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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:15:05 PM | So, here's the story. I guess I'm just looking for points of view outside my own.
I met my boyfriend last September though a friend, and we got along amazingly. Everything was great. Long distance, but we'd both done it before, and we thought it was worth it. I went to visit him last December and had the time of my life.
After I come home, everything is fine. Things are normal. During the last few months we drifted, but not to the point of really breaking up. Just an open relationship where we both knew we still cared for one another.
A week ago, he met this girl. They go out, and suddenly this girl calls him her boyfriend, and he just goes along with it. I didn't know any of this. Four days ago, I bought my plane ticket to go see him. 330 dollars doesn't seem like much I guess, but I'm a student. Anyways. I asked him if he wanted me not to come, etc. and planned it all with him, so that we both knew what was going on, and so he let me believe nothing had changed. I found out on facebook through a friend's comment on his page, and so I politely confronted him about it. He acted like he had pretty much been caught and told me about her, etc. He "didn't know how to tell me." ...So he didn't. He said he "wants me to still visit as a friend." For 17 days? I think it'd just be a world of hurt.
I'm out 330 dollars, I'm heartbroken, and I have a coward of an ex boyfriend. I just need someone's thoughts that aren't my own, I guess. | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:21:12 PM | Don't go hun.
Absorb the cost of the ticket, tell that creep off, and end any/all interactions with him.
He'll probably end it with her in a month and expect you to go running back to his cowardly self.
It's hard, it's hurtfull, and it sucks, but there really isn't much you can do now.
We can't make people want/love us- no matter what.
I'm very sorry for your pain.
JJ  | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:22:17 PM | That sucks. Actually, I had a friend in a quite similar situation--also out hundreds of dollars because the weeney was too scared of confrontation.
Is the ticket to someplace fun? You can still transfer it to somewhere else. Go anyway, have fun, but don't contact him. | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:27:10 PM | | I wish it was. It's a ticket to Omaha, Nebraska. So not really. It's also non-refundable, which is terrible. He used to be the sweetest boy, or he was. He keeps apologizing and saying that he "didn't mean to." I feel bad even when it's logically not my fault. | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:29:33 PM | There is nothing anyone can really say to make you feel better but in the long run $330 to find out that your boyfriend is not who you thought he was, doesn't even have the stones to be honest with you BEFORE you buy an expensive ticket, etc., he has done you a huge favor.
Is there any way to change the ticket to a different destination? Long distance relationships are hard because they require more maintenance than other relationships and yet you are never around each other enough to figure out if you can really make a go of it 24/7.
Think of this as a blessing and try to enjoy your summer break with a local boy! As per your repost he still is a sweet boy. If I read correctly you were both able to date? So where he erred was in not telling you what was going on, not in meeting someone and finding out he really liked her. | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:31:07 PM | Aw that's terrible!
I had a similar situation. I went on holiday with my friends and my phone didnt work abroad. I text my "boyfriend" from my friends phone to say I was missing him etc. I felt sick from thinking about him on holiday and just couldnt wait to see him again BUT...I arrived home at 5am and checked my bebo and he'd added his ex as his other half. Dumped on bebo??
I really do believe that what is for you wont go passed you. I don't regret being with him because I've learnt from it SO...keep your chin up! You're the one to come out as a better person!
x x x x | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:42:22 PM |
I wish it was. It's a ticket to Omaha, Nebraska.
Ouch, I feel your pain. No fun. For the record, several years ago, I had a similar thing happen. No more long distance relationships here.... | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:43:39 PM |
You mentioned the term open relationship, what exactly did that mean between the two of you.
We were together, but we were able to date other people so long as it was casual. We decided on it because we were so far away from eachother. | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:56:59 PM | | don't feel bad,,, this crazy chick beggs me to upfrount money,, I feel sorry for her,, then she thinks we are going out,, she get mad because I told her we are not,,, she threatens me,, get out,,, then 5 days later comes over begging,,,more money,,, then pulls it again.. today... lollypop be a sucker. | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:00:39 PM | How about a guy , a plane ticket and a I`m not sure but maybe a coward. My ex-g/f of 14 months got me a plane ticket (which I paid for)to London, Ont. to visit her family at Xmas. She got the ticket in Oct. and 4 weeks later brokeup with me. I was stuck with a 854 dollar ticket. That hurt I didn`t go and have been hurting since then. So, I`m taking a trip to Europe because it was changed to a cash credit with the airline.
Maybe you can use your ticket as a cash credit with your airline like I did? Otherwise take a trip if you can`t cash it in. As for your b/f yes his a coward for stringing you along. Sorry that you had to find out that way at least for me my ex-g/f did come to the house and tell me. | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:02:30 PM | too far,too much,price for being young.now you know,thank the lord you found out before you had gotten engaged or married.the guy is a cad.you can move on knowing you are the better person.  | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:02:32 PM | Uhg! Can't imagine how it must feel to have shelled out the money for this ticket, OP. I know you said the ticket is non-refundable, and possibly even non-transferable, but have you checked for sure, and with a real, live ticket agent of whichever airline sold you the ticket?! Sometimes a little customer whining goes a long way, and you might just be able to switch destinations or transfer your ticket to a non-refundable credit that you can use later, usually within one year. You might pay a $50-100 fee for the privilege, but wouldn't that be better than just loosing the ticket altogether.
It should go without saying that you loose the guy for good. Others have posted on that, so I'll just say that I agree with the "NEXT" school of thought. Real connection can be sustained over long distance, but only if each party is committed to the shared journey and has in mind a common destination, a point where you'll merge your lives. A relationship must grow and progress, otherwise it withers and dies.
IF you are unable to get a credit or transfer the ticket, you could always stay at home for the period of time you've set aside when you would have been visiting your guy. You could play tourist during the day and evenings in your own city and make new friends to replace this dork.
Another idea is this: if you have some other inexpensive lodgings available to you in or near Omaha, go anyway. See the city. Seventeen days is a long time, but if you were able to afford to rent a car or take a bus, you could do some day trips to other locations.
Bottom line, forget the guy. But don't deprive yourself of a grand adventure -- which, by the way, can be had almost anywhere! Don't stress about him. He's not worth it. (I KNOW, it probably doesn't feel this simple, but when you look back, you might actually be glad that he revealed his lack of character prior to even bigger commitments and investments on your part.
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:07:27 PM | Your words may be the key; "he met this girl. They go out, and suddenly this girl calls him her boyfriend, and he just goes along with it."
-Isn't this basically what happened with you? ("he just goes along with it." ) Kinda like what a surfer does, isn't it? With no disrespect to Surfers, they ride a good wave to the beach, then go looking for the next one. | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:10:34 PM | Ah I thought that only happened to me. I met this woman and I would fly out to Texas once a month for a few months. I asked her if she would like to come north to visit me and she said yes. I told her I would purchase the ticket for her and I did. Non stop to my state and also back to her state to make it easy for her. Two days before she said she is not coming. Now I had a dressing draw that she gave me for when I visited her and left some things there that weren't cheap. Anyhow I was upset cause it cost me almost 600 dollars round trip and I called the airlines and they said I couldn't change them into my name, and I mentioned and said wait a minute, I paid for that ticket. I was informed only she could use the tickets and plus she could go to anyplace she wanted to..I felt like a fool, and I guess I was. Anyhow, she stopped calling, and I called her a few times and said that i was heading down there to get my things and she said she tossed them all away. I'm talking about 9 hundred dollars of jewelry and camera, and a few other things.. After a few months I got the belongings back, but never my 7 hundred dollars worth for the tickets..Lesson learned, and just chalked it up to experience..I am sure it will not happen again.
Thanks, and good luck to ya
Bob | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:15:07 PM | Hmm... I think you should ask him to reimburse you for the ticket, or at least pay for half, and if he doesn't, call the airline to see if you can get a credit, maybe you can take a flight to Mexico for a few days instead. I know that most airlines are pretty reasonable.
Whatever happens, there are plentyoffish in the sea.....
JMO | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:15:36 PM | You may have had a long term relationship but you also agreed to an "open" one which unfortunately left open the possibility of him meeting someone else. Truthfully, long distance doesn't always work out that well in the long run. It was bound to happen. The sad thing is that he was not honest about it. If he had told you the real deal up front it would have prevented you purchasing that ticket. And now he is saying he still wants you to come? And do what? Hang out with him and his new girlfriend?
Call the airline and see if you can get the ticket banked. Meaning... maybe you can cancel the trip but have the money in credit to use for another trip. Then find a girlfriend to go on a trip somewhere really cool. You may have to pay a change fee but it is better then being out the cost of the ticket all the way around. | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:24:51 PM | Maybe you could go and see if you two can work things out and she can just be the friend. Maybe if you are there she will stay gone. I know it might hurt..but maybe you need to stand your ground. As long as you will be safe.
I met a guy and we have had plans long distance to see him this Thursday. But, he just stopped talking to me. I dont understand why. But maybe it is like you said, he doesnt know how to tell me he met someone else. So, they just dont tell us. They are cowards.
Or you could just not go and eat the money...and learn a lesson..maybe try dating locally or make them come to you next time...good luck with your choice but always make sure you are safe. | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:34:05 PM | | Life seems to be a journey of lessons, lessons, lessons. If we don't "Get it" we seem to keep repeating instances untill we do . If U are in a big enough city, I wud stick to locals. If you must go farther, keep it within 4-500 miles AND let him be the one who comes to meet you. Most airlines dont give U cash refund but explaine the circumstances & that you are poor starved student, could they make an exception? If no, they Yes you do want the credit which is good for 1 year. You can fly somewhere that U hav a relative U can stay with, otherwise the YWCA is reasonable. Ck with the Chamber of Commerce or City Hall of wherever you have in mind & see what activities are happening. You will prop discover that the lesson learned & the activities, sites & people seen & met during yr personal trip are worth much more that the coward U told us about. Must be other fish in the sea Girl. If not just now, stay single for a while & focus on yourself for now. You dont need him. | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:37:43 PM | I think that you can be strong and believe in yourself and accept that he wasn't strong enough for you. Then perhaps go anyway, but do some research on the area and local flavour, restaurants... and see if there is anything that you can redeem from the journey... along the route arrange to meet him for a face to face chat.
Funny enough it may be that you both don't have the chemistry anyway and yet have the right mix to be friends.
I personally can always be Friends ... it is so rewarding if the friendship has it's own sparkle and if it is sincere then it is a gift. | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:41:06 PM | I'm sorry you're going through that.... Long distance is hard....been there twice and won't do it ever again!
Contact the air carrier and see if you can turn the ticket in and get a refund or a voucher(if they don't do refunds) Then hopefully, you have some friends somewhere else you can take a fun trip!
Long distance is hard... but, when you are in a relationship it should be a committed one and NOT casual... that's how people end up getting hurt. You're not there and this girl is.... | |
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| A girl, a plane ticket, and a coward.
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:43:19 PM | yes, that is a tough one my dear
but, you just have to write the money off....as disposable money spent...like for groceries, or something.
however, you learned something valuable about trust and naiveté
and it's waaaay cheaper than psychotherapy.
Just another example of people ****in' with people.....tsk tsk
sorry
Kimbo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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