| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 3:36:59 AM | | Ok Im gonna probably open a can of worms here but. My wife has told me to find a friend with benifits,She can't fulfill my sexual needs nor does she really want to. It isnt that she dont love me or I her. She has lost intrest in sex like we used to have it. She still loves when we fool around and has great orgasms, Its just that she only needs it about one weekend a month or so and than she is satisified for a while. Im not I can still go every day. She knows im frustrated (I dont whine it something that I have accepted ) and she wants me to go and do this, I truthfull dont know how this is going to go If at all. I Would like to try because im tierd of not getting it, but still have resigned to that is how its gonna be. But she has opend this door and I dont quite know what to think. I was hoping that a little input would help me understand this | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 3:50:22 AM | | This is her way of telling you she has her eyes open for something else. This will satisfy, in her eyes at least, that's its okay for her to find something else if your looking for something else. If sex is so "great", why would she be telling you to look elsewhere? Maybe she only needs it about one weekend a month, . . . . . from you! Not trying to sound like an ass, time to step out of the box real quick here. If you have ANY trust issues, then you really need to take a 2nd look at this, because if there is, inevitably you know what's going to happen and your setting yourself up for the big hurt. Been there, done that, it isn't worth it. If you really love her, when she decides not to come home one night, or has an "errand" or "appointment" to run, it's going to be over, your going to drop about 50 lbs overnight. Don't fall into the trap! Better to face it now, then later! I am a realist, and I'll tell you straight the way it is. If things progress, you will look back at this post a year from today, and you won't say I was 100 percent right, you'll say I was 1000%! | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 3:50:29 AM | | I think only you and your wife know if your relationship is strong enough to stand this. I really encourage you both to seek out the guidance of a sexual councillor on this matter, she may be able to point out things to you that aren't apparent to you at this time, that may be detrimental to your relationship. I feel this is a dangerous avenue to be following when you don't fully understand all the ramifications it may entail. Good Luck to you and your wife!! | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 3:51:05 AM | Am guessing she feels guilty, and this is why she suggested this, I recently read a book on similar, and initially it was ok as the man kept his encounters a secret when the wife found out she was deeply hurt, even thought it was her suggestion.. Maybe a point to talk about with your wife..
And you still have your hand :), or she could relieve you orally?
She must be a strong woman as this isn't something I would suggest a partner(not that I have one) to do. Good luck
Oh and think about the guilt you would feel also, as it doesn't sound like its something you really want to do. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 4:51:29 AM | Only you and your wife would know if this is a viable route.
I have a friend who's wife became physically incapable of having sex due to medical issues. It was extremely painful for her and she was unable to enjoy it.
After she realized it wasn't going to get better, she encouraged him to find satisfy his sexual urgings elsewhere.
She only had 4 rules.
1) He must only seek prostitutes, and not "date".
2) He must not see the same woman more than once.
3) He must never talk about any woman he slept with.
4) He must always wear protection.
5) If he ever thought he was falling in love with another woman, he must tell her immediately
Their marriage lasted for several years.
Sadly, their marriage did end... he ended up filing for divorce though it wasn't over sex. Of all things, they ended up seperating over conflicts with her relatives about money.
I wish you the best of luck.
Wanderer | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 4:56:05 AM | Dont do it!!!!!!!!! Trust me she doesnt mean it. She probably is feeling a little guilty about not pleasing you. Are you putting pressure on her? I know you say you are still vital and I'm sure you are probably asking her for sex on a steady basis. Why not back off a little and you may be surprised.
Just lay and cuddle and dont try to take it any furthur. She may come to you. Brin g back the romance. Take her out to dinner, run her a bath, go for walks in the park holding hands, pack a surprise picinc lunch.
In any event......going outside the marriage will change it. Unfortunately, even if you hook up with someone that's married, one of you will undoubtedly get emotions involved. Then you are opening a can of worms. It's hard enough when people in their marriage lose feelings for each other, but you say you still love each other. You will feel guilty........she will feel hurt..........
I didnt check your age but your wife may be premenopausal, Or in a depression for some reason. Encourage her to see her gyno and family doctor for a full workup.
Good Luck......... | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:00:55 AM | | NOT speaking for myself but have you two considered somespamsite?Perhaps that would spice things up for the both of you if the both of you are so inclined. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:04:19 AM | | My ex told me the same thing. I done it and it was the wrong thing to do it just wrecks the relationship and trust that you have with your current partner/wife/husband. I think at the end if the day if you are that frustrarted use your hand | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:22:42 AM | | Why not just use 'Rosie & her 4 friends'?? It serves the same purpose..w/o an emotional thingy. When i was married, my wife had such violent and draining orgasms that she only wanted it like 1-2 times a week..the rest of the time, i was to 'fend for myself'.I did and the relationship went on. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:32:29 AM | | Something here just screams out "WRONG!" I'm with Blueeyes1002. If she doesn't already have a secret "friend", she is looking for one. I don't have a lot of faith in counciling either - you need to ask some very pointed questions and both need to be very honest with your answers. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:35:58 AM | Please do not do any thing until , wife has a good check-up....Trust me you both will regret doing this.....
Agreed. Healthy women have a healthy sexual appetite, although of course there are differences between women. Once a month screams low thyroid to me.
The medical community seems to be clueless about female libido and will most likely prescribe " talk therapy". As if not desiring sex means you have a mental problem.
If she's on birth control pills she might want to consider a different form of birth control. BC pills make a woman infertile. The female libido is based on fertility. Health issues that mean a pregnancy would be extremely detrimental to a woman tend to shut down libido as well. A good checkup with her doc is essential.
Your wife needs to take care of her health for more reasons than pleasing you sexually. Low libido is a sign something is wrong physically and she needs to take care of herself, not send you off on an adventure that will destroy your relationship. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:57:07 AM | | Dont do it as it will evenualtiy rune your realtionship, you say you have accepted that you only get it about once a month but i think you are not really wanting it that way. She needs to see a doctor as thier is something wrong, people may not want to do it but they will to please their mate but not as offten as you want. if you really care for your wife you will not find a FWB. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:06:17 AM | I urge you to read on the "Open Relationships" thread, this article - message 68 posted by Miashakti.... and have your wife read it also. It is long, but I really think it might open both your eyes and hearts to the higher potential of your situation.
Open relationships?
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:08:10 AM
COMPERSION.... relationships beyond possessiveness and jealousy
By Eric Francis | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:09:47 AM | | Well divorce is ur answer. If she no longer cares to have sex with you...divorce. there is no point in adding a third person. besides chances are your wife will be affected way more than she thinks, which in return will probably cause divorce anyway. Would you want her to rub another man under your nose. no. so think long and hard about it before you do such a thing. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:20:56 AM | OP what you propose sounds like a rationalization to cheat.
The only scenario I can think of where this works is if you still have sex with your wife whenever she gives you the tap on the shoulder. You and her then have sex; you damn well better perform. In between those shoulder taps, you will seek sex from a FWB. First understand what FWB means. Friends first and always, sex is a Benefit. Ok your FWB needs to meet your wife and they need to come to a mutual understanding that you have a FWB and that you continue to have sporadic sex with your wife at her request.
Do you really think this is doable? If so, it will be a miracle. Think about it.
I think what's best is for you and your wife to try to find some middle ground. There's got to be a way for you to work this out, since you claim to love her and vice versa. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:21:21 AM | If it were me I'd spend the time getting closer to my wife than finding some other skirt to chase. Introducing another person into the relationship isn't going to make it any stronger - your wife might be feeling guilty that she isn't having sex with you as often as she thinks you'd like to but going out of the marriage isn't going to make things better.
I'd say get your butts to a therapist that can help the two of you come to an agreement on sex and forget the extramarital sex. You can masturbate, can't you???
OE: Mmmm just read your profile. "Other relationship". Looks like you've made your mind up already - why bother posting here? | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:32:38 AM | Go for it. Either way, your marriage is most likely doomed. If you don't find someone to satisfy your libido, you will continue to be frustrated and resentful. If you do find someone to satisfy your libido, eventually, your wife will resent the other women. Also, most women don't want to merely satisfy a man's sexual drive, but want more, so the other women will most likely eventually become dissatisfied, as well.
But hey! Maybe not! | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:33:52 AM | | professional, you are a good man. what you said was 100 percent right. Wish all men thought like you do. Some lady will be lucky to have you. stay sweet and be safe | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benefits
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:34:21 AM | You better be REAL careful here. She could totally be setting you up. If you DO go out and get your friend with benefits, she may turn right around and file for divorce, allege infidelity, and take you for whatever she can get.
Mark
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:35:53 AM | Did you ever think your wife might not be telling you the truth, and is not sexually attracted to you anymore.....like everyone else is stating, don't go outside the relations ship. | |
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