| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 3:50:59 AM | I am relatively new to this site, but what I have noticed is alot of the men who have written me (& from what I read in the forums, many women too) seem to TALK about dating. They describe what they want, what type of person, what type of relationship, where they'd like to go, etc. IN GREAT DETAIL - but when it comes to meeting a local person for a simple cup of coffee (a no-brainer) they have a gazillion excuses!
ARE MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN HERE, INLUDING THE OVER 45 MEN WHO WRITE ME JUST HERE TO TALK ABOUT DATING, NOT ACTUALLY DO IT? | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 5:47:33 AM | Fits the old adage "Those who can, do, those that can't, teach"
I'm done with dating. I have no desire to decipher the hidden meanings, ulterior motives, paranoia, admonishments, critisisms and clichés distributed with those women that complain about men acting like children, players, cheaters and a bevy of other names.
When I joined POF, I had dates with 5 different women, 2 for coffee, one for a walk in a garden and 2 at nice restaurants. 1 decided I wanted young anorexic girls because we watched some girl perform at a coffee house and the performer was thinner that her. 1 looked at me and determined I was not worth it the moment she laid eyes on me and said she was disappointed that I didn't have a BMW and didn't say anything else. The girl in the garden didn't want to end up with a player(me) and over the next few months I saw her in the laps of 2 different men. 1 said she'd love a 2nd date with me and then never returned my calls.
One lady was all sparkly and and kept talking thought my user name had something to do with Macintosh computers (it's part of my surname). I figured she wouldn't like me because I was not in a very stable environment at the time, lost my job, walked away from my ex gf and rented a room in the house of a raging alcoholic and was in legal battles with the former employer, gf and social security.
Well, she stayed sparkly and eventually I just had to move away from all that other crap and we've been very happy ever since. | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 7:19:11 AM | | I'm not sure what else people would do here at a forum besides talk. It's kind of like saying all that people do in a phone booth is talk on the phone. I wonder if it is safe to say that when people are not here doing this, they are someplace else doing something else. But while here posting words in a forum, yep, they are not out on a date. Take me for example. Take me now. I can be the ice cream. | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 7:36:18 AM | I found a lot of guys just want to chit chat on line. WHen you do actually ask to meet them they got the excuses. That usually will send a red flag or 2 up for me. Like are they married or in a relationship already. SO, that is why I state I will meet you within 1 month of first email, or don't bother contacting me. I am not here to chit chat, I am hear to find a mate. | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 7:36:33 AM | I am relatively new to this site, but what I have noticed is alot of the men who have written me (& from what I read in the forums, many women too) seem to TALK about dating. They describe what they want, what type of person, what type of relationship, where they'd like to go, etc. IN GREAT DETAIL - but when it comes to meeting a local person for a simple cup of coffee (a no-brainer) they have a gazillion excuses!
ARE MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN HERE, INLUDING THE OVER 45 MEN WHO WRITE ME JUST HERE TO TALK ABOUT DATING, NOT ACTUALLY DO IT?
Sounds like the words of a spurious cheater.....lol | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 8:07:34 AM | | Well Hon ya see, talk is free... kinda like this site...might be one in there somewhere that will actually do more... for every ten that won't. | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 8:51:32 AM | | Some are just here for just window shopping, others are too afraid to date and the rest actually do date and/or go to the events to actually meet people. Hang in there. | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 9:58:24 AM | You hit the nail square on the head. I wrote a post some time ago after experiencing the same thing. I've reached a point where I don't even care to email anyone anymore...too many games...being fairly new in the area, I thought this would be a great avenue to meet people to actually do things with...but all I've gotten are long and lengthy emails leading to long and lengthy instant messages...leading to long and lengthy phone conversations...to hear..."I'm really not ready to meet anyone just yet and lot of other excuses. Since I'm from the city and have had my fair share of experiences before moving here and becoming single again, I know its not my looks or my personality...so I'm concentrating more offline now and don't care to waste any more time with pointless conversation going nowhere!  | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:04:38 AM | I can certainly understand your point OP!
I had chatted with a fellow here for quite some time. No pic on profile. Said he tried to send one 3 different times to 2 different emails. Every email I sent him was read/deleted a.s.a.p. Come time to finally meet, he never showed. Then had the audacity to accuse me of having g/fs at the place where we were to have met? Overall, I think he was a gamer, married, just having a little fun. When the time came to actually meet up, (which he never intended), he had to blame me for the meeting not happening due to my so called girlfriends being there to spy. I asked him if he even saw me there, which he never replied to Sure nuff has turned me a tad bit sour on internet dating! Then again, my spidey senses should have told me something was rotten in Denmark! I am more ticked off at myself for being gullible than I am at him. It isn't fair to other honest folks though as it tarnishes the way we look at things.... | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:06:29 AM | Bianca, I hear where you're coming from.
I've had that problem myself.
I've found someone amazing, we'll talk for weeks, months even... and they'll go on and on about the wonderful time we'll have together... yet it never comes.
*Sigh*
When I do get that date... I make it everything I say it will be... I do everything I can to make her happy. I'm a romantic at heart, it's what I do. LOL!
But, there's just so many out there who seem to just enjoy getting that emotional satisfaction of knowing they've made someone want them... then they play games until getting bored and moving on...
It's just a matter of perserverance. Of seeing what's out there, until you find that diamond in the rough. | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:32:28 AM | Oh my goodness Adam. I can't believe they wouldn't show up for you...........
we'll talk for weeks, months even....and they'll go on and on about the wonderful time we'll have together
I know from where you speak. I've encountered one guy like this. When I finally suggested we should meet, he hemmed and hawed. When I called him on it, he turned it around by saying " It wasn't him, it was me."
After months of leading me down the "garden path" and basically "playing it" he said "I was not someone he would want to meet anyway" Don't you think he might have had the decency to tell me within the first week or two? instead of 3 months of long distance phone bills?
Of course, he's still here, schmoozin' with the ladies.
Some people are here just to have their ego stroked. Others are sincere. Now, if a fella doesn't suggest meeting me within the first week or week and a half, I move on.
That being said, there are men who have contacted me that I have little interest in meeting. So, I try to be polite and tactful by telling them, I don't think were a good match and I wish them all the best in their search.
I don't meet or date anyone, just for the sake of dating. I need to be intrigued. | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:40:09 AM | I have never really experienced the problem. Mostly because I have a standing rule; a few emails, a couple of phone calls, then meet. If there is more than one excuse about why we don't meet, I delete that person.
Internet dating is all about the numbers. The more people you contact, the more you are likely to meet. I will say that only a very few have progressed past the meet and greet stage, and even fewer past the first date.
I've come to the conclusion that perhaps where you live plays a huge part in how well internet meetings work. I am in a big metropolitan area, and there are lots of singles in my area, also if you meet someone you don't like, there isn't much chance that you will run into them again, consequently you don't have to worry much about embarrassing aftermaths. | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:42:03 AM | | I agree witchya. A LOT--and I mean a LOT--of the men who contact me [or did when I was looking] are really just into chatting, getting a little "frisky" online, and then fading away. I think the whole persona of online people is too cautious, the reason I am here is as a tool toward ACTUALLY meeting a human, not VIRTUALLY meeting a human. | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:55:43 AM |
Oh my goodness Adam. I can't believe they wouldn't show up for you...........
It happens a lot unfortunately.
I find it sad really. Especially considering the number of ladies I've talked to, who go on about how they don't want to deal with players and liars and all... yet they've done exactly what they accuse others of doing.
They'll talk about respect, and no mind games... yet they'll set up "tests" on a date to see how well the date "measures up". Which is truly pathetic.
And then there's the ones who go on about respect, and how they're sick of men pulling the "disappearing act"... yet after talking for a week or two... I'll just not hear from them again.
Or we'll get a date, and it seems like things went wonderfully... but then they never get in touch again. And yes, I do contact them. I will ALWAYS contact a woman the next day (sometimes that evening) to let her know what I thought of the date.
Of course, I'll tell her upfront during the date. If it's been a wonderful evening together... I will tell her that... and suggest we get together again soon.
If I didn't get along with her, or she just didn't seem like someone I could be happy with... I would thank her for the evening, but tell her (politely of course) that I just didn't see things working out between us. Sometimes they'll ask for another chance, and if they didn't do anything bad (like being disrespectful or something) then I'll often give it to them. But always with the understanding that if the second date doesn't work out... that I won't be seeing them anymore, at least not romantically.
I'm always happy to remain friends if they're comfortable with it. If not, I understand.
I believe in treating every lady with respect. I'll show her a wonderful time... and if things work out, then that's wonderful... if not, well, I'll politely tell her so.
I don't believe in playing games with someone. I won't string them along if I'm not interested. I always make my feelings perfectly clear. No subtle hints or any of that high school mind game garbage... just open and honest as always. | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 12:01:14 PM | Been there. I can read people pretty good, but this one really had me fooled (first time for everything right?). I keep wondering how someone so well centered could flake like that.
When we don't get what we want, we suffer. Even when we do, we suffer, because we can't have it forever. But the journey is what makes us happy, not the destination.
Oh... Flintstones are on... | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 12:23:24 PM |
what I have noticed is alot of the men who have written me (& from what I read in the forums, many women too) seem to TALK about dating. They describe what they want, what type of person, what type of relationship, where they'd like to go, etc. IN GREAT DETAIL - but when it comes to meeting a local person for a simple cup of coffee (a no-brainer) they have a gazillion excuses!
I think that a lot of the people online (both men & women) have a very detailed idea of what they are looking for. When they read a profile or get an e-mail introduction they are very quick to reject anyone who doesn't meet their ideal of "Mr. or Miss Right".
I've found that for most people, Internet dating is a frustrating endeavor. There are a few people that are meeting this way, but it seems to be a minority. | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 12:42:35 PM | Post #1
A complaint.
Post #5,6,7,8,10,11,12,13, 14,16,17,18 and 19
the common denominator, COMPLAINERS[/B]
Misery loves company but the type of company you get is complainers.
I think maybe y'all should consider that the complaining is why you aren't getting any success.
Who wants to be with someone that complains?
It might be OK for a bunch of biddies to feel a connection with each other cause it's something to talk about and they can't figure out anything else to do but come up with cutsie name calling. Your fellow complainers will love when you get bold and admonish someone publicly but any intelligent person will realize that when you date complainers, the complainers will eventually complain about them.
Now y'all have a chance to tell me I'm being negative about your complaining. | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:22:06 PM | Guess what OP? You are currently talking about dating and actually doing it either...
The fact that you have chosen to find men on the internet means you spend more time talking about dating than actually dating, too. That is how this world of internet dating works. Figure it out and learn how to communicate if you want to get anywhere here. | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 2:20:48 PM |
But the journey is what makes us happy, not the destination.
nahhhh, I actually hate the trip, and love when I reach the destination, because that means I get to see someone I have missed and give them a hug, put my feet up and relax, and smile because I finally got to where I was going.
OP try some of the events that POF has in your area and if you don't like the types of events they are having , organize one with your own interests.
Dating can be a pain in the backside in real life or on the net, but I figure the more I do it, the greater chance I have of meeting someone. In the meantime I get to make a whole bunch of friends, and have fun. Life is good, strange sometimes.. certainly, but still good. | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 2:31:42 PM | LMAO at
I'm not sure what else people would do here at a forum besides talk. It's kind of like saying all that people do in a phone booth is talk on the phone. I wonder if it is safe to say that when people are not here doing this, they are someplace else doing something else. But while here posting words in a forum, yep, they are not out on a date. Take me for example. Take me now. I can be the ice cream.
Mr. Internet yer funny sometimes!
OT - I have had a few dates from this site (cough), fewer more recently  and I do find, as well, that many seem to prefer the safety of the computer monitor. Maybe some are misrepresenting 'who' they are and therefore "can't" meet in person, they usually give themselves away in other ways .. but these days to be 'afraid' to meet another human being for a coffee Pfffffffffft! I say get over it! Life is tooo short. If all it takes to keep you happy is an interactive computer screen - get a game! lol
No reason why we shouldn't meet each others eye when we're "out there" in the real world too .. just say "Hi".
We're all sittin around in a huge rush travelling down the brailleroad of life! lol
A.S.is
I hope you Dance!!! | |
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| TALKING ABOUT DATING vs. ACTUALLY DATING
Posted: 5/15/2008 2:53:02 PM |
Post #1
A complaint.
Post #5,6,7,8,10,11,12,13, 14,16,17,18 and 19
the common denominator, COMPLAINERS[/B]
Misery loves company but the type of company you get is complainers.
I think maybe y'all should consider that the complaining is why you aren't getting any success.
Who wants to be with someone that complains?
It might be OK for a bunch of biddies to feel a connection with each other cause it's something to talk about and they can't figure out anything else to do but come up with cutsie name calling. Your fellow complainers will love when you get bold and admonish someone publicly but any intelligent person will realize that when you date complainers, the complainers will eventually complain about them.
Now y'all have a chance to tell me I'm being negative about your complaining.
Did this boy complain in mssges 6 and 13???.... Heavens to bitsy no. I am actually dating someone who is not a complainer, is sexy as H.E.L.L. And she ain't no blow up doll either.. Nor is she one of those ficticious live in girlfriends some guys swear are real.. NOPE.. She's real flesh and bone.. And yessir I like her.. I like her alot | |
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