| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:29:42 PM | How much information should middle aged people require prior to accepting blind dates through introductions by friends, internet dating sites and other forms of matchmakers?
We all want to be safe, so that is a given. What do you want to know about a potential date before you are willing to take the time to meet him or her?
The longer I am single the more information I want to know before going on yet another blind date. I would rather engage in activities with people I already know or do something by myself. After so many diasappointing blind dates I find it difficult to get into a good mindset to meet yet another blind date who I feel is sure to be another loser in one way or another. It takes a lot to convince me to give it another try.
Does anyone else feel the same? | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:39:27 PM | JetLagBob, I have had so many "dates from hell", that were blind dates set up by well meaning family, friends, and yes, internet dating sites and other forms of matchmakers, that the ONLY thing I don't want to know is the last four digits of their home telephone number!
It can put one in a "negative mindset" and make you skittish.....
So I feel the same as you, even though the extrovert in me is saying, "get out there", "get out there", the introvert in me is saying "hide, hide, hide..." | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:02:32 PM | I'm visual...so for sure I need a picture...
By the way...I'm not afraid to meet somebody...I just don't see any reason to meet somebody...if I feel a person is not for me...(no personal attraction). | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:39:34 PM | How much information should middle aged people require prior to accepting a blind date through intorductions by friends, internet dating sites and other forms of matchmakers?
I require to see financial statements for the past three years, blood test results, a copy of their last medical, a letter from their employer and a copy of either their divorce decree or death certificate of their previous spouse. I ask for it in triplicate. One copy for my lawyer, another for my accountant and one for me, just in case I catch him later, in a lie.
Does anyone else feel the same?
Other than the above required criteria, I tend to go into a blind date with an open mind and a positve attitude. Of course, if he turns out to be less than honest, less than sincere and plays with my emotions, there'll be "hell to pay". | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:16:36 PM | ...I will acccept a date as soon as the criminal/background check comes in ..ok, ok in all seriousness, as soon as I feel comfortabele, maybe after we have exchanged a few e-mails, spoken on the phone and I know what they look like. ...I would be willing to meet for coffee or drinks in a public place.
...maeflowers | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:18:24 PM |
Does anyone else feel the same?
When meeting a "blind date" for the first time you should always, and I do mean always, set up a "coffee date" where you can leave after 30 minutes if you are not attracted to the other person.
The problem people have is that they get their expectations up too high and expect instant attraction. Let me tell you, it's probably not going to happen. So why not take the opportunity to just get to know a new person without any expectations? | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:38:06 PM | I do not do blind dates......do not like them, and if I will not accept chatting with someone without a picture on here, why would I consider a "blind" date????
If someone wants to set me up, then we do the meet and greet thing as a group activity with no expectations at all. I have had some of my friends send a potential to meet me at work, or to some of my hangouts when I am out riding. I do not consider them to be dates either, but if we meet and have any chance, we will both know it.
Just my opinion..........  | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:00:46 PM |
How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Well it would all depend on the situation. You mention a few variables that to me would be considered differently. Introductions by friends is almost similar to networking for a job. I would like to think that I could trust a friend's better judgement and would therefore not require as much personal information. When you meet someone through online dating or other dating services most of the info you need should be provided in their profile so after a few chats or when you feel comfortable get together. The important thing to remember is to meet somewhere very public so if things go wrong you can leave and you don't find yourself in a compromising postition. In all reality nothing has changed other than the fact that we can access various forums for meeting prosepective partners online. If someone is going to be dishonest I don't really think how you meet them or how much information you have gathered about them, they will be dishonest. Even when people go out to meet in bars they can be done up to the nines and present themselves well but if their intent is to be dishonest it really doesn't matter what they say or how well they dress. You may want to try volunteering in areas of interest to you. There is a way of finding out what people are about and you may find someone with similar interests.
Pizza | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:56:35 PM | I don’t do blind dates, either – never have. If it’s a buddy setting me up: “Sorry, but I’d rather not.” – which I’ve done, more than once. As far as this site is concerned (and others like it), I meet folks by e-mail, in the forums, talk with them with a keypad, get to know them, carry it on to the telephone (if interest on both parts stays), then if I find I’m beginning to like them (initially, as just a friend), I ask if I can meet them in person (if we’re close enough geographically). And usually, it’s to do something that we both agreed that we’d like to do. I date to meet people that I’ve already developed some sort of a relationship with, not because I want to date. So to answer the question directly, I’d need to know a whole lot about that person, including that I’d like to also share their company in person.
cdn guy | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:29:49 PM | A recent picture, one that I can use to help find you at first meeting.
Email address that works and that you actually send/receive mail from.
Phone number. Cell phone works, landline is better.
Your real, actual name. I hate going up to the waiter at a restaurant and asking "is SexyKitty2008 here?"
What you like, and more importantly, what you don't like (or can't have) at first meet- for example, it helps to know if you don't like coffee, if you're allergic to wheat or legumes, etc.
That's the basics.
Other stuff that's nice to know:
Kind of car you will be driving to the first meet.
What you will be wearing (I will, of course, be wearing t-shirt or polo shirt, and jeans).
Are you bringing a friend/relative/ex? (Yes, that's happened, she brought her ex. He didn't like me, I didn't like him, real short date/first meet.) | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:04:22 PM | Can she ski, bike or hike? At least 2 out of the 3......and does she do that regularly (at least every weekend)?
If not then we're done already!
A cell phone number helps especially as the landline means she's still on the couch.
Coffee ??? Sure.....but let's go skiing, hiking or biking first! | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/14/2008 5:42:01 AM | I actually differ on this depending on my mood, energy, and on any preliminaries (emails, phone calls). If I'm feeling a little daring, and the venue is quite safe, and all the preliminaries were appealing, I'm comfortable meeting with a first and last name and a phone number. It is exceedingly rare that I would meet someone without a pic (the exception being geezers who really ARE too technology challenged). If they are serious about dating they'll GET one somehow, and if they don't, they are trying to hide for some reason. The pic doesn't have to be on their profile, however. I do buy the story that "I am prominent and don't want all my associates / neighbors / family seeing me on a dating site."
When feeling a little more cautious and if the preliminaries were vague or not all that promising, I like to get an employer's name. I don't actually contact the employer, but it's nice to know I could. It's also helpful to know things like what church they attend, where they live, etc. If they trust you with this information, they are less likely to have bad intentions.
Do I google them and check the court records once I get some information on them? You bet I do!
On a side note, I generally feel fairly confident setting out for a first date. By contrast, a lot of the gentlemen seem quite flustered, getting lost, arriving half an hour early just to be sure to be on time, and even admitting they feel nervous. Gosh I wish you wouldn't! It's just ME, after all, and I ain't that big a prize! | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:04:26 AM | | I may get crucified for this but to just “meet” I only require basic info especially since I only meet in public. To get “involved” of course then I try to get more personal info. Most of my best relationships were “blind” dates so that’s not a problem. | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:15:40 AM | My question did specify safety as a given and a little background checking, meeting in public and so on is certainly prudent.
Beyond safety considerations are there any specifics in particular you want to know or are you willing to meet just about anyone as long as you feel safe meeting them?
Although I used to be quite open about meeting just about any new woman I am now a jaded veteran blind dater. I have been disappointed far too many times to not want to know as much as possible about whether a woman might be a good fit for me. I want to know if her educational level, intelligence, values, goals and lifestyle more or less might match mine. I have no list but I try to check in a general and inoffensive way about such matters whenever possible. I will put myself out on a limb here and say I am visual and I very much do want to know her age and what she looks like. Go ahead, call me shallow, but I want to know if there is a chance for chemistry. Some few women have the look I go for but most do not. I do not wish to waste her time or mine or put either of us through another difficult and disappointing blind date. | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:27:58 AM | Bob, a key dating skill is screening. Don't call yourself jaded, call yourself experienced. You know some of the lousy outcomes that can occur. So your challenge is to develop ways to avoid going on THOSE dates.
Of course, you could extensively grill a prospect before agreeing to meet, but that is pretty much off-putting in itself and she's likely to be wondering if you're worth all the effort. I do like to get a clue from emails and phone calls, in advance, as to whether we laugh at the same things. I like to tease people from affection, and I like people who can take it without going ballistic, so a key thing I'll do is make a very gentle joke at their expense and watch for their reaction. I also like people who are very articulate, so I'll intentionally venture conversationally into a complex topic and use some big words - and see what happens. Think of these as trial balloons - they may get a bad reaction, but that in itself saves you the trouble of a boring blind date. They sometimes work VERY well at locating someone who has potential for me.
Another thing to look for is a range of emotions. If in the same phone call they can go from funny to tender to intellectual, this is a good sign. If it is all nervous laughter, all wise-cracking, or all mushy gushy ass-kissing, bad sign. It means they are lacking in some dimension. That's probably an overstatement, but usually if I go on to meet such people, the date is the same quality as the phone call, so it was a waste of my time. | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:49:59 AM |
How much information should middle aged people require prior to accepting blind dates through introductions by friends, internet dating sites and other forms of matchmakers?
Well first off I don't do blind dates that are set up by friends, family, coworkers, etc. I just don't like doing that.
As far as the rest... I need to speak to the other person on the phone at least once. Maybe I am jaded, but I don't really believe half the stuff people say about themselves anyway after being lied to so many times. I'll ask for a general description, but I wait until we meet face to face before I start really looking at the other person and trying to decide if we would match, have chemistry, etc.
I mentioned being lied to, but in some cases people really don't see themselves like the rest of the world sees them. I think it's true for most people to a small extent, but for some it is a HUGE gap.
Give me a name, a decent phone conversation, and I am all for meeting for dinner or something casual like that in order to actually get to know the other person. Then it will ALWAYS be in a public place and generally will NOT be someplace like a bar. Outside of that, I'm good. | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:00:01 AM |
Although I used to be quite open about meeting just about any new woman I am now a jaded veteran blind dater. I have been disappointed far too many times to not want to know as much as possible about whether a woman might be a good fit for me. I want to know if her educational level, intelligence, values, goals and lifestyle more or less might match mine. I have no list but I try to check in a general and inoffensive way about such matters whenever possible. I will put myself out on a limb here and say I am visual and I very much do want to know her age and what she looks like. Go ahead, call me shallow, but I want to know if there is a chance for chemistry. Some few women have the look I go for but most do not. I do not wish to waste her time or mine or put either of us through another difficult and disappointing blind date.
Your preferences are your preferences and I think most people do and don’t do things based on their past experiences good and bad, in reality that is all you can go by.
I don’t put too much stock myself in “formal education” or looks, I mainly go by personality, how one carries themselves and handles good situations and bad and of course you aren’t going to know that until you spend time with them. To just “meet” I just basically want someone within a reasonable age range most people aren’t looking for someone young enough to be their kid or older enough to already be on Willard Scott’s Today show salute to 100 year olds, unless of course you are almost there yourself.
I know I am in the minority when it comes to the looks department, but I am fully aware it is important to most people, in my opinion though that is probably exactly why people get “disappointed” the majority of the time. I go more by overall “appearance” such as grooming or whether they picked clothes out from under their kitchen sink instead of the closet to go out in public. About the only deal breakers for me in the basics is age gap and whether they smoke and if they have a job and for the most part can support themselves. After that it usually doesn’t take long to find out if someone is shady, not your type for the long haul or just plain nuts.
I guess I am also one of those that does not view dates that don’t “go anywhere” as a waste of my time, to me it is all the process. I have only been “sorry” about the couple that were actually scary, but I did lead me to be more cautious so I can hopefully continue to avoid it in the future.
So, basically for me if they fit the age range, don’t smoke, have one or two things in common, email me in a respectful manner and ask me to meet, I will. I don’t for the most part view a 30 minute coffee break, an hour lunch or dinner or a couple hour excursion as a waste, besides you can usually tell pretty quickly if you wish to stay the whole 30, 60 or 120 minutes or ever want to hear from them again. I think most people wait longer in lines and traffic being bored out of their skulls. It is all in your perspective | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:00:54 AM | And let me add... Google is your friend! I google everything. Sometimes you can find out interesting information about a potential date in just a few minutes.
Two that come to mind is a person I was interested in that was using very old pictures in her profile. She had some major changes in the past few years and I felt the photo she was using really was misleading. Still met, but it kind of bothered me that she just assumed people would not notice.
Another was someone whom I was interested in whom had some prior addictions. We never actually met, but not because if that. But if we had I probably would not have suggested a bar.
Some get offended when people google them, but all I can say is hide your information then. The two above were all on personal pages and available for all the world to see. | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:05:29 AM |
I guess I am also one of those that does not view dates that don’t “go anywhere” as a waste of my time, to me it is all the process. I have only been “sorry” about the couple that were actually scary, but I did lead me to be more cautious so I can hopefully continue to avoid it in the future.
Same here. I rarely have a bad date. If it doesn't lead any where, if the conversation seems a little dry or we just don't click... I still view it as "oh well, stuff happens." I met someone new, had a decent time and so goes life. I'm frugal, so I'm not going to be spending hundreds of dollars or going all out either, so it's really not that big of a deal to me. | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:10:09 AM | First and last name; phone number (cell at the very least); type of work (so I can have something to discuss right away); single status (not married or seperated is a big NO). Then I should be able to meet him, gather further information such as: does he have a platinum American Express?  | |
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| How much information do you need to accept a blind date?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:11:29 PM | I had a guy message me once at 2:30 am and want me to met him at Walmart right then. He said he was very shy and didn't often get the courage to want to met someone. He said if I didn't met him that night within an hour I would miss the chance to met him, I laughed and said well since you messaged me and I had no desire to met you before you sent me a message I don't really think I am the one who is going to miss out if we don't met right now!
I think you need to be safe, but you met people every time you go out somewhere, a cashier if you buy something or a sales person...why are we putting so much pressure on meeting each other...you meet and don't click ok just accept it and move on. Go for some place simple for a quick meeting. You can plan a date from there. I think after you have emailed and talked on the phone you should have a pretty good idea if you have chemistry or not.
I don't get the endless emails and phone conversations ...seems like a waste of time to me. | |
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