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You need some better pics. Sorry, I could HELP it!

Your headline makes me think of psychedelic mushrooms. Those are the only ones I ever heard referred to as "shrooms." Do you mean wild mushrooms? Why not hunt for, oh, I don't know, pinecones instead? Most parts ARE edible. Remember Eulle Gibbons, the health fanatic? He's dead now.

Your comments about swimming -- okay. Your comments about not taking off your hat made me think a) you're possibly bald, or b) you can't remove your hat because it's actually grown into the skin of your head. Can you say you just LIKE wearing hats, maybe?

You kind of veer off into strange territory when you talk about marriage. Is it really necessary to mention it in your dating profile? Seemed a little cart-before-the-horse to me.

Also, your requirements -- as I understood them -- is that she either be widowed with no children OR have well-behaved children with no shared custody. Had a bad experience with the latter? Not all situations like that are horrible scenes, you know. Quite a lot of people manage to get on with their exes quite civilly for the sake of the kids. I'm just sayin.'

Generally, it seems like a toned-down version of "written by hank" profile. It is quirky and conveys your personality well.

A few text formatting issues - wrong words, spacing not quite right, punctuation that is not completely correct. In a way, it is charming in some of its imperfections, much like a cozy country house is charming as compared to ultra-modern electronics-filled penthouse.

Humor is gentle and generally works for me. Some situations can use a bit more humor to diffuse the preferences. E.g, you talking about how you like to be on water, but not in water. It comes a little over-demanding. Changing that sentence to says something like "...at least 35 years; and, unless a giant catfish pulls me overboard, have no intention of starting now." The hat passage that was mentioned by Ursula is another such case.

Agree about woman requirement situation. Seems a little strict.

"I agree with the other 2 reviewers about the lady's requirements coming off too strongly, sounded a tad barbaric to me. JMO

"Nature Nut - let's go spy on snakes!"

I assume you shortened to "shrooms" due to the character restriction, but Ursula is quite right that is has certain specific connotations.

what kind of cowboy are you?! ;-)

Uh, disclosing your lack of underwear collection may leave some questions to the imagination of the reader, as in “only 4?! He’s a man… he probably only does his laundry once every…. EWWWWW”. I did like the mention about the hat though. That was classic.

I think you start the humour off well in your profile but you fail to bring it home. As Yev mentioned you could have used a fish story to cap off the no swimming thing, or made some comment about how the pool banned you for doing azzcrackers in your Wranglers and clogging up the filters when you were a kid. And the running shoe/loafer bit you could have continued the thought with a semi-colon and then listed off a number of formal events where you feel sneakers are acceptable, such as weddins, funerals, staff Christmas parties, the first couple formal dates with her until you are comfortable to show up barefoot or in your Jesus sandals, and the remaining 9 days a year you go to church. Lots of missed opportunities to make a girl smile, and let’s face it if you can do that you are nearly there. You are a good-looking guy to boot, even under that roughneck motif.

I’m going to follow suit here and echo the other’s sentiments about your requirements. This will drive most women from your page, even the ones that fit it. It’s a little too demanding and also a tad unrealistic. My ex and I are amicable. We fight about the kids and about certain things in the divorce settlement, but to me that’s called negotiating. But my girlfriend will NEVER have to deal with my ex in terms of my kids, even if we move in. She’s moving in with her boyfriend in six weeks and while he’s talked to me about the kids and his role in their lives I’ve made it abundantly clear that they will never be HIS kids the way his are, but I expect him to treat them all equally. But if I have an issue with the kids he’ll never have to deal with me directly unless he crosses a line with them. If this is really an issue for you I’d suggest just leaving it out and self-filtering. I mean, you can figure out within the first conversation or two via email or MSN usually what her custody situation is like as well as her relationship with her ex. If it seems toxic then you can simply disappear from her life without a mention and pretend like you forgot her number. Alright, I don’t advocate that type of behaviour that but you catch my drift I'm sure.

For a mountain man a good first date section. I liked the joking take on the morel hunt. Mmmmm....morels.

I think it has just enough humor for a good chuckle. I find it difficult to read a complete profile when someone is trying to make every statement funny. I see nothing wrong with your pics. Just get a few more and yes, even one without your hat. I know how difficult that is. I call my camo hat "my hair" and I hate to leave home without it.

Oh, and I had a thought on your problem of how to word your concerns regarding children. Could you say something like "I have some specific beliefs regarding children and child-raising, which I would be happy to explain when the time is right". Kinda puts it out there, but a bit softer.

"Well, color me confused with what your ideas of discipline are, since you said only 1% out of 800 women agree with them. (That's, like, 8 right?)

"If they're of the "spare the rod and spoil the child" variety, it might be best to say so.

I can't really imagine what your guidelines could be that so many other people with kids disagree with in such a significant way.

And you seem like such an easy-going guy...

Obviously, it will vary, but a lot of women in the right age bracket for a 42 year old would have adult children. A 45-year old woman I had a date with had a 25 year old daughter and a 20 year old son. And a 47-year old talked about her grandkids. In other words, couboy, you will not be dealing with young children, most likely. You might easily be dealing with young adults. I don't know how much that changes your outlook, if any, but it should be one of the things that you could consider

I have found even this to be nearly useless. When asked the question "how do you know when the child has had enough" they are literally "unable" to give ANY answer, or they say, well,three swats. Neither of those are passing answers in my book.

Realistically, do you intend to be getting 10 new contacts a day? Or more? If not then to send a couple emails out and then find out what their parenting philosophy and arrangement is isn't all that much work. I swear nearly every conversation I have with a woman on here ends up in the kids/ex area within three emails or if we start off in IM, MSN, or the phone it's within 10 minutes generally. So I could weed out the ones I wasn't interested in based on that nugget alone fairly quickly.

I think for the most part you've done a great job with it... Your letting them know your humorous, or at least the type of humor you have... Plus, you've done a great job of stating the type of person you are... Many find that difficult...