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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:49:52 AM | It sounds like the men you have dated want an intimate relationship immediately. People are all over the board on when to let their kids meet a person they are dating. Introducing the person as a friend, with no demonstration of intimacy is one way to allow the person to get familiar with your children. If your children are at an age or a space where you think it would be difficult for them to take this step, you certainly are making the right call.
I would say, be upfront before you even start dating. Say I want to date a few months before involving the children in our outings. Guys are much more receptive if they know the rules from the start. If you say this and they still get upset, then they are not respecting you, and probably wouldn't in other areas of the relationship either, so it's a big red flag. Just my thoughts. | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:34:21 AM | I've noticed that, even with women. I just tell them flat-out that my kids aren't really "on the table" until I'm pretty sure we've got a chance at working out. "Yes, I like you, and I really hope this all works out... I intend to put good solid effort and energy into getting to know each other. I just don't involve my kids in my dating for a fair while, as it's easier ON THEM." Some women have felt insulted that I don't TRUST them or something, but those are the ones I haven't felt would work out anyway, completely aside from that single issue.
Hell, I don't even put SEX on the table for several dates... It's just not worth the drama and angst for a physical dalliance with someone I don't truly *like* (and preferably love), you know? | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:14:50 AM | Yup I've kicked a couple of "potentials" to the curb over just this issue.
I don't fret over it as for me my son's home is his sanctuary and until I know you well enough to understand your mindset and background (which takes time), I'm keeping it that way. Casual dates don't even need to know my home address, neither for that matter do new platonic friendships of either sex.
Even another seemingly nice woman from toddler group could be a thief or whatever so until I've known her a few months and have a clear idea of her morals she's not coming into my home. Why should a romantic attachment be treated any differently?
It's summer time so no need to stay cooped up indoors anyway. | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:24:36 PM | I think it would be a BIG warning flag if some guy wanted to meet your kids fairly quickly after just meeting you.
But if your children are elsewhere sometime, I don't see what the big deal would be in having him over if you feel a connection and would like to continue dating. If he can't understand why he can't come over when the kids are there, then I would look elsewhere. | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:24:08 PM | Not all men do.
I think Wishubemine has made a great point.
Lay the ground rules down at the start and you'll soon be able to have a glimpse of their character and interest.
I dated a woman with a 4 year old from POF. we chatted and talked on the phone and even briefly caught up a few times for a coffe before she picked her boy up from day care this went on for awhile before I ever went to her place and even then there were strict rules I had to follow, i.e. no touching or kissing in front of the child and I had to accept that the Child ALWAYS came first no matter what.
She laid down the rules and I had to obey them.
I didn't have an issue with not going to her place until she was ready and I didn't have an issue with following her rules. | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:41:57 PM | I understand your situation it happens to me for somereason some of the men think that when a female is looking and these female have kids all they want is go to have intimacy with you, if you just meet this person like the guys said made your rules clear and upfront, for me been a mother comes first then a woman however if this person dont respect your rules then you need to let him go you will not be wasting your time and he will not be wasting his.
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/14/2008 3:55:39 PM | | I sincerely doubt that you are all that confused. From the dawn of time up until 3 seconds ago and from now until forever, men will always be wanting the booty. It's clearly that simple. That is first and foremost and always will be. Now I might get alot of angry men answering that, but it's true. That being said I think not having him over is a slap to his ego. It's like you are saying " I like you, but I don't trust you". Which in retrospect is true. It's not a male bashing statement, it's a safety issue. Men don't really understand that when they are raised to be the one dealing with safety issues and being the protector. It's a real eye opener to the ones that can't see past their egos or their "buddies" down below. | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/15/2008 4:02:15 AM | If you don't agree then don't agree to see him. I understand that he wants to be a part of your life and may be insecure regarding his status if you are hesitant to let him into such an important part of your life, but that is his issue and not yours.
I completely agree that your home should not have a revolving door for every man you date. Dating is about trial and error. If every date were simply the beginning of a LTR, then there would be far fewer people here :) | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/15/2008 9:27:47 AM | As a parent, your first and foremost responsibility is to the precious children you brought into this world. Their home is their comfort, stability, security and grounding spot from which they learn and grow. You are responsible to ensure that home is a fun welcoming nurturing place for your children......not someone you date.
If a man can't comprehend this concept, send him down the street to a house with a revolving door and find someone who understands family values. He will respect you and the fact that it is your decision alone to make as to when and if you feel he is special enough to be introduced to your children.
...also at this stage he would be so attracted to you that even if he thinks your kids are spoiled rotten little rugrats, there's less chance of him running for the door.....just kidding! trying to add some humour... | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/15/2008 12:16:19 PM | Your absolutely right, however, not all men are the same. I for one would be very understanding and respect her wishes. Even though men are always wanting booty, some of us can control our urges, and our "buddies". I'm also a single parent and would not allow anyone to come over to my house unless the kids were gone for the weekend. I think most single parents would understand the safety issue and the fact that the home is also a safe haven for their children and should stay that way.
I would also like to commend you all for your responsible views. | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/17/2008 2:56:00 PM | " am really confused here. the guys i have dated have a real problem with me not wanting to bring them over to my house. I have children at home and i keep my dating/social life seperate from my home life until i see how its going to work out . I believe in keeping my house their safe place . Anyone else have this problems "
Honey you are not alone on this one... trust me. I've cut off a few men over this as well. There is nothing more important than protecting your babies and if any man can't understand that then they need to move on to a woman with no children. It takes a special kind of man to date a single mom. Nothing wrong with the men who choose not to though, they just aren't for me! (obviously)
You'll find the right one, I have to believe this because that would mean I will too! lol | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:43:51 PM | I've had that problem too. Even though I have made it clear in the past that no man will meet my daughter until we have spent at least 6+ months together, men have a different idea.
The single dads that I have dated have wanted me to meet their kid(s) right away; even as soon as the second date. I think that's absurd. Dating is one thing, relationships are another. I guess some of the men you and I have dated view relationships with partners and their children differently than you or I do.
All I can say is put it out there from day 1 that your dating life is separate from your home life and until you feel that the relationship has actual possibilities of leading to a future together you are going to leave you kids out of this. It's hard enough on them for mom and dad to be in separate households without men or women being paraded through a revolving door. You're doing what is best for your kids and never feel bad about it. | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/18/2008 7:25:09 AM | 6+ months, I dont think I would date someone for 6 months without knowing everything about them. What if I date a person for 6 months, get all serious, then find out their kids are animals and are kept in a cage?
You ladys are always putting "I want a honest man" in your profiles. Well living two seperet lives is not honest. You may be great in your date life, then in six months I get to listen to you yell and scream at your kids. So in reality you are saying "In 6 months you get to meet the real me"!
I more than understand caution, but expecting a guy to date you for 6 months without knowing you, well I dont know. I am not judging your choises, just dont be upset when a guy says "Sorry cant do that". | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:01:41 PM | I am really confused here. the guys i have dated have a real problem with me not wanting to bring them over to my house. I have children at home and i keep my dating/social life seperate from my home life until i see how its going to work out . I believe in keeping my house their safe place . Anyone else have this problems
Yes I have this problem. I am not going to let anyone come to my house until I know something is going to happen between us . I am looking for love and romance but not just a hang out. I keep my home life private too. I do not let my children meet them or them meet my children until we have seen eachother for awhile and know we only want to see eachother. You never know if they meet the children and then they are gone. Then you have to explain to the children that they did not do something wrong to run them off. I have not had a lot of men in my life but my children are at the top of my list of having to like them and them liking my children too. You never know what you are going to find in a romance but I do know one thing I am not going to let anyone live with me until I am married to him. So the next person that shares a home and my life with me will be my husband and my soulmate for life. Is that too much to ask in life. OfCourse it is not. Have a blessed day to everyone.
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