| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 12:47:17 PM | | i am in a relationship where my boyfriend does not want to talk about our peoblems. He also refuses to share how he feels about me and if i tell him how much he means to me he gets mad and will be really mean to me and say i am smothering him. He is pushing me away and I am begining to feel rejected. I am so hurt I want to break off the relationship. I told him its not working, that i can't deal with the rejection. It bothers me that he drinks alot, and lies. He has never said anything good about me. I have to constantly say I am sorry for him to treat me nice. he refuses to leave. i think he is using me. How do i get rid of him? I can't live like this. | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:12:19 PM | | Yep. Communication is one of the keys to a relationship, without it, the relationship usually goes downhill. My ex was not a talker, he'd always get mad and mean and walk out. Honestly, if he doesn't talk, he probably isn't going to change. That's the way he is. You don't have to always be "sorry" or the one to blame.....he needs to grow up and realize his OWN actions, and not say it's all your fault. And easy, you just say "it's over" and if he won't leave, you leave. Unless you pay the bills and it's your place, then kick him out. | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:21:26 PM | communication is a big thing . no communication , there can be nothing to hope for . when two talk about things . anything is possible . I know . I have a ex-girlfreind .  she tells me of the guys she has went with and none of them are like me . | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:45:37 PM | He has never said anything good about me. I have to constantly say I am sorry for him to treat me nice. he refuses to leave. i think he is using me. How do i get rid of him? I can't live like this.
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Are you 48 or 14? Lets pause for a second, and imagine if he was on POF what he would be saying about YOU? Have you ever viewed life that way?
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Of course I am all for clear communication thats what I hoped this thread was about, not two nutcases. Lady, your communication skills leave a lot to be desired....Perhaps you two should stay together, it sounds perfect. | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:21:48 PM | OP, why in the hell are you with this guy in the first place??? Dump him. Salvage your self-respect and get out ASAP. Life is way too short to put up with that sort of garbage. You should never, ever allow yourself to be treated that way.
EDIT: I just re-read your first post. Is he staying at your place? Get the local sheriff to come "assist" him in moving out. If it's his place, move out on your own as quickly as possible. | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:35:39 PM | | He does not talk because , he does not want to change.What are you getting from this relationship, besides tons of grief. He drinks,lies, treats you like crap, then says its your fault.He thinks of you with contempt.You are walking on eggshells to please him.Why are you opologising, when he should be??. He is in the one in the wrong , not you.Let the door hit him where the good Lord split him.You think he is using you, Know it girl. But you are letting him, you are allowing it.Throw out the garbage, its trash day tomorrow.He is not even worth recycling.Lack of communication can kill a relationship for sure, this is not a relationship, its a tyranny. | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:37:43 PM | Yep, communication is the key.
Do you own or rent?
If you own, and the property is in your name, consult a lawyer as to what his rights are before you act.
If you rent, give your landlord notice that you'll be moving out in 30 days and find a new place to live. Rental is easy, 'cause you can act if they won't. | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:52:39 PM | One needs communication for a relationship. If one person refuses to talk about problems and instead wants to wear a fake smile and sweep things under the rug, the must realize that in doing so, the rug can only cover so much before things spill out from under it.
If he drinks too much, do not treat you well and does not talk with you, why are you still there? The problem is now not him but you for staying.
~Carrie | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:57:06 PM | Absolutely OP, without good communication a relationship is doomed. If he doesn't want to work on your relationship, you should just move on and find someone who is worthy of you.  | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:58:32 PM | You've already realized you have a problem. The problem stems from attempting to remain consistent with your commitment. You have to realize your commitment to him isn't based on him anymore, that he is controlling and using you, and you have to break the commitment within yourself. It won't make you a bad person, it won't show you are incapable of love, it won't show that you didn't work hard enough. It will show that you have trust and respect in yourself, it will show you take responsibility for your own life.
If he won't leave, then you leave. Disappear, go to a hotel on the other side of town. Go to a friend of a friends house. Go to your parents or leave the state. Refuse all communication. If he is in your house (your name is on the title/mortgage/etc...) call the police, get him thrown out, get a restraining order. He won't change, therefore you have to change the situation. You can only do that by your own actions. | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 3:02:03 PM | | how long have you been dating him? it sounds like you might have low self-esteem because if you are always asking him how he feels about you, that tends to come across as very needy. and as we know men HATE needy women. although needy men aren't very attractive either. | |
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JOE_M
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Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 15 | |
| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 3:07:49 PM | Be True to Your Creater First. Then be true to yourself. Don't make excusses for his actions or put blame on yourself. Open you eyes dear Girl and don't walk away, run.If you are happy in your selfand being truthful to yourself. You already know what needs to be done. The world is full of bullies and fools. Do you want to be in those catagories?
I am sad for your delima, but we here can't fix it you must pull your self up and forget him. Joseph | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 4:00:17 PM | Take that trash to the dump! It's not a lack of communication, he's practically screaming at you that he is not interested and you don't want to hear it. You can do 100% better than this!!!
There are plenty of men in the world that are sincere, courteous and normal. Don't waste your time on a man that you KNOW does not treat you well. Friendship and kindness are not huge things to ask for in a relationship. | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:30:30 PM | | Hi everyone thank you so much for knocking some sense into me. I told him to leave or I was calling the police. He is drunk but is moving his stuff out thank God. I told him I love myself too much to be abused. he is so aloof he could care less about me which makes me sick but an abuser does not care about who they hurt as long as they can get over on you. Abuse is not love. I thought I loved him because in the begining he was so good to me but he changed. He started drinking more and more. He had me fooled big time. But its over now. I am hurt but I will get over it. | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:32:45 PM | | The fact that he did not want to communicate showed me that we could not get along. Without communication there is no relationship. he wanted to sweep all the problems under the rug and hope they go away and pretend everything was fine. | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:55:51 PM | In any relationship, communication is a must... when the communication breaks down so does the relationship...
i was married for 19 years.. we had the best communication, the last 2 years we both began to shut down, wouldn't talk things out and when things finally got to the point of no return we hated each other.. the last thing to do was end it....
So.... keep the communication open...  | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:31:36 PM | | Well he has moved out but blamed me for him being abusive. He said I will be sorry for getting rid of him. I will never find anyone. he called me a liar and said I was mean for throwing him out. I do not feel bad because no one has to put up with abuse. he was keeping me up all night everynight and I was not getting proper sleep. He had no respect for me. Was I stupid for staying with him? I do not think so. I thought I loved him but I woke up and realized love has to be 2 ways. His idea of love was controling me and making me feel guilty for everything I did. I tried so hard to please him and he didn't care. | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:45:43 PM | OP, now is the time to take time for yourself. Take a break and get yourself feeling good about things. You have just learned a very hard lesson.... none of us should have to learn but plenty of us have. Work to regain your happy person back. In the long run you will be a much stronger woman for this experience, I promise !!! Good luck to you and I hope you can walk with confidence from now on !!!
Blonde 
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:55:08 PM | | congrats!!! you did the right thing. he is obviously an abuser since he *blames* you for his behavior. that's one of the classic signs of an abusive person. you are well rid of him. | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:02:49 PM | | He just came back and is crying his eyes out. What do I do? I am not falling for that. I would have in the past but I can do that anymore. When a man crys I get weak. I need to be strong and stick to my guns here. He is blubbering and sobbing. | |
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| lack of communication can kill a relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:05:36 PM | | Do abusers often not open up and share their feelings because I find that to be common among abusers. They don't allow themselves to be vulnerable. There has to be a reason why abusers abuse people. | |
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