way you would want them to treat you. Perhaps the "ladies" were just following your lead.
A.S.is
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:08:39 PM |
Talking to people isn't playing at all,
Probably just angry people in general, look for any situation to put other people down to make themselves feel good. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:30:24 PM | I honestly didn't expect the vast disappearances of text messages and phone calls.
Whether you look for love online, offline or some combination thereof, it can tend to be a "feast or famine" situation quite often. It becomes tempting to try and "juggle" all these prospects because you just don't know what's going to work out.And there is nothing wrong with that in intial stages of contact/interest. But if you try to juggle TOO MANY, you risk dropping them all.
Unless you can prove serious illness( I'm talking like in the hospital serious), a death in the family someplace WAY off the beaten path, or that aliens ate your computer, most women are going to take a 5 day silence on your part as that you found someone better to do. Having you "re appear" just looks like you struck out, and are now going back thru your datebook. Nobody wants to be "2nd choice."
Cindy O | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:46:55 PM | I didnt perceive you as a player. You said you were ovverwhelmed, and just stopped contact. I was just trying to give you a suggestion as to how, NOT to feel so ovewhelmed andcut off contact with all, and have them lose interest..................
Good Luck.................. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:23:37 PM |
I was talking to 5 different girls at the same time (all were going well) to talking to none at all.
In the future restrict yourself to no more than three. One new and exciting, one you already know, and one just about out the door. When you decide that you want to pursue something more serious with one of them, drop the the other two and concentrate on just the ONE.
Your experience has taught you that multi-flirting is best left to the experts. Your five girls got wise to your game and blew you out. Every girl wants to feel that she is the only one!! | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:42:09 PM | | Thanks for sharing your perspectives. I have taken note how each and everyone can perceive a 5 day hiatus. It's definitely not taken too good in the online dating world! Peace, Matt | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:51:29 PM | | Lesson learned for you hey...Im sure the attention was fun but thats what happens...you now might of missed out on finding someone special by talking to so many women at once. Its not easy keeping up, it makes it so you cant focus on who is right for you at a certain point. I can only imagine you trying to answer all those messages yeppie it must of been fun... Thats why limit it down to a few in the beginning than less then that at first..Then let the list drop until you realise who is the one you really want..focus your time on that one person so it does not take away your chance of finding someone who is really the one you want. Because now you might of missed out, its sad but it happens. Thats why I dont do that I learned that lesson long ago...I have friends but now I have only 1 person I really want in time I will know if he really wants me too because my focus is all on him...he knows who he is. Now if your just board their are other sites for that Im sure. Dont do to others what you dont want to happen to you. Thats a big internet lesson karma sucks dont it.....will good luck I hope this helped in someway | |
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