| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:35:06 PM | | If I meet or date someone from here or anywhere else, even if its clear to one or both of us that there is no romantic chemistry I feel that I owe that person a quick phone call or email thanking them for their time. I seem to be the only one. The last date I had the guy acted like a decent enough sort until we sat down to watch TV and he went straight for my tits..no kissing, no snuggling just really lame grab the tits and squeeze, and it became obvious to me that the sex would suck even if I was so inclined. Even then I sent him a quick voice message saying thank you for the dinner out. Not surprisingly I suppose he did not respond in any way. Perhaps it's a cultural thing(I'm from the South), but are manners completely dead in the online world? | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:57:49 PM | I think that Respect is the basis for good manners.
and...there seems to be a lack of respect on so many levels... we don't see it in young children, teens and in adults.... so where were their parents?... didn't their parents teach them basic respect?
My 9 year old attended a birthday party last month...grade 4... and the birthday girl sent out a personal thank you card to her...noting the gift and thanking her for joining in the celebration that day....wow!.. I was taken back. It is the small gestures that we must practice and instill in those around us.
Be respectful...and yes, a short text..call...message..I think that is approriate and proper behaviour...good manners.
A regional thing for me too... proper English schoolgirl here. Manners are drilled into us...it's a good thing.
as for the internet...we live in a disposable world... so many choices..varieties.... quantity....easy to move on to the next guy or gal on the site... .no or little regards for the one that didn't want you fondling them. | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/15/2008 7:07:42 PM | No, maam.
It's pretty rude for him to be Mr Hands so soon. | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/15/2008 8:33:43 PM | WesternRose, that's a great story about the thank you card. We don't hear about those things often enough. It reminds me of when I graduated from HS in the 80s all of those thank you notes I and my classmates dutifully wrote out...except for one. She put a 'one does all' thank you note in the classifieds of the local paper!!
Slowredwhisper, common courtesy and manners are certainly scarce these days...but not totally dead...so hang in there! Was that a first date? I have never gone straight for the tits with a woman I just met. If I'm invited in and we watch some TV I might put my arm around her, hold her hand, or kiss her good night. But I don't grab her tits.......until the third date! | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/15/2008 8:47:37 PM | Manners??
HMmmmm
Can you Define that for me? | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/15/2008 8:48:36 PM | | You know the tit grabbing general didn't bother me so much(child of the seventies here and very sexually free) but the manner in which he did it oh so sucked. Like...if that's an indication of the sex to follow..I'll pass. I have skills and expect no less. But the lack of manners? pullleeeese | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/15/2008 9:02:54 PM | OP if a man just grabbed my tits like that without an invitation, the only message I would be giving him is a swift kick in the groin. I don't know why you even bothered thanking him for dinner after he groped you like that.
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/15/2008 9:33:54 PM | I think a phone call, an email, or a note is great after a first meeting.. maybe even a second date.
I went out for a first meeting with a guy I met on here about six months ago and it actually turned into a date.. we had a great time and so I had his cell phone number so I called him after I got home and thanked him for the nice time. He sounded a bit shocked..
Anyway I make it a point to always thank a man for the time and effort that he spent on me.
In fact, when the last guy I dated and I called it quits I sent him a nice email outlining how much I appreciated the time and attention he gave to me when we were seeing one another. It was nice closure for me and helped me to move on with a good attitude.. I am learning to try to come from an "abundance" point of view. | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:59:56 PM | | Manners aint dead. But unfortunately no one can control the caliber of people being born and raised. Dont lose hope on every guy, just the uncharismatic and stupid ones. | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/15/2008 11:10:10 PM |  you expected a man who grabbed for your tits on the first date to be polite? | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/16/2008 12:58:31 AM | AUGGHHH! If they aren't dead, they are dying.
I was raised to give the day after "thank you" call, even if I had no plans on ever talking to this person again.
It is the equivalent of sending a thank you card to your grandma who bought you an ugly sweater for Christmas.
(By the way, I was raised in the North, so it is not just a Southern thing, but you are right that it may be a cultural thing.) So many people were not raised this way, that I have had problems with the "thank you" call and no longer do it 100% of the time. (Usually, the guy thinks that this means that I want a second date and when I decline, I get the "you give mixed signals" speech. Umm, no dumbass, I have common courteosy.)
It is women's fault. 1. we don't teach manners to our son's, boyfriends, friends 2. we don't expect manners 3. we don't demand manners. Your Mr Grabass probably has been laid by these actions... and rewarded for his bad behaviour.
I have had several boyfriends who were raised correctly by thier mothers... then they dated some dumb broad. By the time they got to me, they were really confused and didn't know if they should open doors or not. Seriously, I have had several boyfriends who in the begining of the relationship actually asked me if they should open the door, and then thanked me for allowing them to do so.
Generation, economic status, and glorifing bad behaviour of the rich and famous all contribute to the decline in manners. I could vent on this topic forever, but it's getting late. Whatever, eventually we are all going to call our grandmothers and say "I hate this sweater, you suck grandma." | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:42:51 AM | My bf opens doors for me, gets up every time I leave the room, drives me everywhere, he even walks on the outside of the pavement ... but the moment we are alone he grabs and mauls me to oblivion. I love it!!!!! But do you think I should insist on better manners in private?
Men are men, and if as a lady you want good manners ... insist on it! Personally I really like people to be well-behaved in public but in private with my lover, now that's a different matter. Manners are very much alive, you just have to behave well and people usually treat you the same way back ... it's a barrier thing, you just don't let bad manners through as you don't respond to them.
I have raised my children to have good manners, but to treat people with the respect that they deserve based on their behaviour - otherwise you just become a sop. Bad manners simply get ignored. Pity the poor people who havent got the sense to see that good manners are so simple, yet effective, in really getting what you want! | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:28:46 AM | | OP I have manners but I don't think I would have been as nice as you were in thanking him. If anyone should have left a message it should have been him apologizing for his behavior. What an assuming clod (IMO) and I doubt he even understood why you left him a thank you message. I do think you are right about the sex.........ugh! | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:40:49 AM | Well. I'm not from the south OP, but I have manners. It has nothing to do with where you were raised, but HOW you were raised.  | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:13:02 AM | | I too am from the south living way up here in New England and I find far less manners here. Have had after a date one time not answer email or text or phone even though date went ok (no groping LOL). Have had email women few times and reply then they suddenly disappear, alot of email that I'm interested and just see they "read, deleted". A polite not interested is not very difficult to do and I've done that before so why the rudeness especially up here? I'm still of the mind of opening doors, ladies ordering first, etc. and it doesn't seem to be appreciated like it was some years back. | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:16:39 AM | OP, I won't comment on being polite after getting groped.
Instead, a friendly warning about watching tv on sounded like a first (or early) date - that sounds like you were at his place or he at yours - don't put yourself in dangerous situations like this on a first date! Even though you may make it out alive...he knows your address if you met at your place. Meet in public until you are sure he's okay. | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:21:19 AM | I believe in manners........but I must ask.....What the hell was he doing in your home???????? Or you his as the case may be. It sure sounds like you didnt know enough about this man to be in a position to be sitting anywhere watching TV except a lounge.
Protect yourself from this happening till you really know someone. Public dates should be protocol till you are truly comfortable. Most men that are that forward will show their true colors just by the way they talk to you after having some comfort level with you. Say 4 or 5 dates............................
Anyway......very nice of you to say thanks but no thanks.....I would have made it clear that night that there would be no furthur contact.............And his behavior would not have deserved any other contact. | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:23:10 AM | | Not if those of us who understand their value, keep them alive! Just as it has been all through history. I think it's especially important to be polite with children, as it will give them an appreciation of manners...it's nice to be noticed and thats what your doing when you show someone common courtesy, your noticing them, and recognizing their importance!! | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:52:04 AM | | Sadly OP with some people there seem to be no manners. They just seem to think tehy do not have to act in an adult fashion and be respectful. Imagine what a future date could have been like had to tried him again, and yes, most likely the sex would have been horrible, completely self serving and no consideration for your needs. Thankfully he showed his true colors right away. | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:37:50 AM |
It is women's fault. No, not entirely.
I have had several boyfriends who were raised correctly by thier mothers... then they dated some dumb broad. Too funny, couldn't be more true, you must know my X (I am well aware that I am the dumbass that married her. please all, spare me that flame). I cannot think of how many time I had been nailed or nearly nailed by a door that I was about to open FOR her (and others), flying into my face because she HAD to open it for herself.
Relating to a conversation with my sister about this thread's content.....
Sis: ".... he was so nice, opening door for me....most guys aren't like that anymore.....".
H "Why doesn't everyone one you go out do that?".
Sis "Well in this day and age I certainly can't expect it".
H "Maybe not, but you certainly can DEMAND it".
She was literally STUNNED by my attitude. I told her "if you wish to date a gentleman, you MUST act like a LADY, and a lady will DEMAND her respect" (this is not to be confused with being a ****). Stand there at the car door and WAIT for him to open it. Sure, you might let it slide the first time. But when the car gets parked and he gets out and walks away. SIT THERE! He WILL figure it out. If he doesn't, do you really need to be with a guy whose bulb shines so dimly? DO NOT make a big deal out of it when he finally comes and opens the door for you. Just say 'thank you' and divert conversation away from his little `faux pas`. If you make a big deal out of it he will think `****`. Whereas if you let him `off the hook`, he will think `remember to open this LADY's door for her!
We get what we tolerate! Ladies make the guys bring their A-game. If we keep raising the bar, we will all learn to jump a little higher! | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:20:32 AM | if some guy gets hands on like that they won't be having kids for sure 
i make him feel lots of pain for being a pervert then press charges against him so he learn to have respect for women!!!
its not the parents who don't teach respect they can only do so much then its all up to the kids as they grow if they will listen or do there own thing...
just hope you meet someone who isn't focused on sex next time | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:44:01 AM | | Not safe in MY place? I am not the least concerned about safety in this case. Between the 4 gutterpunk kids that stay here, the goth brigade that my 26 year old has here all the time, the grown quad and her oooh so protective boyfriend and the nurse that is here and awake 24 and 7, my biggest fear about having someone to my house is that it will scare the hell out of them. | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:07:18 AM | | loads of manners here, but then i'm in England U.K. | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:24:49 AM | I think they are quickly dying. I was raised to say Please and Thank you and so were my children. Strangers were always addressed as Sir and Mam. Hold the door for the person behind you cover your mouth when you cough etc...
Isnt it sexy when your date spits? | |
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| Are manners dead?
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:28:08 AM | | how can spitting be anything other than repulsive? | |
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