| What to do if you SUSPECT your partner is gay
Posted: 5/16/2008 3:12:15 AM | So...I'm spinning this off of another thread on here about someone marrying a 'gay' guy.
My question is--if you SUSPECT your partner is into same sex relationships, what would you do? What do you think the 'signs' are?
Just to go on and clear this up...my partner is not into men, nor I into women. So, it's not about us. ;)
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| What to do if you SUSPECT your partner is gay
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:51:07 AM | I doubt there is anything much you can do.
A friend's father came out as gay quite recently. He'd had one marriage lasting about 15 years, in which they'd had 3 children; he then divorced but remarried a woman with 2 kids which he brought up together with his 3. He was in the army, stereotypically male to the extent that his children considered him problematically insensitive. He was religious, right wing and rather homophobic.
Then it came out that he was divorcing his second wife and he was gay. Who knew? Certainly not his kids or his wife... No-one would have guessed. The good news is that his kids have accepted it, they're happy the toxic 2nd marriage is over and the man himself says that he feels he can live his life at last.
My question would be how much it could matter. If they're cheating on your, they're cheating on you and it's terrible whether they're cheating homosexually or heterosexually. People have a lot of denial going on regarding homosexuality: there is still a lunatic fringe that regards homosexuality as "sinful" and there are a lot of derogatory jokes made especially by young men about gays. It can take time for a person to admit to themselves that they are gay. It wouldn't bother me in the least if I discovered that an ex boyfriend had come to the realisation that he was gay. As for a current partner, it equates to exactly the same as realising that they aren't really in love with you and don't really want to be with you. The reason really doesn't signify all that much to me. | |
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| What to do if you SUSPECT your partner is gay
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:32:26 AM |
if you SUSPECT your partner is into same sex relationships, what would you do? Ask them "do you swing from both sides from the plate?"
"Do you like to pitch as well as catch?"
What do you think the 'signs' are? Um, she's kissing another chick?  | |
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| What to do if you SUSPECT your partner is gay
Posted: 5/16/2008 12:25:02 PM | i don't think there are specific "signs". it's not like a disease that has symptoms or anything.
one of my ex's fathers came out of the closet a few years ago. we dated for 3 years, and i always told her he was gay. you could just tell. he was married, only had the one daughter, but spent most of his time with a sales associate. i suspected because he was overly effeminate, and just seemed gay. there weren't specific signs though, its not like he got a rash or anything lol | |
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| What to do if you SUSPECT your partner is gay
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:50:13 PM | | If you love them, you let them go. It's as easy as that. Life's a journey, any number of things can lead a partner to follow a new path and perhaps one separate from yours. I say if you really love them, you let them do it. It shows the most respect for them. It might end one aspect of your relationship but start up a new and perhaps deeper one, albeit in the absence of romance and a physical union but hey, I think that is a more healthy and logical and caring approach. | |
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| What to do if you SUSPECT your partner is gay
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:06:59 PM | | If you think your partner's gay... ask for a 3 way with the same gender as THEM. See how they react. They'll either like the concept of 3 ways a lot, even if it's not to their advantage, hate the idea (straight) or love the idea (gay). By the way I'm just joking.. but hey it might work. | |
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| What to do if you SUSPECT your partner is gay
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:18:55 PM | I have nothing against people who are gay and I believe that one is born that way. I do however have a problem with someone who knows they are gay and marries someone and then also has kids with them. It is wrongto be something you are not and it is very wrong to knowingly hurt someone else. What do you think will happen if you marry someone and you know you are gay? That is wrong.
I think if you suspect that your partner is gay, you are probably right. I would just have a talk with them and point blank ask. I would not marry someone though if I had doubts that they were gay.
Signs...my best mate is gay and the signs he told me is to watch their voice, tone, pitch etc and watch their gestures and most men who are gay have flamboyant(sp) tone and gestures. Also, they might keep a secret stash of gay porn or something.
~Carrie | |
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| What to do if you SUSPECT your partner is gay
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:04:03 PM | | i don't think its "wrong" to marry somebody of the opposite sex if you are gay... i mean, what if they just want the companionship and love... obviously they have to be slightly attracted sexually to their wife/husband to be having kids with them and such, so in that case they're probably bi. and what, bi people should only marry gay people? lol, i dunno.. i think that you should tell your partner that you're bi if you are, before getting married at least, but i don't think that people just shouldn't get married all together because of it. | |
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triv57
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Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 12 | |
| What to do if you SUSPECT your partner is gay
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:16:36 PM | Hi There, Well I can tell you from personal experience that you can't always tell when your partner, spouse or significant other is gay. There aren't always signs that say gaydar is working today. I've been around enough gay male and females to know when someone is gay or not and I can tell you that my husband showed no signs of anything remotely possible to him being gay. Then one day he told me he wasn't as heterosexual as he thought he was. My husband and I have been married for 13 years. I know there are skeptics out there who think that he may just be using this as a cover to get out of our marriage more easily, but we've been to counseling sessions, many counseling sessions, with a doc who specializes in helping those who are coming out of the closet. So I know this is actually his preference.
This is a devastating shock to your life. But time truly does heal all wounds. I still love my husband and he loves me, but we're not in love with each other. We are splitting amicably and in doing so, we are showing our almost teenage boys that we can get along despite our differences.
Thanks
Kat | |
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| What to do if you SUSPECT your partner is gay
Posted: 5/17/2008 2:07:01 PM |
If you're communicating, then this really shouldn't be an issue.
Man... If you hadn't said that we would have all been lost. 
Communication is a two way street.. she might be communicating, but that doesn't mean he is. | |
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| What to do if you SUSPECT your partner is gay
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:28:09 PM | I just wanted to clear up my previous post. I did not mean I thought it was wrong to marry someone of the same sex. I meant that I thought it was wrong to marry someone of a different sex if you are attracted to the same sex as I believe it is wrong to hurt someone that way and to me, that is what happens when you marry someone of the same sex knowing you are gay. To me, it is deceit plain and simple. If you want to stay in secret being gay, fine. If you want to have to public, fine. But do not marry someone and deceive them.
~Carrie | |
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Who knows OP. I would imagine that there are usually signs though.
