| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:00:52 AM | | I found out that my neiighbor beat his wife up the other day, and of course she didnt press charges because she was afraid shed lose everything. I have heard them fighting , and hear her crying. I know wimps like this are seen as strong confident men, even though they are wimpy and whiney. It would be so easy to kick the crap out of him because hes obviously a chump. I'm not going to do this, because I dont want to go to jail. I know shed just take his side. All in all, I feel sorry for the kids. If a guy beats her a s s, they have an abusive dad. If she stays, they have abusive parents. How should I handle this, since I have to hear it all the time now? | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:11:47 AM |
I found out that my neiighbor beat his wife up the other day, and of course she didnt press charges because she was afraid shed lose everything.
Interesting. Do your neighbour and his wife live in 1956? Because for some time now domestic violence is prosecuted irrespective of whether the victim wishes to press charges or not.
It is treated like any other crime and all that matters is whether there is sufficient evidence to charge the perpetrator.
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:13:43 AM | Whoa thats a hard one.. I'd say as she is still living in the same house and obviously putting up with his crap that she accepts it to be ok.. (not) But she could also be feeling lonely with no where to turn, try maybe to seek her out on her own and ask sympathetically if everything is ok and tell her if she ever needs help you will be there for her, as for her children oh gosh am not sure, like you say they suffer too
Good luck with this | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:14:12 AM | Call the police, report what you know. If they can act on it they will. Next time you hear them fighting, call it in.
In a good response they will come by to see what is going on, talk to them separately, and offer her information. That's what can be done. She would have to act unless someone sees a crime and then charges can be brought against him. You don't know as an outsider whether she is a blameless victim or a willing instigator. But you can certainly hook her up with the police and let them offer the help they can. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:23:02 AM | | the thing is, she ahs admitted to me that he does beat her. she is using the kids a s an excuse, and she also said" I dont want to lose all my stuff". I simply told her that the casket wont hold her Plasma TV | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:28:07 AM | Looks like you need to leave her handle this on her own as she is making excuses, and is willing to put up with this behaviour. Until she realise's its wrong she will keep taking the beatings .. So sad
Ps You can't help people who don't want your help | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:34:54 AM | Just keep calling the police when you hear them. The police will (should) not only give her information, but they will get tired of having to come out there. It will likely end up where they tell her that she's going to end up in jail for something or have her kids taken away if they have to keep showing up and she refuses to press charges. You're doing the right thing by not getting personally involved as it will either make it worse for her, or you, or both of you.
You don't know as an outsider whether she is a blameless victim or a willing instigator.
It doesn't matter if she's an instigator or not, men should NEVER put their hands on women, and IF she's instigating it, HE should be the bigger person and LEAVE for a while instead of knocking the hell out of her, dontcha think? | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:38:41 AM | | lets face it....there is NEVEr a reason to beat a woman. any wimp can do this! if shes instigating thenshould leave. And she should leav also. I cabnt believe some of the excuses women make, to stay with an abusive punk | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:47:26 AM |
I cabnt believe some of the excuses women make, to stay with an abusive punk
And this is the problem with ending domestic violence. I understand that it's hard to understand if you've never been in that situation but there are tons of reasons women don't leave.
http://www.drirene.com/cyclesof.htm
I don't know if the other information on this site is good or not, I just picked it because it has the power and control wheel - http://www.uic.edu/depts/owa/power_control-wheel.html
Those are just a couple simple things that might help you understand how "just leaving" is not always an option. Abusers are good at being charming to others and can make people believe that the victim is to blame, not the abuser. The abuser uses many tactics and one is isolating the victim from her family and friends, and can even make them turn on the victim. They are masters at manipulation. They will threaten to kill you and your children, take your children from you, restrict access to resources and money, etc etc etc. It's more about mind f*cking than it is the actual hitting. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 12:38:33 PM | Call the police everytime you hear them fighting I don't think you have to identify yourself it would be smart to remain anonymous each time you call even if the maggot thinks it's you calling let him trip that wire..But if the police insist go ahead use your name I think you could file a 415 pc disturbance yourself aganist them if need be..What's more at steak here are the children if the woman doesn't want to lose everything, she might lose the children anyway...Now domestic violence in California is a felony  Pulling a phone cord out of the wall if shes trying to call the police for help is also a felony...Sooner or later this idoit is going to end up with a couple and go away for awhile..Watch out if he knows your calling and he has friends sometimes you need more than self defence for protection so you might wanna ask the cops law concerning carrying your sidearm not sure if you can but you are military things might be different..I would take no chances with a scum bag like that..He is one of those that would get ya when your not looking..Good Luck. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:15:33 PM | First op thank you for your courage and now thank you for your compassion that you see this and feel compelled to act when so many turn a blind eye, shows you are a credit to your uniform. As others have already posted all you can do in action is to contact the police so at the least there is a record. Laws have changed and the very fact that a record gets taken will help the child even if not the wife. You can try to get the wife in touch with a counselor or shelter aid, but understand this probably from how you are describing things not work.
You are facing the catch 22 so many emergency workers encounter and fear in dealing with domestic issues. The proverbial cry for help followed by the "leave my significant other alone" Its heart wrenching and I'm sorry you are having to bear witness to it. I hope it resolves soon, safely and, in the best interests of the child and you. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:27:59 PM | You don't know as an outsider whether she is a blameless victim or a willing instigator.
Any decent man would walk away rather than beat up a woman
I agree with calling the police
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 4:49:57 PM | I'm wondering if before calling the police, if it would be for everyone to leave your home. Go out for dinner or something.
That way it might never look like you are calling the police when they come to handle the disturbance.
The husband may never learn the source of the phone calls to the police and have nobody else to blame for the police's involvement, but himself. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 4:51:16 PM | I have a neighbor like that. I've often felt like tieing him up naked and leaving him on a busy downtown city street in rush hour, but I dont want to go to jail.   | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:40:57 PM | | You can also call child protective services and let them know what is going on in the household and you are fearing for the children's safety. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:48:38 PM | Your neighbor needs to contact a domestic violence hotline. She doesn't have to even give her name, but she needs to talk to someone that give her some information and options to deal with her situation. There's a wide range of help they'll be able to offer her - safe shelter if she needs to leave quickly, help getting a protection from abuse order, sometimes even financial help if she wants to relocate to another area. Even if she decides to stay with him, they can help her figure out a safety plan.
The number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Here's a link to find a domestic violence agency in your local area:
http://www.cpedv.org/crisis_centers.html
Even if she doesn't want to contact them herself, you can call as her friend and they can give you information to help her. Good luck! | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:53:06 PM | | Call the police and child protective services like aluria says. If she does decide to leave him a record of this will help her get a restraining order. I'm more concerned about the kids. They can't leave. If he's beating on his wife you can be sure he's abusing the kid's too. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:51:24 PM | This hits really close to home......Call CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES.... ASAP.
The woman seems to care about her personal material items more than she does for her own children.
The children are unfortunately the ones without a voice.
I would not hesitate to call Children Services.
The children are learning how to react to different situations in an abusive way, because that is what they are being taught by watching and hearing their parents fight.
Abuse is not only physical, it is also verbal and mental, and if their father isn’t physically abusing them, you can bet that it is affecting them mentally
My children and I left my second husband because of abuse.
I felt my children were more important than the man who hid behind his fists.
My children are now 24, 22, and 19, but they were only 10, 8, and 4, when we left.
We went through 3 years of counseling because of the abuse.
And I even had to take my second child back for more counseling a few years later because mental and verbal abuse goes straight to the heart and it is so hard on children.
My son had so much anger built up in him because of what we went through that he had a hard time letting it go. It tore him apart emotionally and it took a long time for him to learn to love and trust again.
Please, Please, Please....call CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES before it is to late for the children to recover. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:38:04 PM | OP...my theory is that if a man or woman stays with someone that is abusive, then they like it. Sure, I'll probably get slammed for that...but all these excuses of 'I'll lose everything', 'I have no where to go', blah blah blah blah blah. No, there are OPTIONS...just most people don't want to take them. So, if you aren't willing to do whatever it takes to get out of a situation like that, then you must enjoy it.
Now, as far was what you should do. Stay out of it. If they are making a ruckus...call the cops for violation of a noise ordinace or disturbing the peace. Eventually that will shut them up or they will BOTH go to jail.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:11:36 PM |
my theory is that if a man or woman stays with someone that is abusive, then they like it.
Should I be glad that's a theory and not reality?! It really isn't so simple to just pick up and leave just like that, not for everyone. Maybe for some, and even for the ones who could leave easily but stay, we don't know all the facts, we don't know the ins and outs of what keeps them there, so we have no business making assumptions, especially not ones such as they must like it. I was in an abusive relationship and I can assure you I did not like it. I may not have left immediately, because of circumstances that prevented me, but I did get out and sooner than most. But I also have a higher self esteem than most of the women who are in abusive relationships.
And OP, do NOT call child protective services! They are just a corrupt money making business in which children are the commodity. Getting such a corrupt bunch of money grabbers who don't really give a damn about children, involved, will not just possibly cost the woman to lose all her stuff she doesn't want to lose, but more likely, she'll lose her kids and still be with the abusive jerk and then she'll be even more traumaitized and so will her kids!
I suggest giving her plenty of information on domestic violence including shelter information and counseling sessions. When I was in my abusive situation and was getting myself out of it, I went to once a week group conseling sessions with other women.
Your neighbor will benefit from connecting with the right people to help her get out of there.
Find out if she works and maybe you or someone in domestic violence can help her find a new place to live and then someone can help her sneak out all her precious stuff and her kids and then once she's out with all her stuff, then she should get an order of protection and make a police report of the abuse. That way, if somehow child protective services were to get involved, it'd be more in her favor and she'd have a less likely chance of losing her kids, though it would still be a possibility as cps is wraught with greed and the removal of children is what fills their coffers! And I speak from experience and have insider information from many different sources for those who want to preach about the goodness of cps. Save it, I know what I'm talking about.
If this woman can get enough help and support and encouragment from people to leave, with the resources to help her survive without this man, she's more likely to leave. Asking her to just up and take off from a man she loves (yet is also confused because of the abuse) leaving behind all her stuff, will not register with her. She needs to know she can leave without the fear or threats of losing material items or even her kids. And she needs to know that there's people who can help her and support her, through the process of leaving, healing, and living, without abuse. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/17/2008 1:09:59 AM | Call the police on that **stard and if they don't do anything tell them to expect vigilante justice!
Dodge-City attitude aside:
I'm sure there are agencies which can "look in" on the children... and also the mother; who would bring the guy down.
Check the front of your phonebook for any hotlines to report abuse to.
--Brandon | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/17/2008 2:33:18 AM | SupriyaJ:
Unless the person you are with has you chained to a wall with no possible escape....then there is no reason not to leave. People make excuses. If you are being abused...you get your stuff together one day while your SO is gone for 30 minutes, you call a taxi, and you go to a shelter. You can only be in an abusive relationship if you ALLOW yourself to be. The issue really is that those who stay in abusive relationships don't have a back bone. They are weak willed and more often then not kids are involved and by them staying they are only hurting their children.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/17/2008 5:14:42 AM | | If only it were so simple. Most women killed by their abusive partners are killed while or shortly after leaving. Women have jobs, kids. Hiding out in a shelter isn't always a desirable option. You eventually have to leave the shelter. Most women in abusive relationships are brainwashed by their abuser. Forced to abandon all other relationships leaving them alone and vulnerable. Living a life of hell takes all their energy. Hard to find more to try to get out. There is help out there but it takes a lot of "backbone" and healthy self esteem to access it. These things are often missing in an abusive relationship. Why I would call the cops, let them give her some options. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:10:52 AM | Small town counties DONT HAVE SHELTERS!!! That cuts the options down fast. And what if the big city shelter is full? No room for more! Generally speaking... a woman who accepts this relationship lacks supporting family, for numerous possible reasons. Not everybody was blessed with a happy and loving family.
Then you have the abusers that threaten to kill you, or threaten to get full custody of the kids, and the brainwashing list continues. Some women are so emotionally crippled they actually enjoy the 'poor me, poor me' attention, but it's the poor voiceless children that suffer the most.
SAVE THE CHILDREN!!!! | |
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