| Request for Review
Posted: 5/14/2008 1:18:42 AM | So,
I've been on here for a fews weeks and while I'm getting alot of views on my profile, I'm getting no responses. In that same token, I'm getting no responses from any messages that I send out to those that I think I might have a connection with. I keep these messages light, slightly humorous and relevant to person I'm contacting but still no dice. I was wondering if my profile and/or pics are in someway the limiting factor in this and if you all could give me some pointers on what might be wrong..
I do know that I need to get better photos and that is in the works so to speak (just waiting on the new camera to come in..)..
Thanks..
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| Request for Review
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:38:41 AM | For one, usually pics with anyone flippin the bird are discouraged as they come across as immature, and never read well. You might get the prize for sheer numbers, though. With this pic, you kind of get desensitized to the actual bird, so maybe it doesn't look as bad.
I think men in uniform are sexy, and the fact that your uniform is scrubs, I am not sure I can give you an honest review. If I did review it, it would probably have bias written all over it. I will have to defer to my other reviewers on your profile. (If no one does, I'll get back to you.)
Holy Cripes! What's with flippin the bird pics of you? You actually have TWO! I didn't notice the one of you on the bike at first, the birds were camoflaged....DITCH THESE! They don't look good on you! | |
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| Request for Review
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:49:10 AM | OK, let me start.
Headline is ... not ideal phrasing. Big and Tall is what is used for men who are very overweight, and while you use it in different sense, I bet fair number of people just scan it and say "nope, not him"
Pics. Main is decent, but not as main. Need closeup of your face for main. Cannot really see much of you in #2 and #3. And #4 - do I really need to say what you should do with it?
Interests are not too bad, but remove "a few more things" and rephrase two which don't highlight into something that does. A bit of a guy-type interest list. I don't expect too much crossover with women on that.
You need to talk about you, not your profile, not the difficulty you had with starting on it.
Some sentences seem to backtrack, as you say something and then back away from it. Like the motorcycle one - you open with a theme and then second half says "oh, but it is not really". Same for video games. Couple like that in women's section. And do you really want to say "or nothing at all" there?
One paragraphs are a bit too long. Break in two. Some run-on sentences with so-so punctuation, which makes them hard to read.
Would remove the last paragraph. And if you have cats, why are you not focusing on them? Women love cats a lot more than they love guys who say that they don't really have much free time to put into the potential relationship.
I'd remove age restriction. Yes, it is typical for men to relate better to women a little younger than them - but 3 years is likely too close. | |
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| Request for Review
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:11:23 AM |
FYI, this is a work in progress so please bear with me as I try to get this thing hammered out. Also, the IM feature may not work for me so don't be offended if I don't respond to them...
This is a useless sentence, you can take this out. Who cares that your profile is a work in progress? Your IM isn't working? Great, but get their handle, and email your sorry. No need to start out your paragraph with these useless words.
So where do I begin? That's always the hard part isn't it?
Also useless, consider deletion.
I'm very hand around the house
You mean you're handy, right?
can EVEN CLEAN!! Imagine that!
For some reason this comes off as a little obnoxious, consider removing it. I know for myself that I don't need to imagine such a thing, it would just be.
It says in your profile that you don't fit into the typical male stereotypes, but the only thing I see here is that you are in nursing. If that is the only thing that doesn't lump you in with the others, remove it (the stereotype sentence). If it is not the only thing, then add more of why you don't fit in to the stereotypes that way.
If you want me, the bike comes too as it's a package deal..
You can also remove this. This sentence is akin to me saying in my profile that I drive my car everyday, if you want me the car comes as a package deal. Like, no kidding! You should not have to give up your hobbies, or mode of transportation to be with any woman.(I would give up my compact car for a chauferred limosine, but that is moving up, and for another post.) This sentence just reads BAD. Consider removing it.
FYI, so even though I do play video games it's not that often and they aren't the only damn thing I do and to be honest, the person next to you takes precedence any day of the week unless of course your playing them together..
Holy! Sensitive much? Take this out! Also, if anyone knows anything about taking ANY type of degree, especially a NURSING degree, they will know you do more than play video games all day. This can go.
I don't know what to think of your last paragraph, but I know it's not that good. There are many physical characteristics for her, but not many emotional or personality traits. You should remedy this. Maybe even taking out the part about going from a dressed to nothing at all at a moments notice. This doesn't sound good. A moments notice? Is that like, "Baby, here is your notice, in five minutes, you had better be naked." I know what you are going for here, that you are not limited by looks, but you could come up with a better way to say that.
Feel free to ask me any questions about anything, I'm pretty open about alot of things.. The only females you'll find at my place are my cats.. :p
Think of deletion for this, for several reasons. If she wants to know more, she will message you. No need to give us permission. Also, the cats thing...hmmm...not sold on it. Can't you just say that you are a gentleman? When I've just met a guy I could care less who he has at his place. Do your mother and sister ever visit you?
If you have your own gear, a ride on my motorcycle to someplace can work
Take this advice to heart: Get some gear for a woman to take a ride with you. You must have an extra helmet and a leather jacket lying around. I have dated guys with motorcycles, but unless I had one of my own, why would I have gear? They had enough foresight that when I was picked up on a bike that there was a helmet and jacket with them for me. If she has gear, bud, she has her own bike, and doesn't need to ride on yours, okay? If you do only one thing, get gear for a lady!
Hopefully this helps. When you make some reviews, let us know and we will look at it again. Also, really think of deleting the bird pics. They don't befit your noble profession. | |
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