| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:03:51 AM | Alright, starting this because of this thread (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9960647.aspx)
Basicly it seems a lot of women would ditch a perfectly reasonable loving guy after a certain amount of time if he hasen't propose. Why? I'm not against marriage in any shape or form. But why would you leave a guy that loves you and treats you right because he doesn't want to marry or hasen't ask within a certain period of time.
Is it insecurity? Control freak? No trust? Extremely religious?
I've know a couple that have been together for over 20ish years, not married, they're catholic, have 5 kids and they still love each other's company just as much as the first day. | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:09:36 AM | "But why would you leave a guy that loves you and treats you right because he doesn't want to marry or hasen't ask within a certain period of time."
Why would I leave such a guy? Because I believe in marriage and wish to enter into such a union. I'm not going to stay with a guy who is afraid of commitment. Marriage means a guy has to grow up. I'm not gonig to remain with someone who isn't on the same page as myself and who doesn't want the same from life as I do. I would never have children out of wedlock either. It screws up children, confuses them, and sets a bad example. | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:10:12 AM | | in my opinion why not.. if a couple is in love like you suggest and marriage is important to one person in the relationship and not the other.. why NOT get married.. Just using your example.. if a man and a woman are together, love eachother, plan on being together forever.. he doesnt care about marriage.. she does.. why not get married if its something shes dreamed of and he plans on being with her anyway? | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:14:07 AM |
in my opinion why not.. if a couple is in love like you suggest and marriage is important to one person in the relationship and not the other.. why NOT get married.. Just using your example.. if a man and a woman are together, love eachother, plan on being together forever.. he doesnt care about marriage.. she does.. why not get married if its something shes dreamed of and he plans on being with her anyway?
Yes I realise that, but it doesn't answer the question of why it matters? With the cost of wedding now a days, I could pay my kids 2 years college (if I had some lol), wouldn't that be a better investement? | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:21:03 AM | I'd be leery of any man who was completely dead set against the idea because it would tell me they're not in it for the long run. I'd wonder why they are so scared of the idea. Are they woman-haters who think they're all out for their money? Are they looking for a better option while they string me along? It just seems strange to me.
Someone can have all of the issues about women that they want, but I don't want to be with someone like that.
And to your response above me: Weddings don't have to cost 50,000.00. I just went to a very nice one that ran for a grand total of not quite 2,000.00. It was beautiful. Hell, if I get married, I'd like to just go to Vegas. We're not all high maintenance princesses with needs to have a wedding like a royal couple. | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:22:02 AM | | thats not necessarily true.. you never said it had to be an over the top wedding... and I want to know where you plan on sending your kids to school.. because last time I checked which was a few days ago when I looked at my school bill.. college is a hell of a lot more expensive than any wedding I plan on having - to answer your question.. if he is so selfish and cheap that he cant take the time effort and money to commit himself to her for eternity.. I see underlying issues.. I think someone who loved me would make that sacrifice.. its not asking a lot.. if money is an issue.. vegas! city hall, me him priest family.. doesnt have to be over the top 50 grand wedding! | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:23:56 AM |
With the cost of wedding now a days, I could pay my kids 2 years college (if I had some lol), wouldn't that be a better investement?
It doesnt have to be as grand as an opening night.
Younger ladies who havent been married before may find that idea attractive, but to me...its all about the ceremony itself.
Something small and elegant  | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:24:08 AM | I'd be leery of any man who was completely dead set against the idea because it would tell me they're not in it for the long run. I'd wonder why they are so scared of the idea. Are they woman-haters who think they're all out for their money? Are they looking for a better option while they string me along? It just seems strange to me.
Someone can have all of the issues about women that they want, but I don't want to be with someone like that.
See thet reeks insecurity all over.
What if the guy just doesn't care about marriage? If a guy has been with you, lived with you for over 4-6 years, had kids, how the hell is that fear of commitment?
@Limeshine, I'm canadien, NB. Maybe school just doesn't cost as much here :P | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:24:44 AM |
? With the cost of wedding now a days, I could pay my kids 2 years college (if I had some lol), wouldn't that be a better investement?
Having an expensive wedding is a choice not a requirement.... and yes it would be a better investment. | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:26:51 AM | | Go to City Hall and get married. A couple can get married nowadays in a reasonable manner financially. They don't have to spend a ton of money to marry. A friend of mine and her fiance are marrying this August and the wedding is small and simple as they are just both out of university and don't have much funds. Why the need for marriage? Because it means commitment where as common-law doesn't. Marriage means devotion. It's simple. | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:27:02 AM | Wouldn't you discuss your ultimate life goals (marriage, career, children, retirement, etc.) early in a relationship? If one party says he/she is never getting married, but marriage is the goal of the other, wouldn't you say "game over"? Or do you think it's fair to try to change the other person's mind?
I'm not "dead set" against marriage, but it's not a goal of mine. If I fell in love with a man and he reallllllly wanted to get married, I would consider it. But it would be for him and not for me. I have no intention of changing my name or giving up 1/2 of everything I've accumulated in my life. | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:27:11 AM | See thet reeks insecurity all over.
Not at all. I don't give a damn about marriage. I would just be leery of someone who is dead set, horribly against it. Many men on here are all about, "Why the hell would I want to marry someone when she'll just meet someone else, leave me, and take all of my money?" That's what I'm talking about. That attitude is rampant with some, and I've noticed that's one of the main reasons why some are anti-marriage. I don't want someone with those kinds of issues and baggage.
Why else would someone be against marriage? If you are already in it for the long run, go to the courthouse, spend a hundred bucks, sign the paper, say some vows, and go home. What's the harm? | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:28:07 AM | how is it insecure to want to be be tied/bonded formally to the one person you truely love and want to be with for eternity?
how is it insecure to question him if he says he LOVES you and you say its very important to you and he still rejects the idea when! he has no real reason to be against marriage? | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:28:42 AM | it doesnt matter WHY it matters!! if 2 people are in love, and happy, if one perosn wants to get married, the other doesnt, thats a problem! you cant really ask that question gernerally.. it depends on the couple.
i know i want to get married one day, and if im with someone for a long time, if were happy, want a family.. id want to sort of.. seal it! i hope that makes sense! | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:30:21 AM | Not at all. I don't give a damn about marriage. I would just be leery of someone who is dead set, horribly against it. Many men on here are all about, "Why the hell would I want to marry someone when she'll just meet someone else, leave me, and take all of my money?" That's what I'm talking about. That attitude is rampant with some, and I've noticed that's one of the main reasons why some are anti-marriage. I don't want someone with those kinds of issues and baggage.
Alright in that context you're right. Guess it all depends on the situation for that. But on the other hand, there is woman that are dead set on marriage :P. My question mainly goes to them.
how is it insecure to want to be be tied/bonded formally to the one person you truely love and want to be with for eternity?
how is it insecure to question him if he says he LOVES you and you say its very important to you and he still rejects the idea when! he has no real reason to be against marriage?
Yes but why do you need proof of that bond? Just having the guy SAYS he love you isn't enough? You need something material (dress, ring, etc) to actualy accept it? | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:35:16 AM | I remember reading a thread like this about 12 mths ago.
The guy was whining and moaning about marriage and why women wanted it etc etc etc.
FINALLY the truth came out...his lady had left him and married some other guy and was pregnant (I think).
He was pissing and moaning BUT he was the one who had effectively shot himself in the foot simply because he wouldnt give her what he said he didnt care about...but she wanted.
It still MEANS something to alot of men and women for as much as you hear the gripe and "logical" arguments of some people against it.
And if you're gonna keep something from someone simply because you can it makes you an ass and not worth being with. | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:39:54 AM |
I remember reading a thread like this about 12 mths ago.
The guy was whining and moaning about marriage and why women wanted it etc etc etc.
FINALLY the truth came out...his lady had left him and married some other guy and was pregnant (I think).
He was pissing and moaning BUT he was the one who had effectively shot himself in the foot simply because he wouldnt give her what he said he didnt care about...but she wanted.
It still MEANS something to alot of men and women for as much as you hear the gripe and "logical" arguments of some people against it.
And if you're gonna keep something from someone simply because you can it makes you an ass and not worth being with.
Hey hey now, no need to get all pissy. This isn't anything personal, or else I wouldn't have posted it in ask a girl. It's an honest to god question completely unrelated to me.
Personally if a girl I love would be dead set on getting married I would be fine with it, just as long as she understand she's going to have to communicate with me about it and not expect me to run after her to ask her like some sort of knight in shining armor. | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:42:57 AM | Hey hey now, no need to get all pissy.
Like fricken huh?
OP...I wasnt the one who started the OP.
I told a story that had bearing to the topic and that was it.
Try to keep in mind...the generic use of the word "you"...it'll help with your comprehension skills. | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:46:13 AM | It's no secret that I think marriage (and even living together) is pretty pointless, hell I don't want someone using my toaster...but I agree with Ang on this. Some0ne who's so against it that they announce it a lot and it keeps them up at night is just not emotionally stable and probably not great dating material. They've crossed the line from not knowing why it's important to being a hater of sorts.
Not all women will take you for everything, not all women even want to get married, not all women will cheat, etc etc...men hear stories or marry one woman who turns on em and now the whole gender's no good. That's not realistic. | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:47:02 AM | | The only commitment(s) I need to that my SO remain faithful and love and accept/respect me...a ring ain't going to do that, his actions are. | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 7:33:11 AM | Wow it sounds like a relationship or marriage with you would be very one sided. Your way or the highway. A relationship is about compromise and mutual respect to name a few. Where is your sense of romance? I suppose you'd expect the little woman to wait on you hand and foot too. Unreal  | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 7:35:45 AM | It's just a difference of values OP. There are some women who do see marriage as a "need" rather than a desire. Some are on tracks that only go one way: College, First Job, Date Around, Meet Great Guy 1, Learn a Lot, Meet Great Guy 2, Get Married, Buy House, Have 2.5 kids, etc. I believe people on that track are short-changing themselves, but everyone has their own values and path in life.
I don't personally "need" to get married or be in a long term relationship. My plan B is full of adventures and joys while offering considerably more security than tying myself to another human being. My plan A does involve a husband and children because I'm honest with myself that a family is my biggest desire. If I don't find a man I believe interacts with me well enough to consider marriage with, then I won't get married. Marriage for the sake of marriage is pointless in my opinion.
If you see a long term relationship without marriage as the same thing as marriage, then your values are merely different. There is a world of difference in my opinion between looking across the room and seeing "my boyfriend" and seeing "my husband". No, I'm not religious, but I am spiritual and I take the act of cleaving myself to one human being for life very seriously. It's the only relationship I would ever consider safe enough to raise children in.
Yes, divorce happens. It happens a lot. If he's a person who only moves forward if perfection is guaranteed, then we wouldn't work out in the long run anyways.
I think many men have valid concerns when it comes to marriage. It's a risky venture that can be financially ruinous for both parties. It has also changed to the point that it has few rewards compared to living together. I can't blame many men from passing on the concept of marriage since the perceived benefits often don't outweigh the risks. All I can say is to know where you stand, and be honest and upfront about it. Some women are happy to just live and love, while others want to have a husband and family. To each their own. :) | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 7:48:07 AM |
Wow it sounds like a relationship or marriage with you would be very one sided. Your way or the highway. A relationship is about compromise and mutual respect to name a few. Where is your sense of romance? I suppose you'd expect the little woman to wait on you hand and foot too. Unreal
Wow talk about insulting, if you have nothing to bring to the debate, then I suggest you to not post. You don't know me, you have no right to judge me or assume who I am. | |
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| Why the need for marriage?
Posted: 5/15/2008 8:21:10 AM | | OP I would not get married again, but if I was young and there was talk of children, yes marriage would have to be in the picture from a legal and financial point of view. I say that because marriage would certainly make it harder for him to walk away from his children, from both an emotional and financial point of view as well as any other financial obligations. That is exactly why I think many men are "frightened" by marriage, when things get tough they cant walk away as easily if they are not married, even though a common law marriage has just as much legal teeth in most situations now. | |
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