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Posted: 5/16/2008 9:51:34 AM | I have done a few threads about my EX and his GF and we had some issues, and etc.. She said she was pregnant as well.. She got 'pegnant' in September and her due date was the end of June.. I personally thought she was lying, so did my EX's family.. She also said she was having twins.. The Spirits told her so..
Well, her pregnacy was a LIE.. She was brought to the ER cause my EX made her go cause she wasn't feeling well for a few weeks, a nasty cold that wouldn't go away type of thing.. I guess my EX told the nurse she was pregnant, they did some test and etc.. The test came back, the Doctor asked my EX to leave the room but she said it was OK he stayed plus they had my kids.. They revealed she wasn't pregnant.. My EX asked if she had a miscarriage and the doctor said no she was not pregnant at all..
This happen 3 weeks ago or so, maybe less than 3 weeks.. My oldest REFUSES to go to his dads because shes still there.. My oldest won't even talk to him, hes only 12 but feels what she did was horrible.. He said to me 'Mom, I know your gonna get mad but What a ****..' Besides using that language I agreed.. My EX is still confused and don't know what to do.. They are living together still.. Her 6yr old is already calling my EX dad.. So my EX wants to kick her out but doesn't.. They been together about 7 months.. I have feeling she is using her 6yr old as a guilt trip because he is calling him dad... My EX spent a few nights here when he found out and my BF and him had a good heart to heart but I don't think it helped..
If my EX doesn't kick her out, how can I help my oldest?? He was looking forward to having a baby sibling, from what my son told me the GF and him talked alot about it, baby names, how excited he was and etc...
I am sure my oldest will get over it but I am afraid he'll never be the same!!! | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 4:46:52 PM |
I am sure my oldest will get over it but I am afraid he'll never be the same!!!
You gotta be kidding...your child will be fine if you stop making huge issues outta everything that goes on in life, especially your ex's.
Ive read some of the posts in this drama filled situation.
Frankly...you seem as overly dramatic as the ex's current gf.
Cos unless you havent figured it out yet...children nurture off the psychology of their parents...and unless you get things under control yourself you're gonna cause your children nothing but stress & anxiety.
You're supposed to be the stable "safe place" in their lives...not a catalyst to make things worse. | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 5:26:31 PM | | Yes, I agree, you seem to feed on your ex's drama with the gf. Does it affect the kids with what's going on with his ex's house, sure, but you're job is to provide stability in your place and not butt into your ex's biz. You can shrug it off and tell your kids that you're sorry about the situation but you can't do nothing about it, and we can only move on and be as honest as you can. And that some people have beliefs taht may not make sense to others. If you don't make it into a concern than your kids won't. Cuz at least they can go to one house without the drama and such. | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 6:19:47 PM | | Why is what happens with your ex and his girlfriend a concern of yours OP? I agree with the ohers you make a big deal out of things that do not affect you and that your children will get over. If you are still holding a grudge or "grinding an axe" against your ex then it is not good as that does affect the children (or will eventually as they will feel they can not turn to you for things without it getting blown out of porportion.) | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 6:46:55 PM | | You are overreacting big time. Of course your son will be the same. | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 6:55:01 PM | I agree that you should say as little about it as possible in front of your children..Do try to explain to them about pseudo pregnancy, where a woman's body believes it is pregnant and may start showing all the symptoms of being pregnant...sounds like that may not be the case with your ex's gf, but, it would save face with the children....and since you are very concerned about how they deal with this, then, thats what matters, is how they feel about it...and who knows, maybe it is what happened, sure sounds like she'd be a perfect candidate for that sort of thing....and if you simpley dont want to cover for her, then just say you have no idea why she did that....and they should discuss it with her, and hear her out before thinking shes a B____.....they are children, and kids are normally very forgiving...as long as mom and dad will let it go.
Children face disappointments and lies in their lifetimes, and move on without "damage" as long as its handled accordingly....try not to worry about how your ex or his gf will handle it, just concentrate on whats happening in your house.. | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 6:59:14 PM | Ehhh...I'm disagreeing with everyone else so far. It IS her business if it effects one of HER children. Whether all of us want to admit it or not...when there are 'step' parents involved then they SHOULD be decent role models. They shouldn't lie about being pregnant, etc.
Now, OP, I don't think your son will have any lifelong psychological issues b/c of this. But he's old enough to where you can explain that sometimes adults make dumb choices and she made one. Explain that some people tell lies to get attention from other people. And also suggest to him that he go to her with his feelings.
Now, what your ex does or doesn't do is his business and you really should stay out of that portion of this situation.
And ya know...she ought to be ashamed of herself honestly.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 9:00:05 PM | | welder, the way she question on what she can do, it's implying that she wants to be involved and do something about the situation. Ideally, it would be great if we can have the childrens' parents to be decent role models along with their signficant others, but sometimes that can't happen and the other parent has no control over that unless they can prove unfit to be around the child. How does this diffuse the situation if the op got involved, it only angers not just her, her kids and her ex. and her kids will be in the middle of it and will side with her. Which would not be fair to do so. By distancing herself from the drama, the kids will shrug it off after awhle. | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 9:46:50 PM | I don't want to get involved with the drama.. I am just worried about my son and him refusing to see or talk to his dad.. My son says as long as she's there, he's not going to his dad's.. My EX wants him on his days but he refuses to go... This is my issue.. Not the rest of it, I was just filling in the blanks.... My EX can deal with his gf, its none of my concern..
My son is almost 13, and I guess what bothers him and me the most is this GF talked to my son about the baby, and my son shared his feelings about being a big brother again and etc.. That is cruel to do to a kid.. | |
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Posted: 5/17/2008 6:04:59 AM |
I don't want to get involved with the drama.. I am just worried about my son and him refusing to see or talk to his dad.. My son says as long as she's there, he's not going to his dad's.. My EX wants him on his days but he refuses to go... This is my issue.. Not the rest of it, I was just filling in the blanks.... My EX can deal with his gf, its none of my concern..
My son is almost 13, and I guess what bothers him and me the most is this GF talked to my son about the baby, and my son shared his feelings about being a big brother again and etc.. That is cruel to do to a kid..
The only thing you can do is talk to your son and let him know that sometimes adults do silly things that they later regret. Let him know that people make mistakes and that even though he may not want to see the g/f, that his dad loves him and wants to see him.
The g/f obviously has her own issues to deal with, but what I want to know is why were the kids dragged into her lie? The kids should have been told that she is no longer pregnant because of complications and then the adults should have dealt with the aftermath of her lies. A 13 year old should have never been involved in this when he didn't have to be. When you start letting your kids in on all the drama, then expect them to feel angry and confused. | |
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Posted: 5/17/2008 2:42:45 PM | Your ex can't be very bright if he believed his partner was 8 months pregnant when she never was pregnant. I csn understand how people can fake pregnancy to the outside world, but to their own partner?
And that's without the fact that they've only been together 7 months.......... | |
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Posted: 5/18/2008 5:24:30 PM |
I don't want to get involved with the drama.. You love the DRAMA. All your postings are a pitty thread on here. You are so full of it about your son. I don't think the ex and his girlfriend screwed your son's head up - I think it was you also. You and your children know too much private adult information regarding your ex and his girlfriend. You need to grow up and help your children not hender your children and use them and make them not like their dad's girlfriend. You had no business letting your ex stay at your home where both your kids are. What kind of message are you both sending to these children with him coming to you and whining and then your son hearing all of this. SHAME ON BOTH OF YOU! Get out of his business or remarry the guy and live happily ever after and control him. | |
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Posted: 5/18/2008 7:08:13 PM |
perfectredsky2008: You love the DRAMA. All your postings are a pitty thread on here. You are so full of it about your son. I don't think the ex and his girlfriend screwed your son's head up - I think it was you also. You and your children know too much private adult information regarding your ex and his girlfriend. You need to grow up and help your children not hender your children and use them and make them not like their dad's girlfriend.
Man, you took the words right outta my mouth. | |
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Posted: 5/18/2008 7:16:52 PM |
perfectredsky2008: You love the DRAMA. All your postings are a pitty thread on here. You are so full of it about your son. I don't think the ex and his girlfriend screwed your son's head up - I think it was you also. You and your children know too much private adult information regarding your ex and his girlfriend. You need to grow up and help your children not hender your children and use them and make them not like their dad's girlfriend.
Man, you took the words right outta my mouth.
I second that. | |
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Posted: 5/18/2008 7:29:54 PM | Nope, I stay away from the drama ... SORRY to disapoint you all but this IS about MY SON!!! I haven't talk to her or him about the situation since it happen.. And I didn't even share my opinon with my EX this time.. He can deal with the GF.. I DON'T CARE!!!
My worry is my CHILDREN, and only my CHILDREN.. I want a good stable enviroment for them.. The lies, the craziness was just unstable behaviour in the first place.. And its my EX that drags me in somehow..
Now my son, hates his dads GF and refuses to go anywhere near her.. My son refuses to talk to his dad because he feels he chosed her over him.. THIS IS MY ISSUE ONLY!!! | |
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Posted: 5/18/2008 7:50:14 PM |
My son refuses to talk to his dad because he feels he chosed her over him.. THIS IS MY ISSUE ONLY!!!
And what are you doing to assure your son that his dad has chosen no one over him? Your comment about your son saying she is a b**** and you agreeing with him is completly wrong and just verifies your involvement in the chaos. You should be telling your son that it is not his dad's fault and that sometimes people do strange things which we do not always understand, but that is no reason to treat them as lepers or to be disrespectful to them. Maybe the lady has mental issues, maybe she is a minipulator; who knows? It is not any of your business as an X and it is certainly not right for you to contribute to the situation in such a negative fashion. If you are only concerned about your son then act like it.
Kenny | |
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Posted: 5/18/2008 8:49:51 PM | I told my son thaat his dad loves him no matter what!! Also yes I agreed that his gf was a b!tch but it was stating the obvious.. Kids are not stupid and how he felt I was not gonna dismiss his feelings... I also told my son that this gf maybe felt she had to lie even tho it was wrong but sometimes people need a second chance.. I also said that sometimes adults do stupid things and/or makes mistakes.. Nobody is perfect.. My son is more upset that she made all these plans, planted all these exciting ideas in his head and just buildt this 'pregnacy' up to a point that it my son felt betrayed...
I have made my peace with this gf awhile back.. We both admitted and agreed we were taking things to personally and she even admitted that she stepped over boundaries.. Since then things have been peaceful 'til now.. Even tho I might of complained and ask for advice on here doesn't mean that I was in her or his face about whatever issue I had.. I had to release my frustrations somewhere.. | |
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Posted: 5/18/2008 9:04:26 PM | Well when your son calls some girl a b**** down the road when he is older, you just remember you are the one who conditioned him to do so. It may be a girlfriend or wife or the preachers wife. Won't that be a hoot??
Did you tell your son he is wrong for not wanting to see or talk to his dad?
Kenny | |
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Posted: 5/19/2008 7:42:57 AM | OP you really should just stay out of the entire thing with your ex and his girlfriend. You should not be agreeing with you son on any names or labels that may be put on a woman.
In my opinion you are just looking for a way to cause trouble for your ex...any issues youur ex has with his gf are not your business and if your son has questions maybe you should tell him to ask his father. Or here is a great idea:
Tell your son to talk to his father and build a strong relationship with him...it will serve your son well later in life to have a strong relationship with both of his parents.
What happens when you meet a guy and your son calls the guy names? Then what will you do? | |
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Posted: 5/19/2008 8:30:27 AM | You shouldn't be condoning your 12 yr old son, calling ANY woman a "b*tch" or other such name, whether you think it's fitting or not. You should be teaching him to respect people. Now your son won't go there because she's there.........and you're not helping matters much by letting your contempt for her show through to him, too.
The whole situation sounds very Jerry Springer. Your ex spending nights at your place and your BF having talks with him................your kids knowing wayyyyyyyyyy too much of this adult-type crap. Everyone's shackin' up, kids here, kids there, what a gong show. | |
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Posted: 5/19/2008 1:52:33 PM | | SHAME ON YOU OP! You asked for everything you are hearing. Don't forget you asked for it! No 13 yr old boy is so goo goo over a daddy's girlfriend being pregnant. What planet are you from OP? I think your X needs to take all these pitty threads of yours and go to court and ask a judge to help him out so he can have proper visitation with his son. | |
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Posted: 5/19/2008 6:11:11 PM | in all honesty... if your son doesnt want to go to his dads place then there is no need to force the issue... your son is of the age where he can legally say NO i dont want to go... the reason behind him not wanting to go is between him and his dad... which is for them to sort out between themselves.
the gf did a stupid thing... that is her responsibility to explain to your son as to why.
Although i am in a kinda similar situation as yourself....where i am now very good friends with my sons father..... he is having relationship problems and comes to me for advice. if he chooses to take it good for him he would be better off... if not he has to deal with it himself.... and if that relationship comes between my son and him again... they can make other arrangements to spent time together without the gf..... to which my ex knows this.
so if your son and his dad still want to spent time together but your son doesnt want anything to do with the gf... then it is up to your ex to make other arrangements to do so... eventually he may grow some balls and get rid of the gf. | |
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Posted: 5/19/2008 8:19:49 PM | | A judge may listen to a child's feelings on why or why not they want to visit with the non-custodial parent but that is it. Kids feelings can go up and down just like any one elses but they do not have the smarts and forsight to make adult desicions. Be careful on what is legal and what is not when giving out advice unless you sit on one of those benches. | |
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Posted: 5/19/2008 8:51:51 PM | I didnt think the courts were being brought into this...
I was just stating the son has a legal right to say no he doesnt want to go if he doesnt want too.... it is up to the parents to force the issue or not.... if they force the issue they are not respecting the feelings of the child at that point in time ( the child could dislike both parents for doing so)... if they let it go and wait til it all settles down then they have respected the childs feeling and choice and things will go back to normal.
Its the same with when a child wants to go and sleep over at a friends house on that weekend he/she is with the NCP... are they going to say no you cant go coz your going with mum/dad dont ever ask again?.... with the parent saying no.. could that damage the child social circle?
As kids get older they get more responsibilities obviously and one of those responsibilities is to make choices.... granted right or wrong but the parents should support those choices....parents should also be able to accept their child is growing up will be having friends to have sleep overs with, parties to go too and making choices for themselves...etc... its called loosening the reins just a little to help the child grow into the person they are... and with the correct guidance from parents they will make the right choices for themselves.
In sweets case... she has said her son will only see his dad if the gf is not around... so it is up to the dad if he wants to see his son to make arrangements to do so without the gf....
I come from a divorced family of 20 years.... i was turning 12 when it happened... i was allowed to make the choice of where i wanted to stay/live and with which parent at any given time.... i will admit... i went back and forth a few times... in the end... i stayed with my dad.... but i am grateful i have a very supportive dad that allowed me to make those choices even if it was a mistake on my behalf.... i had to learn for myself what my mother was/is like and to this day she still only wants to have something to do with us if she wants something or can benefit from it and nothing has change. | |
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