| please review my profile and give me honest feedback
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:18:45 AM | honestly, Ive been on this site for a while now I haven't even recived any emails from anybody. and every message I do send is either ingnored or just read then deleted,
I mean this happens to even the most polite of messages. i mean im a pretty nice guy
who has been called a gentleman at times. sombody please tell me what Im doing wrong | |
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| please review my profile and give me honest feedback
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:33:34 AM | OP, you are a good looking guy, and have good pics. Maybe you could get some more, though, and include a body shot?
Your headline-DITCH IT! Come up with something funny or interesting, but nothing that has the words looking for, searching, seeking, want, need, good guy, soulmate, etc...if you read the thread on profile writing tips, you can see some good headlines in there.
You need to include more interests. These are searchable, and might lead to someone contacting you. You don't have nearly enough, another ten would be great.
As for your profile, it really tells me nothing about who you are as a person. I get that you want to include all the things that you like to do, but you need to find some characteristics that make you unique. NOTHING generic, like, nice guy, honest, funny (never say this, be this in your profile). Stuff like old fashioned, extrovert, introvert, qualities that make you who you are as opposed to the general population.
You should have a section on who you are as a person, what you like to do, and who you are looking for. The part where you say "I need a girl who", lose it! NEVER say I NEED! It makes you look needy! Find another way to say this, okay?
Pay attention to your spelling, grammar, punctuation, use of capitol letters and syntax. Women notice these things.
Work on these, and get back to us. We'll help you tweak it. In general, you really need to beef it up. Oh, and before I forget! NO DANCING BANANAS! No emoticons whatsoever in a profile. Good luck. | |
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| please review my profile and give me honest feedback
Posted: 5/13/2008 11:57:03 AM | I like blue shirt photo better for main.
Wasn't your profile longer? It seems like it shrunk. Not a good thing - way too short. And still a lot of grammar, spelling and other issues with your English.
No profession. If you are not working, put Student in. | |
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| please review my profile and give me honest feedback
Posted: 5/13/2008 12:08:35 PM | Hi skyller, you need more help than I have time to give.Your profile is WAY to short,and needs a lot more information. I suggest that you go to the top of the first page on this forum to "profile writing tips" follow the guidelines there. When you have completed your profile,come back and repost to THIS thread,and we will hepl you "tweek" it.
best wishes
OFCB | |
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| please review my profile and give me honest feedback
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:08:11 PM | Well, you're missing some more pics, and ideally some full-body shots as mentioned before.
You should include an extra space between paragraphs for easier reading.
Watch your capitalization and punctuation.
The thing that's missing for me as the reader is a sense of *who you are*, not just what you *do* and things you like or don't like.
Find a way to convey the kind of person you are that doesn't use any cliched words like, "Nice, old-fashioned, honest, down to earth..." you know, the stuff you see on nearly everyone's profile. | |
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| please review my profile and give me honest feedback
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:57:18 PM | | Aside from what's been covered it's missing a run-through on a grammar check program, in say Microsoft Word. It is pretty hard to read in it's current state with all the missing words and wrongly used fillers. Proof-read lots. | |
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| please review my profile and give me honest feedback
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:00:32 PM | I'm annotating because it's been like 36 hours since I've done so. Don't worry, I like this profile better than the last one I did.
Im guy who most people consider to fun to have around, I have a great sense of humor and I love to make people laugh. im also competitive in sports and video games but not to much. I have a prominet casual side and at those times i been told that im a gentleman. but overall i love having fun and sharing a good luagh. Im currently a student and prairie view A&M and where Im enrolled full time in school and in a paid internship so that means Im indepenant. Speak for yourself. Women like that and quite frankly, anyone who spends time around you will admire that trait if you possess and portray it. You indicate that you're a University student, but your writing is in need of a serious proofread. If you mention student status, people will mentally grade your writing. Clean it up because you're in serious danger of repeating the class.
I have no prefence in women so ladies everybody's welcome. I'll guess that you have no idea how bad that sounds. It sounds like you're taking applications for a harem. I know you're trying to say that you won't discriminate based on things like size, age and/or ethnicity, but maybe you should write something closer to what I said.
personality wise I like girls with a great sense of humor and style, not to mention a nice set of eyes, and a nice smile because that's the first thing I look at In truth, women will bristle at being categorized by their visual characteristics. Of course, most of us do just that, and the women know it, but you'll need to exercise some finesse here. Besides, it sounds like you just contradicted your previous points.
But please not emotional baggage from before, after it's a new day so live a little. This is what we in the reviews forum call a negative statement. It's also meaningless (WTF is "baggage"?), so it serves no purpose in your profile .
Other then that, the best way to get to know me is to email me. Two classic mistakes here; one is your use of the word "then". Do you mean "instead of" or "subsequent to"? Then and than are two different words with two separate meanings. Use the one that is appropriate for the sentence. The other problem is your misunderstanding of the purpose of the profile. If you've failed to pique the woman's interest then you've failed at the best way she has of getting to know you. In short, you need to delete this sentence.
- T | |
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| please review my profile and give me honest feedback
Posted: 5/15/2008 11:03:52 PM | Skyller,
I never gave you a full review so as I wait for the laundry to dry before bed I’ll do so now. How lazy am I? Let everyone else rip it apart and then review the cleaned up version?! You say lazy, I say efficient!
Your headline is redundant; both points are mentioned in your About Me section. Delete them in one or the other, but my vote is to strike them from the headline. You want this line to encourage them to read on, not to tell them that you are like every other mouth-breaking dude on this site, bellying up to the trough for grub. Stand out from the crowd.
You have a good start on your interests, but have you noticed a theme here? You pretty much need at least one testicle to garner interest in most of them. Read it from a female perspective, and you’ll see what I’m saying. You are not likely to find a woman that has a whole lot in common with you. Consider adding a few unisex interests.
You are missing a number of connecting words in your text. Proof-read it all. Run it through a grammar check and merely accept any and all changes, as it’d pick up on missing words because the text doesn’t make sense otherwise.
You are a student but you don’t mention what you are studying. You are passionate about aerospace engineering but that might not be your major. You kind of describe who you are but I think you could do better in this department. You are outgoing, but you haven’t showed any of that here, nor has your sense of humour shone through. Try and show us both. You also did not describe the woman you are seeking, although you made the mistake of starting with physical attributes. Never start describing your ideal candidate by stating what you like to look at.
Not to sound too critical but for someone interested in Aerospace Engineering you aren’t very thorough or critical of your work. These are two traits mandatory in an aerospace engineer. You may want to consider this.
In your first date section I think you forgot video games and comedy clubs… no wait, there it is. You also included “anything in between”. Way to cover all the bases here dude. Do yourself a favour and delete that entire first date section before someone reads it and make an effort to construct something memorable for a first date idea.
Keep plugging away and let us know when you are ready for another review! | |
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