| Please review my profile.
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:23:04 AM | I would like to thank you for your time. Please be direct as to what you wish for me to change. Please give constructive critisim. I am simply trying to make myself look as good as possible.
I will be checking this often to implement changes as soon as I can.
Thank you again. | |
|
| Please review my profile.
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:39:49 AM | Headline. Sub-optimal. Make it standout without using the word "looking" (and, no, you can't just put "searching" or "seeking" instead).
Pics. Main one is good but not for main. You need face closeup for main. Smiling, and no sunglasses. Second is too distant.
Profession... put it in. Interests are too few.
Straight and drug-free are part of profile, so don't mention it in about me. Most people are.
"you must be" is a bad way of putting things. Demanding and does not reflect well on you, even if you are making a reasonable preference explanation. The whole "women" section is demanding and negative. In particular, sex paragraph. If any woman actually reads past it, I would be shocked.
You have one paragraph on you you and three on demands for what your woman must be like? No. Three on you and one on her is more appropriate ratio.
Hey, I figured out your career after reading first date. It is writing paperback bodice-ripper romance novels, isn't it? The ones they sell at the dollar store.
Well, it is memorable. But, make a normal description, will you? One without "her eyes blindfolding with crimson silk" and "a wish for a thousand moments just like this for you and I". At least, that is my perspective, as a guy. It is not offputting, like about me section is... but I don't think it is amusing enough to be used. What say you, reviewers of female persuasion? | |
|
| Please review my profile.
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:39:56 AM | Good screenname! But terrible headline. "Looking for a fun girl"? Maybe a one on the headline rating scale. Ix-nay.
Pics. Okay, but not great. You need a good close-up of your face, sans sunglasses, for your main.
How married are you to telling everyone right off the bat about your D&D...affliction? You say it rather defensively, so you must know it isn't something that makes most women's hearts go "pitty-pat." Does it take up a significant amount of your time? or can we just sort of sneak it into your interests, as you have, and leave it at that.
Just tell us what field you work in to make your living. Don't make it a favor you bestow upon us.
Here's the big "YIKES!" moment of your profile so far:
Next sex. I have a very healthy sex drive. I expect my partner to have one as well. If you have any hang ups or are waiting for marriage. Move on. I don't have time to waste on someone who won't be able to satisfy me through the years.
Whoa. This must have sounded different in your head, right? I'd just...delete it and we'll pretend you never said this.
Okay, that was the big "YIKES!" moment until I got to your first date idea. Now THAT is the hugest "YIKES" moment. Dude! "Angel of flesh"? What the...Just no. All wrong. Blindfolded with a crimson....no. "Angels in the heavens?" Oh, HAY-ull no!
You're just hitting all the wrong notes with that Harlequin-style hyper-romantic foray into what you think women will find sexy. (For the record, anyone trying to blindfold *me* on a first date will most likely get his thumb bitten off for his trouble.)
Just be yourself. Say what you think would be fun on a first date. Don't get carried away. | |
|
| |
| Please review my profile.
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:57:24 AM | Better... Still need a lot more on you. The standard profile rule is a paragraph on your interests, one on your personality and one on your woman.
The first date (now that you removed the romance story) is a little too blah. I did not hate that section, I think if it was meant to be a joke, it could've worked. But, it would need to be funnier to work.
The sex paragraph was a big problem, so removing it was right thing to do. Now, the profile does not push people away - but it also does not draw them in. So, adding that draw by describing yourself more would be good. | |
|
| |
| Please review my profile.
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:56:08 PM | A couple o'things....
First...headline...ehh. Saying want to spoil someone is almost "want a golddigger"....really. It doesn't really mean anything, as you wouldn't know how to spoil "her" until you got to know her. If she's high maintenance it could mean buying her a car. 
You say you're outgoing next paragraph you said laid back. Looks like a contradiction, unless you're outgoing in certain situations and laid back in others. Either explain it more or pick one.
You want a girl to be healthy yet you smoke "often". Think about that one.....I don't think many healthy girls want to date a chimney.
Another thing "I am shameless"....AKK! Shameless what...if you meant shameless FLIRT then add flirt there...just being shameless, ehh that could be scary.
First date idea, just put one, it's not supposed to be an essay rambling on about dating.
Pics have been handled, so that's all I have to add.  | |
|
| Please review my profile.
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:29:24 PM | I agree that this headline is not an improvement to your previous one. Setting yourself up to "spoil" a woman can be a dangerous precedent -- and could end up with you dating a spoiled princess. That's not what you want, is it?
I still feel you are a little defensive about the IMPORTANT section -- How can any woman know if she wants to have a long term relationship with you before getting to know you? It seems a little heavy. Why not just go out, meet, see if you like each other, and spare yourself the expectations and pressures of wondering "Is she THE ONE?"
Also, no need to say this:
As long as it isn't just dinner and movie I would be more than happy to work out something for us to do. After all first dates are meant to get to know one another and it is hard to do that while watching a movie.
This is a given. | |
|
Home
login 
