| Topic of sex vs the turn on?
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:40:50 AM | Hi guys, (and the women can pipe in also if they want)
So I have met a few men from POF and inevitably the *topic* of sex comes up. I like sex and I like talking about it to, but initially when I am engaged in conversation about sex, it isn't in an erotic way, it is more factual.
I find that men tend to move right into the 'turn on' stage as soon as I open up with my opinions about sex, it is uncomfortable for me to set boundaries after that because I feel as if somehow I have *lead* them down that path. I am pretty sure that I don't talk/type in an erotic way, I simply state my thoughts on various aspects of sexuality.
So my question is this, if a woman simply engages in conversation with you about sex, does that always mean that she wants to carry that conversation into a the physical, in your way of thinking? | |
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| Topic of sex vs the turn on?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:19:35 AM | Just because sex is being discussed, doesn't mean the conversation has to be "sexual".
There's a lot of idiots out there (men and women) who think that once sex is brought up in some manner... that the conversations should now focus on that.
And that's just not right.
I've talked to some wonderful women on here... and we can freely discuss sex as adults. Talking about when we think it should enter a relationship, thoughts about "safety", and other things.
We can discuss it, just like any other topic. And things are fine.
Sure, we might make the odd sexual joke or toss some inuendo around... but for the most part, we're mature about it.
Then there's others... who as soon as sex is brought up... they start rambling about "wanting it"... about their favorite positions, and what they want to do to me and all of that.
Now, if we're at that point in a relationship, that's fine. I mean, yeah, there's a point where you're comfortable discussing what you'd like to enjoy together, or just talking naughty.
But some people jump right into that from the start. As if that's all there is to a relationship. Well, I guess for some sad people... that IS all they know.
Simply put... you don't ever have to put up with treatment you don't appreciate.
If someone's going on the sex rant... and you're not comfortable with it... TELL THEM.
They will either stop... or you'll just stop talking to them. Simple as that.
We can't really stop people from writing something stupid to us online... but we can decide if we will waste our time with such nonsense. | |
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| Topic of sex vs the turn on?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:55:01 AM | Hi Adam,
What a great answer and it IS exactly as I thought it should be. I am not sure why older men especially seem to want to jump right into the sexual nature of a relationship. I don't mind talking about it as you have said, but when it turns into every sentence or every second sentence being a referrence, I draw the line. It just gets so monotonous having to set limits and ask for more of a variety of conversation. | |
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| Topic of sex vs the turn on?
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:50:23 AM | | Nope...means she wants to know how I feel about certain things. It's all part of getting to know each other. | |
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| Topic of sex vs the turn on?
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:14:28 AM | | This is really simple. Just change the subject. It's pretty safe to assume that it wouldn't take much urging to get a man to talk about sex. But in the same breadth, you should be able to drop the subject and move on. If he doesn't, well, you got what you got. | |
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| Topic of sex vs the turn on?
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:23:26 AM | It depends on the woman, the nature of the conversation, and how it is presented.
If she shows up for a first date in 8 inch stiletto boots, vinyl shorts, and pasties and proceeds to suck on a straw (deeply) while telling me in a husky voice how she loves to give blowjobs on the first date to men matching my description...I might take that to mean she may be interested in carrying the conversation into the physical.
If it is a normal date and she is reciting facts and figures or even opinions on certain sexually oriented behaviors or statistics (especially STD's)...then no, I don't assume she wants to carry the conversation into the physical, I try to listen and understand what she is saying.
If she shows up on a date covered in blood with a string of balls and wieners around her neck with fire in her eyes and starts a sexual conversation...I hope to odin she doesn't want to carry the conversation into the physical.
Some guys will assume, or interpret a conversation regarding sex as an invitation or implication that you want to carry it into the physical. That may be why they are really there in the first place and they are simply seeking an opening. For some men it really doesn't matter what you say, or do. They are there for their own reason and they will interpret your behavior and speech as an invitation to possibly further their own gratification as it is what they want and you are merely the opportunity to achieve it. | |
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| Topic of sex vs the turn on?
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:24:27 AM | I've been out with 4 men thus far and every single one of them tried to kiss me good night and they wanted to talk about doing more. Sure, I changed the subject, but they always came back to it.
Of course you would want to know what a person's preferrences are before you bed them, I mean what would be the point if you slept with them and there was NO compatibility sexually. Been there done that!
So I say to a person "What are your sexual preferrences." I share a little bit of mine, he shares his, I explain some of mine (because he asked questions), he shares his thoughts and bam, the flood gates seem to open up, he thinks I want to bed him.
I am a very sensual person, love sex, but not with just any person, there has to be a spark. Maybe I am just to open with the conversation.
And I usually pick clothing according to my comfort level, not to sexually attract a man. | |
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| Topic of sex vs the turn on?
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:30:58 AM | When we want pleasure, we don't worry about how we get it. When we get a good buzz on, does anyone worry about the hangover tomorrow?
If a woman engages in a conversation that will lead us somewhere pleasurable, some men don't really worry about what HER intent is....their own is too strong to get diverted like that :) | |
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| Topic of sex vs the turn on?
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:52:10 AM |
men don't really worry about what HER intent is....their own is too strong to get diverted like that
I do understand this about some men, I accept that their instincts are different from women and that 'intent' can play a role, I appreciate this input.
It seems it is the older men that I have met, that don't have the curtesy of taking the time to focus on me as a person they are with and see if it is comfortable with me to go further. Personally I prefer a direct question over flustered flirtatious remarks, I find them hard to respond to.
On one of my meets, I eventually asked one man if he was propositioning me. That definately backed him off and he acknowledged later that he got the hint.
It is an awkward space to be in on your first meet (not even a date!), to feel as if you are being pressured into having sex with someone that you don't even know that well. | |
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