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| Profile review, please? (Surprise!)
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:07:19 AM | | I've been here a week, and I've never been on any of these sites before with any measure of seriousness. Anybody want to give me some tips or critiques on the content and such? Everything is much appreciated. :D | |
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| Profile review, please? (Surprise!)
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:39:44 AM | Dear Laur,
You are fairly attractive. You are also doing yourself a terrible injustice with both your photogaphy and your makeup application. Other than green and brown, makeup is not my area of expertise, but I would suggest you rethink your photography. This is not myspace and you are not fat- no need to take photos that are used on the former to hide the latter.
A little advice- "I'm what you would call a 'party girl'" means "I put out" in nearly everyones language. Now, you may very well put out, but advertising it like that is probably not going to help your cause. 'Fun', 'party', 'indoors entertianment', 'water sports', 'sleep over' etc all mean 'sex' around here.
The only other standout point is that you need to lose the 75 mile restriction. PoF does not calulate distance correctly, you are ruling out people uneccesarily. Other than that, nothing dramatically wrong, just please sort those photos out.
Regards,
Uncle Crazy | |
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| Profile review, please? (Surprise!)
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:49:21 AM | Duly noted.
As for the pics though, I can see what you mean by the second and third one, are those the ones you meant? I'd rather not have most of my pics be from photoshoots, hehe. | |
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| Profile review, please? (Surprise!)
Posted: 5/15/2008 2:06:52 AM | The best pictures are usually fairly basic ones that capture who you are in a naturalish state. Photoshoots and elaborate poses, no matter how technically good, are not real and that detracts from the photo. I see you have ammended the collection- the best one at the moment is the third one. More like that and you are on to something good.
Things you do not need in the text: "also really bad at writing things about myself on profiles! :D", "I'm not here for a random hookup. Seriously people, that's what bars are for, lol.", "Don't think I'm all snarky for posting this, but I might as well.", "I'm definitely not picky at all,". Remove.
This will leave room for a little more information about you. You do say very little- your pictures will always attract guys, but you want people who have read the profile. You do not really say anything about you for them to read though. Lifeguard is interesting, talk about it. | |
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| Profile review, please? (Surprise!)
Posted: 5/15/2008 2:24:17 AM | Well, I've decided to keep the bad-at-profiles thing, at the moment it's true however unnecessary, I really don't know what else to say that might encourage conversation (yay for the forums!). Are you sure the list doesn't sound, well, snarky, without some kind of explanation?
I'll work on the picture thing, I've got loads but... like I had on my profile before, I do like to party and I'm sure drunken pictures aren't good etiquette. :P | |
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| Profile review, please? (Surprise!)
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:47:28 PM | Nothing wrong, that I see here. But I'm just saying that because you're cute and say you like industrial music.
(You aren't a fan of Numb, by any chance are you?) | |
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| Profile review, please? (Surprise!)
Posted: 5/15/2008 9:16:01 PM | I'm really trying, but can't make the connection between a "Spiderman" reference for a headline, and your intitial quote, "I couldn't think of a good headline, and I'm into alternative culture."
Peter Parker is alternative culture??
Ow, my head.
I think for attracting a possible "long-term" partner, you should reserve the "kitten-meets-S&M" shot --the one with the striped thigh-high stockings -- for your personal photo album. | |
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| Profile review, please? (Surprise!)
Posted: 5/16/2008 12:48:14 PM | Well, video games have nothing to do with it either, but I'll take that out of there I guess.
People keep asking me for a full-body shot and that's about my only one... I will change it, but until then better that than people being suspicious that I'm pulling a MySpace http://i25.tinypic.com/vf87f8.jpg
Any suggestions for things to add? It's looking kind of bare-bones and boring to me. | |
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| Profile review, please? (Surprise!)
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:25:23 PM | Heh, LaurMare, you've created a tiny bit of a stir with that MySpace link. Will you please let everyone know that it isn't a link to an actual picture of you? People seem bewildered. Not many, but some.
BTW, your profile doesn't seem boring now. | |
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| Profile review, please? (Surprise!)
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:05:27 PM | Things we’ve learned over time… no negativity, no MySpace shots like that, and no use of the word cornhole in your profile. Another thing you shouldn’t do is mix factoids with facts. You have a number of places where you morph from one format to the other in the same paragraph and they should have their own paragraphs. You also should consider many of the negative undertones in your profile.
Things to add: more to the first date other than something cliché. If not you might as well post a picture of you in your bra and panties with a come hither look on your face because every guy will be racing for the message button at a chance to drop their inauthentic workings on you. Another thing, you seem like a high-octane, hard hitting, exciting girl with interesting options but your first date idea of boooh-ring. Contradiction? Yep.
You also need to tell us who you are. You told us lots about what you do or like to do in your free time but nothing about you. And perhaps reword “I want a boy who” to say something like “I’d like a boy who” and include something that says a healthy combination of the above would be grand, otherwise you come off as awfully demanding. | |
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| Profile review, please? (Surprise!)
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:33:45 PM | Yikes, deuce, lots to live up to there. It does say a lot about me in one way - I don't like to talk about myself and what I'm like, but I guess I can try to work on that aspect. Can you be specific about the negatives and the facts/factoid thing? Since I'm just throwing lots of basic info up there, there's really no coherent paragraphs that can be made, lol.
WHOA, who thought that was a pic of me? For the record, no, no it's not.  | |
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| Profile review, please? (Surprise!)
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:05:12 PM | Scratch that... you are 19... you shouldn't be lookign for boys anymore. Reword that line I mentioned to say "I'd like to find a man who", unless you are stuck in the high school rut still.
That pic been circulating the net forever. No one thought it was you... don't worry. Okay. Negatives:
You don’t have to worry about chick flicks with me
Uhm yea, literacy please?
I don’t’ let people without pic contact me
I’m not shy but I’m not the boldest person…
I like a boy doesn’t go apeshit when
I’d like a boy who is honest and UNASHAMED
And the kind of guy who won’t get offended
First Date: It’s got to be out somewhere.
Likes to go OUT
Granted these are all passively negative but they build on a general tone that some will pick up on.
Factoids/Facts:
My obsession with skittles is not a minor one: factoid
To me, a day cannot be perfect without a thunderstorm: factoid (boy, life must be disappointing when you only see like 8 of these a year! LOL)
Even though I’m a city slicker at heart…: fact
I’m going to reshape your profile for you free of charge and put things into paragraphs quickly. I’m not changing anything else… that’s an upgraded option, where we reviewers make the big bucks. The free fixes are the ones that entice you to drop the big dinero. Everything I put in bold you can pretty much delete as it’s redundant or rhetorical.
My name is Laur. I like video games, I'm blonde and 5'7, and I'm into alternative culture, though I don't dress like it except for photoshoots and the like. I'm a high-energy person, though not hyper; I don't like to be cooped up inside all the time, but who isn't up for the occasional chill day? I'm not a serious person unless I absolutely need to be - a defining point in my personality is that I love to laugh and I love to entertain. Maturity is not a must, but a broad sense of humor, of course, is. Even though I'm a city slicker at heart, I still like to go out into the country once in a while.
I lifeguard in what is unarguably the Mississauga ghetto. It's a great job, with some of the perks being getting to know your local police and being amused by 12-year-olds trying to pull off grills and tees to the knees.
My obsession with Skittles is not a minor one. To me, a day cannot be perfect without a thunderstorm. (if you are going to use factoids you need at least three in a paragraph, and preferably four or five.)
You don't have to worry about chick flicks with me. My favorite movies include the Alien quadrilogy, Fight Club, DooM, Transformers, and anything with superheroes. Music-wise, rock, pop, dance, industrial, hip-hop, pretty much everything modern except R&B.
Uhm... yeah. Literacy please?
I don't let people without pics contact me because chances are they've something to hide. And another note... I'm not shy, but I'm not the boldest person when it comes to making the first move in terms of talking to people. At all.
I'd like a boy who (besides the obvious)...
-is taller than I
-is patient
-likes to go OUT
-isn't afraid to do stupid things or be romantic
-doesn't go apesh*t on me if I look at another guy
-enjoys affection of a physical nature
-is HONEST and UNASHAMED
-plays video games
-"I need the type of guy who'll just hug me, and not ask. The kind of guy who'll DO something for me instead of waiting for me to initiate it. And the kind of guy who won't get offended if I don't."
If you decide to go with this arrangement you’ll need to rework some of the sentences as they don’t flow well. Just the addition of a couple words here and there to tie it all together, and maybe a few semi-colons and commas. | |
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| Profile review, please? (Surprise!)
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:30:46 PM | Well I don't see any bolded words, but that rearrangement makes a lot more sense - THANK YOU. It still has that random tone to it, but that is kind of my style.
I think smilie faces were listed as bad form... but I think it tones down the negative while still having the message there, right? Eheh. | |
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| Profile review, please? (Surprise!)
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:39:51 PM | Sorry, bold-faced it all in word and then copied it over thinking it'd stick.
As for smiley faces, I think the guy who stood up in the boardroom while these guys were planning the profile entry page template of the site and said "EUREKA! WE SHOULD ADD EMOTICONS TO PROFILES AS OPTIONS" deserves a swift kick in the fcukstick. In forum posts, sure to a degree, but not in profiles! LOL For the love of all things sacred leave them out of the profile! | |
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