| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:17:09 PM | I think this was in the wrong forum so...
I think my ex (of 2 1/2 years) was cheating on me for approx. 6 weeks before we broke up. I haven't spoken to her in 3 weeks but I recently just found out that she's now dating the guy she cheated on me with. I want to email her to get confirmation... A sort of "truth will set you free" sort of menatlity I guess. I know that if i find out nothing will change. I just need to know. ... should I ask? | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:20:33 PM | | You don't need to know. Would you even be able to believe her, whatever she said, if she was the cheating type? Letting go is what will set you free -- not caring either way. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:21:52 PM | | I want to let go so bad... This was the girl I thought I would marry. Maybe I'm looking for a reason to hate her... | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:21:59 PM | Be careful what you ask.... you may not like the answer.
It's up to you Spongebob.... personally, I wouldn't revisit that. It's already over, so really, what's to gain by knowing? What if you find out it was worse than what you've just found out?
My suggestion.... just move on....
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:24:12 PM | | Thanks to everyone here... this is helping a lot | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:24:40 PM | | Go ahead and ask...if you think it will some how help you.....but , it's true....you have to face it....whether you hear it or not..... | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:24:52 PM | | You're not going to be able to hate her. Just tell yourself that the heartache will end one day, and you're choosing to be more healthy than you were. If you don't decide to move on, you'll never heal, and you'll always be unhappy. Her life may look rosy now, but she just hasn't grown up yet. Move on. Remove her from your life, you don't need to know what she's up to. She's not part of your life anymore. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:24:55 PM | Was he a "Parrot"? 
She flew the "coupe" with another bird...
I guess it's true what they say. The grass is greener on the "bird" side... | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:25:49 PM |
want to let go so bad... This was the girl I thought I would marry. Maybe I'm looking for a reason to hate her...
You'd be better off marrying a "bald" eagle... | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:30:28 PM | | You don't need to hate her, just know that the two of you weren't going to make each other happy and that some day both of you will find people who you can completely love and appreciate and who will love and appreciate you in return. Love her forever if your heart feels it, just accept that it's not best for her or for you to try to be in a relationship with each other. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:40:33 PM | Nope...don't ask. It's a waste of time...no matter the answer, it's never going to give you peace. You'll always be playing the 'what if' game.
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:41:43 PM | | Why does it matter what she is doing now? Break these chains that make you want to keep torturing yourself and forget about her. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:52:57 PM | You should never "hate" anyone, it's just to much energy to waste on someone who isn't worth it. You don't need to email her for "confirmation" either, unless you are just trying to further punish and hurt yourself.
You wish she would tell you that it:
a.) didn't happen (which you already know that it did)
b.) you want to see if there is any "hope" left
or
c.) you are jealous and unable to let go of the relationship even though you know it's bad for you
She doesn't have to answer for anything because you are no longer together, and you know what they say about cheating...it is true, if she did it once she will inevitably do it again.
Be glad that you didn't marry her or have children with her, once that happens you can't just walk away and start over. Be happy that you got out alive while the getting is good.
You will eventually meet someone who will treat you right and reciprocate your feelings, but hanging on to something that is bad and toxic for you will only prolong your misery and heartache.
Chock it up to a lesson learned and walk away with your dignity and pride intact....she isn't worth it!! | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:07:19 PM | I wouldn't...just let it go brother...she cheated on you...she isn't worth your time. You won't get closure and she won't care that she cheated on you.
Cut your loses and move on. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:14:20 PM | If she was lying to you when she was with you,, um what part of you thinks that she will be honest after the fact??? take that part and tell it to shut up LOL.
Unless you are into the drama factor of it, IMO, would be best to suck it up and move on and learn from it.
Best of luck to ya. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:18:35 PM | | i would ask. its kind of a closure type deal. But try to move.. your a nice looking guy!!!! | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:35:59 PM | | I agree that it's a closure thing BUT I also agree with the fact that nothing will change. I ask, find out I'm right (assuming she tells the truth) and we're still apart. I ask find out, i'm wrong she then has something to tell her friends about what a jerk I am and we're still apart... it's lose - lose either way. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:37:50 PM | | OP...you already had your chance at closure...you aren't together anymore so stop fixating on moot issues and allow yourself to move on...you will be much happier if you do. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:59:05 PM | What you might be doing is scrutinizing every interaction you'd had, every gesture, and turn of phrase, and moments of frustration or perceived rejection that you can remember to try and "make sense" of them...wondering if THIS one or THAT one was "the sign" that you should have heeded.
And this hurts. It's your analytical mind getting entwined with your emotional grief...and it can be hard to turn off the replays. Diversion works well right now.
What I would do: Exercise a lot. Or. Now is a good time to immerse yourself in Marty Robbins, Jim Reeves, and Patsy Cline songs like Four Walls, This Time You Gave Me a Mountain, or 'Out in the west Texas town of El Paso, I fell in love with a Mexican girl' and sing your heart out. But don't forget to run, lift weights, and dare that sunset to be spectacular for just you all by yourself. And see if you can find any shred of self that is anticipating or thankful for what the future might hold. That's what I would do. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:10:00 PM | | erveryone has such good points... even those (although in the minority) who say I should ask. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this. I guess it's part of the normal breakup process. One second you want them to hurt for hurting you and the next you want to forget about them and move on with your life... | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:17:41 PM | You forgot one...
I agree that it's a closure thing BUT I also agree with the fact that nothing will change. I ask, find out I'm right (assuming she tells the truth) and we're still apart. I ask find out, i'm wrong she then has something to tell her friends about what a jerk I am and we're still apart... it's lose - lose either way.
You ask, she denies it, you don't believe her, you're still apart only now you're doing yet another pointless churn over all of it only with a new layer of why can't she at least have the decency to let you know so you could stop churning? ... and she has something to tell her friends about what a jerk you are and - oh yeah - you're still apart.
It's a fallacy that we need a conversation with the other person - or need them to say/admit/apologise for something - before we can get closure. Closure comes from within you.
It happens in the internal conversations you are having with yourself. It happens through the grieving process. Are you familiar with the stages of grief? | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/15/2008 2:46:29 AM | try to live for the future ,
the pass should be a wise experience you were missing | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/15/2008 2:47:24 AM | The truth is OP, you will never get closure from her. You need to get it from yourself. No matter what she tells you, its still gonna bother you. Just learn from it and try and move on. Some things are better left unsaid.  | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 5/15/2008 2:51:44 AM | | I had the same thing to happen to me and I ask the same question but it didnt make me feel any better.you look like a smart man,so why even both with a girl like that.You always think the truth will make you feel better,well it wont.Its always better just to move on and let things go. | |
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