| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:22:31 AM | And by lonely, I don't mean just being without a special someone. I'm talking about being without friends or just company in general.
Lately, things have been getting me down. What friends I have don't have time for me or they've just abandoned me altogether. To escape the cycle of depression, I try to volunteer wherever I can or go rollerskating but those things aren't always available.
So late at night, I find myself having a few drinks (orange juice with rum) or smoking just so I can get to sleep peacefully. Otherwise, my sleeping hours will be just as tortured as my waking hours. | |
|
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:19:20 AM | I don't feel sorry for you but feel sorry for how you feel....
Well I came here not because I was lonely but because I searched for a question that was bothering me and well, I am glad I found this place..... you see and hear most people here are in the same boat.... not so much lonely but empty... so you come here to fill your emptiness, some by finding a partner, some posting and making friends...
One thing that maybe no one has ever told you yet, is that; there are cycles in your life, times that you think no one is around you and you feel the way you do and then times that you have so many people around you and you forget about the loneliness you went through....
Please don't concentrate on the Emptiness to fill it with OJ and rum... go and join something real... Maybe an art class. Tell yourself I came here alone to this world and I will leave alone so I don't really need anyone to make me feel good about me but me.... then welcome people on the ride ....
People need you as much as you need them through this ride. | |
|
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:32:49 AM | Thats easy. I didn't
The way you've posed the question sounds like you're looking for validation for the way you are/were feeling. A shrink would have a label for it too. And you might get the answer you're looking for, but it won't help!!
Ya gotta get yourself out of your funk. Ya gotta up your self-esteem. Ya gotta get out and interact with other people (not necessarily dating). Volunteering is an outstanding way to help yourself improve, drinking is not.
Good luck, and don't expect life to make sense. | |
|
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:55:53 AM | Pretty fookin lonely, but I think that's because I was craving a relationship. Now after careful thought, and a few more relationships that didn't pan out- I refuse to let it get me down.
Someone will catch my eye soon enough, and it may or may not lead to a great time with someone... You just don't know.
"Life is a crapshoot" | |
|
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:09:06 AM | I wasn't desperate at all really...I had just ended a relationship a few months before and thought I'd get out there and mingle...I was disabused of that notion about the fourth guy I tried to meet. I have long since hidden my profile.
However, the forums have landed me some great friends and allowed my writing hobby to resurface, so it's all good.... | |
|
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:30:40 AM | | Not at all. I was just looking for something to do. Mission accomplished. I've dated, expanded my social circle, had a semi-serious 1 year relationship....Now 2 years later, I think the loneliness is setting in :( | |
|
| |
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:56:05 AM | Well, it is hard to use the word “lonely” without feeling like it is a bad word. It feels aweful to have to admit that about yourself.
I will admit that last June I was at a wedding shower of my cousin and I was surrounded by my cousins and aunts and everyone and all in relationships, married and having babies. It was that exact night that I came home and went on the internet.
I first found the more common internet dating sites, Match.com and E Harmony, but I decided that even if I wanted to take some steps in finding somebody, I couldn’t afford the cost of such paid sites. I hate the membership fees and the pressure it puts on you.
I thought there had to be at least one free site that would offer the same sort of opportunities, and then I found this place.
It is hard not to let loneliness overwhelm. I am surrounded by a great family, a close circle of friends and all, but I can’t say I have it all. I am always working on improving my life by getting out, doing the things I enjoy and volunteering so I can give back. I just thought this would make something else I could do to fill my life.
It has become important over this last year for me not to let myself grow too dependent on POF. It really is a great service and it is also interesting on a sociological level, to see what people are like. The internet is the way things are now and online dating sites are just one more way for people to meet along with the already popular ways such as bars, parks, work, and through friends and at school.
I struggle at times with my blindness but I also try my best to live the best life I can and to be happy with myself. I didn’t leave the shower desperate to find a guy to marry and have babies with. I just thought it was time I took one more step and to feel like I was doing the things I could to be in control of my own life, as much as is ever possible. | |
|
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 5/14/2008 1:11:36 PM | | Wow CrushKerry that's quite a story, but I think your message is well taken. Even if you're feeling lonely, it's important to only let online interactions be a part of your social well-being. And yes, OP, we all feel lonely sometimes - with or without POF. I can't say this made an appreciable difference, though! | |
|
| |
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 5/14/2008 3:34:10 PM | | I still am lonely and my lifestyle is not conducive to metting people. First off, I'm self-employed and usually end up working by myself. Secondly , I hate bars/gathering places where everything is so phony , it makes you puke. I am going to attend one of the POF gatherings and see if it's worthwhile. Try that. Go to one of the gatherings and hopefully you'llmeet some new friends. | |
|
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 5/14/2008 3:40:51 PM | | For those that look to drinking/drugs to escape their lonliness, there;s asaying I heard somewhere: "I tried to drown my sorrows, but the little f-ckers learned how to swim. Whatever condition you're in before you start the drinking/drugs is the same condition(Hopefully not worse) after the drugs/drinking wear off. No point to it. | |
|
| |
| |
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:18:43 PM | Liam22 if you enter this dating malarky feeling lonely you're in for a rough time as you need to make sure you don't attach to someone just to get rid of the lonely feelings.
You can remove the feeling of loneliness by spending some time actually feeling it as deeply as possible - then you'll find your body will let it go. Loneliness has nothing to do with being alone - you can be married or in a crowd of friends and still feel lonely.
I remember feeling at my loneliest when I used to share a bed with my ex wife.
I can say honestly that I've spent a maximum of 5 minutes feeling loneliness in the past 5 years - whereas I used to have it going on for months 10 years ago.
Seeking groups etc to alleviate it is a mistake - no matter how hard you try you have to live with your own inner world at some point. You might as well feel and get rid of your loneliness or you're at risk of continuously running away from yourself thereby never being who you genuinely are.
I've been on a few dating sites and they're tough going - I didn't feel lonely when I joined this one. | |
|
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:30:33 PM | i joined pof a few weeks ago, because i gots myself kicked of another site, i have been a member of for about 4 yrs.
they got really strict, and u had to have digi cam pictures, and u wasnt allowed webcam pics.
so i dnt really do anything wrong.
hahahahahaha
i made some great frinds on here so far, and even found some old ones from myspace and that other site.
on here, i now mainley chat in the forums, and hardley ever browse members.
im honestley telling the truth, when saying, i get annnoyed with myself about how much time i spend online, when i could be doing other things....
i never have enough hrs in the day.
im sorry to hear you feel that way liam, good frinds are differcult to find....
its a dog eat dog world.
even if u just have one best buddie, if u can trust him with your life, it dont matter.
its ok to have a drink to help you sleep, but dont make a habit out of it,
because it is no solution in the long run.
why dont you take up jogging or mountainbiking or something.
or have a dog, if its possible.
its a great way to meet pplz.
or drop me a line, ill be happy to chat! maz
 | |
|
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:34:45 PM | | Perhaps the better question is how lonely did you feel after finding POF...this internet thing is no substitute for the real world...those feeling lonely should realize that there are plenty of men/women who would accept you in the real world that wouldn't give you the time of day here...human beings were never designed to meet this way..it's people(myself included) being lazy and allowing technology to do the work for them. | |
|
| |
| |
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:23:25 PM | LOL ...When I joined I had been reading the forums for weeks........admitted.forums junkie here.......one night I felt the need to respond to a thread and had to register to do so...........WOW It's a dating site...........and me thinking there are no accidents in life, and having been widowed for 9 years thought.......what the heck give it a good
But,no..............I wasnt lonely as I have a wonderful friendship and family base
OP no one has to be lonely...there are many organizations to join or volunteer at even in my rural area................Helping others is somethimes the best medicine.....
GOOD LUCK | |
|
| |
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:26:53 PM | I wasn't lonely at all. I had already resigned myself to being an old single grandma.....and I was fairly content....(mainly because I thought that at my age, that's how things were).
My daughter and a girlfriend really worked at me to get me to do this....and I was scared to death at the idea of meeting strangers and having my life change. Now, I've adapted to POF...but I still don't feel lonely....and am still rather content.
If I end up with the man of my dreams, it'll just be the icing on the cake....and I hope he'll feel the same way about me....
~DC~ | |
|
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:40:13 PM | | it looks like everyone who is repling to this post of yours , is from the real people crowd,, liam some of us are a little older and maybe not wiser but more experianced here definatly,, just so i dont sound long winded, take to mind lesson one chapter one of the plenty of fish school of hard knocks,, when some one treats you like you are not real,,it is most likely that person who isnt real thierself,, 90 percent of those who post here are not who they say they are and not looking for what they say they are looking for, secondly on the evolution of match making services, back in the day online matchmaking,, started off with a great noble cause, the concept of getting singles together, by age location and interests and personalities,, it was a wonderful thing, made many true life matches,, contrary to todays new age version, match making sites have and are evolving into a total freak scene, based more on hurting the unaware, and its not so much the service, as it is the element within it,plenty offish is the worst because it doesnt charge a fee for posting a profile, so that leaves the door open for those slimy, gross smelling vapors, who disquise themselves in single and looking profiles, and liam its those of us who are in the real people crowd that are going to catch the blunt of the abusiveness, cause we are really,,,, p/s hit man i am with ya on that plenty offish thing to | |
|
Yoschi
|
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 24 | |
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:41:52 PM | The universe, your Higher Self or whatever you want to call it is setting up this reality for you.
There are things you need to learn, experience etc. by being alone that you could not get by being with others.
Accept the fact that you are here to evolve as a person.
Distractions you have no control over are getting out of the way.
Now you need the courage to get rid of the distractions you can control, such as the booze and smoking.
Try to cut down on tv, games, computer time and stuff like that as well.
There is inner stuff you need to face and work through and gain from. The longer you put off this important Work the long it will take.
Even if you do get a partner it probably won't work out if it is not 'meant to be' as it were.
You need a healthier lifestyle, better diet, more exercise etc. there are NO substitutes.
Stop thinking that finding someone, or getting new friends or more stuff will help you get it together.
The reverse is the truth. You have to get it together first.
NO one and NOTHING outside yourself is going to cure your depression.
Inside is really where it's at, although this culture and the people who make money off of your consuming have told you otherwise, since childhood as a matter of fact.
The truth is that self-pity is really seductive.
You have a lot more choice than you think. | |
|
| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:49:23 PM | How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Good question as I am still lonely.
Lets be honest we are here surfing the net because our dating experiences offline were bad or dead ends. I discovered this site by accident & I have been a member little over a year now so far only 6 people have shown an interest in me.
Drinking to help you sleep does not work, I've tried it. Your left feeling drained a paranoid. The best way to sleep at night is to relax or have a shower an hour before you go to bed. If your anything like me music helps or reading a good book.
Your still a young man so you could try going out a little more often, if you have some close friends you could go out for coffee or go see a movie or something as you'll be out of the house & in different settings so your likely to meet new people. Give it a go you've nothing to lose.
I'm willing to admit that at times in my life I have felt very lonely, I used to self harm (the reason why all my pictures are head shots I cover up these days). But cutting, over eating, drinking & smoking are not the answers I went to counseling for it & it got me out of the house & forced me to deal with the loneliness issue in my life as I was talking to people in the same boat.
It really helped me but after a few failed relationships I was facing my old demons again. I can honestly say that I think you can't love another person unless you love yourself (feel comfortable with who you are).
I know it's a rough road & one I have travelled more times than I care to remember but I believe once your over 20 you see life in a new light.
I wish you the best of luck with meeting people on here & don't be afraid to reply to people you would normally ignore. You don't have to date them but it might just make there day too get a reply coz they have taken the time to write to you.
All the best LonelyPhantom (Mike) | |
|
Home
login 
So i found this in between my job and my hobby.
