| The Death of Love?
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:54:47 AM | This bit of thought is not along the usual lines that I convey in these pieces but since I do belong to the same species as all of you (though some are very dubious of that claim) I actually do feel the myriad of emotions that we as humans all share and experience.
The thought came to me this morning how we, as a race of emotional being, deal with the loss of love. Dealing with person’s death, especially one that is close to you, is having to cope with 2 separate facets. The loss of love that is now terminated and what you have received to this point is in fact the end of it and with the cessation of corporeal existence having to cope with the fact that this person can no longer provide further joy.
Please try to stay with me if my thinking becomes convoluted. We as human, wish to continually grow emotionally in wisdom and intelligence. There is a utopian place we wish to reach but so few ever do. Many become trapped, whether through lack of trying or caring or apathy, to ever strive to become what we ultimately can become. Love is the zenith of this process. Love of self creates respect of self and belief in one’s self in every aspect of being.
Religion is based on faith. One has to have an unshakable, stalwart belief in the concepts they hold passionate. Unfortunately the majority of religious people I know display they do not have faith in their beliefs what so ever. Love of self is precisely based upon the same concept of faith. Faith in one’s self. If that foundation is missing or unsubstantial, how can we possibly love another when in essence all we end up perpetually seeking are those that will provide that emotional sustenance which we ourselves cannot supply?
I have a close friend at the moment that is terminal with cancer. She is very courageous, more so then I have ever been in my life. Events such as these test your internal fortitude and I am failing. How do I act around this person I love that has essentially been closer to me then my own family? How can I not cry when I look in her face and think she will not be there in a month? I had a friend that gave me a piece of advice that I had to implement and that was “To act as if everything is ok”. It amazes me that I can sit with her at dinner for 2 hours and laugh the entire time and earlier that day listen to another person cry and moan about every aspect of her life when she is blessed in so many ways. Many people will just never “get it” and I know I am guilty of that shortcoming sometimes.
So I find myself crying lately off and on, at work and at home because this person I love will not be there anymore. What I thought this morning as I lay in bed and the night passed into the light of another day was love is happiness. I have had much strife in my life and I have been through some tough times but when I think about it, where ever there was love, there was happiness. Both come to us in bits and pieces and many of us just do not step back and acknowledge what joy has been presented to us as a gift. Many times we just let it pass us by like some complete and utter stranger walking past us on the sidewalk. Happiness is an amalgamation of love. Love of laughter, love of people, love of art, love of hobbies, etc. Why is it so hard to understand that happiness as well as love are not perpetual entities? We think we will meet someone and be in love the rest of our lives when a good percentage of the relationship is conscious work. It is not all joy and happiness and unfortunately includes every other emotion, many negative, we possess. The love and happiness we experience in bits and pieces have to be gathered as precious stones and tucked away for when we forget what it is like to experience those joys and are mired in sadness.
Emotional growth is gauged in many ways. One is to look back on a relationship and see the good that was in it. It may have ended in disaster but there are the bits and pieces of happiness that can be extracted from memory and relished. It can be bitter sweet at times since we craved much more then we received. Many destroy those memories with hateful thoughts to try and “get over it” quickly or make it easier to forget, a heinous transgression for emotional well being and growth.
This morning I looked at a picture of a woman I loved at one time and still do. Both of us are smiling in the picture and her smile was completely heartfelt as well as mine. I did not think of all the strife we encountered being together or the pain we both felt at times as I examined the picture. I saw a face that had dreams and desires, wants and needs and at that moment in time, she had them all and so did I. How could I look at this picture and NOT smile and shed a tear because of the joy we both felt at that moment? It is moments such as that, our existences rely and must be built upon. For in that moment love never died and is forever immortal. | |
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| The Death of Love?
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:18:11 AM | You have touched on so many things here.... where to even begin??
No... love never dies. Sometimes it changes..... sometimes it grows cold but that which is true never dies, else it wasnt really love, ya know?
Your thoughts..... the reminders of what is real, what is important, are so appreciated.
A persons death... someone you love. Her presence, her love, your love for her always remain with you somehow. I am sure you are not failing her now..... for she likely knows the things in your heart. Still.... your friends advice lacked something. Yes...there are times with one who is dying that it is good to forget....to just enjoy each others company as you usually do. But one who is dying rarely wnats those close to pretend. You can be honest with her...... Be authentic..... tell her all that she has meant to you....tell her you dont really know what to say at those times that you really dont and are afraid to bring up what is uncomfortable. Feel free to talk about how you will miss her. Whatever you do, dont be afraid to be you and express what is in your heart. Remember she is going on a journey.... and when people pretend that she is not, .....it is more their own discomfort rather than that of the one who is going down that path. Feel free to go on that journey with her and you will likely come away with another precious pebble........one that you can pull out whenever the sadness and the loss returns.
As to the faith of those of us who claim it. You are right..... so many who claim it rarely do indeed possess it. How I know that I often dont really trust He whose words I know to be true. The words that we speak with our mouths so often dont penetrate our very hearts or the way we live our lives, do they??? And yes, you are right, if we dont love ourselves..... if there is no love coming up from within us.....then how can we offer love to another??
Just some thoughts in response to all that you wrote. Thanks again for what you shared.... the reminder to remember the joys and be thankful....... to take out our little pouch of precious stones eacn and every day.
Good words for me as well, as I grieve the loss of a relationship that I had placed hope in.
It is good to write , isnt it?? | |
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| The Death of Love?
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:29:05 AM | Today I heard a wonderful poem about laughter. It involves so much of our bodies while releasing endorphins. Your friend is blessed to be able to laugh with you. At one time in different circumstances, and after the laughter, I was aware of carrying away a package of grief when I left, another small act in restoring balance however briefly.
One thing I took away from a teen movie was the fact about our own loving belonging to ourselves whether returned or not. Nothing can change that. You also express this.
Beautifully written. Thank you. | |
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| The Death of Love?
Posted: 5/18/2008 12:45:00 PM | | So few know what to say to someone with cancer. Those who were friends cross the street to avoid, the empty search for words. People act likes its contagious or maybe the bad karma will affect them. Maybe it brings their own fears to the surface. Basically, I guess it brings them face to face, with their own mortality. It is so good, you are yourself, with your friend, giving her joy and laughter, when she most needs it, Laughter has been proven to help cancer sufferers get well. Love and laughter are healing forces.Cancer is a disease you must face alone, a lot of the time so your support is priceless as is your caring attitude. | |
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